In my work as a suicidologist and thanatologist, I have observed that suicide is one of the most misunderstood causes of death in our society and that our culture has stigmatized and silenced suicide with devastating results for individual survivors and communities. Approximately one million people die every year of suicide worldwide, leaving millions of grievers who are bereaved due to suicide death loss, yet often, survivors feel the weight of suicide stigma and do not receive the supportive and helpful responses they need to navigate their complex grief journeys. When I work with students and clients who want to support someone they care about who has lost a loved one to suicide, the most frequent concerns they express are, “I don’t know how to help them,” and “I don’t know what to say.” These frustrations are understandable – we live in a culture that often silences open and educationally-supported conversations about suicide, so many people feel at a loss for how to assist a loved one’s grief journey after suicide. It is my hope that the following information will assist you in being an empathic and helpful presence in the lives of suicide loss survivors. RESISTING MYTHS ABOUT SUICIDEIn my blog post, “Surviving Suicide Stigma,” I discuss several of the most harmful myths still circulating in dominant culture:
If we can understand that someone who died of suicide was experiencing complex suffering and that suicide was the product of a mind that was not working right, then we can begin to be of support to suicide loss survivors without the confusion and stigma that myths about suicide reinforce. SUICIDE LOSS SURVIVORSHIPBecause of the intense stigma associated with suicide, suicide loss survivors may internalize feelings of guilt and shame on their own behalf and on behalf of their deceased loved one. These feelings are often reinforced by thoughtless or harmful responses from co-workers, friends, and family members. In recent years, social media has increased incidences of suicide loss survivors feeling shamed and isolated, both through posted speculation about the death and judgment, often from people not even known to the survivor. The shame and isolation often experienced by survivors complicates their already-difficult grief over the loss. As we know, all grief experiences are unique, but for suicide loss survivors, the interpersonal and institutional responses they receive following the death can introduce unique elements to their responses to the death. In the months following a suicide death loss, many survivors report an increase in physical problems such as brain fog, insomnia, gastrointestinal issues, and chronic headaches. The sociological stressors due to silence and shame may increase survivors’ isolation and make them less likely to reach out for support. Psychologically, suicide loss survivors are at high risk for disenfranchised grief and prolonged grief. And while studies differ in terms of numbers, we also know that primary survivors of a suicide death loss are at higher risk for developing suicidality over the course of their lifetime. Being a suicide loss survivor is like being in a club that you never wanted to join. I encourage survivors to speak to others bereaved by suicide because it can be easier to tell their stories without fear of judgment, but it is equally important that people who have never lost a loved one to suicide feel equipped to support loved ones who have. STRATEGIES FOR SUPPORTING SUICIDE LOSS SURVIVORSUse appropriate and non-criminalizing language. Instead of using terms like “committed suicide” or “killed himself,” use language that demonstrates that you understand that the person who died was not a criminal for their suicidality but was suffering: “John died of suicide.” Acknowledge the pain of the person who died. “John’s death is a tragedy. I am so sorry that he was in so much pain that he could not see another way to end that pain.” Do not ask inappropriate questions. Asking someone about the specific means by which their loved one died of suicide, the condition of their body, or other details that can provoke trauma responses is never appropriate. Practice empathy. Work to dismantle any biases you might hold about suicide and try to resist mapping your own belief system or judgments onto survivors. Be receptive to the feelings they can identify or express, and validate all of those feelings. Survivors may be experiencing shock, anger, and confusion in addition to other grief responses – be ready for it and be patient. Follow their lead. When talking with a suicide loss survivor, give them space to tell the story of their loss without probing them. After a suicide death, survivors may talk about the timeline of the day of death in minute detail in an attempt to come to terms with the reality of the loss. They may be very repetitive, or they may not want to talk about the details at all in the early days following the loss. Engage in attuned listening. When talking to a suicide loss survivor, maintain eye contact, demonstrate that you are hearing them, and engage in non-threatening physical touch if appropriate. Importantly, do not look away if they begin to cry. Keep confidentiality. If a suicide loss survivor shares details, feelings, or worries related to their loss, assure them that you will not share that information with others. Because of the stigma associated with suicide, having someone trustworthy in which to confide is crucial to survivors feeling supported. Offer to help them make meaning of the loss. While everyone’s trajectory of mourning is different, many suicide loss survivors actively seek to make meaning from the loss, either through doing public education on suicide, creating public memorialization of their loved one through scholarships or other donations, or via community involvement for suicide prevention. While I would not advise encouraging survivors to throw themselves into these kinds of activities in the first few months following a suicide death loss, I have seen the value in them for many survivors even years after the loss has occurred. If the person who died valued education, ask if you can start a scholarship fund in their loved one’s name. If they were a nature lover, ask if you can organize a tree planting for them. Help them remember the life of their loved one. Those bereaved due to suicide do not ever forget their loved one, though strangely, they often report friends and family not talking about the loved one after the first few weeks of the loss. Do not be afraid to speak the name of the person who has died, share memories you have of them, or remind the person you care about of memories they had told you about with their loved one. Because our culture often reduces the life of someone who has died of suicide simply to their cause of death, it is both valuable and meaningful to remember the birthday and date of death of the deceased and check in on those days. It can also be immeasurably helpful to talk about the person who has died regularly in conversations, acknowledging their interests, work, hobbies, and unique qualities, rather than only talk about their death. This year, International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day is Saturday, November 18, 2023. As both a suicidologist and suicide death loss survivor, I will be spending the day thinking of the lives that ended tragically and honoring the pain with which they suffered prior to their deaths. I will also be thinking of all the other suicide death loss survivors I have known and wishing for them an easing of their grief. Finally, I will be renewing my promise to help end the epidemic of suicide in our culture in hopes for a future in which so many are not lost and so many are not bereaved. Thank you for your commitment to supporting the suicide loss survivors in your life. Reprinted from the Remembering a Life Blog. There may be no cause of death more silenced, stigmatized, and misunderstood than a death of suicide. As a funeral professional, you’re committed to supporting families through every loss. In recognition of the invaluable assistance you can provide in navigating these complex circumstances, CANA will dedicate a special convention session from Dr. Murphy to understand suicide, expose long-held myths about it, and provide language to talk to grieving families about suicide and the deceased. Join your peers in Washington, D.C this August 9-11, 2023, for a conversation on becoming a resource for this source of complicated grief in your community. See what else we have planned for CANA's 105th Cremation Innovation Convention and register to attend.
