When we think about improving arrangement conferences, most people jump straight to forms, pricing or merchandise. But the most overlooked—and arguably most powerful—tool is something much simpler: listening.

I’m not talking about the passive kind of listening, where you nod along while mentally running through your to-do list. I’m talking about intentional, engaged, active listening—the kind that builds trust and reveals the emotional undercurrents families aren’t always ready to say out loud.

That’s what transforms a transactional meeting into a meaningful experience.

You’ve probably sat through at least one arrangement that didn’t go as planned. I certainly have.

Early in my career, I met with a couple for a prearrangement. I made small talk, noted their hobbies and bonded with the husband—football, hunting, the works. I thought we were sailing smoothly.

Except we weren’t.

He joked he just wanted to be “burned and thrown in the backyard.” She wanted a full Mass and burial. I heard their words but didn’t really listen. I didn’t catch the tension, misalignment and heartbreak waiting to be uncovered.

When she broke down crying at the end of the meeting, I realized I had failed her.

That moment became my turning point.

Strong arrangement skills aren’t just about what you say; they’re about how you listen. Before every conference, get yourself in the right mindset. This isn’t just another form to fill out. This is someone’s grief, someone’s love, someone’s final chance to honor a life.

Build trust early. Look through photos together. Ask open-ended questions. Repeat back what you hear to confirm you’re understanding their wishes.

Ask things like:

• “Can you tell me about your loved one?”
• “Have you ever planned a funeral before?”
• “What matters most to your family right now?”

These are not only rapport-building techniques, but also your roadmap.

People often walk into an arrangement without knowing what they want. They’re grieving, confused and sometimes overwhelmed by decisions. By listening closely and showing you understand, you help them discover their preferences—not just express them.

When families feel heard, they’re more confident in their choices. They’re more likely to ask questions. They’re more open to education about services they might not have known were possible.

Active listening is eye contact, body language and slowing down your speech. It’s not finishing sentences for them or rushing to fill the silence. Silence can be incredibly revealing.

It’s recognizing that the quiet person in the corner might be the one who needs your attention most. And sometimes, it’s asking hard questions gently and respectfully to make sure you’re honoring the family’s wishes fully.

The best arrangement conferences don’t just happen. They’re built with presence, care and most importantly, active listening.

So before you polish your sales techniques or reorganize your forms, take a moment to reset. Ask yourself: “Am I ready to listen to this family?” When you are, everything else follows.

Jill Lazar is the Vice President of Business Development for Ring Ring Marketing, in addition to being a licensed Funeral Director and Certified Preplanning Consultant. In recent years, Jill has been a featured presenter at ICCFA's Dead Talks event and its international convention. She also was chosen to participate in Selected Independent Funeral Homes' Leadership Academy and is the recipient of several scholarships from the Funeral Service Foundation. Jill has extensive experience in growing preneed market share and developing strategic partnerships.

There have been moments throughout my career as a funeral director, sacred grief care practitioner and educator that have been utterly heart shattering. Surprisingly, many of these moments stem not from the revolving door of death and grief I have witnessed and supported countless families and communities through, but instead from the lack of consideration, honor and inclusion extended to multicultural and marginalized communities. Such incidents have reinforced a painful truth: that the deathcare industry and the professionals who serve within our funeral homes, crematories and cemeteries are falling short and missing the mark when it comes to cultural competency.

The most recent, and probably the most heartbreaking, conversation I’ve had with someone who unfortunately was on the receiving end of our industry’s lack of cultural competency took place randomly while my husband and I were shopping at our local Sam’s Club. I asked the young woman assisting us at the cell phone carrier kiosk what her tattoo represented. She proceeded to share with me that her best friend of 20+ years had recently passed away. She and some of their close friends chose to get a tattoo because they couldn’t express their cultural rituals at the funeral. They felt the need to do something that connected them spiritually and culturally.

Naturally, my ears perked up and I asked her why they couldn’t attend. She shared that the family had requested that they be able to end her friend’s funeral with his casket being escorted out of the funeral home’s chapel led by a mariachi band comprised of relatives and loved ones. They were denied this final rite of passage and told both by their funeral directors and the funeral home manager that their request posed a liability and threat to their building’s insurance.

Fighting back tears and choking on her words, this grieving kiosk employee described the family’s humiliation, dehumanization and embarrassment at being told that their desire to perform this sacred ritual and ceremony for their deceased son was a liability. They felt small and unseen. As a result, they wanted to move their loved one’s body to a funeral home that would allow them the freedom to express their culture.

Unfortunately, because of the lack of diversity in the area in which they live and because there was no one to advocate for them (combined with the fact that they simply did not have the money, emotional stamina or energy to relive the funeral arrangement process), this family was stuck paying for services that did not honor their cultural needs and didn’t leave them feeling as if they were served with dignity. Sadly, this story is not unique and represents an area for growth and redirection that our industry and the professionals in it should take to heart.

