Why Listening Is the Most Powerful Skill in the Arrangement Room

When we think about improving arrangement conferences, most people jump straight to forms, pricing or merchandise. But the most overlooked—and arguably most powerful—tool is something much simpler: listening.

I’m not talking about the passive kind of listening, where you nod along while mentally running through your to-do list. I’m talking about intentional, engaged, active listening—the kind that builds trust and reveals the emotional undercurrents families aren’t always ready to say out loud.

That’s what transforms a transactional meeting into a meaningful experience.

Listening Isn’t Just Polite; It’s Strategic

You’ve probably sat through at least one arrangement that didn’t go as planned. I certainly have.

Early in my career, I met with a couple for a prearrangement. I made small talk, noted their hobbies and bonded with the husband—football, hunting, the works. I thought we were sailing smoothly.

Except we weren’t.

He joked he just wanted to be “burned and thrown in the backyard.” She wanted a full Mass and burial. I heard their words but didn’t really listen. I didn’t catch the tension, misalignment and heartbreak waiting to be uncovered.

When she broke down crying at the end of the meeting, I realized I had failed her.

That moment became my turning point.

Prepare to Hear What’s Not Being Said

Strong arrangement skills aren’t just about what you say; they’re about how you listen. Before every conference, get yourself in the right mindset. This isn’t just another form to fill out. This is someone’s grief, someone’s love, someone’s final chance to honor a life.

Build trust early. Look through photos together. Ask open-ended questions. Repeat back what you hear to confirm you’re understanding their wishes.

Ask things like:

• “Can you tell me about your loved one?”
• “Have you ever planned a funeral before?”
• “What matters most to your family right now?”

These are not only rapport-building techniques, but also your roadmap.

Listening Creates Clarity

People often walk into an arrangement without knowing what they want. They’re grieving, confused and sometimes overwhelmed by decisions. By listening closely and showing you understand, you help them discover their preferences—not just express them.

When families feel heard, they’re more confident in their choices. They’re more likely to ask questions. They’re more open to education about services they might not have known were possible.

What Listening Looks Like in Action

Active listening is eye contact, body language and slowing down your speech. It’s not finishing sentences for them or rushing to fill the silence. Silence can be incredibly revealing.

It’s recognizing that the quiet person in the corner might be the one who needs your attention most. And sometimes, it’s asking hard questions gently and respectfully to make sure you’re honoring the family’s wishes fully.

The Bottom Line

The best arrangement conferences don’t just happen. They’re built with presence, care and most importantly, active listening.

So before you polish your sales techniques or reorganize your forms, take a moment to reset. Ask yourself: “Am I ready to listen to this family?” When you are, everything else follows.

Looking for training that targets your skills in the arrangement room? As a CANA-Cremation Specialist, you'll be trained on how to reach today's consumer to meet tomorrow's demand. More than body preparation and FTC compliance, this certification focuses on communication skills, grief expressions, ethical dilemmas, and how it all comes together to show families you care. Learn more and register before the July 1 deadline.

This post features insights from Jill Lazar's recent presentation for WilbertEDU called "The Art of Active Listening and Other Ways to Build Stronger Arrangement Room Conference Skills." You can listen to a recording by contacting your local Wilbert office!

Jill Lazar is the Vice President of Business Development for Ring Ring Marketing, in addition to being a licensed Funeral Director and Certified Preplanning Consultant. In recent years, Jill has been a featured presenter at ICCFA's Dead Talks event and its international convention. She also was chosen to participate in Selected Independent Funeral Homes' Leadership Academy and is the recipient of several scholarships from the Funeral Service Foundation. Jill has extensive experience in growing preneed market share and developing strategic partnerships.

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