Are you open to new ideas? Do you embrace modern channels of customer communications? Are you and your team skilled in sales and logistics? If you answered yes to each of these questions, I suspect you’ve already embraced cremation as the future of funeral service. In my experience, these are the qualities that set cremation-focused business owners apart from traditional funeral directors. They constantly monitor their target markets and adjust their messaging, services, products and channels to meet consumer needs. open to new ideasThe past two years have seen a quiet transformation in the way consumers talk about death and deathcare services. The cremation specialists I talk with work hard to stay abreast of the evolving preferences of deathcare consumers and are extremely open to new ideas. They have put aside many of their preconceived notions of what a funeral service should be and are nimble in adapting to what today’s families want them to be. Cremation-focused firms are not tied to any one product or service. They recognize the more transient nature of today’s families and the need for more flexibility and personalization in the arrangement process. EMBRACE MODERN COMMUNICATIONSWhat people want will change continuously as the years pass and so too will the way they communicate with family, friends and service providers. Cremation-focused firms embrace the most modern forms of communications and take an omnichannel approach to marketing, sales and service. What do I mean by omnichannel? Omnichannel involves using all available media channels and is centered around the customer. Many traditional community-based firms still rely heavily on word-of-mouth and community connections to market and grow their funeral homes’ customer base. It’s an approach that has worked well over the years for firms rooted in traditional high-end casketed funerals but one that is much less adaptable to the lifestyles of many modern families. The most progressive funeral professionals focus on the customer offering personalized messages and a seamless, unified experience. This allows families to easily access information from any channel, which is connected to all others with a consistent look and feel that builds trust. In fact, the new acceptance of digital channels for deathcare arrangements is essentially what has made high-volume cremation businesses possible Cremation-first firms are digitally driven using ecommerce, social media and Google ads to reach broad audiences. These firms represent brick-and-mortar locations as well as online portals like Foundation Partners’ two direct-to-consumer brands, Tulip Cremation and Solace Cremation, offering families convenience, simplicity and support online and by phone, without the need to visit a funeral home. SALES EXPERTISECremation-focused owners understand that as the preference for cremation increases, the sale of traditional products and services will continue to decline. In addition, the competition from online retailers for products, such as caskets and urns, is greater than ever before. Progressive owners know they must adapt their business models to this new reality. Many are doubling down on pre-need sales, expanding offerings for cremation families and creating new cremation-centric areas in cemeteries to make up for lost revenues. They understand the importance of sales training for their teams and are expanding their pre-need marketing programs across traditional and new media outlets. UNDERSTAND LOGISTICSWhen your local market expands from a 30-mile radius of your funeral home to an MSA that spans over a hundred square miles, your operating model has got to change. In addition to solid management skills, a good understanding of transportation and logistics is essential in the high-volume cremation business. Whether that means creating satellite locations or centralized decedent care centers, the most successful cremation-focused business owners understand their markets and adapt their operations to serve families in the most efficient, professional and profitable way. I’ve seen too many cremation firms enter a new area and gain market share quickly, only to fall short on the operations side once the calls start to increase. opportunity aheadI am proud of the members of our profession who are embracing cremation and adjusting their business plans to profitably offer the products and services today’s family want. The skill, dedication and compassion of full-service funeral home owners continue be highly valued by American families, and many long-time funeral directors are expanding their operations to include more cremation-focused offerings. Moreover, cremation does not diminish the need to provide quality family service and counsel. Regardless of their choice of final disposition, all families want and need guidance in making appropriate deathcare plans for their loved ones. Our job, as funeral service professionals, is to continually look for new ways to make that experience better. Reprinted with permission from the Foundation Partners Group Ideas Blog. Too many funeral directors have learned over time—or are actually taught—the cremation myths and biases that have influenced business models and created a disconnect between consumers and funeral professionals. These biases are evident, even among funeral professionals working in cremation businesses. Becoming a CANA-Certified Cremation Specialist challenges participants to confront biases and learn new strategies to connect with grieving families to ensure everyone is treated with the same level of care, service, and compassion. Registration is open now for Cohort B of 2023 and kicks off July 17. Learn more about this first-of-its kind training program here.
