There are many different types of customers in the market. If you've been in the game for a while now, you might have encountered a customer who wants to build a long-term partnership with you or a customer who can never be satisfied with your products and services. It can be challenging to encounter customers like that. It can damage you and your team's confidence in being able to satisfy your customers. It can also force you to reevaluate how you think your company should be operating even though the reality might very well be that you're just not serving the right customer based on your products and services. Fortunately, there are things that you can do avoid being in this situation.

In order to build long-lasting and mutually beneficial relationships with your customers, you first need to find the right customer for you. This involves research that might be overwhelming at first glance, but you've come to the right place if you're looking for some help. We've done the research for you, and this article serves as a summary of what you can do to serve quality products and services to the right customer. Of course, if you want to know the details, then you might want to check out our course.

But for now, here are five things you can do to find the right customer and give quality service every single time:

First and foremost, your products and services can only fulfill the needs of a customer from the right target market. As such, you need to understand what they're looking for and what you can do to match those needs.

Spend some time in forums or wherever your potential customers hang out to get insight into the common features they're looking for in the products or services you plan to offer.

You may also want to engage them in conversation to get a more in-depth perspective on what you can do to effectively infiltrate the market as well as the quality they're looking for.

Another thing you can do to ensure that you're always serving quality to the right customer is to check your capabilities. While taking more orders might be tempting as it means more profit and revenue, you have a reputation to build and protect.

Take the time to check your inventory, financials, and team status.

1. Can you fulfill the orders on time?
2. Can you do it in such a way that you won't be sacrificing quality for quantity?
3. Can you handle potential customer questions on your product and services?

These are some of the questions you might want to keep in mind to prevent aggravating your customers and turning what could have been the "right customer" into a "customer from hell."

If you've done your research and you're confident in your ability to deliver, then chances are that all your current customers are satisfied. However, you need to remember that someone will always come along who might demand a little more from you.

These customers may be encountering your company for the first time and thus may have a few more questions than normal. Answering questions promptly and engaging them respectfully and politely helps build customer satisfaction, which you can use to make sure to not only build your reputation but also integrate giving quality service within your company culture.

A satisfied customer is one who will more than likely return to subscribe to your products or services. As such, prioritizing quality over quantity gets you a one-way ticket to long-term customer relationships that drives regular profit. These are the customers you want to serve, but keep in mind that requires the effort that's detailed above. While you can never make sure that everyone is satisfied, doing your best means that if you still encounter someone who might be disgruntled with what you've given them, then chances are that they aren't the right customer for you. Focus on the ones you can serve and trigger business growth.

Speaking of growth, another thing you can do to keep up the quality of your products and services is to keep an eye on your company performance. If you think you're in a position to offer more and to grow your repertoire, then by all means, do so. Do your research on who else might benefit from what you offer and adjust accordingly.

Always keep in mind that growing your business means that you need to reach the customers who can support your company all the while ensuring that the quality of your products and services aren't compromised.

By the end of this article, you should have a more comprehensive idea of what you should look for and what you can do in balancing quality and customer satisfaction. It's a hard balance to achieve but it’s not impossible. Check out CANA’s Deathcare Business Administrator course if you want to make sure that you're achieving that balance every single time.

Jeremy Wall is lead facilitator for the CANA Deathcare Business Administration Program. He has a passion for simplifying the complex. As you will see in both the self-paced learning, he will help support your learning journey to bring these learning concepts from theory to practical implementation within your business. Jeremy has founded, grown, and exited businesses before and will work with you and your team as you look to create a lasting impact on building a better culture, healthier balance sheets, and a stronger bottom line.

Do you feel like cremation came out of nowhere? Meaning: has consumers’ preference for cremation has taken you by surprise? Or that the cremation rate in your business has grown unexpectedly?

The truth is that, in the US, cremation has ranged between 1 to 2% growth each year over the past 50 years. In Canada, after a period of accelerated growth, cremation rates are slowing to below 1% ̶   which may be the US pattern in a decade.

And yet we hear that cremation came out of nowhere: not just from members, but also reporters. They are looking for causes of cremation growth like economic recessions or the pandemic – big disruptors to the status quo. But when you look at the entire timeline of cremation, you see that it took nearly a century for the national rate to hit 5% and then less than 50 years to exceed 50%. 

However, just because CANA research shows that the growth rate is constant, the population is not. During the first 100 years of cremation’s history, from 1876 to 1976, there were 3 million cremations total. During the last 50 years, since 1977, there were 33 million cremations in the United States as of 2024. Within many of our lifetimes and careers that population growth means that cremation has increased quickly and, yes, almost seemed to come out of nowhere.

This means that attitudes about cremation – consumers’ preference for it, profitability for your business and services to offer – need to be adjusted at this point in your career. Case in point: when CANA says cremation, we mean the legal form of disposition and not “direct cremation” and all of the biases that go along with that construct.

If you have ever said or heard someone say, “I don’t believe in cremation” or “I hate cremation,” then you have succumbed to the bias that has developed in our profession against cremation, reducing it to misguided preference, decreased profitability, and no service. We challenge you to consider your reaction.

Over and over, CANA’s research confirms that cremation is the new tradition and personal preference for a majority of the US and Canada. In a 2022 consumer survey, price was the second reason cremation was chosen, but that’s as much about value and being a savvy spender.

For the consumer, the cremation experience is often more about focusing on the life lived than the body and related merchandise. Consumers’ opening question may be price to determine if you are the provider they can trust, or it may be the one differentiator they have to determine what makes one cremation provider different from another. But, as an experienced funeral professional, you know they have more questions beyond that one and a story to tell about their person and their memory. Do you give them a chance to do that?

CANA has been one of the few “cremation positive” voices in the profession, considering cremation to be preparation for memorialization and one of many forms of disposition. But too often funeral professionals’ assumptions about cremation often come through the questions asked, the ones that go unasked, and the language they use about cremation.

So, ask yourself this question: “When experiencing first contact with a consumer, what’s the first question I ask?” After offering condolences, do you get contact information, demographics of the deceased, or determine burial or cremation?

If you answered yes to any or all of the choices above, those choices do make good business sense. Their response tells you your next business action: refrigeration or embalming? Which veterans benefits or discounts may be applicable? With whom do I follow-up?

What if the first question assumed service? Assumed a celebration of life? That the family wants the body at the service? What if the last question you asked was about disposition?