Early on in my mortuary school journey it became very evident to me – as it does for many students –  that there is little to no education specific to caring for diverse communities as it relates to both the cultural rites and the unique needs of bodies of indigenous peoples and communities of color. This realization was made even more real while I worked as an apprentice.

One memorable day, I walked in on a seasoned professional cutting the box braids (see below) from the hair of a deceased Black woman whose family requested that her braids be removed so her hair could be styled differently for her viewing and service. Unbeknownst to the embalmer, by cutting off the braids close to her scalp, he was in turn cutting off all of her hair, effectively maiming her presentation for the viewing and violating the spiritual sacredness attached to her hair.

His actions were not carried out with ill intent, and he expressed deep remorse when I stopped and educated him. However, had I not stopped him, his lack of cultural knowledge and technical skill could have had a profoundly negative and irreparable impact on our firm, reputation and – most importantly –  on the family and community of the deceased.

Stories like these, centered around inappropriate and offensive language, lack of awareness and lack of cultural humility are frustrating and heartbreaking, but they have also motivated and inspired me to develop The Multicultural Death & Grief Care Academy. The Academy provides resources, courses and training specifically for end-of-life, death and grief care professionals. Our mission is simple: To empower professionals to better serve decedents, families and communities alike with cultural competence and sensitivity.

The Cultural Kaleidoscope course series shows funeral professionals that a mariachi band processing the casket is not merely creative personalization but an important cultural rite that makes an impact on a community’s final farewell. By challenging fixed or outdated perspectives, each course in this series helps foster open, honest conversations about the diverse ways different cultures approach end of life, death, grief and mourning to building culturally competent deathcare professionals.

The Dignity in Death series focuses on our care of Black decedents with 10 courses covering the unique hair and cosmetic techniques to cultural and spiritual considerations that ensure that we can build a deeper understanding of Black body care traditions, improve their services, and ensure families receive the highest level of care during one of the most important moments in their lives. Practical courses like Removing Braids, Twist & Extensions and Properly Caring for Locs & Twist expand technical skills in the prep room to ensure dignity for the deceased and positive outcomes for our communities and our firm.

By embracing cultural competency, we not only transform the way families experience loss but we, as an industry and as professionals, ensure that every farewell is met with dignity, respect, and the deep honor that every life and culture deserves.

Joél Simone Maldonado, widely known as The Grave Woman, is a licensed funeral director, embalmer, pre-planning specialist, and the award-winning founder of The Multicultural Death & Grief Care Academy. With over a decade in the death care industry and more than 15 years in healthcare, Joél is a recognized leader in educating professionals on Cultural Competency, Inclusion, and Diversity in end-of-life care. She serves on the Board of Directors for Compassion and Choices, co-chairs its Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion committee, and volunteers with the African American Leadership Council. Through courses, her podcast, YouTube channel, and social media, Joél fosters open dialogues on the nuances of multicultural death and grief care. Committed to personal growth, she continually hones her skills and cultural intelligence, including earning her CQ certification from the Cultural Intelligence Center and engaging in advanced entrepreneurship, development, and leadership programs.

It’s no secret that consumers’ increasing preference for cremation is impacting the traditional funeral home business model. Because cremation services generally produce lower revenue, many funeral home owners are expanding their product and service offerings. Others are discovering ways to serve the needs of new groups within their communities.

As reported in IBISWorld industry research and echoed in the NFDA’s 2023 Cremation & Burial Report, “It is predicted that funeral homes will continue to expand their array of extra services offered to families; increase their focus on niche markets to differentiate themselves; and draw attention to their value-added services, such as … serving groups with diverse cultural and religious preferences.”

Cultural differences play a significant role in funeral practices and the better we understand the religious and cultural diversity of our communities, the greater our opportunity to serve those groups. Ask yourself three questions:

1. What is the religious and cultural makeup of my community?
2. Am I proactively reaching out to diverse groups?  
3. What am I doing to better understand and accommodate unique funeral customs and rituals in my area?
   

In Orange County California, for example, our team at The Omega Society was contacted by a writer for Orange Network, the monthly magazine of the Orange County Japanese American Association. She was writing a story to inform and educate the local Japanese American community to the range of funeral, cremation and burial options available from the Society. Southern California has the largest Japanese American population in North America, and many adhere to the beliefs of the Shinto faith. She told us that in Shintoism, terminal illness, dying and death are considered “impure,” making frank discussions of death and dying very difficult and even taboo. The result is a population with insufficient knowledge of end-of-life care and local resources available to assist them when the need arises. Our Omega Society location leader met with this writer for a tour of our facility and a wide-ranging discussion that included cremation options, costs, the advantages of prepayment, and options for the disposition of cremated remains. The resulting article did a great deal to shed light on this important subject and positioned The Omega Society as a caring local partner with professionals ready to assist the Japanese American community with all their funeral service needs.

This is just one example of funeral professionals who are filling unmet community needs and finding new markets among diverse cultural and religious communities.

