Coping with a Career That Chooses You

COPING WITH A CAREER THAT CHOOSES YOU

7/27/2022

Who, in their right mind, would make the choice to be on call 24 hours a day, sometimes for days on end? Who would agree to leave their families at any hour of the day or night – or during holiday meals, or in the middle of a baseball or soccer game – to go and assist people that they’ve never met who are often in the middle of a crisis?

Ours is definitely not a career that would top most individuals’ lists of ideal jobs. We live the life described above every day and many of us never question why.

the lifepath

I believe this career chooses us. We are caregivers, essentially, and that is ingrained in a person. Being a caregiver is not something that can be taught. We are all in the funeral profession, but many of us can’t articulate a “why.” There is no why. It’s simply because it’s where we know we are supposed to be. It’s in our minds, and, more importantly, it’s in our hearts. I use the word lifepath for this phenomenon. Some may use the word calling. I agree with both descriptives, and both reflect that this is not typically a career that is chosen.

Too often, the public perception of a funeral professional is as someone who “gets used to death” or isn’t bothered by it. Little do they know how far from the truth that is. I often reply to those mistaken perceptions by saying that “the moment that this doesn’t bother me is the moment that I need to turn around and walk out that door because I would not be able to serve you as I should.” If death doesn’t affect me any longer, then I am no longer a benefit to the families I aim to serve. My emotion is what allows me the compassion to serve people as I do. Do I have to hide my emotions on a regular basis? Yes. But that doesn’t mean I’m not affected.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE ALL YOU DO!”

This industry is not for the faint of heart. You need the compassion to deal with grieving families, but you also need to have self-confidence and leadership skills to be able to handle the menagerie of scenarios that are thrown your way. Over the years that I have been involved in the business, as we all know, family dynamics have changed drastically! These dynamics play a role in how we approach families, and it can be a game of tiptoe through the minefield. The arrangement conference can be a place where issues that have accrued over many years come to a head, all in front of a funeral director who doesn’t necessarily need or want to know all the family secrets. However, we are forced to play referee in the boxing ring.

On top of all that, we then address the financial side of a funeral. Money is never an easy topic to discuss. It’s even harder when a family does not have the financial means to have the funeral they want for their loved one, and we are the ones that have to tell them that.

Following the arrangement conference, a funeral director has to confirm clergy/celebrant; contact the cemetery; write obituaries, have them approved by family, submit them to the newspapers and proofread for accuracy; file the death certificate and burial permit; go to the health department to pick up the certified death certificates; order merchandise; print memorial items (i.e., register book, memorial cards, thank you cards); remove, dress, casket, and cosmetize the deceased; set up the chapel; schedule staff for viewings and/or services; clean the facility; clean the vehicles; order flowers and arrange for catering; and “other duties as assigned.” All in about 3 days! And, just for one family served! Our minds are going in all different directions trying to make sure that each family feels like they are the only family we are serving.

So many times, I have families say, “I didn’t know you did all this” or “I didn’t know you did that.” Yes, we do. We are here to make this as easy as we can for you.

the toll it takes

With all that we deal with everyday, the rate of burnout is extremely high. Some claim as many as 50% of funeral professionals will leave the industry within the first 5 years after graduation. Recruitment is difficult as well. Mortuary science programs have often reported a decline in admissions over the past 10 years. In 2021, there were 1,546 graduates, which was a 10% decrease in graduates from the previous year meaning 174 fewer people coming to fill the jobs left open. We have less people coming into the industry and the death rate has continued to rise by approximately 1% – tens of thousands of Americans – every year since 2010 (all the worse for the pandemic). That means more work for fewer people. More hours for fewer people. More stress for fewer people. Put all this together, and it’s no surprise our industry can suffer substance abuse and depression issues..

CARE FOR THE CAREGIVERS

It’s essential to remember that caregivers need someone to care for and listen to them. Not only do we navigate the emotion and reality that death brings to the families that we serve, but we also deal with the day-to-day struggles of the workplace, life outside the office, family, our own personal struggles and emotions. Work-life balance takes on new meaning as we try to not let the personal interfere with the lifepath that has chosen us in the death care industry.

If someone knows that they aren’t the only one dealing with a situation, could a sense of solidarity give them the strength and vision to continue to follow their calling? It's not just you. Many of us have been there. I have been there. Knowing that our industry runs high for mental health injuries, it’s important to bring options to those who are questioning if they should stay or go. When employers focus on the mental health of their employees, it leads to increased productivity, improved job satisfaction, higher retention rates and less burnout.

We need to place our own mental health at the forefront so that we can serve the families that request our services to the best of our ability and give them the best that each one deserves.

FUNERAL PROFESSIONALS PEER SUPPORT

The only people that can truly understand what we funeral professionals do and deal with on a daily basis, are others in the industry. This is why Funeral Professionals Peer Support is such a wonderful and welcome addition to our world. It’s for peers, by peers. We are there to educate, to guide, to provide feedback and sometimes just to listen. It’s a safe place for funeral professionals to come if they need someone who understands.

The benefits of peer support have been recognized for years. Some of the benefits that have been found in many settings, such as workplace, addiction counseling and educational have been:

A Kindred Community – the feeling of knowing you are not alone. This can mean that you know that you have someone to talk to if you need it or knowing that others have experienced the same thing that you are going through
A Safe and Comfortable Space – the ability to express your feelings. As mentioned earlier, it is a safe space, and you will not be judged
Practical Solutions – in this space with other professionals, some more seasoned than others, information can be shared on how to deal with challenges with employers, co-workers, or family situations we encounter
Gain Hope – when you gather the 3 benefits above, peer support can provide you with hope that you may not have had prior to talking things out in the safe setting.
Helping Others – persons that attend peer support groups can help others through their words and experiences. You can be in a good place mentally, and still attend peer support. Your experiences can provide insight and guidance to those who need it
Affordability – it’s FREE!!

I am looking forward to meeting some new people at the CANA Convention and I am very excited to continue to spread the word about the benefits of Funeral Professionals Peer Support!!

Funeral Professionals Peer Support Founder Michael Dixon and US Program Director Kim Zavrotny take the stage in Atlanta for CANA's 104th Cremation Innovation Convention to discuss how we are Stronger Together: The Value of Peer Support. Join them August 17-19 to discuss the epidemic of burnout in the profession and strategies to meet this challenge by registering to attend.

If you would like to join Kim, Michael and other funeral professionals for a peer support session, CANA and FPPS are hosting a meeting on Tuesday, August 16, 2022 at 8pm ET / 7pm CT / 5pm PT and every third Tuesday each month. These meetings are open to all funeral service professionals in any stage of their career and any role in funeral service. No need to register, simply visit goCANA.org/peersupport to join the Zoom gathering.

Kim Zavrotny is a licensed funeral director in Maryland. She has worked with McComas Funeral Homes in Harford County, Maryland for over 9 years. She became involved with Funeral Professionals Peer Support in the summer of 2020 and has actively been involved in its growth into the United States and currently serves as the U.S. Director. She truly believes that mental health & well-being is a key factor in the retention, effectiveness and productivity of our funeral professionals. If you are not mentally and physically in your best place in life, how can you serve the families that call on us every day and need us to assist them on the most difficult day in their lives.