What impression would that give families?

If funeral professionals are going to make assumptions, they should assume service. Assume that the person making cremation arrangements loved their person. Assume that their questions are more than about price, and that they’re willing to craft a personal experience. Assume that cremation is the new tradition in their family – and you have been selected to help them.

There are myths, biases, assumptions on both sides of the arrangement table. The best solution to overcome them is curiosity: ask questions and listen to the answers. Then, answer their questions with openness and honesty.

While preparing for focus group research in 2019, CANA made some wrong assumptions. We tasked the research company to gather two groups of focus group participants. We defined them as the

1. Direct Cremation Group – chose cremation and did nothing, and
2. Cremation with Service Group
   

The research company soon called us back to alert us to a problem: They had no difficulty finding families who had held a service, but they couldn’t find a single person who chose cremation then did nothing.

You see the mistake we made, right? We forgot to specify that they “did nothing with their provider.” So, even if you assume service, you can’t assume they’ll choose your firm – they’re doing it themselves.

By assuming that every cremation family will do something for their person, your job becomes persuading them to choose you.

Too often, “Burial or Cremation?” becomes “Funeral vs. Cremation” on both sides of the arrangement table. Instead, research shows again and again that language matters. So, consider swapping it to “funeral or celebration of life,” expanding the timeframe from the traditional three days to all of the options that cremation offers, including the locations in your community that would host a gathering.

By now we have described the disconnect and challenged you to question your assumptions. Are you ready to meet cremation families where they are?

If you are training employees on demographic information or disposition before all else, are you implying that these are the most important pieces of the arrangement? If you are compensating employees on commission and merchandise sales, are they starting off the conversation about service to drive sales arrangements? How can you set an expectation that families can talk about their new traditions or be creative in their service planning?

Now that you have a better sense of consumer expectation, are you and your employees and colleagues equipped to meet them?

Check back for part 2 of this post where we focus on how you can rise to meet these trends with some of our own!

I had the honor of attending the 106th Cremation Innovation Annual Convention in Chicago, Illinois, thanks to the scholarship myself and four other deathcare professionals received from the Funeral Service Foundation. As a somewhat seasoned deathcare professional and educator, I value and continuously seek opportunities to expand my knowledge, skills, and offerings to the communities I serve.  Attending last year’s convention, hosted by the Cremation Association of North America, empowered me to do just that.

Throughout the two days of the convention, there were several moving and empowering Continuing Education opportunities hosted by speakers who reignited the "fire in my belly." A few that immediately come to mind are Becoming a Leader of Influence (Robbie Page), Death Becomes Her – The Changing Demographics of Funeral Service Practitioners (Jolena Grande), Cybersecurity Awareness: Recognizing a Threat and Protecting Your Data (Lee Hovermale), and The Eternal Value of Cremation Memorialization/Avoiding Mistakes of the Past: Cremated Remains Belong in Cemeteries (Jason Engler). Each of these sessions provided attendees with the latest developments, trends, and best practices in our industry, highlighting innovative solutions and research that allow us to stay ahead of the curve.

While exploring the exhibit floor, I had the honor of meeting numerous vendors who shared not only their respective products and services but also their hearts and stories. The boutique style of the convention allowed attendees to spend time chatting with and getting to know each vendor. During these interactions, vendors not only shared their knowledge about the companies they represented but also their personal stories of connection to their brands and their own experiences with death, grief, and end-of-life decision-making.

This was unique for me because, in many cases, the usual hustle and bustle of conventions does not allow for this type of connection. The conversational atmosphere removed the nagging sales pressure that often accompanies these kinds of interactions and events. I felt more organically connected to human beings rather than feeling like the next sales conquest.

One of the most unique and engaging parts of the CANA 106th Cremation Innovation Convention was that it was all a game. Literally. The presentations, educational sessions, and vendor interactions were part of a game meticulously planned to encourage attendees to network, meet new people, and learn new things—all while earning points through the convention app. Ultimately, participants had the chance to win amazing prizes. While I did end up in the #1 spot with over 18,000 points, beating out some very worthy opponents, every attendee who participated walked away a winner.

This convention exceeded my expectations in many positive ways, especially in its intimate nature. The CANA organizers and leadership have done an exceptional job at mastering the essence of "less is more." Many times, attending a conference or convention can be overwhelming due to the masses of people, adrenaline, enormous venues, and the pressure to "buy now" (especially for an introverted person like me). This was not the case at the 106th Cremation Innovation Convention. Instead, it felt like a group of colleagues, both old and new, coming together to celebrate our sacred work, letting our hair down over drinks, and learning about what’s happening in our beloved field. I will be back again.

Joél Simone Maldonado, aka The Grave Woman, is a licensed funeral director, embalmer, pre-planning specialist, award-winning deathcare educator, sacred grief practitioner, and proud founder of The Multicultural Death & Grief Care Academy. She specializes in educating professionals about the importance of cultural competency, inclusion, and diversity in end-of-life, death, and grief care.

Joél has worked in the deathcare industry since 2010 and has over 15 years of experience in the healthcare industry. She currently serves on the Board of Directors for Compassion & Choices, co-chairs the board’s Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion committee, and volunteers with the organization’s African American Leadership Council.

Her passion is educating through open and honest conversations about the multicultural nuances of death and grief care via her courses, podcast, YouTube channel, and social media platforms. Joél is dedicated to continuously enhancing her personal cultural intelligence, competency, and skills through participation in various post-collegiate entrepreneurship, development, and leadership programs, including earning her CQ certification through the Cultural Intelligence Center.

There have been moments throughout my career as a funeral director, sacred grief care practitioner and educator that have been utterly heart shattering. Surprisingly, many of these moments stem not from the revolving door of death and grief I have witnessed and supported countless families and communities through, but instead from the lack of consideration, honor and inclusion extended to multicultural and marginalized communities. Such incidents have reinforced a painful truth: that the deathcare industry and the professionals who serve within our funeral homes, crematories and cemeteries are falling short and missing the mark when it comes to cultural competency.

The most recent, and probably the most heartbreaking, conversation I’ve had with someone who unfortunately was on the receiving end of our industry’s lack of cultural competency took place randomly while my husband and I were shopping at our local Sam’s Club. I asked the young woman assisting us at the cell phone carrier kiosk what her tattoo represented. She proceeded to share with me that her best friend of 20+ years had recently passed away. She and some of their close friends chose to get a tattoo because they couldn’t express their cultural rituals at the funeral. They felt the need to do something that connected them spiritually and culturally.

