Early on in my career a mentor of mine said these words to me when I was dealing with some challenges associated with a family we were serving: “It takes all kinds to make the world go round.” I was still fairly new to the funeral service scene and hadn’t experienced the joys of dealing with families that didn't agree or get along very well. This phrase stuck with me all these years and seems perfectly fitted to where our great big crazy funeral service world is these days—or maybe just the world in general. Yet, in many ways I also feel like we have somehow missed the mark in funeral service insofar as actually “seeing” how diverse our profession really is, both internally and related to the families we serve.

You’d be hard pressed to find a funeral director who will tell you that they’ve seen it all. Most agree that no matter how long your career in funeral service may be, you will simply not see everything. I have to say that over these last couple of years, we as funeral service professionals have seen and experienced things that we never thought we would. If recent times have taught us anything, it’s that changing our ways may not have the downside we anticipated.

One of the changes that has been most profound for me has been witnessing firsthand how much more diverse our profession and our clientele are—more so than I had ever realized before. As we enter Pride Month 2022, I’m humbled to say that I have made a small contribution to the long-overdue conversation about bringing more visibility to the LGBTQ+ Community. We need to do this within the funeral service profession while also helping our colleagues learn how to serve our community better. My experience has confirmed that we, as funeral and cremation service providers, must become better attuned to the diversity both in each other and in our clients—which is often staring us right in the face.

Diversity, Equity and Inclusion have generated quite the buzz across many industries of late. And while this recognition is long overdue, it’s clearly here to stay. How will this change the way we provide funeral and cremation services to our families and embrace all employees?

Here are a few thoughts:

If I had a nickel for every time my mother said these very words to me as I grew into a—well let’s say “challenging” adolescent—I would be a wealthy man! But, when you stop and think about it, how we speak to our families and to our fellow employees can be way more impactful than we imagine.

Many years ago, I encountered a situation where a family did not want to mention the partner of one of the deceased’s children in the obituary. That son, by the way, was sitting at the same table as his siblings to make funeral arrangements for their mom. The family felt that it would be awkward to mention his partner since the couple wasn’t married—despite the fact that gay marriage wasn’t even an option at the time. Although it took some effort to contain myself, I assured his siblings that we could and should list anyone who is important to the deceased or her family.

This intervention brought some resolution to the situation while also validating the relationship between the son and his partner. I’ll never forget it.

We should choose our words carefully and, even more importantly, be cognizant of the way we deliver those words. What we say and how we say it to a family could change the trajectory of their entire experience with us, for better or for worse. I hope that son, and his whole family, took my words to heart that day and valued every member of their family.

Today’s families want and need to know what their options are. They want time to make decisions, and they certainly don’t want to feel that they are being spoken down to. We never want them to question if there were other options available after the fact and so must offer them everything from the beginning. So, take a little extra time to think about what you say before you say it, and carve out a little time after serving a family to reflect on what went well, or not so well, and find ways to improve for next time.

When it comes to the workplace, the same concept easily applies. We must have the same sensitivity to the words we say and how we say them when interacting with fellow employees. Fostering an inclusive work environment where diversity is celebrated and not ignored means educating ourselves on inclusive language to accommodate the backgrounds and cultures of our teammates. It does no good for morale for even one single employee to feel discriminated against or  marginalized as less than their colleagues because of their differences. In a profession where compassion and empathy are key to success, it shouldn’t be too challenging to nurture a work environment where all feel included and embraced.

Of all the musicals I had an opportunity to perform in during my high school days, Fiddler on the Roof was by far my favorite. (A video is available to those interested, but I digress.) The crux of the show is the concept of tradition and the struggles that often go along with watching the traditions we have known our whole lives begin to change. In our profession, we often use the term “Traditional Funeral;” however I’ve tried to get away from that because, with over 15 years in this business, it’s been my first-hand experience that just one tradition simply doesn’t exist (and perhaps never really did).

There are numerous customs and traditions associated with everything from the mode of final disposition to how the deceased is memorialized. Throwing the word “tradition” around too much may alienate families that feel self-conscious for not conforming to what funeral professionals  view as traditional. Especially as cremation continues to become more prevalent than ever before, let’s reassure our families that “tradition” is whatever they want to make it and make sure we honor those traditions, whether they match our ideas or not.

I’ll never forget when I offered to have a couple of classic cars parked outside the funeral home during visitation for a family I was working with. This was not a groundbreaking idea by any means, but for them it instantly made them feel seen. They felt that their husband and father, who LOVED working on classic cars, was more than just another person we were caring for and that his life mattered. Perhaps having some hot rods at the funeral home wasn’t what they envisioned as “traditional,” but it certainly was the best fit for them.

