MANAGE YOUR STRESS, OR IT WILL MANAGE YOU!

​Stress /stres/
a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances

“I am stressed out”; “It’s so stressful”; “That stresses me out!”… We all use this word in our day-to-day lives. Stress is the common climate that we collectively find ourselves in, and the pandemic has made it worse. No, we are not all in the same pandemic boat, but I write this for our profession, for you — the funeral professional. Our stress often comes from the trauma and pace of the work.

Let me ask you a few therapeutic questions in the language of making this specifically for you and about you. This is where we start, because, like the funeral vehicles we drive, if we don’t keep ourselves fuelled, we cannot function. We do have limits and cannot run on empty. We risk shutting down in an effort to conserve our limited emotional, physical and intrapsychic energy.

When we shut down we are not present for ourselves, our own families and friends and the ones we love, and certainly not for the clients we serve. We short-change everyone, in addition to actually risking our own well-being and succumbing to a chronic condition of disengagement and loss of our hopes and ideals. Sadly, when we are shut down, we can do harm to ourselves and to others. Ask your loved ones how they see your stress showing up. You may be surprised by what they see and say. They may see some blind spots that you are not aware of.

So, back to the therapeutic questions here for you:

• What story are you telling yourself about your stress, and how do you relate to it?
• Can you name your stress?
• Where do you feel it in your body?

This is called “interoception,” and it can lead us to self- awareness and self-regulation. You’ve never thought about it this way? Sometimes in our profession we spend so much time thinking about our bereaved clients that we forget that we are human and need to pause and reflect on our own needs. Please take a few moments to really think about the above questions. It’s all about you because that’s where mental health and self care start—with you—personally and quietly inside. Pause, be still, and listen.

Now that you’ve named and located your stress in your body, how do you manage it so it doesn’t manage you? The good news is that this puts you in charge. The bad news is that it puts you in charge and that we sometimes must do the opposite of how we feel in the moment.

As we’ve identified, stress can be found in our bodies, so movement is the easiest way to help ourselves there. Getting our heart rate up for 30 minutes, even while walking, can help to metabolize the stress hormone called cortisol that rushes through our arteries and veins. Author Laura van Dernoot Lipsky discusses this in her books Trauma Stewardship: An Everyday Guide to Caring for Self While Caring for Others and The Age of Overwhelm: Strategies for the Long Haul. Prolonged exposure to cortisol harms our bodies.
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Can you name nine things that you can do—things you enjoy doing, deep diving into—that help you to you feel balanced, rested and vital? I have been led through this exercise by my colleagues at Being Here, Human, Rachelle Bensoussan and Michelle Williams. It’s harder than you think, and more liberating and life giving than I could imagine!
Take good good care… you are Essential!

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The Canadian Funeral Peer Support answered the call for peer support across the country, in 2018. Branches formed across Canada in many provinces, pre-pandemic, and in-person casual meetings were being held.

Now called Funeral Professional Peer Support, the branches reach out across North America. There are meetings online and you can access meetings from anywhere. You can read about them at www.funeralspeersupport.com.

You can also follow them on Facebook and on Instagram
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This article first appeared in The Canadian Funeral Director Magazine, Spring/Summer 2021 Issue.

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​If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, reach out to these support programs:

Funeral Professionals Peer Support Warmline international: 1-613-917-8057 (call or text)
SAMHSA in the US: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
Wellness Together in Canada: 1-866-585-0445
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If you would like to join your fellow funeral professionals for a peer support session, CANA and FPPS are hosting a meeting on Tuesday, April 18, 2023 at 8pm ET / 7pm CT / 5pm PT and every third Tuesday each month. These meetings are open to all funeral service professionals in any stage of their career and any role in funeral service. No need to register, simply visit goCANA.org/peersupport to join the Zoom gathering.

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Christina Walton is a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist and licensed Funeral Director. Christina is the host of The Funeral Professional Peer Support’s Podcast, Stronger Together. She has a private therapy practice and is the president of The Children’s Grief Foundation of Canada.