Naturally, my ears perked up and I asked her why they couldn’t attend. She shared that the family had requested that they be able to end her friend’s funeral with his casket being escorted out of the funeral home’s chapel led by a mariachi band comprised of relatives and loved ones. They were denied this final rite of passage and told both by their funeral directors and the funeral home manager that their request posed a liability and threat to their building’s insurance.

Fighting back tears and choking on her words, this grieving kiosk employee described the family’s humiliation, dehumanization and embarrassment at being told that their desire to perform this sacred ritual and ceremony for their deceased son was a liability. They felt small and unseen. As a result, they wanted to move their loved one’s body to a funeral home that would allow them the freedom to express their culture.

Unfortunately, because of the lack of diversity in the area in which they live and because there was no one to advocate for them (combined with the fact that they simply did not have the money, emotional stamina or energy to relive the funeral arrangement process), this family was stuck paying for services that did not honor their cultural needs and didn’t leave them feeling as if they were served with dignity. Sadly, this story is not unique and represents an area for growth and redirection that our industry and the professionals in it should take to heart.

Early on in my mortuary school journey it became very evident to me – as it does for many students –  that there is little to no education specific to caring for diverse communities as it relates to both the cultural rites and the unique needs of bodies of indigenous peoples and communities of color. This realization was made even more real while I worked as an apprentice.

One memorable day, I walked in on a seasoned professional cutting the box braids (see below) from the hair of a deceased Black woman whose family requested that her braids be removed so her hair could be styled differently for her viewing and service. Unbeknownst to the embalmer, by cutting off the braids close to her scalp, he was in turn cutting off all of her hair, effectively maiming her presentation for the viewing and violating the spiritual sacredness attached to her hair.

His actions were not carried out with ill intent, and he expressed deep remorse when I stopped and educated him. However, had I not stopped him, his lack of cultural knowledge and technical skill could have had a profoundly negative and irreparable impact on our firm, reputation and – most importantly –  on the family and community of the deceased.

Stories like these, centered around inappropriate and offensive language, lack of awareness and lack of cultural humility are frustrating and heartbreaking, but they have also motivated and inspired me to develop The Multicultural Death & Grief Care Academy. The Academy provides resources, courses and training specifically for end-of-life, death and grief care professionals. Our mission is simple: To empower professionals to better serve decedents, families and communities alike with cultural competence and sensitivity.

The Cultural Kaleidoscope course series shows funeral professionals that a mariachi band processing the casket is not merely creative personalization but an important cultural rite that makes an impact on a community’s final farewell. By challenging fixed or outdated perspectives, each course in this series helps foster open, honest conversations about the diverse ways different cultures approach end of life, death, grief and mourning to building culturally competent deathcare professionals.

The Dignity in Death series focuses on our care of Black decedents with 10 courses covering the unique hair and cosmetic techniques to cultural and spiritual considerations that ensure that we can build a deeper understanding of Black body care traditions, improve their services, and ensure families receive the highest level of care during one of the most important moments in their lives. Practical courses like Removing Braids, Twist & Extensions and Properly Caring for Locs & Twist expand technical skills in the prep room to ensure dignity for the deceased and positive outcomes for our communities and our firm.

By embracing cultural competency, we not only transform the way families experience loss but we, as an industry and as professionals, ensure that every farewell is met with dignity, respect, and the deep honor that every life and culture deserves.

Joél Simone Maldonado, widely known as The Grave Woman, is a licensed funeral director, embalmer, pre-planning specialist, and the award-winning founder of The Multicultural Death & Grief Care Academy. With over a decade in the death care industry and more than 15 years in healthcare, Joél is a recognized leader in educating professionals on Cultural Competency, Inclusion, and Diversity in end-of-life care. She serves on the Board of Directors for Compassion and Choices, co-chairs its Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion committee, and volunteers with the African American Leadership Council. Through courses, her podcast, YouTube channel, and social media, Joél fosters open dialogues on the nuances of multicultural death and grief care. Committed to personal growth, she continually hones her skills and cultural intelligence, including earning her CQ certification from the Cultural Intelligence Center and engaging in advanced entrepreneurship, development, and leadership programs.

Building a pet aftercare business presents a unique opportunity to have a meaningful impact on a family during a time of loss and transition. That’s why pet aftercare professionals must uphold the highest level of dignity, compassion, and professionalism in their work.

The journey of becoming a pet aftercare professional is not just a career choice; it's a deeply emotional path. It's about forming a strong connection with pet families and showing unwavering dedication. This role requires not only technical expertise but also deep empathy.

My family's venture into the pet aftercare profession stemmed from a strong desire to offer comfort and respect to grieving pet parents. As a third-generation deathcare family, we are dedicated to carrying on the legacy that my father, Doyle L. Shugart, began in 1972. Providing support to pet parents and the pet aftercare professional community continues to bring fulfillment and purpose to our family today.

According to the Pew Research Center, 97% of U.S. pet owners say their pets are part of their family. About half (51%) say they are as much a part of their family as a human member. Given those statistics, it is imperative that pet aftercare professionals provide services and experiences that don’t just meet the needs of pet parents seeking aftercare but exceed their expectations.

The role of pet aftercare professionals is not just about providing a service, but about being a supportive guide through the journey of grief. To maintain the highest standards when delivering these sensitive services, the International Association of Pet Cemeteries and Crematories (IAOPCC) develops professional certification programs that address the unique aspects of pet loss and aftercare. Our work with CANA has been essential in bringing those programs to our industry, raising the standard for pet aftercare professionals.

Understanding the specific benefits of certifications in the pet aftercare industry and how they contribute to better care for pets and their grieving families is vital when exploring the pet aftercare sector. Acquiring those certifications can significantly improve the quality of your pet services, help you grow your business, and unlock the full potential of your staff.

As the Executive Director of the IAOPCC for 14 years and a pet aftercare professional for more than 36 years, I have seen our industry undergo many changes and evolve. In a largely self-regulated industry, I have been privileged to work with and learn from pioneers in pet aftercare. The development of the IAOPCC’s Accreditation Program is the industry’s only approved program with published and recommended standards and best practices for pet aftercare. These Accreditation standards, processes, and inspection programs are followed and recognized worldwide as a symbol of care and service to families in grief.