Smith—aviation mechanic, Army Veteran, and past commander of the American Legion post in Gridley, California—died suddenly after a surgical procedure at age 52. His brothers and young son had the body cremated at the new crematorium at what is now Los Angeles National Cemetery. Afterward, his ashes were placed in the nearby indoor columbarium, Bay 300, Row A, “Cinerarium” 1—the first interment. Cremation was a practical choice for Smith’s family and their decision reflected the move away from casket burials on the West Coast at this time. In the United States, cremation of the dead and interment of the ashes or cremains in above-ground structures known as columbaria grew increasingly popular in the 1920s. Before contagious disease was fully understood, cremation was touted as a sanitary way to dispose of bodies—and perhaps a necessity in a pandemic. By the time scientific advances in the 1930s disproved this idea, many Americans viewed cremation as an appealing burial option. This was particularly true in California, where one-third of all U.S. crematories were in operation. Environmentally practical and architecturally stylish columbaria became a common asset in the state’s cemeteries. Floor plan of indoor columbarium at Los Angeles National Cemetery, c. 1940. The diagram helped visitors locate the niche holding the cremated remains of their loved one. (NCA) At the Los Angeles Veterans cemetery, which opened in 1889 on the grounds of the Pacific Branch of the National Home for Disabled Volunteer Soldiers, the graves of Veterans who served from the Civil War through World War I filled much of the acreage. With space at a premium and cremations on the rise, VA built an indoor columbarium and chapel-crematorium in 1940-1941. The Works Progress Administration (WPA), a New Deal-era agency that carried out public works projects, provided the money and the manpower for their construction. The WPA completed other improvement projects at the cemetery, landscaping the grounds, resetting headstones, and building a rostrum. The arc-shaped columbarium, with a covered arcade or “cloister” on the front, was strategically placed midway down the cemetery’s greensward as a backdrop to the low brick rostrum. Inspired by California’s historic eighteenth-century Catholic missions, the structure incorporated “second-hand brick” with “squeezed joints,” terra cotta roof tiles, and stucco. The use of clear, insulating hollow glass block in the windows added a forward-looking material. First introduced to consumers in 1933 at the Chicago Century of Progress Exhibition, glass block gained favor through the decade. Los Angeles columbarium built by the Works Progress Administration, which provided employment for millions of Americans during the Great Depression. (NCA) Inside the columbarium, a central vestibule connects two wings lined with two-dozen bays. Each bay has three walls filled with niches, twelve rows from floor to ceiling that are unmistakably reminiscent of post office boxes. The niche covers are made of an early metal alloy. Skylights and clerestory windows draw in natural light to create a pleasant setting “to visit the dead,” a stark distinction from previous generations of dark, somber columbaria. The plans for the Los Angeles columbarium included a matching structure to the east, which would have created a symmetrical focal point in the cemetery, but the second structure was never realized. The nondenominational chapel erected by the WPA at the cemetery’s entrance provided related functions such as viewing rooms and the crematorium. The small number of chapels proposed or built at national cemeteries after World War II were short-lived. By the late 1970s, the Los Angeles chapel was used for administrative and committal-service functions, and the crematorium equipment had been removed. Decades after Private Smith was inurned at Los Angeles and shortly after VA assumed responsibility for the national cemetery system in 1974, the agency made outdoor columbaria a requirement at all new cemeteries. The first was completed at Riverside National Cemetery in California. By the early 1980s, they were also being built at existing cemeteries in locations unsuitable for caskets, such as hillsides and along perimeter walls. VA cremation burials had reached 9 percent, and the addition of columbaria enabled older closed cemeteries to reopen. The future of Los Angeles National Cemetery, where available gravesites were generally depleted by 1976, has been revived with an all-columbaria tract opened in 2019 that eventually will accommodate 90,000 cremains. The need for such facilities is greater than ever, as cremation interments accounted for over 55 percent of all VA burials in 2021, just under the national rate. Meanwhile, VA is investing in its historic columbarium with a comprehensive rehabilitation project that will include a new tile roof, repairs to structural components and windows, and interior finishes. This unique building illuminates the shift in burial practices that occurred between the world wars and, like so many trends, it started in California. Reprinted with permission from the National Cemetery Administration historian of the National VA History Center. Object 48 is part of the History of VA in 100 Objects exhibit and expands on the first columbarium built on a national cemetery property. Other memorial objects from the exhibit include:
Whether it’s on the phone with a price shopper, around the arrangement table with a grieving family, or in the breakroom with a colleague, empathy is at the root of successful communication. Communicating with empathy requires that we listen before we speak, acknowledge what we’ve heard, and validate the other person’s emotions to let them know they’re not alone. Empathy opens the door to conversations built on respect, truth and collaboration. And when we cultivate these characteristics, we can improve team collaboration and cohesion, create higher levels of trust with our customers, and more effectively resolve conflicts. Doesn’t that sound like a powerful force for effective communication? HOW DO WE COMMUNICATE WITH EMPATHY?Communicating with empathy starts when we slow down. Taking time to listen and withhold judgment allows us to give our focus on the other person. Here are four key pieces of the empathetic listening process: 1. PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING. “Have you ever wondered why we have two eyes, two ears and only one mouth?” This old chestnut is such a universal concept, we can’t even attribute it to one person. The answer, of course, is because we need to listen and observe twice as much as we speak. Unlike hearing, which is automatic, listening takes work. This isn’t just the time spent waiting before you can speak – this is the time to show respect. By focusing on understanding, paying close attention and showing the speaker you’re engaged, you can strengthen your listening skills and become a better communicator. 2. ACKNOWLEDGE AND PARAPHRASE WHAT YOU’VE HEARD. Let the person know you’ve heard them. For the benefit of others in the conversation as well as yourself, test your understanding by summarizing what you’ve heard. Paraphrasing shows that you care enough to check your understanding – plus you can double-check that it was really Uncle Frank’s ex’s sister’s granddaughter who spilled the punch at the wedding (and not his granddaughter – whoops!). Then, ask relevant questions that show you’re paying attention and you want to learn more. 3. VALIDATE THE OTHER PERSON. In every conversation, but especially on the phone, it’s important to reassure the speaker that you’re there. Without interrupting, give brief and positive prompts like “Uh-huh” and “Mm-hmm” so they know you’re with them. Then, when it is time for you to speak, first acknowledge what they said by validating their feelings. We know grief is as unique as the life lived, and the feelings associated with this conversation will be unique, too. The speaker is sharing their truth, and this is your time to honor it. Whatever they’re feeling, let them know it’s normal and they’re not alone. 4. OFFER SUPPORT. Support can come in many forms. You’re already well on your way by listening and validating their experience. Sometimes someone may want your advice or assistance, but you can never assume. It’s tempting to try to fix the problem, but sometimes a person just wants to feel heard. They want to feel less alone. Have you ever chatted with automated tech support and gotten generic responses that don’t address your actual issue? It’s infuriating not to feel heard by a human! As a professional who has seen hundreds of memorial services, it may feel natural to jump in immediately and offer to support them with that experience—but this is their moment, not yours. Give them time to detail their situation and make sure you understand it. Rather than offering ideas right away, let the person know that you’re listening and that you’re ready to answer questions. This sets up the spirit of collaboration and personalization that your experience can bring. By offering support rather than giving it un-asked, you’re telling the other person that not only do you understand, but you also care. OVERCOMING EMPATHY ROADBLOCKSEmpathy means stepping into someone else’s shoes—but what happens when the shoe doesn’t fit? An empathy roadblock is anything that gets in the way of our understanding. These barriers can form when we’re too absorbed in our own lives to carry through with the process outlined above, or when we simply can’t relate to another person. If our experiences are too different, or if we have polarized views on a topic or situation, it’s difficult to express empathy. We let our judgments, outlooks and egos get in the way of our understanding. Whether or not they’re intentional, these barriers cause us to shut others out. And, as a result, others may close themselves off to us. When we give in to empathy roadblocks, we obstruct our ability to both understand and be understood. We block our ability to communicate effectively. When communicating with others and facing these blocks, ask yourself:
This post is excerpted from CANA’s online and on-demand course on Communication Skills Fundamentals. This one-hour course gives practical examples on communicating with empathy and overcoming roadblocks much more in-depth than this overview. It also covers the spoken and unspoken parts of communication that are just as important to get your message across. This online course focuses on the fundamentals of effective communication. "I found greatest value in developing empathy,” said CCS graduate Jason Armstrong. “This helps me to more keenly recognize what families are and have been going through and extend grace for where they are now." Communication Skills Fundamentals can be taken anytime, or participants can register to become a CANA-Certified Cremation Specialist and take this course with seven others that are designed to take your skills to the next level. Registration closes July 17, 2023, and space is limited, so act soon!
