STORIES MATTER

We humans use story to make sense of our world. And there is certainly a lot to sort out in our world today. We tell stories about ourselves, our families, our work, our play. When we meet someone new, we likely look for similar information about their lives, and those cues form a story for us about them.

“Hi, I’m Barbara. I live in Chicago, am married, read a lot and binge too much TV. I have two dogs, a feral cat and run an association. What type of association? Well, now the story gets interesting.”

Story is also a valuable way to process the effects of change. During my ten years with CANA, I have experienced the remarkable pace of change in attitudes toward cremation. In the broader profession, cremation was considered a threat to profitability. I heard extreme statements such as, “We burn our trash, not people.” I heard denials such as, “My funeral home doesn’t do direct cremation. That’s for the guy down the street.” It seemed that no one really liked cremation, but it was a necessity.

CANA’s cremation story has been remarkably consistent: Cremation is preparation for memorialization. Cremation can be profitable to a business and accessible to consumers. Every grieving family deserves a funeral director’s attention and expertise.

Today, a new issue too many CANA Members share is a dwindling pipeline of qualified and quality funeral professionals coming in to do this essential work. Whether they are retiring for a new experience or burning out of a challenging job made harder by a pandemic, the workforce feels like it’s shrinking.
​
Fortunately, story can be useful here, too. When I read books about places I have never been, I can imagine myself in the story. Can we create stories about these problems to arrive at solutions and envision different outcomes? Below you’ll find some stories I have heard recently from CANA members during my travels. I challenge you to consider how you would react in each situation, and what solutions you can provide.

1.) kerry is content

Kerry has been working at Baggum & Taggem Funeral Home for 9 years, starting just out of mortuary school as an apprentice. She likes her coworkers, gets along with her boss, and has earned the experience that comes with being a licensed funeral director in the same company and the same town for almost a decade. Martin was just hired on as a new funeral director, filling an opening when Jared left.

Martin graduated the same year as Kerry, but this is his third funeral home because he’s changed employers every few years. He’s catching on, and Kerry doesn’t mind training him, but he brings so many different perspectives to the work they do. She’s beginning to wonder if she’s missed something by staying in one place. But, then again, even if she has, how can she be sure that she’d like a new place as much as she likes where she is now?
​
If you were Kerry, would you stay put or start applying?
If you were Kerry’s boss, what would you do – try to keep a loyal employee or support her finding new opportunities? How?

​2.) EMILY BECAME A FUNERAL DIRECTOR/EMBALMER

Emily is 35 and left a boring office job to follow her passion and become a funeral director. Ever since her father died when she was 14, Emily has been fascinated with funeral directing, but first she followed the career path her father wanted her to follow. She went to college and  found a steady job with benefits in a well-known corporation.

Now, she has student loan debt from two degrees and is happier than she could imagine as a new licensee. Her apprenticeship was hard work, but she had a great mentor and earned great experience in the prep room and the arrangement room while learning the inner workings of her funeral home.

Emily considers herself to be a hard worker and is willing to put in the hours necessary, but also wants to maintain her hobbies and friendships. That was hard during her apprenticeship, but she is wondering if it will even be possible as a full-time funeral director.
​
What does Emily do next? Would you hire her?
How should she navigate her new career? If you were her mentor, how would you advise the next 5-10 years of her career?

​3.) JOHN IS STARTING A NEW POSITION AS RETIRED

Robert sipped his first cup of coffee of the day and scrolled through his LinkedIn feed. No death calls had come in during the night so he slept a solid six hours and was feeling great. A few moments later, he saw a notification from his mortuary school buddy, John:

“John is starting a new position as Retired”

Shaking his head at the peculiar LinkedIn grammar, he contemplated what this meant. Robert hadn’t seen John since last year’s convention when everything seemed fine. They had talked about their kids and grandkids, HR headaches, whether or not to put in a crematory despite all the zoning hassles. Normal stuff. John hadn’t said anything about retiring. Did he sell the business? Is he healthy? What will he do now?