The IAOPCC Certification programs offer best practices and ethical considerations unique to the pet aftercare industry. Through our many levels of Pet Bereavement and Pet Funeral Director Programs, participants are introduced to strategies for working with grieving pet families, responding to difficult situations, preparing a pet for witness viewing and cremation service, answering the tough questions about pet death, and responding to ethical dilemmas common to the pet aftercare world.

Professional certifications in the pet aftercare industry are more than just credentials; they represent a commitment to high standards, ethical practices, and compassionate care directly related to pet families. For pet aftercare professionals, these certifications validate their expertise and dedication. By upholding these high standards, certified pet aftercare professionals contribute to a respectful and supportive community, making a meaningful difference in the lives of those who have lost a cherished furry member of their family.

Donna Shugart-Bethune is part of the Shugart Family operations of Pet Angel Memorial Centers in Georgia. The Shugart Family has been in the pet aftercare profession for over 53 years.  Pet Angel Memorial Centers operates four locations and two pet cemeteries specializing in pet and equine cremation services and burial.  Considered one of the nation's premier pet funeral homes, the Pet Angel Memorial Center, located in Atlanta, features three counseling rooms, two chapels, and the largest showroom in the nation, offering more than 450 pet memorial products. Offering same-day services, viewings, and visitations, along with superior client care, Pet Angel Memorial Center has led the way in establishing excellence in pet aftercare.

Donna, who grew up in the Shugart family business, pursued her Bachelor of Business Administration (BBA) from Georgia State University. With 36 years of experience in the pet aftercare industry, she has been the Executive Director of the International Association Of Pet Cemeteries & Crematories (IAOPCC) for over 13 years. Donna played a crucial role in developing the IAOPCC's online certification programs, which are available today. She also introduced digital badging certification programs for IAOPCC members and implemented the Accreditation Mobile App Program, providing worldwide access to Accreditation.

Imagine you’re at CANA’s 105th Convention in Washington, D.C., listening to a session you’ve been looking forward to for months. The presenter is known for their excellent communication skills. How do you picture this scene?
If we think about the three types of communication – verbal, nonverbal and written – then:

1. Verbal communication. When communicating verbally, you use your words and tone of voice to share information with others. If the speaker is a great verbal communicator, you might hear them clearly pronouncing their words, telling a straightforward story and emphasizing key points.
2. Nonverbal communication. Nonverbal messages include your body language, facial expressions, physical appearance and actions. If they are a skilled nonverbal communicator, you might see them dressed sharply, standing tall on the stage and pairing facial expressions and gestures with words.
3. Written communication. Written messages are text-based and communicate meaning when read. If they are a great written communicator, you might see their points clearly summarized in their presentation or read a concise and persuasive email recap in your inbox.

Just like this presenter, you can become a more skilled communicator by using verbal, nonverbal and written communication effectively.

So what are some key considerations when you’re working to improve your communication? Let’s look at the same types of communication again:

VERBAL

“HithankyouforcallingABCFuneralHomemynameisJames”

Their first response to that greeting might be along the lines of, “…um?” – not an engaging start.

When the ringing phone has interrupted something we’re doing, it can take a moment to shift gears. But you shouldn’t let your communications suffer for it. Pause and take a deep breath to ready yourself for the call. Adopt a warm tone and speak slowly and confidently to tell them you’re present and engaged. Your tone should match your message and make your first impression the right one. Not to brag, but I’ve often been confused for a pre-recorded message when I answer the phone. Sure, it means people often start pressing buttons in my ear, but I know they’re convinced of my professionalism!

NONVERBAL
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Even if you’re not paying attention, your actions will communicate meaning. Be aware of your gestures, facial expressions, clothing and body language. Pair these nonverbal cues with your words to make your message and meaning clear.
And even when you’re not actively communicating, your body can give the impression of attentiveness, interest and confidence. Try sitting up straight and keeping your body language open by uncrossing your arms and legs.
Still need to be convinced? Get a little help from Friends:

WRITTEN

​“Thnak you for meeting w/me today. I look foward to serving you famly.” 
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Even if you had a productive meeting with the client-family, you could ruin your credibility if you sent a follow-up riddled with errors. Always re-read before sending, keep communications brief but clear, and have a plan before you start writing so you remember everything that needs to be included.

Without thinking about it, funeral professionals might use jargon and euphemisms to be accurate and convey dignity and professionalism. Unfortunately, families often use different words, and this can lead to misunderstandings. When using verbal and written communication, take time to think about your phrasing and always use language the family is comfortable with.
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The difference between ashes and cremated remains is the most common example in cremation. While we use cremated remains to distinguish between chimney ash and the bone fragments following cremation – plus the emotional distinction between wood and a loved one – a family is less aware of what to expect.  Not to mention operational terms like first call and casket can require additional clarification and sensitivity to what clients know about funeral service. We don’t need to correct their language or word choice. We should mirror their language and, as appropriate, respectfully share the professional term to describe what they can expect.

By using these three types of communication more effectively, you can become a more skilled communicator. Here’s a helpful checklist of questions to ask yourself:

• Verbal: Am I speaking slowly and confidently? Am I staying on topic? Does my tone of voice match my message?
• Nonverbal: Does my body language and appearance match my message? Am I pairing my nonverbal cues with spoken words? Are my gestures open and friendly?
• Written: Did I plan out my writing? Is my message clear and concise? Did I proofread my work for correct grammar, spelling and punctuation?

The best part about practicing your communication is that you don’t have to wait until you’re at the arrangement table. You can see how approaching the check-out counter with an open expression and eye-contact changes the interaction at the register. You can cut back on your *darn autocorrect messages by taking that extra second to re-read before sending. Effective communication makes a difference throughout your life!

In my work as a suicidologist and thanatologist, I have observed that suicide is one of the most misunderstood causes of death in our society and that our culture has stigmatized and silenced suicide with devastating results for individual survivors and communities. Approximately one million people die every year of suicide worldwide, leaving millions of grievers who are bereaved due to suicide death loss, yet often, survivors feel the weight of suicide stigma and do not receive the supportive and helpful responses they need to navigate their complex grief journeys.