If the pandemic has taught us anything it’s that a good shake up in the funeral service industry may have been long overdue. We turned on a dime to respond to the need for offering our families more technology than ever—and were able to provide never-seen-before products and services. We have begun to better recognize that the demographics of funeral service professionals are changing rapidly and that more and more so-called “first generation” funeral professionals are taking on ownership roles within the profession. We simply have to realize that times, they are a-changin’ and we better get on board before it’s too late.

We may not know exactly where we’ll land, but we need to be creative and open to offering today’s families what they’re looking for. We don’t need to make everything up as we go along, but sometimes the best ideas on how to give pause to a loss and pay proper tribute to a life lived come from the places we least expect. My hope is that we end up in a funeral service world where we don’t grasp too firmly to the concept of “This is how we’ve always done it” but rather “Let’s try it.”

Diversity in our workplaces and in the wants and needs of the families we serve each day is quickly earning a front row seat in our profession. A thoughtful and sensitive response is essential to our success. So, do a little homework on diversity, equity, and inclusion and see how you can incorporate it into your world. And by the way, happy Pride.

What is the true definition of culture and why is it important in business and our profession?
The dictionary defines culture as a collection of behaviors and beliefs associated with a particular group. It is also the quality of a person or group of people that comes from appreciating excellence.

As an owner since 1989, after reading Dr. Gustavo’s book, I began to realize that our company culture was not effective and that it was upside down. I had been raised and always thought that our customers were our most important asset and that we should do everything to make them our #1 priority.  I had a business coach and consultant come in and conduct a 360 on me and others in management. What we learned was that our staff was afraid of failing and afraid of failing me as the owner if they made a mistake in service to our customers. Wow, what an eye-opener that was! Our culture was one of getting everything right for the customer each time and doing our best to not have our staff fail. Thus, each day, team Baue functioned with a fear of failing.

This culture was not working. No staff can be motivated by fear of failure. They needed to be supported, trained to know it was ok to fail. We as owners and managers had to change our behaviors and share our failures with them too. We learned they needed more praise, encouragement, and enhanced training. They also needed to feel supported, understood, and know that they mattered to us as our first priority in every decision we made.

Today, during the worldwide pandemic, many staff and funeral service professionals around the country and the world continue to feel isolated, fearful, and alone. Some have experienced their own losses and are exhausted. We are seeing and reading about employees who are leaving our profession and companies in larger numbers more than ever before.  Our profession is part of the “Great Resignation” and at the same time, deaths are increasing, not just from the pandemic, but from an aging population.

The question we should be asking ourselves, is what are we going to do about this? We struggle to find new hires, new licensees, and those that continue on our team are tired and could be considering leaving in the future. The next generation of Millennials and Gen Z (those born after 1993) are not entering our profession, nor enrolling in mortuary schools in large enough numbers to fill the losses we are experiencing. Something must give, and somebody must do something. That somebody, I believe is us! That somebody is looking back at us in the mirror every morning.

Wake up funeral service! Admit we have made mistakes and go fix them!!!

As a profession, we must acknowledge that we are not managing our cultures correctly, nor do we have our licensing laws aligned with the desires and skills for future employee retention. The licensing law topic is a blog for another day. Suffice it to say that most of the licensing we require, along with the training we provide, is not aligning with what a future hire wants to attend, nor what our client family’s needs are. Is it occurring to any of us that we are misaligned in our efforts and the culture we have created? Does it concern us that our clients are arranging direct burials and direct cremations in increasing numbers, and not choosing us to help with the service or they are choosing no service at all?

I believe that we can and must do things differently going forward. My “wake up call” was in 2014. I chose to behave differently as a leader. I chose to do something about our culture to better care for our team members and show them how much they were appreciated. I chose to listen to their development and work environment needs. We changed our focus from our customers to our staff and began on a path to help them become the best leaders, caregivers, and the best event planners they could be. I do not think it was by accident that our company volume grew, nor that we became the “employer of choice” in our region for years to come. It convinced me back then as it does today, that a strong positive culture of caring more for our team members than we do for our customers was and is the right thing to do.

In June of 1912, our 26th President of the United States, Teddy Roosevelt, stated “Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.” This quote was shared while he was speaking in Chicago, IL.

For more ideas from Chicago, I interviewed Barbara Kemmis, Executive Director of the Cremation Association of North America (CANA), headquartered in the greater Chicago area for my Elevating Women in Funeral Service Series on the Your Funeral Coach Talks podcast. Barbara shared her thoughts on mentorship, leadership and the growth CANA has experienced in membership, finances, and programs. She also consulted her crystal ball to discuss the future growth of cremation and trends in our profession. I hope you will listen in. 

Be well, spend some time this week showing others in your organization how much you care, want to hear their ideas, concerns, and fears.
And most of all, I hope you discover your “wake up call” as you look in the mirror tomorrow morning and think about what you want for your company’s future culture. Better yet, ask your team what they think!

