Empathy as a Business Principle

This is the sympathy business. On a regular basis, we’re expected to offer up our condolences, well wishes, and sympathy.
 
But empathy, a word which often gets confused for the same thing, is even more important to our success. Sympathy is defined as “feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune.” Empathy, on the other hand, is “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” In short, you can be sympathetic without being empathetic. But empathy will make you not only more effective at caring for the bereaved, but at managing your business.
 
The classic “burial-or-cremation” dichotomy is illustrative of this point. Even those who know better often let our language betray the misunderstanding that there are essentially only two kinds of people in the world: the conservative, religious, pro-burial traditionalists; and the liberal, postmodern, pro-cremation rebels. While it’s perhaps a step in the right direction to understand that not everybody wants the same thing, it’s not nearly a step far enough.

IDEALS® Research

The reality of how the modern American — your customer — sees the world and your business is far, far more nuanced. McKee Wallwork’s proprietary research methodology, IDEALS®, asks thousands of people across the US hundreds  of questions on their Interests, Desires, Emotions, Attitudes, and Lifestyles to discover market Segmentation. This psychographic segmentation research conducted by my firm has shown seven segments that people statistically sort themselves into, and each is much more complicated than a simple preference on burial or religion.
 
For example, if I were to tell you that a heavily tattooed atheist was about to walk through your door to make arrangements, you might have some assumptions about that individual. But the 14% of the population who my firm has nicknamed “Free Spirits” (the most likely segment to have tattoos, and the most likely to identify as atheist) is also the most likely segment to have posted condolences on your firm’s website, the most willing to talk about their own funeral plans, and the least likely to express opposition to a viewing (that’s not a typo). In many ways, the individual you’re liable to write off as a direct-cremation loss is actually highly interested in what you offer.
 
Or, while 40% of the market (a rapidly shrinking number, by the way) is what you might call a traditional funeral consumer, roughly a third of that group is motivated primarily by the quality, and even status symbol, projected by the funeral; another third is motivated by local ownership; and another third is motivated primarily by religion. These three sub-categories look very similar (in life and on paper), but confuse them at your own risk, because the reality is they will prioritize very different needs.
 
At the other end of the spectrum is who we call the “Distanced and Decided.” These are the classic cremationists, but our research revealed an interesting nuance: community size (household size, proximity to family, frequency of communicating with family) seemed to be a driver in these folks’ decisions just as much as politics or religion. In other words, they’re prone to cremate primarily because they don’t believe anyone would come to their graves. This kind of insight reveals how our profession is impacted by societal and cultural shifts, and how new products and services will always be needed, tailored to evolving subcultures.
 
Or, consider the youngest segments planning funerals. They split statistically into two camps: one, the “Resolute Rookies,” are more removed from death than perhaps any group of people in human history: they don’t know anybody who has ever died, and they think they can avoid the whole business as a result. But another cohort their same age is a funeral director’s dream: they understand that funerals are for the living, represent a post-Boomer pendulum swing back toward tradition, religion, ceremony, and viewings, and represent perhaps the most affluent category in recent memory who is ready to spend on funerals (long driveways and long bills).

Empathy Applies to All Segments

The point is this: there’s no silver bullet, and while there is value in letting go of the “all-things-to-all-people” concept that is a burden and a distraction to your business, there’s even more value in thinking really intentionally about empathy. When we look closer than the simple choices and assumptions, we’ll be able to venture a guess at not only what people are asking for, but why. And when we do that, we can lead them toward the considerations and options that not only make for good business, but good grief.
 
We don’t have to be a profession or a business. Our success will only come insofar as we do both. And the better we become at listening, looking deeply, understanding motivations, and seeking to provide people with what they really need (as opposed to what we think they should ask for), the more successful we will become — both as business owners and as servants to hurting families.

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This post looks at just a piece of the IDEALS® research, presented in Eric Layer's session Targeting With Data at CANA's 105th Cremation Innovation Convention in Washington, DC in August 2023.  

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Eric Layer is a Partner at McKee Wallwork and author of The Right Way of Death: Restoring the American Funeral Business to Its True Calling. McKee Wallwork consults with leading funeral homes, cemeteries, and cremation businesses throughout the country on marketing, positioning, research, and cultural health.