The Cremation Experience Before and During the Pandemic

Consumers have driven the popularity of cremation and funeral directors, cemeterians and crematory operators are doing their best to keep up with demand. In May 2019, Homesteaders Life Company and CANA set out to explore a consumers’ experience with cremation from women who personally made the arrangements for a loved one. Our goal was to explore beyond multiple choice responses to get to the question “Why?”. When we dig down to uncover motivations for their decisions, we can attempt to understand their experience from beginning to end. Put simply, we sought to better discover the cremation experience.

We listened to the perspectives of several groups over the course of three months. All participants were Baby Boomer-aged women living in Phoenix, Arizona or Nashville, Tennessee who were arranging a cremation for the first or second time. As the women described their cremation experiences, they realized that they often had very different experiences and learned from each other. They expressed a desire for more information or education about cremation, since this was often a new tradition in their families. There were many insights gleaned during the focus groups, but we are highlighting just a few in this post that stand out.

1: Consumers Want More Education

The focus group participants raised several questions, many of them related to handling of “ashes.” Participants suspected some rules existed, but weren’t sure what the rules were or where to find them. In general, the women tended to do what they wanted, but they carefully watched over their shoulder just in case it was improper – or even illegal. That is definitely not the best cremation experience.

Often, these women learned from friends or their own experiences rather than having a go-to resource. Google was mentioned more than once as a starting place to research information on cremation options. Many women noted that they were pretty familiar with “traditional funerals” but that they weren’t as knowledgeable about what cremation entailed. It’s a newer tradition, and they felt that not as much information is available to help them understand the process.

Where did these families get ideas for the service? The internet. Where did they find a cremation provider? Mr. Google. They didn’t have to wait to sit down with a funeral director to get a price list of goods and services. They researched online and put together a preliminary budget well before meeting at the funeral home.

If they didn’t like the urns or jewelry on display in the arrangement room, they turned to – you guessed it – the internet: Amazon, Etsy, Walmart, and other retailers they know and trust that feature product reviews and recommendations on these keepsakes they probably haven’t bought before. Not one woman described returning to the funeral home to purchase cremation jewelry or an urn after the service. This was qualitative research, and not quantitative, so it is possible that many families do return to the funeral home for merchandise, but this research did not suggest that is common.

So what’s a local cremation provider to do? You may want to consider additional ways to reach out to consumers and help them understand all of the options available for service and memorialization. Be the expert in cremation. Become the trusted information source in your community. Don’t be afraid to talk about cremation and the options it provides. Consumers will choose cremation whether you talk about it or not. It’s better to be the expert than leave the consumer to figure it out without you.

2: Language Matters

Funeral professionals speak a different language than cremation consumers. Over the years, funeral professionals and society decided that euphemisms were gentler and kinder.

But sometimes euphemisms are confusing and the situation demands specific language to describe a process or professional practice. Death care, much like other professions, has developed its own jargon to describe its work, particularly with cremation to establish its differences to burial and related practices and products. However that jargon may be confusing rather than increasing understanding when talking with consumers.

How can we connect with consumers if we are speaking different languages? The table below highlights some of the language disconnects uncovered during the research.

Industry Term	Words Consumers Use
Funeral director	“The guy,” “the funeral home,” “the mortuary”
Columbarium	Mausoleum, vault, wall, “that thing with the drawers
Niche	Drawer, “the little thing they put the ashes in”
Urn	Box, bag
Cremated Remains/Cremains	Ashes
Scatter	Dump, drop, spread
Body removal/first call	Pick up/take away the body

This language disconnect was painfully obvious from the first minutes of the first focus group. The most common example is one of the most common terms in cremation: “ashes.” Today, mortuary science and funeral service students are taught the terms “cremated remains” and “cremains”, which are also widely used by funeral professionals. And yet not one single focus group participant used any term other than “ashes.”

In the arrangement room, funeral professionals rarely correct a consumer they are serving, but rather translate “ashes” to “cremated remains” in their head, or simply mirror the language used by grieving family members to provide comfort and promote understanding. But what about a website or other marketing materials? Should written consumer-facing language use common terms like “pick up the body” instead of “first call” to build common ground and understanding? More and more death care providers are doing so for reasons ranging from SEO to increasing sales.

3: Preplan Please

The focus group participants quite unexpectedly raised a particular topic on their own: preplanning. Preplanning, advance planning, prearranging – whatever you like to call it – was never part of the research’s list of topics to explore. Nevertheless, it was something the women brought up during the “Queen for a Day” exercise that occurred near the end of each focus group.

The participants were crowned “Queen for a Day” and asked to issue a decree. They could make any change they wanted and the whole world would have to follow their order. This was intended to encourage them to describe their ideal cremation experience. Not surprisingly, the most common decree was to bring back their loved one. The second most common request, however, was a complete surprise: they decreed that everyone preplan, prepay and discuss their wishes with their family member in advance.

Why was preplanning so important to these women? Like many family members, they wished they would have known more of the details their loved one wanted for their celebration of life. While they may have known their loved one wanted to be cremated, they may not have known much more than that. What about a venue? What about musical selections or special readings? What about thoughts on what to do with the “ashes” after the ceremony?

Perhaps if the women had known more about the “new” tradition of cremation they would have tried to ask their loved one more questions. Better yet if their loved one had preplanned, those questions would have naturally been raised and answered. What a relief the focus group participants would have felt knowing that they were fulfilling all of their loved one’s final wishes, not just the desire to be cremated.

Prior consumer research tells us that some people feel it’s not necessary to preplan when a cremation is involved. Actually, the opposite may be true. If cremation is a new tradition within a family, how will the survivors know what to do? Imagine this scenario: a husband wants to be cremated but he and his spouse never get around to talking about it. Then the husband dies and the spouse simply turns to what is most familiar and selects a casketed burial instead of cremation. Preplanning isn’t tied to the type of service, disposition and permanent placement chosen. The whole point of planning ahead is to formally document the deceased’s wishes, that way the family can truly honor them and is spared the pain of merely guessing what those wishes were.

The existing language disconnects discussed earlier are also a good example of why preplanning is beneficial. Any clarifications of what different terms mean can be addressed in advance. The result is a much more satisfying experience for both the funeral professional and family at the time of need instead of trying to find common language during a time of extreme stress.

Aside from wanting their loved one back, these women expressed a desire for people to talk about their final wishes in advance to make the at-need arrangement process easier. Please encourage all families, regardless of what type of celebration of life they want, to preplan (and prefund if possible) before it’s too late.

Looking to the Future

Is this research still relevant during a pandemic? It stands to reason that the insights gleaned are still helpful. During this pandemic, millions of families have experienced the death of a loved one. In 2019, the US experienced 2.8 million deaths, but preliminary counts indicate the national number exceeded 3.1 million in 2020. Conventional wisdom states that most families experience a death every 7-10 years, so many adults may only plan three or four funerals in their lifetime. But during the pandemic, nearly everyone in this country knows someone who has died – whether friend, family member or celebrity.

Preliminary numbers indicate that cremation rates in the US jumped nearly 3% in 2020. The focus group participants may offer insight as to why. The women described cremation as simpler, as you make the choice to cremate in the moment and that is all that is required – no casket, clothes, or cemetery needed right away. Cremation is legally considered to be final disposition, so they can take the cremated remains home with them and make other decisions at their pace. This possession is also appealing, particularly for a spouse or child who can keep their loved one close. The decision for permanent placement in a cemetery or scattering can come later, even generations later, which may be particularly helpful under pandemic restrictions.

CANA and Homesteaders Life Company set out to understand WHY women are choosing cremation and to better understand what cremation is or is not in the consumers’ mind. What we heard is that their loved one requested cremation and they had to figure out and plan what that experience was for their family and friends. Despite a desire for more education and confusion about language, these women had no regrets. In fact, they were highly satisfied and wouldn’t change a thing about their experience.

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This post is excerpted from a five-part series in The Cremationist, CANA’s quarterly magazine available exclusively for members. The full series explores seven key insights in-depth and features perspectives from CANA Members on how they see these experiences in their business. CANA Members: log in and access the full magazine archives with your member credentials. Not a member yet? Join to access this research and much more.

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Pam Kleese joined Homesteaders in 2005, bringing research and analytics experience gained through positions with the Maytag Corporation and Gateway. In her current role as Director—Research & Insights, she leads the company’s business intelligence functions and provides custom research services for Homesteaders’ customers.

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Barbara Kemmis is Executive Director of the Cremation Association of North America where she promotes all things cremation through member programs, education and strategic partnerships. After more than 20 years of experience in association leadership, Barbara knows that bringing people together to advance common goals is not only fun, but the most effective strategy to get things done.