Story is also a valuable way to process the effects of change. During my ten years with CANA, I have experienced the remarkable pace of change in attitudes toward cremation. In the broader profession, cremation was considered a threat to profitability. I heard extreme statements such as, “We burn our trash, not people.” I heard denials such as, “My funeral home doesn’t do direct cremation. That’s for the guy down the street.” It seemed that no one really liked cremation, but it was a necessity.

CANA’s cremation story has been remarkably consistent: Cremation is preparation for memorialization. Cremation can be profitable to a business and accessible to consumers. Every grieving family deserves a funeral director’s attention and expertise.

Today, a new issue too many CANA Members share is a dwindling pipeline of qualified and quality funeral professionals coming in to do this essential work. Whether they are retiring for a new experience or burning out of a challenging job made harder by a pandemic, the workforce feels like it’s shrinking.
​
Fortunately, story can be useful here, too. When I read books about places I have never been, I can imagine myself in the story. Can we create stories about these problems to arrive at solutions and envision different outcomes? Below you’ll find some stories I have heard recently from CANA members during my travels. I challenge you to consider how you would react in each situation, and what solutions you can provide.

Kerry has been working at Baggum & Taggem Funeral Home for 9 years, starting just out of mortuary school as an apprentice. She likes her coworkers, gets along with her boss, and has earned the experience that comes with being a licensed funeral director in the same company and the same town for almost a decade. Martin was just hired on as a new funeral director, filling an opening when Jared left.

Martin graduated the same year as Kerry, but this is his third funeral home because he’s changed employers every few years. He’s catching on, and Kerry doesn’t mind training him, but he brings so many different perspectives to the work they do. She’s beginning to wonder if she’s missed something by staying in one place. But, then again, even if she has, how can she be sure that she’d like a new place as much as she likes where she is now?
​
If you were Kerry, would you stay put or start applying?
If you were Kerry’s boss, what would you do – try to keep a loyal employee or support her finding new opportunities? How?

Emily is 35 and left a boring office job to follow her passion and become a funeral director. Ever since her father died when she was 14, Emily has been fascinated with funeral directing, but first she followed the career path her father wanted her to follow. She went to college and  found a steady job with benefits in a well-known corporation.

Now, she has student loan debt from two degrees and is happier than she could imagine as a new licensee. Her apprenticeship was hard work, but she had a great mentor and earned great experience in the prep room and the arrangement room while learning the inner workings of her funeral home.

Emily considers herself to be a hard worker and is willing to put in the hours necessary, but also wants to maintain her hobbies and friendships. That was hard during her apprenticeship, but she is wondering if it will even be possible as a full-time funeral director.
​
What does Emily do next? Would you hire her?
How should she navigate her new career? If you were her mentor, how would you advise the next 5-10 years of her career?

Robert sipped his first cup of coffee of the day and scrolled through his LinkedIn feed. No death calls had come in during the night so he slept a solid six hours and was feeling great. A few moments later, he saw a notification from his mortuary school buddy, John:

“John is starting a new position as Retired”

Shaking his head at the peculiar LinkedIn grammar, he contemplated what this meant. Robert hadn’t seen John since last year’s convention when everything seemed fine. They had talked about their kids and grandkids, HR headaches, whether or not to put in a crematory despite all the zoning hassles. Normal stuff. John hadn’t said anything about retiring. Did he sell the business? Is he healthy? What will he do now?

Robert sent John a text: “Congrats, I think?” and continued getting ready for the day. Soon, he heard his phone ping in response:
“Congratulations, definitely. Call me.”
​
What’s next for John? It’s natural to celebrate a friend’s new job or business milestone while comparing yourself to them. Should John retire and/or sell?
Will Robert’s story have a happy ending?

Lori has the potential to be a fantastic funeral home manager. She has a natural charisma to build trust with consumers and coworkers, and she also keeps her eye on the details of the business. However, Lori also has a silver post in her left eyebrow and a blue streak in her dark hair. Mark doesn’t have any of those things – the charisma, eye for detail, or the piercing and dye job. He does have over 15 years of experience and knows the business inside and out.
...
For the third time this month, Lori is staring at an empty shelf. It’s where the Bernard keepsake was supposed to be, but it’s not there. Mrs. Bernard is coming in today – she’d confirmed with her on the phone just yesterday. Before she even knows why it’s empty, she’s already blaming Mark and gearing up to talk to their manager about his inability to follow the process. The paperwork doesn’t show that the family picked the necklace up, but Mark didn’t note it down the last few times either.
...
Lori is glaring at him through the arrangement room’s glass door. It must be the third time this month, and Mark cannot imagine why she’s giving him a hard time when he’s with a grieving family. He greeted Mrs. Bernard when she came to pick up the keepsake necklace and confirmed that all was well when Lori was on lunch earlier. Now, after farewelling Mrs. Bernard, he’s delayed his own break to assist this family who arrived more than an hour ago. He cannot deal with Lori’s attitude and this overdose arrangement on an empty stomach for much longer.
​
How many assumptions can you identify in this story? How would you manage the conflicts?
What if you were Lori? What if you were Mark?

