Culture is the Medicine for Grief

There have been moments throughout my career as a funeral director, sacred grief care practitioner and educator that have been utterly heart shattering. Surprisingly, many of these moments stem not from the revolving door of death and grief I have witnessed and supported countless families and communities through, but instead from the lack of consideration, honor and inclusion extended to multicultural and marginalized communities. Such incidents have reinforced a painful truth: that the deathcare industry and the professionals who serve within our funeral homes, crematories and cemeteries are falling short and missing the mark when it comes to cultural competency.

When Culture is Dismissed as Liability

The most recent, and probably the most heartbreaking, conversation I’ve had with someone who unfortunately was on the receiving end of our industry’s lack of cultural competency took place randomly while my husband and I were shopping at our local Sam’s Club. I asked the young woman assisting us at the cell phone carrier kiosk what her tattoo represented. She proceeded to share with me that her best friend of 20+ years had recently passed away. She and some of their close friends chose to get a tattoo because they couldn’t express their cultural rituals at the funeral. They felt the need to do something that connected them spiritually and culturally.

Naturally, my ears perked up and I asked her why they couldn’t attend. She shared that the family had requested that they be able to end her friend’s funeral with his casket being escorted out of the funeral home’s chapel led by a mariachi band comprised of relatives and loved ones. They were denied this final rite of passage and told both by their funeral directors and the funeral home manager that their request posed a liability and threat to their building’s insurance.

Fighting back tears and choking on her words, this grieving kiosk employee described the family’s humiliation, dehumanization and embarrassment at being told that their desire to perform this sacred ritual and ceremony for their deceased son was a liability. They felt small and unseen. As a result, they wanted to move their loved one’s body to a funeral home that would allow them the freedom to express their culture.

Unfortunately, because of the lack of diversity in the area in which they live and because there was no one to advocate for them (combined with the fact that they simply did not have the money, emotional stamina or energy to relive the funeral arrangement process), this family was stuck paying for services that did not honor their cultural needs and didn’t leave them feeling as if they were served with dignity. Sadly, this story is not unique and represents an area for growth and redirection that our industry and the professionals in it should take to heart.

We Don’t Know What We Don’t Know

Early on in my mortuary school journey it became very evident to me – as it does for many students –  that there is little to no education specific to caring for diverse communities as it relates to both the cultural rites and the unique needs of bodies of indigenous peoples and communities of color. This realization was made even more real while I worked as an apprentice.

One memorable day, I walked in on a seasoned professional cutting the box braids (see below) from the hair of a deceased Black woman whose family requested that her braids be removed so her hair could be styled differently for her viewing and service. Unbeknownst to the embalmer, by cutting off the braids close to her scalp, he was in turn cutting off all of her hair, effectively maiming her presentation for the viewing and violating the spiritual sacredness attached to her hair.

His actions were not carried out with ill intent, and he expressed deep remorse when I stopped and educated him. However, had I not stopped him, his lack of cultural knowledge and technical skill could have had a profoundly negative and irreparable impact on our firm, reputation and – most importantly –  on the family and community of the deceased.

"Box braids" are a traditional African hairstyle where hair is sectioned into square-shaped parts and braided into individual plaits, often with extensions for added length and thickness. This protective style minimizes damage, lasts for weeks, and holds cultural significance in Black and Indigenous communities but are often adorned by those outside of the Black/Indigenous community. 

Frustration Leading to Solutions

Stories like these, centered around inappropriate and offensive language, lack of awareness and lack of cultural humility are frustrating and heartbreaking, but they have also motivated and inspired me to develop The Multicultural Death & Grief Care Academy. The Academy provides resources, courses and training specifically for end-of-life, death and grief care professionals. Our mission is simple: To empower professionals to better serve decedents, families and communities alike with cultural competence and sensitivity.

The Cultural Kaleidoscope course series shows funeral professionals that a mariachi band processing the casket is not merely creative personalization but an important cultural rite that makes an impact on a community’s final farewell. By challenging fixed or outdated perspectives, each course in this series helps foster open, honest conversations about the diverse ways different cultures approach end of life, death, grief and mourning to building culturally competent deathcare professionals.

The Dignity in Death series focuses on our care of Black decedents with 10 courses covering the unique hair and cosmetic techniques to cultural and spiritual considerations that ensure that we can build a deeper understanding of Black body care traditions, improve their services, and ensure families receive the highest level of care during one of the most important moments in their lives. Practical courses like Removing Braids, Twist & Extensions and Properly Caring for Locs & Twist expand technical skills in the prep room to ensure dignity for the deceased and positive outcomes for our communities and our firm.

By embracing cultural competency, we not only transform the way families experience loss but we, as an industry and as professionals, ensure that every farewell is met with dignity, respect, and the deep honor that every life and culture deserves.

CANA is excited to announce a new member benefit! Exclusively for CANA Members, Ms. Maldonado has offered a 20% discount on four training series that provide culturally inclusive education for end-of-life, death & grief care excellence in accessible online formats, live workshops, and interactive experiences to take the next step toward cultural understanding, professional growth, and compassionate care.

1. Dignity in Death: Caring for Black Decedent & Communities delivers 10 self-paced courses to equip end of life and death care professionals as well as doulas with the knowledge and skills to provide culturally competent and sensitive care for Black bodies in transition and Black decedents.
   CANA Members: $1,440; Non-Members $1,800
2. Faith, Religion and Culture for End-of-Life & Deathcare explores the rich diversity of faith, religious, and cultural traditions surrounding death and grieving in a 12-week instructor-led series equips deathcare professionals with the cultural competence needed to provide respectful, compassionate care to families from various backgrounds.
   CANA Members: $799.20; Non-Members $999
3. Cultural Kaleidoscope: Challenging Perspectives and Building Culturally Competent Deathcare challenges traditional mindsets, encouraging open, honest conversations about diverse cultural approaches to end-of-life care, grief, and mourning. This transformative program empowers deathcare professionals to provide more inclusive, compassionate support by addressing cultural competence and confronting implicit biases.
   CANA Members: $192; Non-Members $240
   
4. Mortuary School Mastery: 6 Course Series Designed to Help You Thrive is a 6-part series designed specifically for mortuary students or those interested in attending mortuary school who are navigating the challenges of their education and preparing for a successful career in funeral service. Each offering is packed with practical wisdom, essential skills, and hard-earned lessons to help you avoid the common pitfalls that many students face and to set you on a clear path to success.
   CANA Members: $192; Non-Members $240
   

All courses and training are approved for CE credit through Academy of Professional Funeral Service Practice (APFSP).

Members: claim your code in the Member Portal or contact CANA at 312-245-1077 or [email protected] for more information. Not a member yet? See all the benefits that membership provides and join today for just $539 for the entire firm!

Joél Simone Maldonado, widely known as The Grave Woman, is a licensed funeral director, embalmer, pre-planning specialist, and the award-winning founder of The Multicultural Death & Grief Care Academy. With over a decade in the death care industry and more than 15 years in healthcare, Joél is a recognized leader in educating professionals on Cultural Competency, Inclusion, and Diversity in end-of-life care. She serves on the Board of Directors for Compassion and Choices, co-chairs its Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion committee, and volunteers with the African American Leadership Council. Through courses, her podcast, YouTube channel, and social media, Joél fosters open dialogues on the nuances of multicultural death and grief care. Committed to personal growth, she continually hones her skills and cultural intelligence, including earning her CQ certification from the Cultural Intelligence Center and engaging in advanced entrepreneurship, development, and leadership programs.

---