Beyond the Service: How You Can Offer Care and Comfort to Grieving Families

As a deathcare practitioner, you play a crucial role in supporting families during one of the most challenging times of their lives. Grief is messy and unpredictable, and knowing how to offer compassionate and thoughtful support can make a significant difference. Here are five strategies to help you support grieving families effectively.

1. Forget the Five Stages of Grief

Elizabeth Kübler-Ross's five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—were based on observations of terminally ill patients. These stages are not universal or linear. Grief is deeply personal and unpredictable, more like a Choose Your Own Adventure book than a roadmap. Your role is to help families begin to navigate their unique journey through grief, and help them take care not to prescribe to a specific path or pattern.

2. Be Awkward, Be Vulnerable

It’s normal to feel uncomfortable when supporting someone who is grieving. Avoid using clichés or making unhelpful remarks like, "He's in a better place," or "At least you can have more children." These comments can inadvertently diminish their grief. Instead, acknowledge your discomfort and offer sincere support: "Sometimes it’s hard to know what to say, but I want you to know I’m here for you.” This honesty shows grieving individuals that they are not alone and that their feelings are valid.

3. Offer Grief Support Resources in Your Aftercare Program

Grief can linger for weeks, months, or even years. As a deathcare practitioner, you can help families find the additional support they need. Keep a list of local resources, such as group counseling or therapy, that may benefit them. Websites like ForGrief.com connect grieving individuals with a range of support options, including downloadable resources, Grief Chats™ with professionals, community support, and online courses tailored to their needs. Share these resources on your website, via your social media outlets, or as part of your aftercare program. Providing these resources shows that you care about their long-term well-being.

4. Encourage Grief Breaks

Grieving is emotionally and physically exhausting, and people may feel guilty about taking breaks from their grief. Encourage them to take "grief breaks” during the funerary activities. Similar to recess for kids, activities like a brief walk or simply few moments away from the events can help a person who is grieving to recharge. Remind your families that taking time to rest does not minimize their grief nor encourage denial. Instead, it helps them maintain their strength to continue their grieving process.

5. Take Care of Yourself

Working with grieving families daily can lead to death and grief overload. To be at your best for your families, it's crucial to care for yourself. Use resources to assess your own burnout level and ensure you’re getting the support you need. Taking vacations, exploring hobbies outside the deathcare and grief space, and making time for exercise are all beneficial. During working hours, check in with your staff after particularly challenging arrangements, encourage regular breaks, and set reminders to stay hydrated. These practices will help maintain your well-being and effectiveness, and help you help those who are grieving.

Conclusion

Remember, grief has no timeline. In your role, your support means offering compassion and respect, walking the path with those who are grieving, and letting them know they are not alone. You don’t need to have all the answers—your presence and willingness to help are often enough. By employing these strategies, you can make a meaningful difference in the lives of grieving families, providing them with the support and understanding they need during such a difficult time.

A deeper dive into how people grieve and aftercare support take the stage at the 106th Annual Cremation Innovation Convention this September 11-13, 2024 in Chicago. In Kelly Manion’s dynamic session, The Power of Human Connection: Elevating Your Grief Support & Aftercare Programs, attendees will learn valuable insights into the diverse way people (including yourself) experience grief, and how you can support them. You’ll also learn how to take your brand to the next level by integrating grief support into your aftercare program to help position your firm as a pillar of support in your community.

See what else we have planned and register for CANA's 106th Convention today!

Kelly Manion has dedicated nearly 25 years to purpose-driven work and has over a decade of experience in the funeral service profession. As the Director of Consumer Marketing at Homesteaders Life Company, Kelly is committed to promoting the importance of aftercare and providing a positive consumer experience. In addition, Kelly is a certified grief support specialist who offers valuable resources to those who are grieving via ForGrief.com. Prior to joining Homesteaders, Kelly played a crucial role at the Funeral Service Foundation, where she spearheaded the creation and implementation of award-winning initiatives including Youth & Funerals, Grieving Alone & Together, Caring for Families & Caring for Yourself, and Journey to Serve.