If you have read this far, you know there are infinite possibilities for the Kerry, Martin, Emily, Robert, John, Lori, and Mark in each of these stories. Your reaction to each of them may be a rich source of self-reflection and growth.

The funeral profession values stories. Obituaries and eulogies are stories, whether delivered in person or on social media. Funerals, memorial services and celebrations of life are places to gather and share memories and, yes, stories.

Your business has a story. Perhaps it started out with your great-grandfather building cabinets and coffins and has grown and evolved to his great-granddaughter running twelve locations and an online cremation business. Perhaps it began with you entering mortuary school, working hard in various funeral homes and now contemplating buying your own.
​
Perhaps I haven’t heard your story yet, so I can’t relay it here. But your story matters. Your story helps you organize facts and make sense of life and death. Your story is changing and reacting to new challenges and opportunities. Sharing your story helps you make sense of it, and helps others grow from your experience. Seeing yourself in someone else’s story not only improves your emotional intelligence, but it means you’re that much better prepared to meet a similar challenge in the future.

There are so many compelling reasons to master the art of story and use it as the basis of all your communication. It can help you and your company attract and retain talent. It can help you and your staff to cope with change.
​
Remember, your story matters to all of the many audiences who may hear it. Be sure to construct it carefully, test it and refine it, and shout it from the rooftops once it’s ready.

​Regardless of your role in the industry, it is important to understand the current laws and regulations that govern your work. The COVID-19 pandemic has led to the implementation of many new laws and regulations which may impact your business. Put aside the necessary time to review the federal, state, and local laws and regulations which affect your daily operations.
​
While right to control final disposition and cremation authorization issues continue to dominate legal complaints against people and businesses in this industry, there have been many new developments in the area of labor and employment, employee safety, and non-discrimination laws which may impact your business. If you have difficulty finding the statutes and regulations governing you and your business, try searching the web sites for your state association or licensing board – they often have links available. Federal OSHA and EEOC web sites, and their state counterparts, also provide significant information and updates.

Employment issues are a prevalent headache across all industries and business models. Address common concerns in your employee handbook, so that everyone is on notice of the standards to which they will be held accountable, including:

• Implement clear, unambiguous policies on work hours, time off, sick leave, and vacation time.
• Be mindful that there have been changes in the law and agency guidance on dress codes and make the necessary changes.
• Have appropriate sexual harassment policies in place.
• Communicate your expectations regarding social media use and restrictions on employee posts on business matters.
• Make sure employees are aware that social media is not for airing workplace grievances or complaints.

Make sure your insurance agent or broker understands your business. Make time for these critical discussions. Do not assume that your insurance agent or broker “just knows” because he or she has worked with you in the past. Too often there are gaps in coverage discovered when you need insurance assistance or defense to a legal claim, when it is too late to put the protections you need in place.

Many gaps in coverage result from your agent or broker not understanding your daily work and operations sufficiently to make sure that what you actually do is covered. Just because you have “professional liability” insurance, you have no guarantee that all of your professional services are covered. Proactive insurance strategies will serve you best.

Take some time to think about the education and assistance which will benefit you and your business most in the upcoming year. Then, search for continuing education opportunities that will assist in meeting your goals. There are in person and online resources available to address almost any concern as an industry professional or business owner. Some jurisdictions even allow you to get your crematory operator certification online.
​
While this might be challenging as we all face the realities of a continuing pandemic, it is important to find those educational opportunities that will provide the insight and knowledge you need for success now and in the future.

Getting your new year off to a good start can jumpstart accomplishing your business’s New Year’s resolutions. Best wishes for your success in 2022!
CANA Members: Your association is here to help! If you ever need these resources or anything else offered by CANA, reach out.

Millennials currently make up the largest portion of the U.S. workforce. They are known for their familiarity with the internet, social media, and digital devices. As a generation that grew up on stickers and participation trophies, millennials have come to place high importance on collaboration, teamwork and helping the greater good.

So what are the things that you're putting in place for these workers? Because if you’re thinking, “well, I'll just wait.” What you're waiting for is not necessarily coming. Millennials make up about 75% of the workplace, there are more MBAs in the millennial generation than have no degrees at all, 30% of them are living with family, and 36% have tattoos. Planning for the future includes the millennial and gen z employee.