As long as songwriters have married words with music, songs have evoked emotions, triggered thoughts, and in some cases, like Buffalo Springfield’s Vietnam protest song "For What it’s Worth," raised awareness and a call to action. The melody stays in the listener’s head, but it’s the lyrics that are the backbone of the song – many times it’s the words that make you stop and think about the meaning behind those words. It's the words that have a lasting effect. Often, we quote song lyrics to express how we feel because we can’t find the right words—think of John Cusack in Say Anything holding that huge boombox in front of Ione Skye’s bedroom window blasting Peter Gabriel’s "In Your Eyes." So, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that songwriters have used the word cremation and similar words to express their thoughts and feelings—from rebirth to a bad relationship to climate change to just cremation and life and death. Also, in many ceremonies, songs are used to set the tone of the service or the remembrance of the deceased, especially if it’s a favorite song or associated with the person. Following are examples of some songs that have utilized cremation or similar words in the modern history of music. MUSIC’S INTERPRETATION OF CREMATION"ashes to ashes" by david bowieAlthough the word cremation is not stated in the song, David Bowie’s "Ashes to Ashes" is probably the most famous rock lyric that suggests cremation—indirectly via the term ashes to ashes. Critics believe Major Tom, Bowie’s character in both the song "Space Oddity" (1969) and its sequel "Ashes to Ashes" (1980), reflects Bowie’s struggles with drug addiction, as Major Tom became a drug addict when we see him again in the latter song. As stated on genius.com, “This song ("Ashes to Ashes") is about David Bowie’s own experiences with drug addiction. In 1977, David Bowie’s friend and producer Brian Eno [took] David Bowie to Berlin to kick his drug addiction. This journey resulted in three seminal David Bowie albums: Low, Heroes, and Lodger, also known as the Berlin Trilogy." Just as cremation, and similar words, may have a negative connotation, it can also have a positive meaning. This is the case with "Ashes to Ashes"—even though Major Tom may be fighting drug addiction, he is trying to become clean and sober. His transformation is a work in progress, which can be seen as Bowie’s story and an encouragement to listeners to continue their quest to sobriety. This is illustrated in the lyrics: Time and again I tell myself I'll stay clean tonight But the little green wheels are following me Oh no, not again I'm stuck with a valuable friend "I'm happy, hope you're happy too" One flash of light but no smoking pistol The listener may interpret the song to be about rebirth and a reminder to move forward in life and enjoy the simple things life has to offer. As stated in the lyrics above, each day is a struggle for Major Tom to stay clean, but he persists toward a better life. Bowie’s choice for a direct cremation after his death on January 10, 2016, exemplified simplicity and the future. It was reported that Bowie informed his loved ones he did not want a funeral service and was secretly cremated without family or friends present. His cremated remains were scattered on the Indonesian island of Bali. Death care leaders credit Bowie’s decision to the increase of direct cremations in the United Kingdom. When Miriam Deacon, Secretary of the Cremation Society of Great Britain, spoke at CANA’s 99th Annual Convention in 2017, she explained how “[Bowie’s choice] blew everything out of the water of the tradition of what we do [burials]. …suddenly a simple, low cost unattended cremation…is becoming more and more popular…. consumers are now demanding more choice when arranging a funeral and are looking at this now more so than the traditional funeral.” From using the term ashes as a sign of rebirth and recovery, the meaning of the word cremation in Lou Reed’s Cremation Ashes-to-Ashes stays true to its definition. "CREMATION (ASHES-TO-ASHES)" BY LOU REEDLou Reed’s 1992 album Magic and Loss “…captures the pain and emotions that Reed felt as his friends were dying”. As stated in the November 17, 2017, edition of The Music Aficionado, “This is the story of the album, the musicians who influenced and created it and most importantly, the amazing songs Reed wrote as a healing process from the death of his friends.” Listeners can relate to the universal theme of loss on Magic and Loss because everyone has lost someone special. "Cremation (Ashes-to-Ashes)" reflects the end that will come to all of us—death—but will it be a peaceful death? We determine that. Reed offers two thoughts on death. The first reference to ashes offers a more peaceful end, death with the lyrics: There are ashes split through collective guilt People rest at sea forever Since they burnt you up Collect you in a cup For you the coal black sea has no terror The lyrics listed above can be interpreted not to fear death because for those who have died, their souls are at rest, and they can now be at peace forever. However, the next verse continues: Will your ashes float like some foreign boat Or will they sink absorbed forever? Will the Atlantic coast Have its final boast? Nothing else contained you ever This stanza could foreshadow a violent or painful death such as an accident or a lengthy battle with a disease with the lines “Will the Atlantic coast, Have its final boast?” Absorption, which is referenced in the first half of the stanza, can be interpreted as a more peaceful death. However, the final boast could be interpreted as the ocean’s final throes or the person’s last bouts before death. These lyrics can be interpreted that we determine whether we have a peaceful death—we control our destiny in life and death. Using cremation as the song title, and ashes in the lyrics, Reed states that death isn’t something to be feared, it is a part of life—the final act of our lives. This can be reasoned in Reed’s final verse: Now the coal black sea waits for me, me, me The coal black sea waits forever When I leave this joint At some further point The same coal black sea will it be waiting That same black sea was waiting for Reed when he died October 27, 2013, and was cremated; or in general, for us when our time comes, but we determine how the final act ends. "THE CREMATION OF SAM MCGEE" BY JOHNNY CASHJohnny Cash uses his “every man” persona in "The Cremation of Sam McGee" as he recounts the story of two gold miners in the Yukon and one’s “last request.” Originally a poem written by Robert W. Service, Johnny