When I work with students and clients who want to support someone they care about who has lost a loved one to suicide, the most frequent concerns they express are, “I don’t know how to help them,” and “I don’t know what to say.” These frustrations are understandable – we live in a culture that often silences open and educationally-supported conversations about suicide, so many people feel at a loss for how to assist a loved one’s grief journey after suicide.
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It is my hope that the following information will assist you in being an empathic and helpful presence in the lives of suicide loss survivors.

In my blog post, “Surviving Suicide Stigma,” I discuss several of the most harmful myths still circulating in dominant culture:

• Suicide is always the result of clinical depression.
• The suicide death was a “quick fix” for problems that could easily have been solved or an “easy way out.”
• If we talk about suicide, or about a loved one who died of suicide, we may risk becoming suicidal or causing another person to become suicidal.
• Suicide is an act of cowardice or personal weakness; while everyone feels badly sometimes, suicide is “wrong,” “selfish,” or “weak.”

Several of these myths stem from the ultimate misunderstanding of suicide, the belief that it is an act of free will or a rational choice. In fact, we now understand that suicide is a complicated phenomenon rooted in pain. Usually, there are many sources of pain – psychological, sociological, spiritual, and even biological – that accumulate for some people who are suicidal until the pain becomes so great that the suicidal person literally cannot see another way to end their pain.
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If we can understand that someone who died of suicide was experiencing complex suffering and that suicide was the product of a mind that was not working right, then we can begin to be of support to suicide loss survivors without the confusion and stigma that myths about suicide reinforce.

Because of the intense stigma associated with suicide, suicide loss survivors may internalize feelings of guilt and shame on their own behalf and on behalf of their deceased loved one. These feelings are often reinforced by thoughtless or harmful responses from co-workers, friends, and family members. In recent years, social media has increased incidences of suicide loss survivors feeling shamed and isolated, both through posted speculation about the death and judgment, often from people not even known to the survivor.

The shame and isolation often experienced by survivors complicates their already-difficult grief over the loss. As we know, all grief experiences are unique, but for suicide loss survivors, the interpersonal and institutional responses they receive following the death can introduce unique elements to their responses to the death. In the months following a suicide death loss, many survivors report an increase in physical problems such as brain fog, insomnia, gastrointestinal issues, and chronic headaches. The sociological stressors due to silence and shame may increase survivors’ isolation and make them less likely to reach out for support. Psychologically, suicide loss survivors are at high risk for disenfranchised grief and prolonged grief. And while studies differ in terms of numbers, we also know that primary survivors of a suicide death loss are at higher risk for developing suicidality over the course of their lifetime.
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Being a suicide loss survivor is like being in a club that you never wanted to join. I encourage survivors to speak to others bereaved by suicide because it can be easier to tell their stories without fear of judgment, but it is equally important that people who have never lost a loved one to suicide feel equipped to support loved ones who have.

Use appropriate and non-criminalizing language. Instead of using terms like “committed suicide” or “killed himself,” use language that demonstrates that you understand that the person who died was not a criminal for their suicidality but was suffering: “John died of suicide.”

Acknowledge the pain of the person who died. “John’s death is a tragedy. I am so sorry that he was in so much pain that he could not see another way to end that pain.”

Do not ask inappropriate questions. Asking someone about the specific means by which their loved one died of suicide, the condition of their body, or other details that can provoke trauma responses is never appropriate.

Practice empathy. Work to dismantle any biases you might hold about suicide and try to resist mapping your own belief system or judgments onto survivors. Be receptive to the feelings they can identify or express, and validate all of those feelings. Survivors may be experiencing shock, anger, and confusion in addition to other grief responses – be ready for it and be patient.

Follow their lead. When talking with a suicide loss survivor, give them space to tell the story of their loss without probing them. After a suicide death, survivors may talk about the timeline of the day of death in minute detail in an attempt to come to terms with the reality of the loss. They may be very repetitive, or they may not want to talk about the details at all in the early days following the loss.

Engage in attuned listening. When talking to a suicide loss survivor, maintain eye contact, demonstrate that you are hearing them, and engage in non-threatening physical touch if appropriate. Importantly, do not look away if they begin to cry.

Keep confidentiality. If a suicide loss survivor shares details, feelings, or worries related to their loss, assure them that you will not share that information with others. Because of the stigma associated with suicide, having someone trustworthy in which to confide is crucial to survivors feeling supported.

Offer to help them make meaning of the loss. While everyone’s trajectory of mourning is different, many suicide loss survivors actively seek to make meaning from the loss, either through doing public education on suicide, creating public memorialization of their loved one through scholarships or other donations, or via community involvement for suicide prevention. While I would not advise encouraging survivors to throw themselves into these kinds of activities in the first few months following a suicide death loss, I have seen the value in them for many survivors even years after the loss has occurred. If the person who died valued education, ask if you can start a scholarship fund in their loved one’s name. If they were a nature lover, ask if you can organize a tree planting for them.

Help them remember the life of their loved one. Those bereaved due to suicide do not ever forget their loved one, though strangely, they often report friends and family not talking about the loved one after the first few weeks of the loss. Do not be afraid to speak the name of the person who has died, share memories you have of them, or remind the person you care about of memories they had told you about with their loved one. Because our culture often reduces the life of someone who has died of suicide simply to their cause of death, it is both valuable and meaningful to remember the birthday and date of death of the deceased and check in on those days. It can also be immeasurably helpful to talk about the person who has died regularly in conversations, acknowledging their interests, work, hobbies, and unique qualities, rather than only talk about their death.

This year, International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day is Saturday, November 18, 2023. As both a suicidologist and suicide death loss survivor, I will be spending the day thinking of the lives that ended tragically and honoring the pain with which they suffered prior to their deaths. I will also be thinking of all the other suicide death loss survivors I have known and wishing for them an easing of their grief. Finally, I will be renewing my promise to help end the epidemic of suicide in our culture in hopes for a future in which so many are not lost and so many are not bereaved.

Thank you for your commitment to supporting the suicide loss survivors in your life.

My second week on the job as CANA’s Executive Director took place during the joint CANA-NFDA convention in October 2011. I remember many excellent presentations and I vividly recall one speaker asking the audience, "Are you a cremation specialist? Raise your hand if you are." There were hundreds of people in the room, and not one raised a hand. The speaker then chastised us, saying, "Of course you are a cremation specialist, because you say you are."