ENCOURAGE THEIR “CAN-DO” ATTITUDE
Millennials want to know that their work is valued, and they are somehow making a difference. The best way to connect with your millennial colleague is to explain the big picture to them and let them know how their work impacts the families or communities you are serving.

They are looking to see that the work that they do adds value to something. To me what this is: Are there things that matter to those employees? If there are, can they be in charge of it. For example, something as simple as doing a can drive. One funeral home did Wreaths Across America and they put their millennial employee in charge of that. They loved it, because they bridged that gap between work and something socially responsible and doing something different. What we find is that the values millennials, and even Gen Z, will go after are the ones that are actually trying to accomplish something versus something that just wants to make money. So, if we can have that kind of balance between those things, make it available to them. Plus, doing drives like this — can drives, clothing drives, things like that — it also boosts the funeral home as well.

CREATE AN ENVIRONMENT THAT IS POSITIVE AND CONSTRUCTIVE
Millennials are accustomed to using technology in their everyday lives, and they expect the same at work. As digital natives, they are comfortable learning and utilizing new technology. If different procedures can be digitized, these employees want the workplace to invest in the new technology and innovations. Mobile integration and modalities are expected, not only by employees, but also by the millennial family members you serve.

They've grown up surrounded by digital devices, but ‘digital natives’ does not mean that they are technologically savvy. If you want them to help you on Facebook and Instagram, that's your group. But if you expect that they are going to somehow run your website, that they're going to fix your printer, got another think coming. The millennials and the Gen Z at Worsham College, if the printer does not work, they will just look at it and go, “it's not working. It's not working.” I am probably more technologically savvy, because I remember dial-up and when I had to read descriptions and put things together.

ENCOURAGE THEM TO GIVE THEIR OPINIONS AND IDEAS
Millennials grew up with parents and teachers who facilitated open communication techniques. They are used to having their opinions heard and having a seat at the table. While millennials do favor encouraging feedback, they also want consistent communication. They want to be informed about the job and the employer’s expectations and have regular meetings to check in on their progress.

They want both instruction and independence, so teach them through conversations, not commands, allowing for feedback and repeating. Give them measurable goals and help them hold themselves accountable for achieving them. Do not threaten punishment if they make mistakes but give them the confidence to take responsibility for their actions, and the support they need to fix their mistakes.

What are the needs of our millennial generation? They need coaching and mentorship. They want to develop their skills and know how they're progressing. I'll say it like this, everyone that comes into mortuary science school — the ones that graduate and move on — they want to be you. They want to be funeral directors. That's why they go to school. So they are excited, they can't wait to start. The idea of you coaching and mentoring them matters a lot to them, because it's such a part of who they are. And it's what they want to see and be a part of.

ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR IMPACT
If a millennial is doing a good job, they want to know. Acknowledge hard work through recognition programs and performance-based incentives. However, this recognition should not be competitive. It is more about them staying motivated rather than outperforming their co-workers.
​
Many of our students work at local funeral homes, and we had a student who worked a visitation. When he came to school the next day, he says, “I had a great day at work yesterday. A funeral director gave me this.” And he holds up above his head, as if he just had won the lottery, a $10 Subway gift card. All our students were so excited, so happy, because here's the two things that happened in that moment: he was recognized and he was appreciated. It doesn't have to be huge. It doesn't need to be these massive rewards. It just needs to be something and you're saying, “Yes, I see what you're doing.”

It’s easy to stereotype generations because it makes some intuitive sense that people born in similar eras would have similar skills, experiences and attitudes. But good management and a positive work environment matter more than how many generations are co-existing under one roof.

So, for example, if you have an expectation of how you want to receive communication, you need to tell them, If they don't follow your policy, they're a bad employee, get rid of them. But most of the time, the generations are actually be able to change and communicate with you the way that you want.

Many times the actions and behaviors of the millennial can seem like they are disengaged or disinterested in their job but that is not entirely accurate.  For example, many funeral directors say that once a millennial completes their task list they grab their phone and do not look around to find additional tasks.  My response and suggestion is that most of your younger employees have been taught that once you complete a task list you are done. So if you want them to find additional tasks ask your millennial what is missing from the task list.  Make them part of the discussion.

When funeral professionals learn the right approaches to working with the different generations it alleviates a great deal of stress and frustration in the workplace. Acknowledging the different styles of employees allows for them all, regardless of their generation, to contribute and be a meaningful part of the workplace.

Understanding generations particularly around communication, trust and decision-making can go a very long way in helping funeral professionals understand how to better connect with different generations of employees and families they serve. At a time when the profession continues to be more consumer-centric, the potential benefit of better communication is significant. Regardless of the generation most all people want the same thing: to work in a place that treats them fairly and values their work.

Hello, my name is Michael Dixon. I am the president and founder of Funeral Professionals Peer Support. Before I tell you why that date is so important, let’s go back a bit. I was born 57 years ago in Transcona, Manitoba to two amazing, successful parents. I was the youngest – and only – boy in a family of girls.