Cash embodies the narrator of "The Cremation of Sam McGee," who promises to cremate Sam when, not if, he passes on, as stated in the sixth and seventh stanzas: With a corpse half hid that I couldn't get rid, I hurried, horror-driven There wasn't a breath in that land of death, because of a promise given; It was lashed to the sleigh, and it seemed to say: "You may tax your brawn and brains But you promised true, and it's up to you to cremate my last remains." Now a promise made is a debt unpaid, and the trail has its own stern code In the days to come, though my lips were numb, in my heart how I cursed that load In the long, long night, by the lone firelight, while the huskies, round in a ring Howled out their woes to the homeless snows— O God! how I loathed that thing Through the lyrics listed above, the narrator conveys the belief that it is his duty to fulfill Sam McGee’s wishes—to care for his body and cremate him. Isn’t this what families and friends still do today? They believe it is their duty to care for their loved ones who have died and perform their wishes. The song/poem continues with the narrator’s pursuit to find the perfect “cre-ma-tor-eum” to fulfill his friend’s request—and to dispose of his friend’s body that he had been towing with him since his friend’s death. The tale of the narrator’s quest seems morbid and hopeless at times, but the ending of the song has a comedic twist—just like life many times. After the narrator has fulfilled Sam’s wish and checks on the cremation, the last stanza reads: And there sat Sam, looking cool and calm, in the heart of the furnace roar; And he wore a smile you could see a mile, and he said: "Please close that door It's fine in here, but I greatly fear you'll let in the cold and storm-- And since I left Plumtree, down in Tennessee, this is the first time I've been warm." Through this dark humor, cremation is seen as a positive with this rebirth of Sam McGee—death has taken on a positive outlook to escape the harsh elements of his life. "ASHES" BY CELINE DIONCeline Dion’s "Ashes," which was featured in Deadpool 2, utilizes ashes to represent a broken relationship. The song opens with the following three stanzas, including the chorus: What's left to say? These prayers ain't working anymore Every word shot down in flames What's left to do with these broken pieces on the floor? I'm losing my voice calling on you 'Cause I've been shaking I've been bending backwards till I'm broke Watching all these dreams go up in smoke Let beauty come out of ashes Let beauty come out of ashes And when I pray to God all I ask is Can beauty come out of ashes? A broken relationship and its end are the subject of the lyrics—the narrator has tried everything to hold it together. After all her efforts, the narrator asks, “Can beauty come out of ashes?” Specifically, can anything positive come out of this breakup? Ashes are the result of a relationship gone bad. However, the ashes could also represent the memories of the relationship—so the beauty, or memories, have emerged from the ashes of the broken relationship. Again, turning the negativity of ashes into a positive—happy memories. Isn’t that a memorialization service? We recount happy memories (along with the sad or rough memories) or stories about the person we lost. All of our memories about a loved one who has died stay with us, but it’s the joyful memories that hold a special place in our mind and heart. "BLACK SUMMER" BY THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERSThe Red Hot Chili Peppers’ "Black Summer," the first track on their 2022 album Unlimited Love, uses cremation as an environmental metaphor—a call for action, which is alluded to in the music video. The Red Hot Chili Peppers’ bassist, Flea, a native of Australia, cowrote this song about the Australian bushfires, which devasted his home country in 2019-2020. This reference appears in in the first stanza of the song: A lazy rain am I The skies refuse to cry Cremation takes its piece of your supply The night is dressed like noon A sailor spoke too soon And China's on the dark side of the moon The term “black summer” in the title and chorus represents the summer of the bushfires in Australia. The skies refuse to cry refers to the lack of rain, and cremation, which is the bushfires, has taken its place. It's been a long time since I made a new friend Waitin' on another black summer to end It's been a long time and you never know when Waitin' on another black summer to end Throughout the song and the music video, the Red Hot Chili Peppers have stated that "Black Summer" serves as a wake-up call to climate change. As you watch, the video begins with lively colors and scenes from different parts of Australia, from the desert to the city then through the highways, which represent pollution and congestion. But it ends with the stark contrast of the Australian outback with a bright orange sky from the bushfires. The use of cremation in this song may seem harsh because it represents the Australian bushfires, but the song is a call to action about climate change and the environment. As illustrated in the song’s chorus below—the narrator is waiting for another black summer (bushfires) to end. I been waitin' I been waitin' Waitin' on another black summer to end I been waitin' I been waitin' Waitin' on another black summer to end I been waitin' I been waitin' Waitin' on another black summer to end Cremation: More than a human feelingAs illustrated throughout this blog post, music has used the word cremation, or its synonyms, to express a plethora of thoughts and meaning—from rebirth, or reinventing yourself, to a broken relationship, to a protest and call to action. But one thing in common with these songs and reference is that cremation or ashes draw attention to the cause or meaning behind the word in the song—the listener stops to think for a moment— this is the exact action the songwriter or poet wants the listener to do. These songs spark a thought, emotion, or a call to action. Lara Jackson is CANA’s Membership and Communications Coordinator, where she assists in membership support and communications functions. She has held communications positions at several nonprofit organizations; including two medical associations, a trade association, and a religious nonprofit organization. While working at one of the medical associations, an article she wrote won a Silver Merit Health award. Lara also has worked as a freelance writer and editor, where she has reported on a variety of subjects and industries. She holds a Bachelor of Arts from Northeastern Illinois University.