Robert sent John a text: “Congrats, I think?” and continued getting ready for the day. Soon, he heard his phone ping in response:
“Congratulations, definitely. Call me.”
​
What’s next for John? It’s natural to celebrate a friend’s new job or business milestone while comparing yourself to them. Should John retire and/or sell?
Will Robert’s story have a happy ending?

4.) when you assume...

Lori has the potential to be a fantastic funeral home manager. She has a natural charisma to build trust with consumers and coworkers, and she also keeps her eye on the details of the business. However, Lori also has a silver post in her left eyebrow and a blue streak in her dark hair. Mark doesn’t have any of those things – the charisma, eye for detail, or the piercing and dye job. He does have over 15 years of experience and knows the business inside and out.
...
For the third time this month, Lori is staring at an empty shelf. It’s where the Bernard keepsake was supposed to be, but it’s not there. Mrs. Bernard is coming in today – she’d confirmed with her on the phone just yesterday. Before she even knows why it’s empty, she’s already blaming Mark and gearing up to talk to their manager about his inability to follow the process. The paperwork doesn’t show that the family picked the necklace up, but Mark didn’t note it down the last few times either.
...
Lori is glaring at him through the arrangement room’s glass door. It must be the third time this month, and Mark cannot imagine why she’s giving him a hard time when he’s with a grieving family. He greeted Mrs. Bernard when she came to pick up the keepsake necklace and confirmed that all was well when Lori was on lunch earlier. Now, after farewelling Mrs. Bernard, he’s delayed his own break to assist this family who arrived more than an hour ago. He cannot deal with Lori’s attitude and this overdose arrangement on an empty stomach for much longer.
​
How many assumptions can you identify in this story? How would you manage the conflicts?
What if you were Lori? What if you were Mark?

If you have read this far, you know there are infinite possibilities for the Kerry, Martin, Emily, Robert, John, Lori, and Mark in each of these stories. Your reaction to each of them may be a rich source of self-reflection and growth.

what is your story?

The funeral profession values stories. Obituaries and eulogies are stories, whether delivered in person or on social media. Funerals, memorial services and celebrations of life are places to gather and share memories and, yes, stories.

Your business has a story. Perhaps it started out with your great-grandfather building cabinets and coffins and has grown and evolved to his great-granddaughter running twelve locations and an online cremation business. Perhaps it began with you entering mortuary school, working hard in various funeral homes and now contemplating buying your own.
​
Perhaps I haven’t heard your story yet, so I can’t relay it here. But your story matters. Your story helps you organize facts and make sense of life and death. Your story is changing and reacting to new challenges and opportunities. Sharing your story helps you make sense of it, and helps others grow from your experience. Seeing yourself in someone else’s story not only improves your emotional intelligence, but it means you’re that much better prepared to meet a similar challenge in the future.

tell it well!

There are so many compelling reasons to master the art of story and use it as the basis of all your communication. It can help you and your company attract and retain talent. It can help you and your staff to cope with change.
​
Remember, your story matters to all of the many audiences who may hear it. Be sure to construct it carefully, test it and refine it, and shout it from the rooftops once it’s ready.

---

​Your funeral business has many stories to tell. How do you find them and tell them so that they set you apart and grow your business?  Join Barbara Kemmis and CANA for the 2022 Cremation Symposium February 9-11 at The LINQ Hotel + Experience in Las Vegas. Barbara will take the Symposium stage with CANA Education Director Jennifer Werthman to help attendees with Retaining and Engaging Employees Through Story.
​
Visit goCANA.org/CANAconnect to see what else we have planned for the event and register to join other innovative thinkers from across the profession!

---

​Barbara Kemmis, CAE is Executive Director of the Cremation Association of North America, where she promotes all things cremation through member programs, education and strategic partnerships. After more than 20 years of experience in association leadership, Barbara knows that bringing people together to advance common goals is not only fun, but the most effective strategy to get things done.
​
Barbara has served two prior professions as the Director of Member Services at the American Theological Library Association and Vice President of Library and Nonprofit Services at the Donors Forum (now Forefront). Barbara earned a master’s degree in library science from Dominican University, a graduate certificate in nonprofit management from North Park University and a B.A. from Earlham College. In 2021, Barbara earned the Certified Association Executive credential in recognition for her expertise and experience.