We don't have time to question everything, of course, but I want to motivate you to question what you do and why you do it, and the impact that it has on your business. And—most importantly—the impact it has on your families.

I am a second-generation funeral director and embalmer from a really, really small town in Indiana. I've been licensed since 2005. I grew up in the funeral home with no intention of going into funeral service. But, as I got to see my father and understand what he was doing, I knew what he was doing was important and I wanted to be a part of that.

One of the things I heard from my father was “We bury our dead and we burn our trash.” And, as a young man, I didn't understand that, because Dad didn't own a cemetery and he didn't own the crematory. So, I started questioning that.

I thought, “What do you care? You want the phone to ring. You want to help a family.” But this was the mindset of so many funeral directors of that generation: “Cremation is our enemy. When a family says cremation, that's the only thing they want. That's it.” Those men lived in a time of cremation only, but from day one, that's never been my experience. So I questioned how we interacted with our families, and I wanted to get better.

I wanted to get better because, as a young funeral director, you find yourself in awkward situations that you didn't ask for. Families love to ask questions—and we want them to ask questions. But when you're a young, ignorant kid you don't know what to do when you're put on the spot with a question that you don't know how to answer. I never had someone tell me, “When you get a question that you don't know the answer to, just say, ‘I don't know, but I'll find out for you.’” That makes someone feel pretty good. You're going to help them. You're going to find out – it may take you five minutes, it may take you more—but you're going to help.

We have made this unbelievable commitment that we are going to care for living and the dead, and we're going to do it simultaneously. As a young funeral director, I always wondered: what makes a good funeral director? And it's one of those things that is always evolving.

I'm constantly adding to that amount of information that I have that helps me help families. And no matter how much knowledge we have about the funeral business or running a business or death or grief or all that stuff, what families really need is just another human being to listen. Another human being to be there, to support them and to support their decisions. We don't see that across all funeral service.

I am using a story I heard from someone who chartered a fishing boat. He mentioned that his boat captain was on the radio with other boat captains, and they were talking about where the fish are. They've all got paying clients. They all want them to have a good time. They all want them to fish. But these competing businesses are on the horn to each other, telling each other where the fish are biting today.

Conversely, there's other captains out there and they're not going to talk to the competitors. You've hired them for a boat ride and you're going to get a boat ride. And that's all you’re going to get. But other businesses who are competing are out there trying to satisfy their clients. When it comes to funeral service, we may call a buddy for help. We may call a funeral home to help bring someone home.

Yet, when it comes to service, a family walks in and they say, “Hey, I, saw this really neat thing on the internet you can do with cremated remains. Can you do that?” and I don't know about it. This happens way too much in funeral service where we say, “no, we don't do that here.” And we stop. We don't call out for help. We don't call out to figure out how to do it. Heaven forbid we tell a family, “we don't do that here, but I can find a place for you.”

A buddy of mine was working at this funeral home. When someone came in to pick up mom or dad, they sat across the desk and “there's dad, thanks for coming in. Oh, sign here.” She was mortified that this was what was happening. So, she started to think a little bit, make it a little bit different, make it more of an experience. And she got in trouble. “What are you doing? We don't do that here.” Well, she kept doing it. She just made it a little bit different.

I'd never thought about it. Never questioned it. It was just what we did. I think before I started using mom or dad or brother or whomever, it was “cremated remains. Here you go.” But, I started thinking about it and I was like, I can do better. As a funeral director, I do not want to treat my cremation families any different than burial families. Again, my family, we don't own a cemetery and we don't own a crematory, but I will do both for you, so we got to thinking.

You never know what a family's going to value when they walk in the door. They'll walk in the door and they'll be like, we want a dinner, or we want a kegger. Some families want a funeral procession. Some families want pallbearers, and what’s the answer? You buy a piece of furniture.

I was curious about this product: an urn, an arc, an urn caddy, there’s so many different names. I wanted one of these for years and years, but my father wouldn't let me do it. Finally he got older and stopped stopping me. So we got one, because I didn't want our cremation families to be cut out of some of the things that burial families get, and that some families value.

Now, when it comes to cremation, you have all of the choices in the world.

How do we know it's the right thing to do? The key is to sit down and take the time. Think about it, question it, talk about it. When we'd go on a removal or bring someone into our care, we would get into the hearse afterwards, and we'd start to drive away. And I'd look over and be like, “All right, let's grade ourselves. How do you think we did? How did the communication go? How did the transfer go? Do you think we met their needs?” Didn't even know we were doing it, but we were trying to get better.