Growing up I had a lot of things stacked against me: I was born with a serious heart defect and a stutter, and in childhood I was sexually abused. The heart defect was cured and with a lot of work my stutter was overcome, but the scars of abuse stay with you forever. I hid it well. I buried it away by playing football and baseball, and, sadly, with alcohol. Upon graduating from high school and college, I started working in the hotel industry. After almost 10 years of that, I discovered that hotels just were not for me.

Funeral service was always my second choice out of high school, so I decided that I would give it a try. After finishing my 40 hours observation, I felt like I belonged for the first time. I was with people who were like me: kind, compassionate, and caring. I started working for a large funeral home and I was loving it. I was a sponge: I soaked in everything I was being taught, both by new directors and seasoned directors. Some are still my role models to this day.

Four years into my new profession, I began to work for a removal service that this funeral home owned. There I saw firsthand how truly cruel humans can be to each other. In a three-year period, I attended over 38 murders—scenes where people were shot, stabbed, and tortured—and some of them were just children. Car accidents, train accidents, and suicides were too numerous to mention. Some calls you will never forget, even though they happened over 20 years ago. I can still picture the Christmas gifts all over the road that came from a car that flipped over on Christmas Eve. I can remember the song that was playing on the radio at a murder scene, or the smell of blood, gas, or anti-freeze.
I know I am preaching to the choir, but things like this never leave your memory. They make you turn the radio off when you hear “Welcome to the Jungle“ or take another route in order to avoid the site of that accident, suicide, or murder scene that is embedded in your memory. Otherwise you get triggered. Or you stand in the doorway of your kids’ rooms watching them because your memory just won’t let you fall asleep. When you do sleep, it’s not a sound sleep for the recommended eight hours, because death does not just happen from Monday to Friday, 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.

But with all these negative things, I never wanted to leave the profession. I tried to do my job well, hiding my feelings of failure, my low self-esteem and loneliness. I always put on a brave face, using comedy and humour to hide the depression that was slowly taking over my life. I, like most people in funeral service, felt that I had no one to go to. I didn’t want to talk to my wife about what I was feeling. The people I worked with at the time did not offer a safe place to talk about your feelings. There were no organized debrief or talk-down sessions, and the ones we did have were usually at a bar with alcohol, which is not a positive healing environment. In that time, the feeling around our profession was “You knew what you were getting into.”
​
So, like everyone else, I went ahead and did my job well. I made good work friends and worked hard, but, due to my depression, I was never myself. I was always putting on an act—which often got me in trouble at work and especially at home. I always felt that I never fit in at either place. I didn’t think of myself as a good person, especially not a good father and husband. I thought many times that everyone’s life would be better if I was not around.

One thing about depression, it’s a slow killer. The year 2015 should have been a great year: I had a beautiful home on a nice piece of land, my three amazing kids were successful and taking on the world; my wife was in a good job and an active, well-respective member of our community; I was in a job that I loved, and for the first time I felt loved and respected.
But things were starting to unravel for me. I had terrible anxiety. I hated to be away from home, and when I was at home, I was usually in my room, cut off from everyone. I was not sleeping well, I was having terrible anxiety attacks where it felt like a heart attack—trouble catching my breath, chest pains, etc. I was using alcohol now as a crutch more than I had done in the past, using it to give me confidence to go out, to make speeches, and to meet people.

A month before Christmas in 2015, I decided I’d had enough. I was tired. I was tired of going on. So, I planned this suicide attempt. I scouted out locations, bought a good insurance policy, even did a practice run. January 7th was the day. That Christmas, we went overboard on gifts and had a lot of parties. January 7th came and I got up at my normal time. I was not sad or upset. I was totally at peace. I kissed my wife goodbye, drove my son to school, and off I went, pulling into the parking lot at a park. I sat there having my last cigarette and thought “Okay, let’s do this.”

I opened the car door but for some reason I could not get out of the car. I could hear this voice in my head saying “It’s okay, I got you, make that call!” and I could feel these hands on my shoulder. I started to cry because I was thinking “Who would walk my daughter down the aisle or be there for my two sons and my wife?”
​
In my despair, I made a deal with myself. I was going to call my doctor and, if someone answered the phone, I would go for help. If I must leave a message, I would walk in the forest. The phone rang once and a nurse picked up, and I thought “When does that happen? When do you ever call your doctor and they pick up the phone?” After telling the nurse that I was suicidal, my doctor came on the phone and told me to come to his office right away. After an hour of talking, I went for tests and I was diagnosed with severe depression and PTSD.