Stress /stres/ a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances “I am stressed out”; “It’s so stressful”; “That stresses me out!”… We all use this word in our day-to-day lives. Stress is the common climate that we collectively find ourselves in, and the pandemic has made it worse. No, we are not all in the same pandemic boat, but I write this for our profession, for you — the funeral professional. Our stress often comes from the trauma and pace of the work. Let me ask you a few therapeutic questions in the language of making this specifically for you and about you. This is where we start, because, like the funeral vehicles we drive, if we don’t keep ourselves fuelled, we cannot function. We do have limits and cannot run on empty. We risk shutting down in an effort to conserve our limited emotional, physical and intrapsychic energy. When we shut down we are not present for ourselves, our own families and friends and the ones we love, and certainly not for the clients we serve. We short-change everyone, in addition to actually risking our own well-being and succumbing to a chronic condition of disengagement and loss of our hopes and ideals. Sadly, when we are shut down, we can do harm to ourselves and to others. Ask your loved ones how they see your stress showing up. You may be surprised by what they see and say. They may see some blind spots that you are not aware of. So, back to the therapeutic questions here for you:
Now that you’ve named and located your stress in your body, how do you manage it so it doesn’t manage you? The good news is that this puts you in charge. The bad news is that it puts you in charge and that we sometimes must do the opposite of how we feel in the moment. As we’ve identified, stress can be found in our bodies, so movement is the easiest way to help ourselves there. Getting our heart rate up for 30 minutes, even while walking, can help to metabolize the stress hormone called cortisol that rushes through our arteries and veins. Author Laura van Dernoot Lipsky discusses this in her books Trauma Stewardship: An Everyday Guide to Caring for Self While Caring for Others and The Age of Overwhelm: Strategies for the Long Haul. Prolonged exposure to cortisol harms our bodies. Can you name nine things that you can do—things you enjoy doing, deep diving into—that help you to you feel balanced, rested and vital? I have been led through this exercise by my colleagues at Being Here, Human, Rachelle Bensoussan and Michelle Williams. It’s harder than you think, and more liberating and life giving than I could imagine! Take good good care… you are Essential! The Canadian Funeral Peer Support answered the call for peer support across the country, in 2018. Branches formed across Canada in many provinces, pre-pandemic, and in-person casual meetings were being held.
Now called Funeral Professional Peer Support, the branches reach out across North America. There are meetings online and you can access meetings from anywhere. You can read about them at www.funeralspeersupport.com. You can also follow them on Facebook and on Instagram This article first appeared in The Canadian Funeral Director Magazine, Spring/Summer 2021 Issue. If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, reach out to these support programs: Funeral Professionals Peer Support Warmline international: 1-613-917-8057 (call or text) SAMHSA in the US: 1-800-662-HELP (4357) Wellness Together in Canada: 1-866-585-0445 If you would like to join your fellow funeral professionals for a peer support session, CANA and FPPS are hosting a meeting on Tuesday, April 18, 2023 at 8pm ET / 7pm CT / 5pm PT and every third Tuesday each month. These meetings are open to all funeral service professionals in any stage of their career and any role in funeral service. No need to register, simply visit goCANA.org/peersupport to join the Zoom gathering.
Burnout is real. Compassion fatigue is real. In a recent survey from Indeed, more than 50% of the respondents revealed that they’re feeling burned out. That is no exception for last responders and funeral professionals. Work schedule and the work environment are some of the biggest culprits – but the situation is not all dire. This is something that we can work on if we commit to it. As deathcare professionals, it’s important to prioritize our own mental health. While it’s not necessarily the “solve-all” answer, we have one idea to help address burnout: utilizing an efficient funeral management system. Learn about some of the ways that the right funeral management system can help your team prevent burnout and achieve a greater work-life balance. 1. YOU CAN SAVE TIME ON TEDIOUS TASKSThere are many required tasks that both you and your families must complete in order to properly plan an arrangement or service. Let’s be honest – task management is tedious within itself. One report from Smartsheet found that nearly 60% of workers surveyed estimate that they could save 6 hours per week if their tedious and monotonous work tasks were automated. Instead of mapping out tasks that need to be completed every time a new case opens up, you can automate that process with the right funeral management system. Some funeral management system options allow you to create a template of action items (both standard and aftercare) that automatically generate for every unique case, such as:
2. YOU CAN BETTER SEPARATE YOURSELF FROM THE WORKPLACEYou may be hearing the buzzword “cloud-based software” more and more nowadays. But you may also be wondering – what does that even mean? There are essentially two types of funeral management software available to businesses:
Instead of having to run to the office to access your local desktop computer every time you get a death call or a question from a client, you can access your funeral management system directly from any mobile device, at any time of the day, from anywhere. As a result, you gain the freedom to change up your daily routine. If you are in a bind with other life events going on, you can easily work from home, access your crucial business info, and still get all of your work done. 3. YOU CAN HOLD FAMILIES ACCOUNTABLESure, you have weekly team meetings to get an up-to-date report from your team and hold each other accountable. But you need to make sure that (to a degree) you’re holding your families accountable too. One study from ASTD found that if you schedule recurring appointments with a partner who holds you accountable, you can increase your chances of success by 95%. While that study doesn’t pertain directly to customers or clients, it still shows one important finding: holding people accountable (respectfully, of course) usually ends up being a win-win for everyone. If you find the funeral management system that aligns best with your business, you can use it to hold your families accountable and ultimately take the stress off of your shoulders. YOU CAN OBTAIN DOCUMENT SIGNATURES QUICKER Stop playing cat and mouse with your clients and families. Instead of building enormous email threads and scanning documents one by one, you can use a funeral management system to:
As a result, they know that they are committed to you. Instead of running the risk of getting a bad review when you send payment reminders, you’re able to communicate with families through a third-party medium. Not only can you save on printing and paper costs, but you also reduce the chances of error in your service documentation. 4. YOU CAN LET YOUR TEAM MANAGE THEMSELVESAt the end of the day, what’s the most important asset to your business? Your people. Think about it – when you’re able to effectively manage your team and provide tools to them that make everyone's lives easier, you will likely:
And as research from Legaljobs shows, the implicit risk or reward for funeral homes to lose even a single employee is jaw-dropping:
Most importantly, you can feel less burnout from dealing with employee situations. SIMPLIFY EVERYTHING WITH SMARTER FUNERAL HOME MANAGEMENT SOFTWARE Burnout and compassion fatigue are very real things in the funeral and deathcare industry, but finding a smart funeral management system can help. At Gather, we’ve truly designed our funeral management system with you in mind. Our goal is to help you increase productivity, boost your funeral home’s reputation, and simplify your life. Start streamlining your team’s workflow, and give yourself the time to breathe again. Book an online demo with our team, our mission is to get you the tools and help you need. This post originally appeared in the Gather Blog on May 16, 2022, reprinted with permission. CANA Members can read more about Gather as well as eFuneral, GoodTrust, Halcyon Deathcare Management Solutions, In Lieu of Flowers (ILOF), MorTrack, and Parting Pro and how their tech-related products and services can enhance efficiency and ease employee stress and burnout in the article “Tech Tools: Easing the Burden on Deathcare Employees” published in Volume 58, Issue 4 of The Cremationist magazine. Not a member yet? See why CANA keeps growing.
4 REASONS HR AND MARKETING SHOULD WORK TOGETHEROver the Christmas holiday, I joined a few million other Americans by watching the second season of Netflix’s The Crown. We in the USA have an odd fascination with the British monarchy, reliably gobbling up anything related to the UK’s Royal Family. The differences between our two governments can be simplified as form and function. The UK has a Prime Minister to govern (function) and a sovereign to serve as a living symbol of the country (form). The American Presidency rolls these two jobs into one. But Americans, ironically, divide the two components when it comes to business. Hiring is one of a company’s most impactful decisions for its brand, but is made by one of its most insulated and quantitative departments. Like every election, every hiring decision impacts the corporate brand. So, it’s high time marketing and HR got together. After all, Americans talk a lot about qualifications and experience, but we tend to vote for the candidate we’d rather have a beer with. Below are a few arguments for “the special relationship” between Marketing and HR, inspired by both sides of the Atlantic. Your audience sees your employees as brand ambassadors, even if you don’t. Americans are less comfortable with pomp and spectacle than our British cousins. That’s why we can’t quite get our heads around the monarchy. We can understand hiring for experience, but hiring for image seems downright undemocratic. But image—even spectacle—are sometimes exactly what a brand needs. From Branson to Bezos, some of the world’s most successful executives are masters of show business. At every level, your brand will be judged by the people you send into the room to represent it, both internally and externally. Even if you keep him away from clients, that hire with savant-like expertise but abysmal interpersonal skills will take his toll on your company’s culture and morale. On the other hand, the individual with an innate ability to inspire might just be able to learn the technical details. It isn’t lonely at the top. Like the monarch, CEOs and celebrity spokespeople are the faces most carefully selected and cultivated for their ability to inspire. But commoners change history too. Executives and paid actors don’t have the only—or even the greatest—impact on a brand’s value. I can’t name the CEO of Home Depot, but I can tell you all about the terrible customer service I received last week. Ritz Carlton understands this. Their “ladies and gentlemen serving ladies and gentlemen” mantra has helped the brand become synonymous with the very best in hospitality and dining. Compare that to the night shift at Holiday Inn: instilling form versus function at every level makes all the difference. People failures are brand failures. The Crown’s sophomore season dove into the scandals that have plagued the royal family, providing another important lesson for marketers and HR pros: The best spokesperson arrangement in history can’t protect you from the spokesperson. Tiger Woods went from brand gold to brand anathema literally overnight. The Most Interesting Man in the World, one of the most successful campaigns in advertising history, was ultimately toppled simply because an actor wanted to retire. It’s never wise to put all your eggs in one basket. If every hire is an investment in your company’s brand (and it is), then it’s wise to diversify that investment. A brand embodied by lots of faces means less disaster when one of them screws up or calls it quits. Good form can enable good function. Repeatedly in The Crown, the precocious queen broke with tradition to influence world events, armed with nothing but her signature grace and eloquence. While her classically-trained advisors wanted to stick to traditional diplomatic channels, they were always left in admiration when she achieved what they were unable to. Don’t underestimate the hard results of soft skills. Does that sales role really require industry expertise, or do you actually need a masterful relationship-builder? Which would you rather have at your front desk: the consummate hostess or an MBA? When you’re desperate to hire someone who can do the job, remember that “the job” almost always includes representing your company—whether externally or internally. That goes beyond a résumé, a degree, or a certification. Too many front desks and front doors are manned by the most disengaged, disinterested person in the company. It can be helpful to think of those positions in terms of how much charisma they require, not how little technical ability. You likely won’t have the luxury of hiring purely for ceremony, but putting Marketing in HR’s seat for a moment might yield some fruitful discussions—and might help you build a brand worthy of kings. This post originally appeared in the McKee Wallwork Insights blog in January 2018, reprinted with permission. If you're hoping to find your next great hire, check out the CANA Career Center!