If you're not even thinking about what you do, this business can be very routine. You show up, you walk in, you do your work, you go home. It can be that simple. But if your mind gets numb and you're not thinking about what you're doing and trying to improve, you'll never improve.

Just because Dad's been doing it 60 years doesn't mean it's wrong. It may be the best way to do it, but until we test it out, we don't know. And I encourage you to talk with other people about it too. Get outside of your circle, your echo chamber. That is the key.

If you asked me maybe right now, what else do I do? Well, when it comes down to it, all of this is caring for our families, listening to them, and empowering them to do what they need to do. We’re put out to be these money-grubbing, guilt-twisting professionals that will use that emotion to help ourselves. When, as we all know, that is the complete opposite of what we do. We will go the extra mile to help a family. You all do it.

I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. We all work in funeral service. We are equals, but when we go home, all of us are the expert to our communities. Tell your story, tell people what you do, encourage them to have those conversations, be open and approachable. And that's how folks build trust with us.

​1. MEET LIKE-MINDED PROFESSIONALS IN THE INDUSTRY

Our industry is evolving, and it’s important to meet and speak with other professionals (like yourself) who want to position themselves to best serve today’s funeral family. This event brings together business owners, decision-makers, and other key people that understand the future of the changing funeral landscape. These people understand that ignoring the evolution of our industry is short-term thinking and leaves a funeral business vulnerable in the long term.

The Green Funeral Conference brings together a tight group of individuals, and networking opportunities are built into the program. In addition to a full day and a half of educational sessions, there will be a welcome reception at the Sandia Resort, a cocktail reception at Passages International’s headquarters in Albuquerque, and more opportunities to meet and get to know your colleagues in other areas.

2. LEARN ABOUT THE LATEST IN GREEN FUNERAL ALTERNATIVES AND OPTIONS

The speakers and panels that have been assembled cover a wide array of topics, including cutting-edge new processes like Natural Organic Reduction, the basics and specifics of actually conducting a green burial, a case study of a funeral home boosting their business by offering greener cremation options, and discussions on how to market to today’s environmentally aware audience successfully.
Traditional burial has remained relatively the same for decades, but the non-traditional sector is constantly evolving. It’s important to understand the spectrum of green options available for burial, cremation, and scattering, as well as the “shades of green” in funeral options, and how to incorporate them into your presentation to families.

3. VISIT BEAUTIFUL ALBUQUERQUE, NEW MEXICO

The desert Southwest is a striking place to visit. Our venue, the Sandia Resort & Casino, is a tribal venue on native reservation land nestled against the Sandia Mountains (named for their dramatic watermelon-pink color during sunset). Early mornings in Fall you can see hot air balloons accenting the sky and the Sandia Mountain foothills offer amazing views and hiking trails not far from the venue.

New Mexico’s capital, Santa Fe, is one of the oldest cities in the country (founded in 1607), and the blend of Native American, Spanish, and Mexican influences is clearly evident in New Mexican architecture, food, and culture. Attendees will have access to the venue’s world-class spa, golf course, music amphitheater, and more! Don’t forget to ask for green or red chile with your meals, you won’t be sorry.

4. ROUNDTABLE DISCUSSIONS, PANELS, AND HANDS-ON DEMONSTRATIONS

The size of this conference caters itself perfectly to a discussion-based, hands-on experience. There will be roundtable discussions where attendees will sit with an expert or presenter to discuss different topics in a face-to-face environment. We will also have hands-on demonstrations on practical topics, like how to wrap a body with a biodegradable burial shroud.

Panels of speakers open up discussion-focused sessions, where participants can ask questions or bring up topics directly with the speaking experts. There is also value in seeing experts discuss the topics with each other, to better understand the different opinions, principles, or ideas within the industry, and how they can be applied to your business.

5. JOIN PASSAGES INTERNATIONAL FOR A COCKTAIL PARTY AND TOUR OF THEIR FACILITY

Passages International is the largest supplier of green and non-traditional funeral options, from caskets for green burial to greener cremation options, such as bamboo cremation containers and biodegradable urns for earth or water scattering. Passages will be hosting a cocktail reception at their headquarters, not far from our venue. You will have an opportunity to tour the facility, enjoy drinks and hors d'oeuvres with other attendees, and to get your hands on biodegradable funeral products.