For tens of millions of kids around the world, the new school year has begun. But why should students have all the fun? CANA’s here with the 3Rs to start the (school) year off right for your business!

I had the opportunity recently to present to a small classroom of savvy cemetery and funeral home managers. They hailed from nine states and represented a mix of nonprofits, for-profits, and combo business models. It was a remarkably diverse group that had one common struggle – getting good data out of their businesses.

And why is good data important? Our business data tells us our past, sets expectations for our present and, if we’re lucky, can help predict the future. For instance, CANA’s research has taught us that so-called “direct cremation” consumers opting for no service are actually just choosing not to plan an event with the cremation provider and are conducting services on their own. CANA’s statistics data has helped us plan for a future in which cremation is the preference for a majority of consumers. Time and again, data from CANA and others has proven that the #1 reason consumers choose cremation is no longer price but personal preference.

Cremation is the new tradition. It’s here to stay. What does your business data say about that? By now, you should know exactly what it costs to cremate a body along with all of the attendant administrative expenses. If cremation is a cheaper option you offer, it validates the public’s decision to keep up their tradition. Hence, the question I put before the class: Will you make it financially sustainable?

Business models change. We live in a world where disruption is a business model and a widespread career goal. Think about how frustrated you are with new employees constantly asking “Why?” They aren’t disrespecting you. They are genuinely interested in understanding and also finding efficiencies and new ways to serve.

CANA members have figured out how to make cremation profitable – and it can require disrupting some long-held processes. It comes down to a few simple rules:

• Change your business model.
• Offer services that people want.
• Practice personalization in those services.
• Present merchandise options that support the services and personalization that your families share with you.
  

This is easier to write about than it is to actually do. This kind of change is hard and time consuming. But, since urn sales will never replace casket sales, it means you must focus on services. Cremation families definitely memorialize their loved ones. The question is whether they will choose to do so with or without your help: your planning skills, your chapel space, or your cemetery placement.

There is a continuum of cremation providers serving families, and you may own businesses at every point of that continuum, from online arrangements and storefront branches to brick-and-mortar full-service funeral homes on cemetery property. Or perhaps you only own one or two along those lines and are considering opening more. Or you could be in the uncomfortable position where your business offers cremation subsidized by casketed burial. That is the worst-case scenario, but it’s not irreversible.

In order to sustain your business and serve your community, you need to seek sustainability and one element of that is profitability. Regardless of the size and scope of your current business, profitability pays your employees, feeds your family, and seeds future growth.

Now we’re back to our company data and your homework assignment. Fortunately, it’s open book and you can turn to your neighbor for help. In fact, I encourage you to talk about your data, your challenges, and your success with the colleagues you trust. Our classroom was a great spot for discussion and so is the upcoming CANA Convention – anywhere you can network with professionals with experience in what you’re working to achieve.

The remainder of this post is a series of questions for you to ask your accountants or attempt to find among your spreadsheets and software. I propose this process:

1. Benchmark – what are your state/provincial, county, regional or market numbers? CANA can help with some of those statistics, but so can local resources like your library.
2. What are your cremation numbers? At a minimum, measure cremation calls – direct and with services or merchandise sold. Bonus points for calculating average revenue per cremation contract and discussing these numbers with your team.
3. How do these numbers align with your strategic plan? Are you valuating your business for a generational transfer or sale? Or maybe you’re a new owner servicing a lot of debt? The solution to all is maximizing revenue and lowering expenses.
4. How can you maximize revenue, keep expenses down, and maintain your high level of service to your communities? I don’t have an answer to this one, but you will find the right solutions. Note the plural – solutions – it may take some trial and error.
5. Tell your story – you will not sell what you do not market. Are you spending more on marketing your low-cost options, and are you surprised that is what you are selling?
   

Below is the worksheet I created for class discussion. Challenge yourself to answer as many of these questions that apply to your business as possible. Think about and discuss the questions with your advisors and staff you trust. Attend a CANA meeting and network with attendees to learn new strategies. Then repeat in future years.

Complete the following worksheet to the best of your ability. Prepare to discuss with your leadership team, accountants, etc.

1. Number of cremation calls to date in 2024:
   1. _______ cases
   2. _______% of total cases (cremation + burial)
      
2. Total cremation revenue to date in 2024: $_________
   

Now, gather the same information for the past three years.

1. What trends emerge?
   1. How many cases were embalmed?
   2. What was your service revenue?
   3. Merchandise revenue?
   4. Cremation profit?
   5. What was your average cremation contract?
2. List the most popular things sold beyond cremation disposition. (i.e. urn type, keepsake, etc.)
   1. .
   2. .
   3. .
   4. .
   5. .

In my family’s experience, cremation was a form of disposition that initially solved a dilemma and quickly became a family tradition. We didn’t “believe in it” or think about it much at all, but when my family made the switch 30 years ago, we did spend money, time and other resources on the services surrounding the cremation… just not with the assistance of death care professionals. I think this dynamic is more common than ever but does not support business sustainability.

The key to sustainability is changing that DIY dynamic and remaining relevant to cremation customers. Many of you are working in funeral homes and cemeteries with generations of experience and it must be maddening to provide the same services you have traditionally offered but with different results. Cremation has changed the equation for many death care businesses. Now that you know your numbers, break it down further to understand how cremation has specifically impacted you so that you may effectively respond.

Demonstrate your cremation expertise and the value that accompanies the disposition services you provide. Our profession is not easy, but that isn’t the goal. The goal is to make the hard things – like, serving an ever-changing customer base while sustaining a business – possible. You make the hard things bearable for your families every day, and you deserve the same experience.

Remember that you don’t have to face this change and these hard things alone. You can turn to your neighbor for support there, too. Looking for a bit of community? You can find it in a Convention, a peer support meeting, or on the other end of the phone. Looking for some inspiration on handling the hard things better? Duke University head coach Kara Lawson provides some words of encouragement.

We can handle hard better together.

Barbara Kemmis is Executive Director of the Cremation Association of North America. After more than 20 years of experience in association leadership, Barbara knows that bringing people together to advance common goals is not only fun, but the most effective strategy to get things done. A Certified Association Executive (CAE), Barbara previously served as Director of Member Services at the American Theological Library Association and Vice President of Library & Nonprofit Services at the Donors Forum (now Forefront).