Is it really as simple as that? Not exactly.
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CANA has been conducting research to determine the actual competencies and related knowledge, skills and abilities (KSA) that a funeral director and arranger use when serving their community. Based on this, we've developed continuing education classes that teach these important KSAs, validate good habits and introduce best practices. Together they make up the new CANA-Certified Cremation Specialist credential—a labor of love crafted by the leadership and staff of CANA over the last five years.

You’ve all heard the lament: no one teaches cremation in mortuary science or funeral service schools, so why do some funeral directors excel at connecting with consumers who choose cremation and why do some fall short? CANA set out to find the answers.

One of the four pillars of CANA’s strategic plan is Education, with one of the goals under that pillar being to constantly scan the state of the profession and address training needs through progressive education. To that end, in August 2017 CANA board members engaged in a hands-on activity where they identified their greatest training struggles across their businesses. The major categories identified were: 1. arrangement conferences, 2. crematory operations, 3. sales, 4. managing a service, 5. technology, 6. leadership development, 7. phone skills, and 8. oral communication, business communication and writing.

The CANA Education Committee then set CANA’s top three priorities: arrangement conferences, crematory operations, and sales. With a firm theory about where our profession was struggling, it was time to test our ideas, so we invited rock star funeral directors from CANA member firms across the US and Canada to convene in Chicago and participate in a DACUM (Developing A CUrriculuM) study.

These successful professionals were asked to describe, in exhaustive detail, each task they engage in to serve families who choose cremation. I wish you could have been in the room. This open exchange of ideas and strategies was a type of training in itself.
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The DACUM study identified seven domains of competencies from which we developed training.

Anyone familiar with the curriculum at mortuary science and funeral service programs will recognize these areas. You’ll find obvious connections and echoes to the mortuary school classroom curriculum, which we found to be a reassuring reminder: there’s no divide between cremation and burial families, just in how they can be perceived.
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CANA engaged consultants to do research on this new education initiative, including a large survey. Those respondents overwhelmingly identified a need for training that distinguishes between the knowledge and skills required to serve families choosing traditional casket burial and those choosing cremation. That’s where CANA found its niche.

n keeping with CANA’s mission to serve as the leading authority on all aspects of cremation, the association identified a gap in cremation-focused, online continuing education courses – content that develops and supports the competencies that best prepare funeral directors to serve people choosing cremation. Current courses are outdated, repetitive, provide little to no cremation content, and don’t advance competencies in the areas we identified.

The path forward was clear: fill the gap between the type of specialized training needed and the level of interest in the actual content areas—all with CANA’s brand of cremation-first content to set it apart from the other the education options currently on offer.

The primary audience for this project is early to mid-career funeral directors and arrangers. The primary competition is low-cost or free online training programs. We committed to the development of a self-paced educational program, providing licensed funeral directors with CE which leads to a cremation specialist credential at an accessible price.

CANA members are the leaders in cremation innovation so that is where we started. We identified subject matter experts from across the association to develop and deliver specific courses targeted to each of the seven competencies:

The Cremation Choice – works to explain the cremation consumer by using research to break down biases about what motivates them and what they want.

Communication Skills Fundamentals – created to get at the many ways we communicate, verbally and silently, to clients.

Cremation Phone Shoppers: Your Best First Impression – focuses on making the connection with the caller and showcasing the value you offer.

The Power of Presence: An Introduction – developed with the blessing and support of Glenda Stansbury and Doug Manning, experts in the topic.

Ethics in Funeral Service – moving beyond compliance with regulations, this class addresses ethical codes of conduct for the business and the individual

Complying with the FTC Funeral Rule – uses cremation–focused scenarios to teach how to follow The Rule in different situations

Presentation without Preservation – in what many would consider a foreign concept to CANA this class examines minimally-invasive body preparation techniques for the customer who wants a viewing but doesn’t want embalming.

Each class is highly interactive with exercises, video clips and case studies.
Looking for recorded webinars? Look elsewhere. These classes will capture your attention, present you with interactive scenarios and are always cremation-first.

This preparation work revealed the core issue: most funeral directors have learned over time—or are actually taught—the cremation myths and biases that have influenced business models and created a disconnect between consumers and funeral professionals. These biases are evident, even among funeral professionals working in cremation businesses.

The CCS content challenges participants to confront biases and learn new strategies to connect with grieving families. Participants reported that communication tips and exercises to cultivate empathy and other communication skills resulted in greater satisfaction and success.
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In Fall 2021, CANA offered the first test cohort and graduated eight CANA-Certified Cremation Specialists. During this test offering we learned a number of lessons, including:

​The Second Cohort launches March 7 and you are invited to participate. If you work for a CANA member or are the owner/manager of a CANA member and wish to register employees find out more here.
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It took five years to identify the competencies, build the courses and plan the launch, but here we are introducing the CANA-Certified Cremation Specialist! Join their ranks and raise your hand with confidence the next time you are asked if you are a cremation specialist.

The pace of change driven by consumers is the greatest challenge facing funeral service. No option has fallen off the menu, and yet more options pop up each year. How is it possible to create or reposition a business to fulfill these diverse requests? The 70 practitioners, suppliers and explorers who convened in Albuquerque in October 2019 for the First Ever Green Funeral Conference were up for the challenge. Their interactive and engaging experience is challenging to reproduce in a blog post, but there is too much great content not to share.
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Passages International was the obvious sponsor for this Conference. However, some potential speakers and participants and social media commenters—and even members of the media—weren’t so sure why CANA was hosting. Cremation is widely considered to be more environmentally friendly than traditional burial, but where does it fit on the continuum of green funeral practices? That is the kind of conversation I like to start. CANA doesn't shy away from hard questions, or from asking those questions of itself. We're proud to provide the space to have these frank discussions and attract the right voices to contribute.

​Since this was the first conference of its kind created for funeral directors and cemeterians, it was important to establish context and the intention to be inclusive in our definition of green practices. I will attempt to follow the flow of the conference in this post. Glenda Stansbury served as our emcee and she set the stage from the beginning, establishing that this conference was an exploration of green practices along a continuum. In that spirit, I invite you, dear reader, to identify where you are on that continuum. Are you a light spring green with plenty of traditional burial and cremation offerings? Or maybe you offer eco-friendly products, but want to promote more family participation and natural burial? Are you a deep forest green and all in? This post is an opportunity to learn more about the Conference content and how it may apply to your business and community.