From that point on, I decided to not be quiet, but to be very open about my diagnosis. When I told my colleagues what I was dealing with, many of them said “Man, I am going through the same thing. I am tired, frustrated, and burnt out and I am thinking of leaving.” So, instead of staying quiet and only worrying about me, I reached out to a few friends and we decided to come together and organize the very first funeral service peer support group in the world.

Ottawa Funeral Peer Support was born. Our profession finally had a place where people could meet and share their personal struggles and get the support and encouragement to get help. In January of the following year, we started to get press coverage from local newspapers, which other news outlets from across Canada picked up. We then started to get requests to do radio and TV interviews both locally and internationally.

Once that happened, we started to hear from funeral directors across Canada saying “We need this in our communities. We need support.” We realized quickly that our long-term goal had to be our right now goal, and Canadian Funeral Peer Support was born. Within a year, support groups have come up in New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, not to mention Ottawa, Hamilton, and Winnipeg all in Ontario. There is also serious interest in Alberta, British Columbia, Toronto, and Windsor.

Then COVID hit. Our peer support groups met in person so, when everything shut down, we had to come up with a plan to stay connected with our people. It was then decided that each group would host Zoom meetings, which opened us up to funeral professionals from around the world. We started to have people connect with us from throughout the United States as well as England, Italy, Australia, and Kenya. We started to hear from people everywhere that this is something they needed and wanted to be part of.

Our management team got together and we realized we are no longer just a Canadian company. We had to go international. In February of 2021 we started an international support line for licenced and non-licenced funeral staff, along with their families. With a phone call or text, you can speak to a counselor with funeral service experience that will listen and help guide you through any issue you have—for both work or non-work-related issues. We became Funeral Professionals Peer Support (FPPS).

One thing that has made us successful is we have always responded to a need. This year, we brought Peer Support groups into the United States. We are reaching funeral professionals from across the United States and Canada with online support meetings and educational webinars.

FPPS has learned is that there is no “extra money“ from our governments for mental health care. That’s why it is now the responsibility that all businesses make positive mental health care a priority in our workplaces. It is our belief that funeral service can be the leader in the goal of a positive workplace.

Stats tell the story of where we are now:

• In a Work and Well-Being Survey less than half of working Americans reported that their organization supports the well being of its employees.
• In 2014, $186 billion was spent on Health care services to treat mental health issues in the US
• 44.7 million adults 18 or older reported mental illness and burnout in 2016
• 8.8 million adults reported visiting a mental health provider in the past 12 months

Poor mental health and stress can negatively affect employees:

1. Job performance
2. Engagement at work
3. Physical capability and daily functioning
4. Absenteeism

We can’t go on doing the same thing and expecting different results. We have lost too many amazing, talented people in our profession to suicide and burnout. That’s why, as a profession, we can be the leaders. We joined this profession because we care about people. Now it’s time to care for one another.

Peer Support is now being looked at and valued as a positive first step in mental health care around the world. In Canada, federal government departments are now instituting peer support groups for their employees. In Canada and the United States, first responders and the military are starting peer groups as well.

Peer Support helps you meet with people that speak your language, learn from people who have been where you are, and support each other. We provide tools that are applicable to the job, make no judgement, ensure confidentiality and offer the opportunity to give back. Our groups have had speakers talk about burnout, stress, compassion fatigue, yoga, healthy eating and—my favorite—personal support animals. All valuable insight into a healthy work and home life.
​
If you are interested in a Peer group in your community or you have any questions please visit us at www.funeralpeersupport.com or call 343-961-2470.


Funeral Professionals Peer Support is committed to the improvement of our brothers and sisters’ mental health. My hope is that no one else in our profession is ever sitting in a park alone in their car playing roulette with their life.

Bereavement professionals such as funeral directors, embalmers, cemetery workers, crematorium operators, and their support staff may regularly engage with diverse, potentially psychologically traumatic events. These exposures can lead to a variety of mental health injuries, including post-traumatic stress disorder, major depressive disorder, panic disorder, and alcohol use disorder. Recent research has provided important information about those experiences, such as the scope of the challenges, the potential impacts on mental health, factors impacting health, and some of the opportunities to help protect mental health and provide support.
​
Dr. R. Nicholas Carleton, a professor of psychology at the University of Regina and a registered clinical psychologist in Saskatchewan, introduced his discussion on challenges, strategies, and coping by emphasizing that it was really an introduction to mental health.

“There’s a long-standing notion that we are either mentally healthy or mentally unhealthy and none of the data bears that out,” Dr. Carleton explained. “It’s simply not the case. Most of us, throughout the course of a day—and certainly throughout the courses of weeks or months on end—we shift along a continuum from healthy, to having reactions, to possibly being injured, to being ill or meeting diagnostic criteria for one or more mental health disorders. And this is normal.”
​
Odds are that people probably experience changes in their mental health throughout the entire day. Dr. Carleton described a scenario where someone wakes up in the morning and everything is fine and that’s terrific, only to move on and have somebody cut them off in traffic, and for a few minutes, they might be reacting—might even be “injured” for a few moments—but they recover very quickly and then they’re at work and moving on with their day.