In February, I attended CANA’s 2024 Symposium focusing on green practices. There were several presenters and vendors who provided information and products covering embalming, green burial, alkaline hydrolysis, and natural organic reduction. Everyone brought their best attitudes and willingness to learn about new ways to consider how we serve our families.

As the presentations continued, it was clear that many people in the room had strong preferences and could argue clearly on behalf of the methods they preferred. It occurred to me while listening to these discussions that we have to have something to be against in order to have something that we support.

Now, isn’t that the truth for humanity throughout our collective experience? In every story there is a bad guy and a good guy. A right way and a wrong way. This is how countries, political parties, religious denominations, cults, and, even, sports teams gain their followers. We’re number one and everyone else is a loser.

In the 60’s Jessica Mitford was the objective of our collective anger. In her book The American Way of Death, she pulled the curtain back on the practices of the day. Some of her assumptions and accusations were inflated and unfair. Some of her statements were correct and on point. This exposé that outlined many problematic business practices drew the attention of the FTC and funeral service was put on notice that someone was watching. So, then we had a second point of pain and an enemy that we could all agree on. That meddling FTC that makes our lives so difficult.

And then, along came cremation. Now this was something threatening that we could all rally against. What do you mean that you do not want to embalm the body, buy a casket and a vault and a burial plot? This is what we do. This is our entire business model. This is how we survive.

So, for another two decades (and, for some much longer) many funeral professionals were less than engaged with the cremation family. The famous professional shrug and eye roll as we referred to the request as “just a cremation.” We hid the urns in a closet and only brought them out when we had to. As cremation continued to increase and it became clear that it was going nowhere, many funeral professionals learned to embrace and adapt and have successful businesses serving the cremation customer. But, if you listen closely when a group of funeral directors get together, there is still that collective sigh as they remember the good ol’ days.

Just as we thought that we had figured out how to sleep with that enemy, along came green burial. “What? What kind of hippy dippy, tree hugging stuff is this? ”And, of course, Jewish and Islamic families all over the country gently reminded us that they have been honoring their dead in this manner for 2000 years.

And this is when the enemies became divided. For those who were promoting and encouraging the natural disposition choices, formaldehyde and caskets and fuel-based cremation became the enemy. Bad for the environment. Bad for practitioners. Bad for the land.

For those whose business practices relied on embalming or cremation, green burial became a threat to their established models and frustrating in the limitations of offering options.  “Sure, I am happy to support a family’s wishes, but how do I find a cemetery that accepts natural burial? Or dealing with green-identified cemeteries that won’t allow burial of an embalmed body which means that families cannot be buried together? And what does green burial mean? A wicker casket? A shroud? Formaldehyde-free embalming? So confusing. Perhaps we can just ignore it and hope it goes away.”

In the last decade, the landscape has gotten even more crowded with the introduction of alkaline hydrolysis focusing on the enemy: flame-based cremation. So much better to utilize water and sodium hydroxide and not pollute the air or use large quantities of fuel. At this writing, twenty states have legalized it, indicating a lag in professional support and urgency for making this available for families who would like to have that choice. Why create yet something else that we must deal with?

And then, in 2019, natural organic reduction came on the scene. You could feel the collective gasp all over the country. “What? Another option? Turning bodies into soil? A truck load of remains? Are you kidding me?" At this writing, nine states have legalized this process and much of the pushback has come from religious and funeral professionals. “We’ve never done it this way before and it just doesn’t feel right. ”The best way to bring folks together is to give them a really good enemy.

Personally, I am a fan of all of the above. I have had the privilege of working with such talented and dedicated professionals in all of these fields – embalming, cremation, green/natural, alkaline hydrolysis, and natural organic reduction.

I am completely convinced that their life’s work has been focused on serving families in dignified and honoring ways and of supporting a funeral practice that serves the community.

My question is – Why does anything have to be the enemy? Why have we been so resistant to accepting and enthusiastically embracing ALL of the options? Why must one thing be bad in order for our preference to be good? Clearly each method has pros and cons that must be considered, but there is no one method that owns all the pros nor one that is inherently bad.

Why can’t we open up those doors and become proficient and conversant in every option that is allowed in our states? Why are we not having full and informative conversations with professionals, law makers, religious and lay communities as we consider what it means to take care of a person’s final disposition and honoring those wishes? What message are we sending to families who are seeking the best alternative that fits them and their lifestyles and convictions when we refuse to be the professional experts in all the ways we take care of bodies?

Perhaps it is time to put down our We’re Number One foam finger and consider ourselves part of the death care team with everyone pulling in the same direction. Perhaps the best way to bring everyone together is not to create an enemy but to create a vision of progressive inclusion and expansive imagination. In that scenario, no one has to be the enemy. Everyone can be the good guy.

There’s a story about a Stanford business class who was given the assignment of making the greatest ROI possible on $5 in two hours, at the end of which they would make a half-hour presentation to the rest of the class. Most students tried to buy something for $5 and sell it for a little more within the two hours, making a small return. Others recognized that the $5 was really a distraction and spent their time conducting services like filling bike tires for $1 around campus. They were more successful. But the most successful group recognized that their most valuable asset was neither the $5 nor the two hours. It was the opportunity to present in front of a room of Stanford MBA students, which they sold to a local employer for hundreds of dollars – racking up a return in the thousands of percent.
The point is, don’t get distracted. And definitely don’t get distracted by a dollar figure when you’re considering what you have to sell that’s of value.

I’ve met funeral home owners by the score who shake their heads in frustration and say something to the effect of, “Boy, did we step in it when we positioned cremation as an alternative to the funeral. (And to memorialization, and to ceremony, and to engagement with the funeral home…).” And they’re right. But the good news is, that’s not a mistake we’re stuck with. The trick is not to get distracted. Don’t get distracted by what a family thinks they want to pay. Don’t get distracted by the phrase “direct cremation.” Don’t get distracted by conceptions of yourself as a disposal solution. Don’t get distracted.