Ed Bixby, owner of Steelmantown Green Burial Preserve and President of the Green Burial Council, kicked off the Conference with a presentation describing the wide range of green burial practices he employs in his cemeteries and has seen around the world. He challenged the audience to recognize that the spectrum includes traditional burial as well as established businesses seeking greener practices—including cremation. Yes, the attraction of green burial is related to environmental concerns, but it also appeals because it is simpler, involves less fanfare, and facilitates enhanced participation from mourners. Ed said, “Participation changes everything. You have the right to care for the dead the way you feel they should be cared for.” He challenged us—and I extend the challenge to you—to shift the mindset. You can work within regulations and laws, but you can reconceive the services you offer to families. In CANA language, "find a way to get to yes for your families."

During Ed's presentation, the topic of embalming came up. Why are embalmed bodies excluded from green cemeteries? Is this based on science or policy? Embalmers in the room shared why embalming remains an important tool for some families, but others expressed the belief that preserved bodies had no place in a green cemetery. While no consensus was reached, it was refreshing to hear so many opinions and suggestions respectfully discussed. However, many questions remained unresolved:

Next, Darren Crouch and Kilian Rempen of Passages International joined the conversation by discussing green products and marketing tactics to help businesses remain relevant and profitable. In the 20 years since Darren founded Passages International, he has learned many lessons. His customers are serving families that value green, but also unique and beautiful options. Darren asserted that the challenge of incorporating green options into businesses should feel familiar. It is similar to the challenge of embracing cremation 30 years ago. It was once controversial to add cremation to the sign in front of your funeral home and commonplace for funeral directors to send the rare cremation customer down the street to the cremation society. Ignoring cremation didn’t turn out well for funeral service, so Darren challenges funeral practitioners to not repeat past mistakes.
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Darren offered practical advice, such as offering scatter-friendly urns for the 50% of your cremation customers who intend to scatter. He argues that scattering does not equal low-end, but rather that an urn that contains cremated remains for a time can be used as art or to hold keepsakes after scattering. Darren echoed Ed’s message of changing your mindset to envision new offerings.

​Once attendees considered the various aspects of green funeral practices and started to plot their positions along the continuum, they heard from cemeterians and a funeral director who have added them to their operations.

Jody Herrington described her success in converting funeral home selection rooms to include green merchandise. She acknowledged how overwhelming it seems to offer yet more options in an already crowded space. Jody shared that her success was directly linked to the communities she has served and their green values. Incorporating local artists along with eco-friendly products and more familiar caskets can be appealing, but every community is unique. You know the communities you serve and should reflect that knowledge.

Jody posed a challenging question for me to hear – Is cremation a fall back? At this point some of you are probably nodding your heads in recognition, but I didn’t get it at first. Jody asserted that when faced with traditional burial caskets and merchandise, some consumers know they don’t want that so they fall back to cremation. Her experience showed that offering more eco-friendly merchandise and caskets resulted in more personalization and more sales to a satisfied customer. This leads me to wonder if green burial will slow the cremation rate increases we have seen. Only time will tell.

Our practitioner panel featured Donal Key and Linda Canyon of La Puerta Natural Burial Ground, Gracie Griffin of Bellefontaine Cemetery, Salvador Perches of Grupo Perches and Recinto de la Oracion, Ed Bixby, and Jody Herrington—continuing the conversation around green burial practices and tips for creating and offering green options in existing cemeteries. It is impossible to summarize the rich content generated by the discussion between panelists as well as with participants. Each panelist shared specific examples of practices they employ to promote participation and innovate new traditions. The questions from participants did touch on business models, pricing, training and incenting employees to dig graves and assist families to dress their loved ones. The key takeaway is that you can get to yes with families. It may take more time and creativity, but you can and should do it.

Next up was Tanya Marsh, a professor at Wake Forest University School of Law, who examined the legal trends surrounding green burials and green cemeteries. Tanya presented a framework for understanding green funeral trends. She started by sharing the macro trend of consumers looking for more control and input while also seeking authenticity and a meaningful experience. This is a trend influencing all aspects of our lives. And it poses a challenge for funeral directors and cemeterians who are typically risk-adverse.

Tanya outlined considerations to take into account when considering something new – i.e., natural burial or a new disposition.

The example she gave was natural organic reduction, commonly referred to as human composting. Washington state law explicitly stated that burial, cremation and removal from the state were the legal forms of disposition. This meant they needed to change the law in order to pave the way for a new form of disposition. In states that don’t affirmatively identify the forms of disposition, a court order or opinion from the board or attorney general may pave the way.
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Tanya led a free-wheeling Q&A session that touched on grave reusage, family participation, disinterments, indigent cremations, and what happens when cemeteries are abandoned.

The last sessions focused on consumers’ experiences and insights. Gail Rubin shared her perspective on consumer views of death and mourning and emphasized the ongoing theme of promoting participation and education.

I moderated two manufacturer panels—Luis Llorens of US Cremation Equipment and Paul Seyler of Matthews Environmental discussed the environmental impact of cremation and made presentations on the macro and micro impacts of cremation on the environment. This warrants its own blog post and one is in the works for publication in 2020. Stay tuned!

A second panel, with Sam Sieber of Bio-Response Solutions and Nicki Mikolai of Resomation America, discussed the science and practical application of alkaline hydrolysis. There was significant interest in alkaline hydrolysis among the participants, with some current and future practitioners represented. The questions from participants ranged from inquiries about the fundamental science, presence of radiation and mercury, to viewings and zoning challenges.

Legally, alkaline hydrolysis is considered to be cremation, but the process that occurs in the machine is completely different than flame-based cremation. Does that make it greener? That depends on the formula that is used. Is there a lower carbon footprint? Yes—or probably. Fewer fossil fuels are used to heat the water or dry the remains, but water and chemicals are used—so how does one account for that in the green calculation?

While more questions were raised than answered on the overall environmental impact of all dispositions, Sam did point participants to an important a recent study conducted in the Netherlands by Elisabeth Keijzer, who attempted to calculate the true costs of different types of disposition. Sam presents a useful framework for understanding the various environmental impacts and “shadow costs” discussed in the study.