Deathcare has experienced a transformation in the last three years. It’s been intense – and grueling at times – but the future is bright and full of opportunity. Over the past decade I’ve been in deathcare, I’ve seen trends solidify right before my eyes. Obviously, the pandemic moved the needle quite a bit. I can’t honestly say I was quite sure of what was going on while it was happening, but with hindsight, as with most things, it all made sense. After such a chaotic time, what trends did I most want to learn about? I wanted to dive deep into the changes in customer expectations around online arrangements and see how firms are implementing technology to help serve all of their families better. When Tyler Yamasaki (CEO of PartingPro, an online arrangement tool and case management system) and I delved into the data from his company on, we learned a lot by analyzing customer behavior during the pandemic. We saw what shifts cemented as a trend and presented these changes at length at CANA’s 2023 Cremation Symposium and The Secrets Behind The Most Successful Online Cremation Businesses episode of The Direct Cremation Podcast we co-host. Now, while it’s cool to learn that “Bob” is the most common first name entered into PartingPro’s decedent database, it didn’t really give us any insight into the industry changes we were hoping to track. Nope, for that we had to look at other data – mainly data centered around consumers’ willingness to work with providers online. What we found was…interesting. the tipping pointThe biggest changes we found were in customer willingness to complete online arrangements and do forms online. Here’s a look at the increase in arrangements during that period. You see a huge spike right in March of 2020. Well, there’s no surprise there! But the surprise is that the levels never went back down to pre-pandemic levels. In fact, it’s holding a new line of support at about double the levels we saw pre-pandemic – and clearly look to be trending upward from there. I think this step-function change is here to stay and reflects the huge increase in all e-commerce trends in the economy at-large. Companies were forced to adapt to online management systems and this shows that the implementation of those systems is here to stay. Now, I’ll admit that this spike doesn’t tell the whole story. At that time we’re looking at, there was a large increase in overall deaths, given the presence of COVID-19, so we had to dig a little deeper. ONLINE VS. IN-PERSON ARRANGEMENTSWe needed to break down the cases into two cohorts: those who completed arrangements online and those who completed arrangements in person. What Tyler found was that prior to March 2020, about 33% of arrangements were completed online – a very respectable number in my opinion. After March of 2020, that jumped to 66%. The proportions completely flipped! It’s hard to say how much of this change is attributable to funeral home staff pushing online arrangements versus a family’s proactive choice to start and complete online arrangements. I think it’s a combination of both, but I was curious to see if there was any data that would give more insight into customer behavior itself regarding online arrangements. Luckily, Tyler had an answer for me. Tyler shared that prior to March 2020, about 11% of imminent and at-need cases were completed through online arrangements. He asked me to guess what that percentage jumped to after March 2020. I guessed that it haddoubled, at least. I was wrong! It rose to 16.3%. Admittedly, I was a little upset I was so wrong. I had been doing so well on Tyler’s data quiz at that point I had a lot of confidence. However, after some reflection, I had two takeaways:
This post excerpted from Efficiency or Die: A Gentle Fireside Chat with Will and Tyler at CANA's Cremation Symposium on February 8-9, 2023. If you missed it, you can still catch some of the insights they shared on The Direct Cremation Podcast, particularly their episodes exploring The Secrets Behind The Most Successful Online Cremation Businesses. Be sure to save the date for the next CANA Cremation Symposium coming February 14-16, 2024 to The LINQ Hotel + Experience on the Las Vegas Strip!
While many things have changed in our profession over the past few years, there’s one thing that has not; deathcare consumers still want and need professional guidance in making appropriate end-of-life plans for their loved ones. That’s good news for funeral service professionals and just one of the findings of new consumer research I look forward to sharing next month at CANA’s 2023 Cremation Symposium. The new primary research, conducted late last year on behalf of Foundation Partners Group, involved more than 1,000 online survey respondents and dozens of focus group discussions with consumers who have planned a funeral over the past five years. The results paint a clear picture of the evolving wants, needs and preferences that drive the deathcare choices of today’s families. Understanding these new consumers, and the similarities and differences between different segments, will be key to successfully managing funeral service businesses in the future. From the thousands of data points collected, we isolated key insights that help us answer two key questions about the needs of modern deathcare consumers:
We found two key factors that are most important in determining the best service style and fit for contemporary consumers. There are unique attitudes and behaviors that drive the ideal deathcare experience for each segment. The first is the level of support they desire during the planning process. Do they want to do all their planning in person or are they fine working with us via phone, web and email? Do they want to keep it simple or create an elaborate event guided by tradition and ritual? The second is the level of personal involvement. Do they want a funeral director to hold their hands and walk with them every step of the process? Or are they confident in their ability to create experiences that honor their loved ones on their own? Based on these varying desires for support and guidance, we divided consumers into three distinct segments and gave them descriptive labels that reflect their attitudes and behaviors. Understanding these different consumer mindsets and decision factors will help us to better understand the best ways to connect with them and support them in a way that builds trust. During my session we will explore each of these groups in more detail and zero in on the core needs that are universal across all segments. And we’ll talk about the evolving role of technology in deathcare and how thoughtfully integrating technology can improve the consumer experience. We’ll also share direct comments from consumers regarding things that would have made their experience better to create a roadmap to success in the future. I look forward to seeing you in Las Vegas! The past two years have seen a quiet transformation in the way consumers talk about death and deathcare services, particularly online. Jason expands on this post at CANA's 2023 Cremation Symposium with new data to help you understand those changes and how digital habits and evolving consumer expectations about online deathcare services will impact the way we offer those services in the future and how culture must align with these evolving customer expectations. See what else CANA has planned for this event designed to reignite your passion for this profession for 2023 and register to attend!
|
The Cremation Logs Blog
Cremation experts share the latest news, trends, and creative advice for industry professionals. Register or log in to subscribe and stay engaged with all things cremation. Categories
All
Archives
May 2024
|
|