The entire concept of “direct cremation” and asking for it as an escape route from your normal offerings is not new. Jessica Mitford was encouraging her disciples to demand it 60 years ago. But there’s some encouraging data that suggests we can still stem the tide.

My firm has conducted more than a million dollars’ worth of research on consumer preferences on death care in the past few years. One of my favorite data points deals with expected costs of death care services. We’ve asked a huge, statistically representative sample of Americans what they would expect to pay for two things: a funeral with a burial, and a funeral with cremation. We can then average all the responses to get a sense of the general perception of cost. When you do this multiple times, in multiple decades, you get to watch how preferences evolve.

Over the past ten years, the answer to the “burial” question has remained exactly the same, when adjusted for inflation, to the dollar. Remarkably, the average American expects a funeral-with-burial to cost exactly what they did a decade ago. But over that same period, Americans’ perception of the cost of a cremation has significantly outpaced inflation. In other words, the gap is closing. And we can expect it to keep closing. Because it was never really about cost.

Americans’ preference for cremation is decreasingly tethered to cost. As with other low-frequency purchase decisions, like houses or cars, cost is simply all we know to ask about. We buy vegetables all the time, and therefore understand to make decisions on cost, but also on freshness, quality, organic, and so on. But we don’t plan funerals often enough to have those reference points, so we revert to the first thing we can think of. That’s why most Americans say the first question they ask if planning a funeral is how much it will cost, but only a tiny percentage of Americans say the cost is the worst thing about the funeral. The $5 is only a distraction. Don’t fall for it.

Here's another key statistic: only 14% of Americans agree with the statement that, “with cremation there’s no need for a funeral, memorial service, or other form of life celebration.” Fourteen percent! To hear your average funeral pro tell it, it’s at least 50. But only one in seven Americans really sees cremation as a “way out” of the ceremony. Now, more than that, one in seven might not want their local funeral home to have anything to do with the ceremony, which is a value hurdle you need to clear. And more from there might not ever get around to dealing with Aunt Maude’s ashes, which is where your experience and leadership come into play. But it’s vital to recognize the distinction: direct cremation isn’t really what most people want. Not even close.

When Apple launched the iPhone, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer literally laughed at them for the price tag: “…That is the most expensive phone in the world. And it doesn’t appeal to business customers because it doesn’t have a keyboard.” Ballmer failed to recognize that while the prevailing strategy of the time was to sell phones business-down, Apple flipped the model on its head by going consumer-up. Today, there’s no distinction between your “work phone” and the phone you use to scroll social media. Not only did Apple give us that customer-centric innovation, they charged a premium for it.

Funeral homes and cremationists would do well to remember that message: when you give the consumer what they’re asking for, you’re providing more value and can charge more, not less. In fact, that’s a pretty solid litmus test for whether you’re actually providing value as a business. Grocery stores discount the stuff they can’t sell otherwise. Department stores discount last season’s styles. If you’re giving your customers a discount, it’s an admission that what you’re selling isn’t really the valuable thing. And they know it.

So, quit being distracted. In the death care space, your disposition services are the equivalent of the Stanford students’ $5. Making money off of it is enticing, and makes logical sense, but if you step back and take stock of the situation, you might notice you have much more valuable assets than that five-dollar bill. You have a market who doesn’t understand grief, who is hurting, afraid, and burdened, and they’re walking into your business. And you know exactly what they need to heal and how to help their community do the same. It doesn’t take a Stanford MBA to notice that’s worth a lot more than a few hours’ rental of your retort.

Today, families are seeking new, creative options for their funerals, and green values are a key influence. As the world becomes more eco-conscious, people are taking steps to do right by the environment wherever they can – and taking those values to the grave. So, your environmentally-friendly families are growing in number, but there’s no single, right way to serve them. Finding attractive options for your families and your business can leave you with a lot of questions and ideas, but not a lot of solutions and plans.

The 2022 Green Funeral Conference brought together funeral professionals from across the spectrum of green funeral practice at the Sandia Resort & Casino in Albuquerque, New Mexico over September 13-15, 2022. Hosted by CANA and Passages International, more than 50 funeral professionals from across the country – from all stages of their careers, a variety of backgrounds, and representing many different businesses – attended to get ideas on incorporating green practices into their operations. Whether that’s expanding cemetery offerings, adding new disposition techniques, or considering new products, everyone left inspired to serve their communities in new ways.
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We’ve condensed the insights from presenters and discussion into a downloadable pdf to help you explore ways to incorporate eco-conscious values into funeral services. Here’s some highlights:

CANA Executive Director Barbara Kemmis led participants through an interactive presentation and discussion about common language regarding green funeral practices.
Key Takeaways:

• Terms like conventional or traditional burial are being reclaimed by natural and green burial practitioners for the simple fact that these practices have been used throughout human history.
• Participants preferred using environmentally-friendly, as opposed to the terms green or eco-friendly, to encompass the spectrum of options for burial which may include or forego the casket, liner, embalming and more.
• They noted the commonalities of cremation, alkaline hydrolysis, and natural organic reduction are the reduction of human remains in a facility and a vessel/chamber and quicker than any type of burial. However, both the manner and results of the processes are uniquely different from a practitioner standpoint. These similarities and differences require further consumer – and practitioner – education.
• While the accurate term for the bone fragments remaining after a cremation of a body is cremated remains, the general public still uses the word ashes. Cremation professionals agreed that mirroring that language to connect and not correct during conversations is valid, but it can cause confusion when what’s returned to the family does not resemble fireplace ashes. Similarly, the use of the term alternative container begs the question “alternative to what?” and causes the need for more consumer education.
• Participants all agreed that language matters, and engaging in conversation about these terms with the profession and in education to the community is important. Having these conversations now helps funeral professionals find commonality and agreement to move positively toward the future and avoid the mistakes of the past which created division and defensiveness.

Want to keep reading? Download the Insights from the 2022 Green Funeral Conference paper now and kick-off the conversation in your business!

Consumers are choosing environmentally-friendly solutions for a variety of reasons: concern for the environment, enthusiasm for innovative ideas, the desire to do something new or to adhere to cultural or religious tradition going back centuries. The variety of reasons is only outnumbered by the variety of options for them to personalize their experience. As a funeral professional dedicated to serving your community where they are, you will meet people across the green spectrum. Being informed about these practices is why they chose you to offer guidance and expertise in their funeral plans. 