Consumers are significantly ahead of funeral directors and cemeterians in seeking, performing and creating greener end-of-life options, so this conference represented an opportunity to engage in facilitated conversation, query panel presenters, and learn from leading experts. All walked away with practical ideas to implement now, and probably some ideas they considered but discarded for their own businesses. Here are three of my takeaways.

TAKEAWAY #1: DEFINITIONS MATTER
Language matters and it was important from the beginning to tackle some tough topics in order to facilitate open conversation and advance our collective understanding. We named this meeting the Green Funeral Conference to encompass a variety of green practices, and people came with many different ideas and opinions on what “green” truly means. However, everyone left seeing the full continuum of green funeral practices.

So, what shade of green are you or do you aspire to be? Have this conversation with your staff and seek to understand what your community wants or will respond positively to. And then have this conversation with your vendors to educate yourself on more eco-friendly options. Figure out your carbon footprint and how you can offset or reduce it.
Are your own policies and procedures standing in the way?

TAKEAWAY #2: EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN
For cremation, it took a few evangelists (and 100 years) to make cremation a tradition. Green funerals are completely different. For some, the practice is cultural tradition and anything else is desecration. For others, it's an attempt to mitigate their carbon footprint on the world by removing external interference (letting nature take its course). So, whether it's to save money, to save the planet, or to honor tradition, it means every option, every time. And providing that is hard work.

You know your communities and have served them for the length of your career or possibly generations of your family. Incorporating green funeral practices does not mean starting over from scratch, but it does mean shifting mindsets. You may consider following the path you took to embrace cremation.

TAKEAWAY #3: START NOW!
It took nearly 150 years, but cremation in the West evolved from a European fad to the dominant form of disposition in the US with the help from multiple types of leaders. First came the evangelists—those spreading the good news of the hygienic and aesthetic virtues of cremation. Then came the practitioners who formed CANA as a forum to share best practices and promote the practice of cremation. Those practitioners innovated products, technology and services to support cremation practice. Many of these practitioners ultimately formed companies that supplied practitioners nationwide. As those companies matured and merged and competitors formed, cremation products and services further developed to support the industry.

Will green funeral practices follow a similar pattern? Probably. Likely following a significantly shorter timeline, but it certainly will happen, thanks to a similar mix of contributors. Yet again, consumers are leading the way by demanding greener funeral practices. The participants and speakers in the Green Funeral Conference represented a mix of champions of funeral practices along the continuum, both current and future practitioners.
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This conference was a true meeting of minds and collaboration in exploring green funeral practices. I'm proud of the conversations that happened at this meeting and have attempted to capture some of the content and the spirit of the event.

When I started in this profession, in 1991—remember there was less use of the internet then—funeral homes and cemeteries relied on loyalty and location to promote their businesses. Funeral directors and cemeterians were all involved in the local rotary clubs and chambers of commerce to connect with their communities. I’ve known a few funeral directors who even attended services at more than one church each week. That’s my memory of community outreach programs of that era.

In 1996 or 1997, I was working for Wilbert Corporate. One of our licensees in Minneapolis called me and said, “Julie, come with me tomorrow night because one of my clients is having their first-ever cremation seminar for consumers.” He and a Batesville representative were planning to talk about burial for cremation. I was so impressed with what I saw. That night, from 6-8pm, McReavy Funeral Home in Minneapolis had about 50 consumers come in, mainly couples, and the Batesville representative talked about cremation in general and the different things that you could do, and the Wilbert representative talked about burial as one of the final placements for cremation. Then, in one of their visitation rooms, they had products set up with coffee and soft drinks, and consumers could roam and talk. I was so impressed, I still talk about it to this day because I’m passionate about education, and to see that back then was wonderful. And that is just one example of effective community outreach.

Now, you all know that we live in a transient society and there are a lot of people who do not currently live in their hometown, so getting your company out there is more important than ever. When CANA asked me to facilitate this presentation, I started doing a little investigating. I was very surprised and happy to see some of the unique, creative community outreach programs that our profession is putting out there. You should all be really proud of yourselves. These events help to educate consumers that never would have known the different things that you do, so they can go, have some fun, learn something, and visit your business in happier times.

I have gathered some examples from CANA members on their successful community outreach activities. We’ll focus on events hosted by companies ranging from smaller firms to larger cemeteries. Our hope is that you don’t sit there and say that you can’t do that because you don’t have the time or the staff, but get sparked by interest and inspiration to do something—even something smaller in scale.

A lot of the things we do, because we have so many active senior centers in our neighborhood, is to either visit them or have events at our locations. We have found that, when we get them out of their element, you can have a lot of fun and you can educate them. Afternoon Movies is exactly that. We partner with a senior center, they promote it by email, newsletter and bulletin to their members, and we meet up at the movies about a half hour before the show time. Then, we introduce Mountain View and educate the seniors on the value of preplanning. We keep it fun and they love the chance to see the movie for free, so they’re happy to listen. A lot of the local movie theaters are happy to let groups in on an otherwise slow Tuesday afternoon. We buy the tickets, popcorn, and soda, and they get the movie and information.

This is no surprise. 

– Jerry Roberts, Flanner Buchanan Funeral Centers & Crematory: Indianapolis, Indiana

A lot of people haven’t been to a funeral home or cemetery in a long time, and they don’t want to go. You’ve experienced this: they consider it to be gloomy and depressing. By providing community outreach events in our profession, what we’re doing is bringing the community in in happier times. That way, when they see you, they’re not only going to think that this is where you go only when there’s been a death. You keep a connection with them throughout the whole year besides just when there’s a death of a loved one.

Some of the establishments are embracing celebration events that are not death related such as weddings or other family gatherings hosted in their venues. These are bringing people in for a non-death situation — it says you can have fun here too.

To many, traditional media means an ad in the local paper or a direct mail piece, but this is not where you’re going to get the most impact. Email newsletters are good, but only reach the people who already know you. I always opt for websites and social media, and you’ll all agree, these are the avenues that we should use to promote our events. Some funeral homes and cemeteries will include “events” or “community” in their main navigation to place these activities front and center.

With social media, you can reach the community and let them know what you’re doing—and it’s less expensive than traditional media. Plus, it offers the opportunity to talk to the community – to thank them for participating in an event, for supporting you, etc.
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In closing, a lot of these programs might be intimidating. You may think you don’t have the resources, you’re not big enough, etc. You have to start by thinking that you can try just a piece of it, just a small component at a time. As Tony Robbins says: