Grief Awareness and Support for Children

GRIEF AWARENESS AND SUPPORT FOR CHILDREN

11/2/2022

For every death in the US, research shows that an average of nine close family members grieve. As funeral professionals, you are called to serve these people, plus the friends, coworkers, neighbors, and many others that face an uncertain future without their loved one. Your job is all the more important—and more challenging—when those people are children.

The 2022 Children Bereavement Estimation Model (CBEM) estimates that over 5.9% children will lose a parent or sibling before the age of 18 in the US. That is one in 13 children, a number that has only increased since COVID. In the US, the Hidden Pain Initiative estimates that over 203,649 children under 18 lost a caregiver to COVID-19.

November is Children and Teens’ Grief Awareness Month, so we thought we would take a moment to reflect on what makes childhood grief unique and share some valuable resources to support your work with these most vulnerable and important members of your community.

JUDI’S HOUSE/JAG INSTITUTE

Former National Football League quarterback Brian Griese and his wife, Dr. Brook Griese, a clinical psychologist specializing in childhood trauma and loss, founded Judi’s House in memory of his mother, who died from breast cancer when he was just 12 years old. While the organization’s events are primarily directed to children and families in need in Denver, the Judi’s House/JAG Institute Childhood Bereavement Estimation Model (CBEM), developed with the New York Life Foundation, provides valuable insight on the impact grief has on youth, families, and communities across the country.

Knowledge is power, and the CBEM provides both national and state-level information on children’s grief. If you want to take action on issues your community faces, the CBEM provides messaging, downloadable graphics, and an action plan to help you serve as a resource regarding the impact on children’s grief in your community..

DOUGY CENTER

The Dougy Center started with 13-year-old Dougy, who had an inoperable brain tumor and needed to talk honestly about death and dying. The Center’s original peer support opportunities in Portland, Oregon, grew to become a national resource where grieving children, teens, young adults, and families can share their experiences before and after a death.

Through their Resources for Caring Community Professionals, the Dougy Center offers tip sheets to help children facing a variety of needs, activities to engage kids and teens, and a bookstore filled with resources on many topics, including What About the Kids? Understanding Their Needs in Funeral Planning & Services. They also have selfcare resources for helping professionals, a podcast to talk about Grief Out Loud, and Grief Education & Training on how to better support children, teens, and young adults who are grieving.

ELUNA

Eluna was founded in 2000 by former Major League Baseball pitcher Jamie Moyer and child advocate Karen Phelps Moyer in Seattle, Washington. Today, their network has expanded to every Major League Baseball city as well as additional locations across the US and Canada. They’re best known for Camp Erin, a free weekend camp for grieving children and teens that combines traditional, fun camp activities with grief education and emotional support.

They also have hundreds of resources on children’s grief, including many activity ideas to help grieve and memorialize loved ones. Their Community Conversations touch on the unique experiences of grief in Black and Latino communities, with resources that speak directly to them. Eluna also offers care packages for children to provide outlets and ways to connect when facing grief.

HIGHMARK CARING FOUNDATION

The Highmark Caring Foundation serves many counties in central and western Pennsylvania. Their website offers insights on how children grieve, asking “What is lost? What is left? What is possible?” The Foundation’s Illuminating HOPE is a virtual gathering of butterflies with meaningful messages so children know that they are supported in their grief.

Highmark also recognizes November 17, 2022 as Children's Grief Awareness Day, offering a full day of virtual activities to support children and raise awareness of their experiences. The organization provides resources to participate during the day with graphics, messages, and many activities to unite your community in support of grieving children. Remember to wear blue on November 17!

NATIONAL ALLIANCE FOR CHILDREN’S GRIEF

The National Alliance for Children’s Grief (NACG) was founded by committed grief professionals who saw a need to support children’s unique experience. Today, they are a professional member organization of over 1,700 members addressing issues related to childhood bereavement. Every year, NACG offers national and regional conferences to focus on issues that matter. Their virtual Fall Conference, sponsored by Dignity Memorial, is this Friday, November 4, 2022, and will focus on supporting children and families following a stigmatized death.

For members and non-members alike, NACG offers a resource library filled with articles on providing support, activity ebooks to engage children in their experience and feelings, and more. In honor of Children’s Grief Awareness Month in November, the group hosts a series of events to raise awareness and support for grieving children. This November 2022, their focus is listening, and you can join their free grief talks, share their social campaign, and use their action center get your community involved.

FUNERAL SERVICE FOUNDATION

As you’re likely already aware, the Funeral Service Foundation is dedicated to improving the funeral profession and deathcare services with meaningful, impactful resources and programs. On the subject of children’s grief, they offer several free resources on the value of funerals and memorialization for a child’s positive grief journey.

WITH SPECIFIC MISSIONS, THERE’S ALSO:

Tuesday’s Children provides a lifetime of healing for families who have been forever changed by terrorism, military conflict, or mass violence.
Hidden Pain is a platform to honor the stories of children that have lost a caregiver to COVID-19 and provide resources to help them and their families as they rebuild and look to the future.
Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) provides care and resources for all those grieving the death of a military or veteran loved one.
A core program of the New York Life Foundation is childhood bereavement support. They offer resources, including the free Kai's Journey book series which explores a child's journey through loss, grief, resiliency, and healing.
In addition to grief support, Eluna also provides support for children impacted by a family member’s substance use disorder to build resiliency and break the cycle of addiction.
Rainbows for All Children provides peer support meetings and more to support children through grief, as well as parental divorce, incarceration and other trauma.
Roberta’s House deserves special mention. This grief center was built where March Funeral Home was originally founded in 1957 and grew from the existing bereavement program created by the March Family’s Funeral Service. Their program was founded when the March family recognized that bereavement care and support did not exist in Baltimore City. The grief center now serves an average of 2,000 families through its 13 grief support programs each year with 700 trained volunteers and growing staff.

WHAT YOU CAN DO

Research shows that grieving children are at much greater risk than others for depression, suicide, poverty, and substance abuse. Supporting them in their grief is a challenging but rewarding part of your work as a funeral professional. This resource list is here to help!

However, this list cannot possibly encompass the valuable work that your community provides to its youth. Most of these national and international organizations provide ways of identifying local resources from individual grief counselors to peer support groups and organizations suited to your community’s needs.

As a funeral professional, you never know who will walk in your door next. Having the resources on hand to provide support and the skills to support the grieving go a long way toward demonstrating your commitment to your families and your community. As Tom Anderson remarked in Funeral Director Daily, simply knowing there is a need isn’t enough. As a profession, we need to listen to their need and go above and beyond for these families and these children.

You can update your website and your brochure rack with resources from national and local children’s bereavement centers – like Healing Hearts Connection supporting community members in Minnesota and Wisconsin where Alicia Carr (of CANA Member Kelco Funeral Supply) is a Board Member. You can educate yourself so that when you see a family, you can be ready to support their grief and help them find other support systems. And, if you see a need in your community, you can take action to raise awareness with your leaders and organizations, informed by what you’ve learned from these sources.

The next time you host a community event, you can give extra thought to the grieving children, teens, and young adults with activities just for them. Next year, you can even hold your own event in November to raise awareness and support for Children and Teen’s Grief Awareness Month.

Grief expert Doug Manning says, “Time does not heal all wounds. All time does is allow wounds to fester and create more and more hurt.” Every person we encounter in deathcare is in some type of grief. Each grief experience is unique and we must become adept at recognizing and responding to each manifestation of grief in each person. That’s where The Power of Presence comes in. Developed with experts at InSight Books, this online and on-demand course shows you what grief can look like and how you can respond.