Be sure to mark your calendars for February 14-16, 2024 when we resume the green conversation at CANA’s 2024 Symposium in Las Vegas! There, CANA will bring together expert practitioners, innovative suppliers, and curious professionals to continue exploring and discovering environmentally-friendly options and how we can make a difference in our communities.

There’s been a revolt against hiring for cultural fit. Business Insider says it leads to a homogeneous workplace. The Harvard Business Review calls it a “misguided hiring strategy” and says to stop doing it. Forbes even published an obituary for the concept, saying it’s “fraught with bias.”

With all due respect, they’re wrong. Companies will always have a culture, and culture will always be set by the people you hire. If you’re not actively building a healthy one, you’re passively building a sick one. But the antidote for bad culture is to build good culture—not to pretend you’re building no culture at all. My worst hiring mistakes (and I’ve made doozies) have come when I’ve forgotten culture and hired for something else instead. Determining cultural compatibility is tough to do and tougher to do well—which is why only the best have mastered it.

A shibboleth might help.

The word “shibboleth” comes from an Old Testament story about the Ephraimites, who devised a test after they were infiltrated by an enemy tribe. Anyone who couldn’t say “shibboleth” with the local pronunciation exposed himself as an imposter. Today, the word is defined by Merriam-Webster as “a word or saying used by adherents of a party, sect, or belief and usually regarded by others as empty of real meaning.” A business who knows itself well will establish certain ideas and concepts that are central to its identity, but meaningless to the outside. Your best hires will be the people who recognize and share your excitement for those concepts.
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Here’s the really good news: establishing a shibboleth for your company will allow you to better focus your business, invigorate your team, and increase diversity. Here’s how:

The hard part—and the real importance—of a shibboleth isn’t finding someone who recognizes it, it’s picking one in the first place. To say exactly who fits your brand requires first understanding your brand. And most companies don’t. But that’s exactly why finding a concise articulation of your identity is such an important exercise: it requires the clarity that is essential for you to succeed.

Former IBM CMO Abby Kohnstamm put it this way: “The larger the company, the greater the importance there is to get to a clear, simple brand idea. Ours became a rallying point for the entire organization. It shapes the culture, it shapes business decisions, and it shapes behaviors.”

Think about that. A single litmus test against which a firm can evaluate everything. Every hire, every new product decision, every investment opportunity, aligned to a single idea. You know exactly what the most successful brands are about, because they’ve put in the sweat equity to figure it out for themselves. You can’t afford not to do the same.

It’s the second half of the definition of Shibboleth that’s really important: “usually regarded by others as empty of real meaning.” My firm, which specializes in advertising for stalled, stuck, and stale brands, has helped hundreds of companies find the essence of their identity. Usually, the identity we land on seems boring to outsiders—it hardly ever ends up in ad copy, and nobody outside the company ever knows about it. But that’s why it works: if you get it, you’re attracted to it. And if you don’t, you’ve already disqualified yourself.

The idea Kohnstamm (not to mention IBM’s 380,000 employees) was so excited about? “Solutions.” Not exactly a revolution. But solutions to business problems were what IBM’s customer wanted, and that’s what drives IBM. “Solutions” is a boring word to which IBM gave its own special insider meaning. So it became something that IBM employees could get excited about, because it provided a way of articulating what makes them special. And if solving problems isn’t your thing, you’re probably not what IBM is looking for.

Like a family in-joke, the whole point of a shibboleth is that the world doesn’t get it. It’s for you, so that when the going gets tough, your team can remind each other why they’re here.

The worst backlash against “culture fit” is from the people who assume it’s discriminatory. Patty McCord, former Chief Talent Officer from Netflix, argues that “culture fit” is shorthand for ‘people just like us.’ It’s a fair concern, and the practice can be abused that way. Weeding out anything feels a bit discriminatory, so it’s easy to assume that if we all have to agree on culture, then we’ll suffer from groupthink and bias.

But in fact, the opposite is true. Every hiring decision is inherently discriminatory. You’re picking one person out of thousands. If you have to discriminate, it’s better to discriminate on the right things. And mathematically, you’ll have the broadest talent pool if you discriminate on only one thing.
An organization that lacks a single point everyone can agree on isn’t diverse, it’s divided. On the other hand, the organization who can pinpoint the single concept that defines it has actually opened the door to the most diverse company (and thinking) possible, because it’s eliminated all other incidental or unintentional barriers. You can hire any age, race, background, or expertise, because none of those things are what define who you are.

In my own firm, we have a former realtor in our media department, an ex-political-consultant in accounts, and a psychology major in strategy. Our creative director will tell you that recent hires he’s made from outside the agency world have been a lot more successful than those he’s poached from other agencies. The reason those particular team members have panned out—even as seasoned agency pros have come and gone—is that we’re inspired and unified by a single idea. If we can all agree on that one thing, then we can bring diverse backgrounds, perspectives, and strengths to the table in its pursuit.
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To modern businesses, like the biblical Ephraimites, sifting out those who are not committed to your cause is a matter of life and death. It’s worth taking the extra time to make sure you’re doing it right. And when you do, you’ll stop wasting time on guesswork about whether a person, partner, or project is a fit—because you’ll know who you are.

How can you engage your employees' purpose to improve their performance and retain them? Eric Layer will share proven research and strategies from inside and outside the funeral business during his Keynote session — sponsored by National Guardian Life Insurance Co. (NGL) — at CANA’s Cremation Symposium this February 8-10 2023!
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Join Eric and others to share ideas on re-energizing passion and purpose in funeral service. This year, the event is focused on staffing efficiencies and retention with a host of experts to discuss. See what we have planned and register to attend: goCANA.org/ignite
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This post originally appeared in the McKee Wallwork Insights blog in April 2018, reprinted with permission.

What is the true definition of culture and why is it important in business and our profession?
The dictionary defines culture as a collection of behaviors and beliefs associated with a particular group. It is also the quality of a person or group of people that comes from appreciating excellence.

As an owner since 1989, after reading Dr. Gustavo’s book, I began to realize that our company culture was not effective and that it was upside down. I had been raised and always thought that our customers were our most important asset and that we should do everything to make them our #1 priority.  I had a business coach and consultant come in and conduct a 360 on me and others in management. What we learned was that our staff was afraid of failing and afraid of failing me as the owner if they made a mistake in service to our customers. Wow, what an eye-opener that was! Our culture was one of getting everything right for the customer each time and doing our best to not have our staff fail. Thus, each day, team Baue functioned with a fear of failing.

This culture was not working. No staff can be motivated by fear of failure. They needed to be supported, trained to know it was ok to fail. We as owners and managers had to change our behaviors and share our failures with them too. We learned they needed more praise, encouragement, and enhanced training. They also needed to feel supported, understood, and know that they mattered to us as our first priority in every decision we made.

Today, during the worldwide pandemic, many staff and funeral service professionals around the country and the world continue to feel isolated, fearful, and alone. Some have experienced their own losses and are exhausted. We are seeing and reading about employees who are leaving our profession and companies in larger numbers more than ever before.  Our profession is part of the “Great Resignation” and at the same time, deaths are increasing, not just from the pandemic, but from an aging population.

The question we should be asking ourselves, is what are we going to do about this? We struggle to find new hires, new licensees, and those that continue on our team are tired and could be considering leaving in the future. The next generation of Millennials and Gen Z (those born after 1993) are not entering our profession, nor enrolling in mortuary schools in large enough numbers to fill the losses we are experiencing. Something must give, and somebody must do something. That somebody, I believe is us! That somebody is looking back at us in the mirror every morning.

Wake up funeral service! Admit we have made mistakes and go fix them!!!

As a profession, we must acknowledge that we are not managing our cultures correctly, nor do we have our licensing laws aligned with the desires and skills for future employee retention. The licensing law topic is a blog for another day. Suffice it to say that most of the licensing we require, along with the training we provide, is not aligning with what a future hire wants to attend, nor what our client family’s needs are. Is it occurring to any of us that we are misaligned in our efforts and the culture we have created? Does it concern us that our clients are arranging direct burials and direct cremations in increasing numbers, and not choosing us to help with the service or they are choosing no service at all?

I believe that we can and must do things differently going forward. My “wake up call” was in 2014. I chose to behave differently as a leader. I chose to do something about our culture to better care for our team members and show them how much they were appreciated. I chose to listen to their development and work environment needs. We changed our focus from our customers to our staff and began on a path to help them become the best leaders, caregivers, and the best event planners they could be. I do not think it was by accident that our company volume grew, nor that we became the “employer of choice” in our region for years to come. It convinced me back then as it does today, that a strong positive culture of caring more for our team members than we do for our customers was and is the right thing to do.

In June of 1912, our 26th President of the United States, Teddy Roosevelt, stated “Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.” This quote was shared while he was speaking in Chicago, IL.

For more ideas from Chicago, I interviewed Barbara Kemmis, Executive Director of the Cremation Association of North America (CANA), headquartered in the greater Chicago area for my Elevating Women in Funeral Service Series on the Your Funeral Coach Talks podcast. Barbara shared her thoughts on mentorship, leadership and the growth CANA has experienced in membership, finances, and programs. She also consulted her crystal ball to discuss the future growth of cremation and trends in our profession. I hope you will listen in. 

Be well, spend some time this week showing others in your organization how much you care, want to hear their ideas, concerns, and fears.
And most of all, I hope you discover your “wake up call” as you look in the mirror tomorrow morning and think about what you want for your company’s future culture. Better yet, ask your team what they think!

When the US economic crisis of 2008, forced individuals and families to become more budget-conscious. As a result, people got resourceful and creativity flourished, especially when it came to memorializing loved ones. In some cases, this meant the funeral director was cut out of the equation entirely or left on the outside looking in.
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I don't think it has to be that way. You can reposition your role and partner with these DIY people, these family members that want to work behind the scenes and bring additional value to their life tribute event.

I want you to think about the family members that you've sat across from who are the DIY consumer. I want you to think about yourself and your friends and family who have the DIY bug and think about the feeling when you complete a DIY project. It is that sense of satisfaction. It is happiness that you feel. The new Man Cave is the She Shed! It's where the DIY consumer gets the solitude, the focus, and the space to complete these projects. These projects that are an instant mood enhancer for them. And that's how these family members feel. This isn't just something that they do on a whim.

And the most famous DIY-ers? Martha Stewart has been around for decades. Chip and Joanna Gaines started with one home decor store and now they have their own television network. Ben and Erin Napier and the Property Brothers are part of the HGTV Family. Brit Morin is known as the digital Martha Stewart, and Tommy Walsh is one of the most well-known international DIY personalities.

And now, because of YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok, we've seen the explosion of DIY bloggers all over the world. Some bloggers have their own sites or they use social media sites to reach out to potential DIY-ers. And it is their eagerness to provide video tutorials – step-by-step guides – to invite and encourage people to be a part of the DIY world. It is evident that the DIY world is expanding and here to stay.

Data shows that 50% of DIY consumers are female and 52% are between the ages of 24 and 44 – a mix of Gen X and Millennials. We know that DIY projects are directly tied to life changing events: a graduation, an engagement, getting married, having a baby, buying a home, and, we can add, the death of a family member. Every time there's a milestone or something big happening in their family, they have an event. They bring people together. They honor old family traditions. They start their new traditions, and it's not just about their immediate family, but they bring in their extended family and they also reach out to their large social circle of friends to be a part of those special moments.
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And, because of that, a life tribute event will most likely be the topic of conversation among many of the attendees. It will be the word-of-mouth marketing that funeral homes want! But—guess what? That funeral director will fade into the background and simply be seen as the person who provided the place and took care of the disposition.

Here are three ways to partner with those individuals to help you and your entire team avoid getting left out of the conversation when a DIY consumer appears in that arrangement conference.

SPEAK TO YOUR CREDIBILITY
The words “licensed funeral director” carried a lot of weight for many, many years. Then, we needed to say “licensed funeral director and cremation specialist.” Now we need to add a third line of credibility, and that is your “creative” credibility. That DIY consumer needs to hear, in the very beginning of that arrangement conference, that you are creative, that you're willing to explore ideas, and that you have resources to execute their vision.

BE THE IDEA GENERATOR
What I hear most from funeral directors is that they don't have the extra budget or the extra time to do the “wow” factor for a family. I understand that, so think of yourself as an idea generator instead. It builds your credibility. It says: We are creative. We want to help you. For example, "it was interesting to hear about your sister's involvement with Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library. I was thinking of a few different ways we could honor that part of her life."

KEEP RESOURCES HANDY
Have websites, magazines, and books available for your funeral directors to enable them as idea generators. Know the websites that consumers are going to directly. These are three from my extensive list of websites:
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beau-coup.com is a wedding and baby shower website (I forewarn you), but they have every possible keepsake, covering all different hobbies and interests, and can be personalized with shipping options to ensure items arrive in time for a tribute.

stylemepretty.com collects wedding ideas from all over the world to find out what brides are doing, what the trends are, and what resources that they're utilizing. If I was looking for tropical - Hindu - Jewish funeral ideas, I could go to Style Me Pretty to get some inspiration. And that's what you're going to find: a combination of cultures, hobbies and interests that bring it all together. And it's not just pictures: it is the resources and the vendors, too.

pinterest.com is ideal for free consumer research. Hop on and type in the search box “my funeral” or “mom's funeral” or “dad's funeral” and look at all the Pinterest boards that have those names. And these are just the public-facing samples! These are the ideas that people are collecting, that they're thinking about, so when the time comes, they go to their Pinterest board and see what they've collected over the past couple of years for a loved one or for themselves.

"When families participate, they remember. When they remember, they grieve. And when they grieve, they love." Remembering Well, by Sarah York
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That's the impact that you can have on these family members who want to have those DIY moments with other family members behind the scenes before that tribute takes place.

Hello, my name is Michael Dixon. I am the president and founder of Funeral Professionals Peer Support. Before I tell you why that date is so important, let’s go back a bit. I was born 57 years ago in Transcona, Manitoba to two amazing, successful parents. I was the youngest – and only – boy in a family of girls.

Growing up I had a lot of things stacked against me: I was born with a serious heart defect and a stutter, and in childhood I was sexually abused. The heart defect was cured and with a lot of work my stutter was overcome, but the scars of abuse stay with you forever. I hid it well. I buried it away by playing football and baseball, and, sadly, with alcohol. Upon graduating from high school and college, I started working in the hotel industry. After almost 10 years of that, I discovered that hotels just were not for me.

Funeral service was always my second choice out of high school, so I decided that I would give it a try. After finishing my 40 hours observation, I felt like I belonged for the first time. I was with people who were like me: kind, compassionate, and caring. I started working for a large funeral home and I was loving it. I was a sponge: I soaked in everything I was being taught, both by new directors and seasoned directors. Some are still my role models to this day.

Four years into my new profession, I began to work for a removal service that this funeral home owned. There I saw firsthand how truly cruel humans can be to each other. In a three-year period, I attended over 38 murders—scenes where people were shot, stabbed, and tortured—and some of them were just children. Car accidents, train accidents, and suicides were too numerous to mention. Some calls you will never forget, even though they happened over 20 years ago. I can still picture the Christmas gifts all over the road that came from a car that flipped over on Christmas Eve. I can remember the song that was playing on the radio at a murder scene, or the smell of blood, gas, or anti-freeze.
I know I am preaching to the choir, but things like this never leave your memory. They make you turn the radio off when you hear “Welcome to the Jungle“ or take another route in order to avoid the site of that accident, suicide, or murder scene that is embedded in your memory. Otherwise you get triggered. Or you stand in the doorway of your kids’ rooms watching them because your memory just won’t let you fall asleep. When you do sleep, it’s not a sound sleep for the recommended eight hours, because death does not just happen from Monday to Friday, 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.

But with all these negative things, I never wanted to leave the profession. I tried to do my job well, hiding my feelings of failure, my low self-esteem and loneliness. I always put on a brave face, using comedy and humour to hide the depression that was slowly taking over my life. I, like most people in funeral service, felt that I had no one to go to. I didn’t want to talk to my wife about what I was feeling. The people I worked with at the time did not offer a safe place to talk about your feelings. There were no organized debrief or talk-down sessions, and the ones we did have were usually at a bar with alcohol, which is not a positive healing environment. In that time, the feeling around our profession was “You knew what you were getting into.”
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So, like everyone else, I went ahead and did my job well. I made good work friends and worked hard, but, due to my depression, I was never myself. I was always putting on an act—which often got me in trouble at work and especially at home. I always felt that I never fit in at either place. I didn’t think of myself as a good person, especially not a good father and husband. I thought many times that everyone’s life would be better if I was not around.

One thing about depression, it’s a slow killer. The year 2015 should have been a great year: I had a beautiful home on a nice piece of land, my three amazing kids were successful and taking on the world; my wife was in a good job and an active, well-respective member of our community; I was in a job that I loved, and for the first time I felt loved and respected.
But things were starting to unravel for me. I had terrible anxiety. I hated to be away from home, and when I was at home, I was usually in my room, cut off from everyone. I was not sleeping well, I was having terrible anxiety attacks where it felt like a heart attack—trouble catching my breath, chest pains, etc. I was using alcohol now as a crutch more than I had done in the past, using it to give me confidence to go out, to make speeches, and to meet people.

A month before Christmas in 2015, I decided I’d had enough. I was tired. I was tired of going on. So, I planned this suicide attempt. I scouted out locations, bought a good insurance policy, even did a practice run. January 7th was the day. That Christmas, we went overboard on gifts and had a lot of parties. January 7th came and I got up at my normal time. I was not sad or upset. I was totally at peace. I kissed my wife goodbye, drove my son to school, and off I went, pulling into the parking lot at a park. I sat there having my last cigarette and thought “Okay, let’s do this.”

I opened the car door but for some reason I could not get out of the car. I could hear this voice in my head saying “It’s okay, I got you, make that call!” and I could feel these hands on my shoulder. I started to cry because I was thinking “Who would walk my daughter down the aisle or be there for my two sons and my wife?”
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In my despair, I made a deal with myself. I was going to call my doctor and, if someone answered the phone, I would go for help. If I must leave a message, I would walk in the forest. The phone rang once and a nurse picked up, and I thought “When does that happen? When do you ever call your doctor and they pick up the phone?” After telling the nurse that I was suicidal, my doctor came on the phone and told me to come to his office right away. After an hour of talking, I went for tests and I was diagnosed with severe depression and PTSD.

From that point on, I decided to not be quiet, but to be very open about my diagnosis. When I told my colleagues what I was dealing with, many of them said “Man, I am going through the same thing. I am tired, frustrated, and burnt out and I am thinking of leaving.” So, instead of staying quiet and only worrying about me, I reached out to a few friends and we decided to come together and organize the very first funeral service peer support group in the world.

Ottawa Funeral Peer Support was born. Our profession finally had a place where people could meet and share their personal struggles and get the support and encouragement to get help. In January of the following year, we started to get press coverage from local newspapers, which other news outlets from across Canada picked up. We then started to get requests to do radio and TV interviews both locally and internationally.

Once that happened, we started to hear from funeral directors across Canada saying “We need this in our communities. We need support.” We realized quickly that our long-term goal had to be our right now goal, and Canadian Funeral Peer Support was born. Within a year, support groups have come up in New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, not to mention Ottawa, Hamilton, and Winnipeg all in Ontario. There is also serious interest in Alberta, British Columbia, Toronto, and Windsor.

Then COVID hit. Our peer support groups met in person so, when everything shut down, we had to come up with a plan to stay connected with our people. It was then decided that each group would host Zoom meetings, which opened us up to funeral professionals from around the world. We started to have people connect with us from throughout the United States as well as England, Italy, Australia, and Kenya. We started to hear from people everywhere that this is something they needed and wanted to be part of.

Our management team got together and we realized we are no longer just a Canadian company. We had to go international. In February of 2021 we started an international support line for licenced and non-licenced funeral staff, along with their families. With a phone call or text, you can speak to a counselor with funeral service experience that will listen and help guide you through any issue you have—for both work or non-work-related issues. We became Funeral Professionals Peer Support (FPPS).

One thing that has made us successful is we have always responded to a need. This year, we brought Peer Support groups into the United States. We are reaching funeral professionals from across the United States and Canada with online support meetings and educational webinars.

FPPS has learned is that there is no “extra money“ from our governments for mental health care. That’s why it is now the responsibility that all businesses make positive mental health care a priority in our workplaces. It is our belief that funeral service can be the leader in the goal of a positive workplace.

Stats tell the story of where we are now:

• In a Work and Well-Being Survey less than half of working Americans reported that their organization supports the well being of its employees.
• In 2014, $186 billion was spent on Health care services to treat mental health issues in the US
• 44.7 million adults 18 or older reported mental illness and burnout in 2016
• 8.8 million adults reported visiting a mental health provider in the past 12 months

Poor mental health and stress can negatively affect employees:

1. Job performance
2. Engagement at work
3. Physical capability and daily functioning
4. Absenteeism

We can’t go on doing the same thing and expecting different results. We have lost too many amazing, talented people in our profession to suicide and burnout. That’s why, as a profession, we can be the leaders. We joined this profession because we care about people. Now it’s time to care for one another.

Peer Support is now being looked at and valued as a positive first step in mental health care around the world. In Canada, federal government departments are now instituting peer support groups for their employees. In Canada and the United States, first responders and the military are starting peer groups as well.

Peer Support helps you meet with people that speak your language, learn from people who have been where you are, and support each other. We provide tools that are applicable to the job, make no judgement, ensure confidentiality and offer the opportunity to give back. Our groups have had speakers talk about burnout, stress, compassion fatigue, yoga, healthy eating and—my favorite—personal support animals. All valuable insight into a healthy work and home life.
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If you are interested in a Peer group in your community or you have any questions please visit us at www.funeralpeersupport.com or call 343-961-2470.


Funeral Professionals Peer Support is committed to the improvement of our brothers and sisters’ mental health. My hope is that no one else in our profession is ever sitting in a park alone in their car playing roulette with their life.

Resilience comes to mind as month eight of the COVID-19 pandemic looms. How are we doing? Will our families, our communities, our schools, our businesses and our art and culture bounce back, even with dramatic changes? How will we adapt and what intentional evolution must occur in the wake of COVID-19, institutional racial injustice and a deeply scarred economy? What role does communications play in how resilient we are individually and as a society?

Resiliency is the ability to adapt well after adversity, trauma, tragedy and high stress. Many times, our resiliency helps us become stronger or more resourceful after enduring adverse situations. Resilience does not mean we won’t feel the pain of our struggles.
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The ADP Research Institute (ADPRI) recently released results of two studies of human resilience. Marcus Buckingham, who is the ADPRI Head of Research, People and Performance, co-authored the study. In a Sept. 29, 2020 Harvard Business Review article about the findings, Buckingham says that leaders can enhance people’s resilience by communicating honestly. He says,

In effect, Buckingham’s research corroborates the oft-repeated crisis communications mantra, “Tell the truth. Tell it fast. Tell it yourself.” Buckingham writes, “Instead of downplaying the reality, tell it to us straight.”
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Buckingham is an author, motivational speaker and business consultant. He is the author and co-author of many books, including, First, Break All the Rules and Now, Discover Your Strengths. His research and experience relate directly to the workplace. The recent ADPRI study designed and developed a Workplace Resilience Scale to understand how resilience plays a role in the world of work.

​Open, honest communication is the foundation of trust. Strong two-way communications channels foster workplaces where people feel valued and team leaders and members work together to match people’s skills and interests to career paths that result in more people loving their work.

Words matter. What we say to one another and the respect with which we deliver our messages are critical. We need to choose our written words wisely, too.

Because written words are more permanent, they sustain the life and culture of an institution. One of the most resilient documents in the world is the U.S. Constitution. Our nation’s founders chose their words well. They also created a process for ratifying Constitutional amendments that have strengthened the document and our nation for more than two centuries. The Constitution itself is a model of resilience – it adapts and grows stronger through adversity and challenge.

Listening may be the most crucial component of communication. By listening, we open our minds and learn. In these times, it’s more important than ever to listen. Listening is a gateway to understanding and building resilience.

If resilience results from learning through adversity, then 2020 is the mother of all learning experiences. Building resiliency does not blunt the pain, and that itself is painful to accept. Many, many people are hurting right now, and we need to acknowledge that. We must take care to not de-value or disrespect the untold numbers of personal tragedies happening all around us.

One possible glimmer of hope from the train wreck that is 2020 is that if we can work together to forge personal and collective resilience from the wreckage, maybe we can bounce back together, stronger. May it be so.

You know, there are so many things we can’t control right now, and for most of us, that makes us anxious. But I want to encourage you with this: In each moment of your life, you have the ability to change yourself and those around you in profound ways.

No matter the time.

No matter the day.

No matter the circumstance.

Even amid moments of uncertainty, like the one we find ourselves in right now.

In moments that seem out of our control, there’s always something that’s within it: our perspective. I like to say that I’m a Spiritual Pragmatist, which means that while I appreciate believing in a higher power and it’s guidance and influence in our lives, I also believe in action and doing, to bring about success and happiness. It’s about having balance, and part of having that balance means that we have to be conscious and mindful of how we’re showing up and how that influences any given situation, including the one we’re amid right now.

I spent 20 years as a funeral director and embalmer; I like to say that everything I’ve ever learned, I learned from dying. One would think that a career surrounded by death would have taught me a lot about dying, but in fact it taught me so much about life, and gifted to me the most beautiful lessons. Ones that, in moments like this, come through with crystal clarity and enable me to put into action the behaviours that can ground me, even amid all of the uncertainty.

My British, tea-totting grandmother used to say, “Good tea steeps.” My grandmother knew the difference between efficiency and effectiveness. For her, there was no such thing as an efficient way to make tea; there was only an effective way. Can you make tea by dropping a tea bag into a mug of water and putting it in the microwave for ninety seconds? You can, sure. But, according to her, that’s not going to make a delicious cup of tea.

A drive-through car wash is efficient, but you might enjoy the therapeutic process of washing your car by hand. Ordering takeout is an adequate way to put dinner on the table, but a great satisfaction comes with preparing a meal from scratch yourself. Sending a friend a text message to see how they’re doing is an economic use of time, but it’s not quite the same as picking up the phone and talking.

As a society, we are consumed by efficiency, collectively racing from one thing to the other and from one person to the next. Being able to make the rush seem effortless is perceived as honorable. Those who work the most are revered, as though the most stressed-out person will be awarded a trophy. Sometimes you have to choose the efficient way; there’s no denying that. But we could all try a little harder to choose the effective way more often, especially when it comes to our relationships. How do we do that when we are in the throes of the hustle or in the midst of chaos? We pause.

Most of life’s magic happens in moments of pause. We need to stop and re-centre in order to reach a state of conscious awareness. Pausing helps us to slow down and plan our time more effectively, so that we create more meaning in our lives. The way my grandmother did with her tea. Normally I would profess the importance of creating the space to do this, and so often, and I’m including myself, we struggle to find the time to do it.

Now, we’re at a place in time where the world has quite literally slowed down. So many of us are sequestered away in our homes, adjusting to a world where physical distancing is common place, and life outside of our homes has come to a grinding halt. Is there time in your day to create the space to reinvest in something that brings you joy? It wasn’t that long ago that many of us likely caught ourselves complaining that we didn’t have enough time in a day, or that we were missing out on things in life: missing quality time with our children, missing time for the gym, missing time to just sit and read. There are likely many more things you could add to this list.

While we adjust to this new normal we find ourselves in, try to negotiate some time for you to invest in ‘the pause’, even if that time is spent on an activity like reading a book, or moving your body, meditating or sitting in prayer. Whatever it is that fills your cup, it’s important to realize that in order to be of service to others, we have to spend time investing in ourselves.

The late, great Jim Rohn once said that we’re each a reflection of those with whom we spend the most time, so the key to being your best self is to be surrounded by those who support and inspire you. I like to call these my “finger snap people.” They’re the ones with whom you feel an instant attraction, as quickly as you can snap your fingers. More often than not, you can’t quite distinguish exactly what it is that draws you to them, but their energy is like a magnet. There’s something about their character that causes you to be perfectly content with who you are, while also inspiring you to seek ways to be a better version of yourself. And when you find these like-minded individuals, hold on to them tightly, because you are much more powerful together than alone.

We might be physically distant from one another right now, but that doesn’t stop us from taking advantage of the incredible technology that helps us stay connected. I would encourage you to reach out to one of your ‘finger snap people’. Make that phone call, send that email, heck, you can even watch a movie together over video chat. Will it be perfect? Maybe not, but you’re connecting to people that matter, at a time when connection matters. I promise that you’ll feel a little better afterwards, because people need people and we’re all in this together. We don’t have to make grand gestures. The most meaningful moments can happen in the simplest of ways.

Sometimes, allowing someone the space to be seen and heard is the one thing they need the most, as they navigate their new normal right now. If that person is you, your community, your go-to people, are the ones you can rely on, no matter what. Just ask. I suspect they’ll be there, in the snap of a finger. There’s no question that the world we find ourselves in today, isn’t the world we were in not that long ago. There’s also no question that through it all – the up’s, downs and all-arounds – if we just remember that our perspective can shift everything, we suddenly find ourselves with more control than we might have believed we ever had.

If there’s one thing I believe, it’s that everything we’ve ever been taught about legacy – either consciously or unconsciously, is that it’s something that there once we’re gone – once we’re dead. I also know that when we shift the narrative around legacy, from something we leave to something we live, every single day, we can realize the power of understanding the impact we’re making - while we’re still here. I’ve seen first hand how that shift can help us realize the depth and breadth of that impact, help define our purpose and help us live our everyday legacy. When we realize that the way we show up in the world today, is the way we’ll be remembered tomorrow, we transform not only our relationship with the world around us, but also with ourselves in that world.


For all the chaos that COVID-19 has caused in the world, it’s powerful to see humanity band together for the greater-good – living with purpose, on purpose and showing how marrying that with compassion can be so incredibly powerful.