Located 20 miles southeast of downtown Portland, the city of Happy Valley is one of the most diverse communities in Oregon, including an Asian population of more than 22 percent. Our Sunnyside Funeral, Cremation and Memorial Gardens has worked with local Buddhist temples to serve this community for more than 60 years. Buddhists believe that the soul is reincarnated; death is not the end, so it is not to be dreaded. Most Buddhist societies cremate their dead to purify and free the soul, and aid in the attainment of enlightenment -- just as The Buddha himself was cremated.

“Although funeral services can vary by sect of Buddhism, all are beautiful, meaningful celebrations in which family members participate over a two-day period,” said Sunnyside General Manager Samantha Haxton. “Common elements include an invocation to the Buddha, offerings of food and flowers, readings from Buddhist scriptures and a procession of monks. The body of the deceased is transported to our crematory on the second day, where final chanting and praying proceed cremation. Some of our Buddhist families choose to permanently memorialize their loved ones by interring their cremated remains at their temple and many are placed at our Sunnyside Memorial Garden near a large statue of Buddha.”

The shift in ethnicities and increasingly diverse funeral traditions across the United States will only accelerate in the years ahead. As funeral professionals, it’s our job to learn about and appreciate the different cultures and religions present in our communities. We need to make ourselves seen in these communities and let families know we are available and ready to serve them in keeping with their unique customs and rituals surrounding death and mourning. Do your research, build relationships and provide support to all segments of your changing community. Differentiating your funeral home by understanding and accommodating all types of funerals will help you remain a trusted service leader for years to come.

Are you open to new ideas? Do you embrace modern channels of customer communications? Are you and your team skilled in sales and logistics?
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If you answered yes to each of these questions, I suspect you’ve already embraced cremation as the future of funeral service. In my experience, these are the qualities that set cremation-focused business owners apart from traditional funeral directors. They constantly monitor their target markets and adjust their messaging, services, products and channels to meet consumer needs.

The past two years have seen a quiet transformation in the way consumers talk about death and deathcare services. The cremation specialists I talk with work hard to stay abreast of the evolving preferences of deathcare consumers and are extremely open to new ideas. They have put aside many of their preconceived notions of what a funeral service should be and are nimble in adapting to what today’s families want them to be. Cremation-focused firms are not tied to any one product or service. They recognize the more transient nature of today’s families and the need for more flexibility and personalization in the arrangement process.

What people want will change continuously as the years pass and so too will the way they communicate with family, friends and service providers. Cremation-focused firms embrace the most modern forms of communications and take an omnichannel approach to marketing, sales and service.

What do I mean by omnichannel? Omnichannel involves using all available media channels and is centered around the customer. Many traditional community-based firms still rely heavily on word-of-mouth and community connections to market and grow their funeral homes’ customer base. It’s an approach that has worked well over the years for firms rooted in traditional high-end casketed funerals but one that is much less adaptable to the lifestyles of many modern families. The most progressive funeral professionals focus on the customer offering personalized messages and a seamless, unified experience. This allows families to easily access information from any channel, which is connected to all others with a consistent look and feel that builds trust. In fact, the new acceptance of digital channels for deathcare arrangements is essentially what has made high-volume cremation businesses possible

Cremation-first firms are digitally driven using ecommerce, social media and Google ads to reach broad audiences. These firms represent brick-and-mortar locations as well as online portals like Foundation Partners’ two direct-to-consumer brands, Tulip Cremation and Solace Cremation, offering families convenience, simplicity and support online and by phone, without the need to visit a funeral home.

I am proud of the members of our profession who are embracing cremation and adjusting their business plans to profitably offer the products and services today’s family want. The skill, dedication and compassion of full-service funeral home owners continue be highly valued by American families, and many long-time funeral directors are expanding their operations to include more cremation-focused offerings. Moreover, cremation does not diminish the need to provide quality family service and counsel. Regardless of their choice of final disposition, all families want and need guidance in making appropriate deathcare plans for their loved ones. Our job, as funeral service professionals, is to continually look for new ways to make that experience better.

While many things have changed in our profession over the past few years, there’s one thing that has not; deathcare consumers still want and need professional guidance in making appropriate end-of-life plans for their loved ones. That’s good news for funeral service professionals and just one of the findings of new consumer research I look forward to sharing next month at CANA’s 2023 Cremation Symposium.

The new primary research, conducted late last year on behalf of Foundation Partners Group, involved more than 1,000 online survey respondents and dozens of focus group discussions with consumers who have planned a funeral over the past five years. The results paint a clear picture of the evolving wants, needs and preferences that drive the deathcare choices of today’s families. Understanding these new consumers, and the similarities and differences between different segments, will be key to successfully managing funeral service businesses in the future.

From the thousands of data points collected, we isolated key insights that help us answer two key questions about the needs of modern deathcare consumers:

1. How do consumers interact with deathcare providers now and what do they want in the future?
2. How should we change our messaging, services, products and channels to meet consumers’ needs?

One important finding is that focusing on spending alone is too simplistic. While families may differ in income levels and intended spend, consumers do not select deathcare providers based on economic factors alone. Providers who focus on price, fail to take into consideration the key needs and motivators that drive consumer decision-making.

We found two key factors that are most important in determining the best service style and fit for contemporary consumers. There are unique attitudes and behaviors that drive the ideal deathcare experience for each segment.

The first is the level of support they desire during the planning process. Do they want to do all their planning in person or are they fine working with us via phone, web and email? Do they want to keep it simple or create an elaborate event guided by tradition and ritual?

The second is the level of personal involvement. Do they want a funeral director to hold their hands and walk with them every step of the process? Or are they confident in their ability to create experiences that honor their loved ones on their own?

Based on these varying desires for support and guidance, we divided consumers into three distinct segments and gave them descriptive labels that reflect their attitudes and behaviors. Understanding these different consumer mindsets and decision factors will help us to better understand the best ways to connect with them and support them in a way that builds trust.

During my session we will explore each of these groups in more detail and zero in on the core needs that are universal across all segments. And we’ll talk about the evolving role of technology in deathcare and how thoughtfully integrating technology can improve the consumer experience.

We’ll also share direct comments from consumers regarding things that would have made their experience better to create a roadmap to success in the future.

I look forward to seeing you in Las Vegas!

When the US economic crisis of 2008, forced individuals and families to become more budget-conscious. As a result, people got resourceful and creativity flourished, especially when it came to memorializing loved ones. In some cases, this meant the funeral director was cut out of the equation entirely or left on the outside looking in.
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I don't think it has to be that way. You can reposition your role and partner with these DIY people, these family members that want to work behind the scenes and bring additional value to their life tribute event.

I want you to think about the family members that you've sat across from who are the DIY consumer. I want you to think about yourself and your friends and family who have the DIY bug and think about the feeling when you complete a DIY project. It is that sense of satisfaction. It is happiness that you feel. The new Man Cave is the She Shed! It's where the DIY consumer gets the solitude, the focus, and the space to complete these projects. These projects that are an instant mood enhancer for them. And that's how these family members feel. This isn't just something that they do on a whim.

And the most famous DIY-ers? Martha Stewart has been around for decades. Chip and Joanna Gaines started with one home decor store and now they have their own television network. Ben and Erin Napier and the Property Brothers are part of the HGTV Family. Brit Morin is known as the digital Martha Stewart, and Tommy Walsh is one of the most well-known international DIY personalities.

And now, because of YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok, we've seen the explosion of DIY bloggers all over the world. Some bloggers have their own sites or they use social media sites to reach out to potential DIY-ers. And it is their eagerness to provide video tutorials – step-by-step guides – to invite and encourage people to be a part of the DIY world. It is evident that the DIY world is expanding and here to stay.

Data shows that 50% of DIY consumers are female and 52% are between the ages of 24 and 44 – a mix of Gen X and Millennials. We know that DIY projects are directly tied to life changing events: a graduation, an engagement, getting married, having a baby, buying a home, and, we can add, the death of a family member. Every time there's a milestone or something big happening in their family, they have an event. They bring people together. They honor old family traditions. They start their new traditions, and it's not just about their immediate family, but they bring in their extended family and they also reach out to their large social circle of friends to be a part of those special moments.
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And, because of that, a life tribute event will most likely be the topic of conversation among many of the attendees. It will be the word-of-mouth marketing that funeral homes want! But—guess what? That funeral director will fade into the background and simply be seen as the person who provided the place and took care of the disposition.

Here are three ways to partner with those individuals to help you and your entire team avoid getting left out of the conversation when a DIY consumer appears in that arrangement conference.

SPEAK TO YOUR CREDIBILITY
The words “licensed funeral director” carried a lot of weight for many, many years. Then, we needed to say “licensed funeral director and cremation specialist.” Now we need to add a third line of credibility, and that is your “creative” credibility. That DIY consumer needs to hear, in the very beginning of that arrangement conference, that you are creative, that you're willing to explore ideas, and that you have resources to execute their vision.

BE THE IDEA GENERATOR
What I hear most from funeral directors is that they don't have the extra budget or the extra time to do the “wow” factor for a family. I understand that, so think of yourself as an idea generator instead. It builds your credibility. It says: We are creative. We want to help you. For example, "it was interesting to hear about your sister's involvement with Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library. I was thinking of a few different ways we could honor that part of her life."

KEEP RESOURCES HANDY
Have websites, magazines, and books available for your funeral directors to enable them as idea generators. Know the websites that consumers are going to directly. These are three from my extensive list of websites:
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beau-coup.com is a wedding and baby shower website (I forewarn you), but they have every possible keepsake, covering all different hobbies and interests, and can be personalized with shipping options to ensure items arrive in time for a tribute.

stylemepretty.com collects wedding ideas from all over the world to find out what brides are doing, what the trends are, and what resources that they're utilizing. If I was looking for tropical - Hindu - Jewish funeral ideas, I could go to Style Me Pretty to get some inspiration. And that's what you're going to find: a combination of cultures, hobbies and interests that bring it all together. And it's not just pictures: it is the resources and the vendors, too.

pinterest.com is ideal for free consumer research. Hop on and type in the search box “my funeral” or “mom's funeral” or “dad's funeral” and look at all the Pinterest boards that have those names. And these are just the public-facing samples! These are the ideas that people are collecting, that they're thinking about, so when the time comes, they go to their Pinterest board and see what they've collected over the past couple of years for a loved one or for themselves.

"When families participate, they remember. When they remember, they grieve. And when they grieve, they love." Remembering Well, by Sarah York
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That's the impact that you can have on these family members who want to have those DIY moments with other family members behind the scenes before that tribute takes place.

There are several key trends that have contributed to the rise of cremation in North America. Along with my colleague and friend Dr. Jason Troyer, we presented a seminar at the 2019 CANA Convention in Louisville, Kentucky, entitled “Cemeteries are Dying: A Bold Response.” In this educational seminar, we suggested that there are several emerging patterns evident in how we approach death today in the United States.

Today’s emerging ethos represents the broad changes in the way people think. To be sure, a growing number of people are

Our cemetery recently designed the Grandview Legacy Trail & Pavilion specifically to address the emerging trends in deathcare. Our hope is to meet the changing preferences of our community while at the same time, providing a quality of care that meets the universal needs of the bereaved. The big idea we want to communicate to our community is that cemeteries are not only sacred places where the deceased are remembered, but also where people can regularly engage in healing and meaningful experiences. Here are a few examples.

As people are becoming less formally religious, we designed our Legacy Trail to include nonreligious yet meaningful features—such as our Reflection Booth, where a Christian, a Buddhist, or an agnostic can take a quiet moment for themselves and reflect on life—even write a letter to their loved one to express their grief, should they choose.

Because of the growing geographic mobility of families, we are creating opportunities for meaningful connections at our cemetery through virtual experiences, too. Since people no longer live in the same town where their relatives are buried, we have recognized the need to foster meaningful connections by bringing the cemetery to them virtually, such as providing online visibility of grave memorials and driving directions to the exact GPS location of a gravesite. In the future, we want to add the ability to share one’s history and story online through pictures and videos and even provide remote flower orders and delivery straight to a loved one’s grave. Through our Cremation By Grandview funeral home, families can arrange and even prearrange online, including completing all of their required forms, identification, and payment.

Given the economic constraints many families face, we want our cemetery’s new Legacy Trail to provide affordable options for disposition, such as our Cremation Ossuary and Legacy Wall and our semi-private niche options. Other appealing features of our Legacy Trail include in-ground niches that provide room for five (5) full-size urns, making efficient and cost-effective use of space for families not wanting traditional burial.

We intentionally placed our Legacy Trail next to our Grandview Pavilion—a modern, yet comfortable event facility design with picturesque views of the foothills of the Great Smoky Mountains. This outdoor facility is perfect for all types of celebrations of life, including traditional committals as well as private cremation memorials and community events, such as death cafes, yoga, and concerts featuring local artists.

What is important is that there are many creative options affordable for families today, and plenty of excellent designers out there to assist cemeterians who desire an upgrade or new initiative idea for their cemetery. For example, Gerardo Garcia and his amazing team from Columbium By Design worked with us at Grandview every step of the way, from initial concept design to turn-key completion, helping us bring our Legacy Trail development to full fruition. When launching a new creative project, professional collaboration is a must.

My professional focus in recent years has been adopting and implementing a Nurturing Care paradigm across all of our deathcare divisions, including Cremation By Grandview. We retooled our emphasis in recent years to promote a more flexible framework for service offerings to client-families, meeting them where they are in their deathcare needs. By applying universal principles of bereavement caregiving, our Nurturing Care approach emphasizes a funeral director’s comforting presence and professional guidance that solidifies support and healing.

Cremation By Grandview provides opportunities for families who choose a cremation without ceremonies to utilize our cemetery for a final place of rest. Even without formal funeral services, families still benefit from having a place to go to remember and reframe their lives without their loved ones. Though we have been told repeatedly by grief researchers that human beings are surprisingly resilient when it comes to death and grief, we also understand that there remains a qualitative value of having a place to go and return again and again to not only honor the deceased’s life, but also to honor how our own stories have been forever changed. Cemeteries are indeed still vital to a healthy community. Providing a “cremation without ceremonies” through Cremation By Grandview also means educating families about the importance of a permanent place where they can find comfort and search for meaning.

Our Grandview Legacy Trail & Pavilion was also designed to create meaningful connections with our community by offering ongoing grief support. Partnering with the Center for Hope & Wellbeing, we are thrilled to offer our community the Healing Path®—a first of its kind. The Healing Path® is a self-guided and interactive series of stations situated along the Legacy Trail that is designed to help people who still need more support through their grief journey. After people enter our beautiful threshold entrance to the Legacy Trail, they can pick up a copy of our Healing Path® Field Guide to make use of the numerous grief resources and activities we have provided that will help them explore their thoughts and feelings and find the support and healing they may need while walking along the trail’s pathway.

I am one part concerned and one part encouraged about the future in deathcare. As cremation rates continue to steadily rise, so is the growing awareness that cemeteries are not necessary. The reason for this, I truly believe, is that we are now in an unprecedented era of deritualization – the growing trend in the United States of a public openness to revise, replace, minimize the significance of, and even eliminate or avoid long-held traditional funerary rituals to assist in the adaptation of loss. I have written extensively about deritualization in my research with Stellenbosch University. In short, deritualization is a significant interdisciplinary concern for all types of deathcare practitioners.

There has never been a time in human history where we have not disposed of our dead without pausing for some form of ritualization to help us find meaning, comfort, and healing. We actually do not know the collective effect on our society (and on us as individuals) if we gradually continue the course of choosing cremation (or burial) without any memorialization or rituals of support. Cremation is, of course, not the problem. Instead, my concern is providing quality support and care for families who experience a loss. This is why we at Cremation By Grandview work hard to educate families that cremation is not a final mode of disposition, but a means to prepare a deceased loved one’s body for final disposition. In short, cemeteries still matter.

Though it is doubtful we will ever return to the traditional rituals of old in how we care for our dead and each other, we can, however, create new ritual forms of support, hope, and healing. The good news is that now may be the best time ever to be involved in deathcare—it has never been more challenging or more fulfilling to assist one another in finding meaning and hope in the realm of human loss. The future for funeral service and end-of-life caregivers is indeed wonderfully promising.

The great irony we’ve discovered is that the key to our shared future lies buried, like some ancient treasure, in what is being too often ignored, if not forgotten altogether . . . the intrinsic value of cemeteries. As funeral professionals searching everywhere for any insights that may help us in our important work with bereaved families, we have found that true timeless wisdom abounds in perhaps one of the most surprising places of all—the old cemetery.

These dedicated spaces and sacred grounds are available in all our communities and are ripe with possibilities for new ritual forms that can be packed with new meaning. The response to pervasive deritualization is creative reritualization, embedded right in our community cemeteries from long ago. It seems that the key to our future has been with us all along. And thankfully, with the help of CANA and its international reach, deathcare practitioners continue getting better at making the connection between cremation and meaningful memorialization.

Explaining that what separates good content from great content is a willingness to make a statement by using humor and pushing the envelope, Lindsey started with a look at some creative, out-of-the-box ads from fellow funeral professionals. In this commercial from French Funerals, a woman in mourning black contemplates choosing the right coffee can for her mother’s ashes. It’s hard, you see, because her mother preferred tea. Such a difficult decision could have been avoided, the commercial warns, with a little advance planning.

In a similar vein, a French Canadian cemetery ad depicts an urn reposing on the shelf in the garage, in a closet, and in a tool shed, asking if this was truly anyone’s final wish. It touches two ideas, 1) that many people have occupied urns sitting at home, and 2) they likely feel guilty about it or want a suggestion of what to do with them. So this ad suggests a solution that puts concerns to rest.

Lindsey’s own company recently hired a professional to create a commercial that incorporates the funeral home therapy dog, Fletcher. Not only do people love Fletcher when they visit the funeral home, but having animals involved always attracts notice. So much so that CANA Member Heffner Cares reached out to their local therapy alligator, Allie, for a visit and a video. These videos show the funeral home, the staff, and something that makes their business unique – with a bit of humor.

These work best, Lindsey says, because we’re selling experiences, not products. And not just the chance to cuddle with a dog (or an alligator!), but to create a memorial that makes a memory for a family. We have to remember that in our campaigns.
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The Portuguese funeral home Funalcoitão shows how they work to do “more than burials. We pay tribute.” Their commercial features personal touches with the narrator describing how the smiling deceased had wanted to be commemorated in just that way – pulled by a donkey, showered in confetti, surrounded by loved ones.

Gracie Griffin of Bellefontaine Cemetery talked about the cemetery’s Facebook campaigns developed in partnership with a marketing firm who specializes in social media campaigns. Together, they set three goals and designed three campaigns to achieve them. The first was to grow their Facebook followers, and, from that campaign, they discovered that, of the options, mausoleum photos were the most successful – go figure.

For the second goal, to grow their email list, Gracie wrote an ebook on green burials. Designed as an inbound marketing campaign, people needed to enter their contact information to get their free download. And lastly, to encourage tourism and engage their community, they quiz people on the celebrities buried in their cemetery based on a few facts and a silhouette. Correct answers in the comments don’t deter others from answering – everyone wants to be seen as smart in their groups!

No matter how you approach your marketing, it’s always important to try something new.

At CANA, we love group brainstorming discussions to answer strategic questions about the next summit we want to reach. Lindsey and Welton left a few questions to fuel your next brainstorming staff meeting and help you refine your market strategy:

Lately, we’ve all had to reassess the way we do things. Talking to people in your community is different now that most of it isn’t done face-to-face. Fortunately, you can still make meaningful connections, just a in a new way. We must now lean more heavily than ever on technology to connect with our communities.

During social distancing, the ways you used to engage and connect with your families don’t always work, but you know grieving families need your support now more than ever. Grief just can’t wait, and families need you as a guide. As a funeral director, you’re already a problem solver, so think about lending support to those grieving in a way you never have before. Think differently, and think digitally.

Here are five strategies to engage your community virtually during social distancing so you can continue to serve your families in an effective and valuable way.

If events were part of your marketing outreach before the pandemic, make them part of your efforts now, too. Just make them digital. When you plan digital events, thinking outside the box goes a long way. We’ve seen a number of firms use digital events to engage with their community and keep their outreach going. For instance, you can use inexpensive apps to engage your community online. You can learn more about how Guam Windward Memorial did just that in this interview using digital scavenger hunts coupled with community bingo sessions.

These fun-focused events engage your community and highlight your brand rather than directly marketing preneed or at-need services. When creating virtual events focused on engagement, spend a little time brainstorming things your community likes to do and how you can create a digital space to come together around those things. It could be a sport, a community landmark, or a recurring community event like a parade.

If you are ready to dive back into preneed events, hosting digital ones provides an opportunity to personalize your education more than you did in the past. When you host an in-person preneed event, most firms need to reach a broad audience for better attendance since in-person events take more resources (cost, set up, time, etc.) than digital ones. However, when hosting a virtual preneed event using a video conference call, like Zoom, less prep is required so you can hyper-focus your event. Consider promoting events specifically catering to the needs of a target audience: veterans, religious groups, recent widows or widowers, or any other specific group in your community.
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Personalization like this has been proven more effective because people feel you are speaking directly to them and meeting their specific need. Thus, hosting smaller, highly targeted video events increases your chance of winning these individuals over.

People need each other when they are grieving. Social distancing doesn’t have to stop the connection your community members make with each other after a loved one passes. Think about creating new opportunities for grieving families to receive support using virtual options. For instance, if you’re seeing fewer flower sales since the pandemic, consider adding other donation options. Several companies offer a donation tool that allows people to donate toward gifts or services (we are one of them) and community members love being able to contribute in a new way.

Donations can be made to help the family defray funeral costs, for a meal at home from a favorite local restaurant, for groceries, toward an at-home cleaning service, or for keepsakes or memorials. Having multiple options allows your community to choose what resonates with them, and you are the perfect facilitator to connect a grieving family with this act of kindness from the community.
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Many funeral homes offer grief support as part of their aftercare program. Some offer grief support groups. If you’re used to facilitating in-person grief support, take these groups online during times of social distancing. Experiencing a loss during a time when families already feel isolated can make the pain feel worse. Talking about their grief with others will give people the chance to connect around shared experiences. Video services like Zoom or UberConference can be used for these virtual meetings.

Your voice on social media is powerful and important. Your families need your reassurance and guiding words to remind them that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, and that you’ll be there every step of the way with them. Your typical educational content-based strategy still works, but think about adjusting the perspective in a few ways.

You want to remain thoughtful, positive, and informative with the content you share online. Make sure you are up-to-date on facts you post and always double-check your sources.

Beyond being educational, you can use your social media to inspire and spread hope. A few topics we’ve seen perform well with people during a crisis are inspirational or religious quotes, stress relief tips, coping mechanisms, and helpful resources around mental health and grieving. You can, and should, post details about your pandemic safety practices, changes to your services, hours, etc. on social media, too. However, that should not be the only thing you post.

Although social media is a great place to initiate conversation with your families and stay in touch with them, not every message fits the same media channel. As you make connections through social media and other marketing campaigns and build up your contacts, you need to know when to move that conversation to a more private channel.

Your community is happy to see your inspirational posts on Facebook, and these posts are an important part of a solid top-of-mind strategy or conversation starter. Next, you want to deepen the conversation and build a stronger relationship. To do that, you need to move things to a private channel. Enter: a stronger email marketing plan.

Email marketing can help bridge the gap between connections on social media and an in-person or phone meeting. Using email to draw people in with a more meaningful message allows you to create a more personal conversation. Plus, people feel more comfortable sharing details about themselves or asking questions via email than on a Facebook post.

Ideally, you’re already sending a newsletter to your email list. In addition, segment your audience into different categories so you can send additional emails targeted at their specific interests. Some categories might be: Christians, recently widowed, veterans, losing a parent, losing a loved one to addiction or overdose, etc. Creating segmented email campaigns build connections, because the message resonates with their specific experience.

Pro tip: Include links on other topics in each email and see what people click on. This will give you even more information on what people in your community want to learn about.

In navigating this strange new world together, we all have to adapt. Putting on a digital funeral service may be new for you; it’s probably new to your community, too. They need guidance on how to participate in digital services. Just as in-person funeral services help your families realize the finality of their loved one and really begin the grieving process, it’s important to share that digital services offer similar value.

Teach your community the importance of digital services. Also offer them tips on how to attend and participate, such as:

Dear Friends and Colleagues,

I am reaching out to you because you have been a resource and guide for families.

Times are so very strange and challenging and fearful right now and we know that everyone is scrambling to figure out how we honor our dead and support our bereaved from a distance. This is our daily struggle. I know you are dealing with so many questions and unknowns and facing families on their worst day with very few answers to give them. I also know that many churches and clergy are not available to conduct funerals for anyone—even their own church members. Local governments across the world are already telling families they cannot attend funerals. Now we are faced with a world-wide experience that no one could prepare for. We are here, to care for the dead and speak for the bereaved. You are a hero every day, and especially today.

Now is our time to shine. Whether you are a licensed funeral director, a Celebrant, clergy, officiant, chaplain—or one of those myriads of other roles who serve families—we have a bunch of talented and creative people here. Let's think about how to create services that capture the moment and invite people to feel close even when they can't be there.

What I want to offer to each of you is this—if you have families who would like to have a small service now, reach out to a Celebrant in your area, or use my free resource to inspire you, and find a way to connect families at this difficult time. Arrange to meet with them by phone or Facetime or Zoom and gather the stories and put together a service that you can give them now by webcast, or just by print.
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Some of you may find yourself needing to do more family meetings by phone, Facetime or Skype. If you are not familiar with how to do those, ask a teenager—they are out of school with nothing to do right now so they can be your tech support.

Phone family meetings are challenging and you will need to work a little harder to connect with the family and to get them to open up. There's just nothing like face-to-face meetings, but that may not be possible right now.

Some of you may find yourself doing services via webcasting or video or for family only. These situations can also be challenging, but just keep focusing on meeting the needs of the family and the best way to tell the unique story of their loved one, no matter who is sitting in front of you. Or not, as the case may be.

For example—virtual candle lighting ceremonies—invite everyone who is watching to go find a candle/flashlight/something that can light up. Play some quiet background music to give people a moment to do that. Then have everyone light their lights at the same time. Even if you are not on a virtual platform where people can see each other, we can talk about the power of thoughts and presence being represented by our lights.

That's just one that popped into my head.

My thought is two-fold—the fear is, if they walk away now they’ll never come back. If they have a service already prepared and ready, they might be more willing to come back and actually have a chapel service. Or, at the least, they will just have the words to read that will hopefully provide some comfort and guidance for them in this very dark and lonely time and they will be grateful to the funeral home for providing this.

Grief does not wait and demands that we embrace it. We all are grieving our losses right now--loss of movement, loss of income, loss of friends and family, loss of security, loss of trust. A death just magnifies those feelings and the sense of isolation. As the people who are trained for this work, we can help families walk this path and give words of solace and comfort and ways to put the stories in a place that will help.

Every life deserves to be celebrated. Even when we are together from afar.

These are difficult times, for the families, for the funeral directors, for the Celebrants, for everyone. So, let's support each other, be kind, be generous, be vigilant—and wash your hands!

Let me know how we can stand with you in this uncertain time. We are all partners in serving families, even on the hardest days.

Take care and be well!!

The first thing to consider is how the services will be presented.

Some firms already offer webcasting and are comfortable and positioned for this situation. Others will be figuring out very rapidly how to procure the equipment and software and skills.

There are professional companies that offer streaming services on a per service or a monthly fee. You have probably already been contacted by some of these companies in the past few days.

There are public platforms such as Zoom, Facebook Live, Go to Meeting, WebX, etc. Consult with others who have used any of these platforms or services for advice or tips on what works or pitfalls to avoid. For example, Gordon Welch, Executive Director of the Oklahoma Funeral Directors Association informed us that Facebook routinely mutes music streamed on Facebook Live. Apparently, Facebook’s agreements with song producers require Facebook to mute music broadcast over the platform. Unfortunately, BMI, ASCAP and SESAC are not parties to these agreements so there is no way to solve the muting problems with Facebook. Therefore platforms like Zoom, Vimeo or Skype who are not parties to the same type of music copyright infringements agreements work better but still require a webcasting license.

LIVE STREAM WITH FAMILY PRESENT WITH NO PARTICIPANTS VISIBLE ON THE SCREEN.

​Suggestions:

LIVE STREAM WITH OR WITHOUT FAMILY PRESENT AND PARTICIPANTS ARE VISIBLE ON THE SCREEN

Suggestions:

TAPING FOR LATER BROADCAST

OUTSIDE SERVICES

Download the free Ceremonies to Celebrate Together From Afar Resource for Challenging Times as a pdf here.

With everyone seeking information on COVID-19 right now, CANA plans to host a weekly conference call for our members to convene and ask questions of one another, talk best practices, and learn together about COVID-19. Check your inbox for instructions to join, or contact Membership Manager Brie Bingham for more information.

CANA continues to frequently update a blog entry related to COVID-19 as new information becomes available. Be sure to bookmark the blog post and revisit as needed: GoCANA.org/covid19.