Death Becomes Her: The Changing Demographics of Funeral Service Practitioners

The history of funeral service practice is male dominated. Most of our initial undertakers were owners and operators, purveyors, proprietors. They were livery stable owners and operators. They were financiers. When we think about history, though, it’s important for us to understand that is the recorded history in our history textbooks, which might not have been penned by a woman.

The lack of female perspective in some of our history texts—and in general—is well documented. We do have individuals who are putting out new history books from a different lens that doesn’t necessarily end up being a White male-dominated view of the past. As we begin to look at how things were well before the 1900s, I hope we can recall that women were the primary caretakers. They were the ones that were as familiar with the cradle as the grave. They were there as midwives and nurses, helping with the birthing of our next generation. And they were there in sickness and in death to take care of the remains. Of course, the gentlemen were also there to provide the caskets and the transportation or the coffins at the time. But it’s important for us to understand “her story” in history.

My Story

I was a teenager fresh out of high school when I began working at a mortuary-cemetery-crematory-flower shop combination. It was owned by a family that had it for three generations. My typical daily schedule began in the afternoon, because I went to school during the day. You were registered as an apprentice or an intern or a trainee, and it took us about 12 months to get through a program.

This was back in the late eighties, early nineties, and it was not uncommon that we would be in class from 7 to 3 and at work from 3 to midnight. Weekends, holidays, evenings. We were on call. That was the way we were groomed for professional practice, understanding that our lives took second stage to what was the main show—and the main show was caring for the grieving families.

I was one of four women in class at the time and most of them were legacies. You recognized their last names because they were on the side of buildings. You saw that they had this perspective—that it was a grooming, if you will, and they didn’t have a choice. They were going to take over the family business. Some of them were rather reluctant to ascend to that type of position, yet it was an expectation from their family. Now my classroom is 90%+ women—and the men who identify as such were not assigned male at birth.

Why Now?

So—why are we just recognizing the influence or impact or influx of women now? It might be because the number of women find it—post-pandemic—now viable to balance work and life and not have to pack up and move away to go to school. They can do it from their living room on their laptop. Now is the opportunity for so many individuals who were transitioned away from their primary job because of the pandemic and are now looking for something that is rewarding and stable as a second career.

These might be our former nurses who were frontline during the pandemic and have decided now is the time for them to migrate somewhere away from hospitals. It’s our social workers. It’s our police officers. It’s our firefighters. All of those that may have been in a caregiving role that have been called to funeral service.

I think the pandemic was the best thing to illuminate what deathcare professionals do in our communities, because it put us on the evening news every night as to what was being done to help those families that had suffered so much loss in such a short period of time. But at the same time, there’s a host of gender politics that go right in line with that gender gap.

We found that the burden of a second shift, working all day and then caring for family members, fell primarily to women. That has been historical. As they’ve taken on roles outside of the home, women are still expected to maintain the home. Hopefully, as we begin to see more diversity and equity and inclusion in our workforce, the responsibility for both home and family and work becomes more equally distributed and equitable.

The Student Population

We are an intersection of everything that we have done, that we have been exposed to and that we continue to do. So how is this going to impact the way you treat your applicants and your employees?

I hope that you are looking for an employee that wants and has a significant desire to make an impact. And then I hope that you see within yourself a need to mentor the next generation.

No longer are we at the point where 5% of our population of practitioners is women. We’re now more than 40% — and we have a strong desire to comfort the grieving families that come to us. We recognize that there’s an increase in cremation, but it comes with additional celebration and an opportunity for innovation, because we are no longer tied as individuals to being a second generation, a third generation, or the succession plan that our family had.

We women don’t have the same level of expectation for ourselves. We don’t have the same level of burden thrust upon our shoulders from our fathers, our grandfathers, our mothers, our grandmothers. We do things differently. And this is why women are such a natural for funeral service practice. We are innovators, we are revolutionaries, we are here, and we’re so glad that we have the opportunity.

What Graduates Want vs. What Employers Offer

There is a gap between expectations of our graduates and what our providers are willing to give. Here are some of the things that our graduates want. Flexibility. They do not want that schedule that I had: three to midnight, weekends, holidays, after hours. They want a work-life balance.

They want someone that is as interested in the graduate’s own learning and development as they are with the development of their business. They want financial well-being. They want benefits to be offered, but not the benefits that the traditional employee may have wanted. They’re not looking for a retirement per se, but they do want a cafeteria plan.

They want to make sure that the mission of the funeral home and the owners and the managers match the mission and values that they bring. But more than anything, graduates want to be recognized for the skills that they bring to us that might be earned outside of a classroom environment: for what they’ve experienced, for the innovation that is within them, and being willing to collaborate with them in that regard.

They’re not just looking at their paycheck. They’re looking at everything that embodies the work-life experience. They want an owner or a manager that understands that balance and walks it themselves. They want an owner and manager that communicates the importance of unplugging from digital technologies. They don’t want to be bothered on their days off. They don’t want to answer texts at 6 o’clock in the morning. They want individuals that are held in high regard, and they do think of you as their mentors. Whether or not you have opted for that title, they have superimposed it on you. They want to see their manager taking time away from work and enjoying that work-life balance.

They are diverse. They expect equity. They want to be included and they do not take “It’s the way we’ve always done it” as an answer—and they certainly want to overcome the biases that we may have on them being younger and possibly not knowing how we do things because they have found a way to do it better. Our next generation wants to make sure that the mission of the funeral establishment aligns with their values.

Focus on volunteerism, philanthropy, and service above self, because that’s where they’re coming from. And then of course, on the compensation package, because that’s the one area we commonly hear that funeral service is lacking in. They’re not compensating appropriately for the level of engagement and education and experience requirements.

Full time to them is not 40 hours a week. Full time to them is engagement of the brain. They will constantly be engaged, yet they might not be at work. So what are we doing to offer them a benefit package that not only has the appropriate wage but also includes fringe benefits, like student loan repayment programs or flexible spending accounts?

Our students and applicants are compassionate individuals that believe that they should be judged not on their appearance, but on their conduct and demeanor. And they are professionals in that regard. They want to be recognized and respected for their contributions and applauded for what they give.

Thanking them at the end of the day for the work that they’ve done might seem so superficial and yet, they need to hear “You did a good job. I appreciate that you were here and I really hope you’ll come back tomorrow.” When they are in an environment where they do not feel that level of support and appreciation, they’ll be the first ones to ghost you. Gone. They found another position and they do not feel beholden to a two-week notice.

Historically, we expected individuals to have family ties to funeral service. That’s not true today. In such an amazing way, you have people that are coming into funeral service because they have a fire within them, compassion at their core, and they want to make a difference. They don’t feel obligated to hold the family tradition. They want into our ranks, but they’re women who haven’t historically been in our space.

“Where are our applicants? I can’t seem to find any applicants.” Trust me, they’re there. The problem is—are you ready to meet them where they are? Because they are willing to change the world and they are ripe for what funeral service brings next.

This article was excerpted from an article of the same title, published in Vol. 60, Issue 4 of The Cremationist. Members can log in to read the full article, including the data on current graduation rates and more suggestions for supporting new hires. Not a member yet? Join now for just $539 for your company and see all that CANA has to offer!

Jolena Grande, CFSP, has more than 30 years of professional practice as a California-licensed funeral director, embalmer, cemetery manager, and crematory manager. Beginning her funeral service career in 1989 working for a large mortuary/cemetery combination operation in Southern California, she is also a longtime faculty member in the Mortuary Science Department at Cypress College where she has served as an instructor since 1995. She serves on various committees with the California Funeral Directors Association, is the current secretary of the National Associated Colleges of Mortuary Science, and immediate past president of the American Board of Funeral Service Education. She is also involved with the California Department of Consumer Affairs Cemetery and Funeral Bureau Advisory Committee and is an item writer for the International Conference of Funeral Service Examining Boards.

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