Right now, all of us are sharing a massive significant environmental variable that’s impacting our mental health—and that’s COVID-19. The impact of the pandemic is underlying all of the other things that impact us, including our biology. If we’re sick, if we have a flu, if we have a cold, that impacts our mental health. If we’re healthy and we’re exercising regularly, we’re active, that impacts our mental health and our mental health impacts our physical health as well.
​
If we’re not feeling very happy about something, if we’re worried, if we’re depressed or down, that has a reflection in our physical capacities. We also see those same kinds of challenges with respect to our social environment. If everything is going well with our friends and our family and we’re regularly engaged, that also serves a protective function so that we’re more likely to feel physically healthy and we’re also more likely to feel psychologically healthy. Our biology, our psychology, and our social environment all come together on an overlapping Venn diagram that sits on top of our environmental stressors.

Dr. Carleton informed listeners that it’s also important to remember that mental health has nothing to do with inherent weakness. “We have no evidence that says that there’s one gene or one feeling or one thought or one behavior or one experience that is solely responsible for our mental health or mental state. And certainly not for having difficulties with mental health,” he said. “When we talk about people who are having difficulties with mental health in most cases it’s a function of high stress or chronic strain or physical exhaustion and maladaptive coping all coming together to challenge an individual’s experience.”

He pointed out that anyone can develop symptoms, saying, “At the end of the day, even the most resilient of us is still human. We still experience all kinds of highs and lows in our lives.”

Moving on to talk about potentially psychologically traumatic events that might apply specifically to some of the work that deathcare professionals perform, Dr. Carleton spoke of experiencing, witnessing, or learning about something potentially injurious to a close relative or a friend that may cause mental health injury. He said that other potential events include repeated exposures to distressing details of significant threats such as exposure to war, threatened or actual physical assault or sexual violence, kidnapping, hostage-taking, torture, and mechanisms of severe physical injuries, like motor vehicle accidents and industrial accidents.

“You’re exposed to these things because if someone dies as the function of one of these events, the last responder is you and so you are exposed to these on a regular basis,” he said. “As a species humans are generally resilient and adaptable. So even these kinds of events, when we’re exposed to them, we can bounce back, we can recover. Most stressors—even repeated exposures to these kinds of events—are not typically overwhelming. But you have to remember that our experience of whether something is overwhelming is influenced by our biology, our psychology, and our social environment, as well as what’s happening behind the scenes in our broader environmental variables.”

Dr. Carleton was talking specifically about events that are potentially psychologically traumatic. He said that the most common thing we think of is post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) when we think about a mental health injury. PTSD can be one thing that happens following exposure to one or more potentially psychologically traumatic events where we don’t bounce back, where we aren’t able to be as resilient in that moment because of any number of things that have come together. It’s a mental health injury for which there are effective treatments that can provide symptom relief for a great many people and it’s one of the disorders that can follow exposure to the kinds of traumatic events Dr. Carleton listed. It’s also not the only mental health injury or disorder.

Major depressive disorder is actually more common, even among people exposed to these ongoing potentially psychologically traumatic events. “There are also difficulties with substance abuse and dependence disorder,” Dr. Carleton explained. “You’re taking the substance for longer than you expected. You’re taking the substance in order to avoid or manage symptoms that you’re having or to change your emotional status. The problem isn’t necessarily volume. It can be the amount that someone’s consuming. But more often than not, the challenge can be that one drink might be too many and ten might not necessarily mean there’s a problem. It depends on how you’re using and what you’re using for. And if you’re using as a function of trying to manage other symptoms, that’s a good indicator that you can probably benefit from some additional support. It’s not the only indicator, but it’s certainly one of them.”

Dr. Carleton underscored that only licensed qualified experienced persons can and should diagnose disorders or imply diagnosis. “Dr. Google gets us part of the way there in some cases, but that’s not super reliable,” he said. “If you’re looking for help with mental health or you’re concerned about your mental health, you want to talk to a registered, licensed, evidence-based mental health care provider who can provide you with information about where you’re at and possible solutions to get you to where you’d like to be.”

Dr. Carleton turned to discussing some of the urgent warning signs and symptoms. First, he pointed out that if any symptom lasts longer than a week, at that point it’s a warning sign that your symptoms may benefit from some intervention, particularly difficulties with falling or staying asleep, intrusions, numbing, changes in your behavior, or sudden increases in substance use. Those are also potentially urgent warning signs and symptoms.

Suicidality, homicidality, violence, or sudden dramatic increases in substance use should all be taken as urgent warning signs where it’s time to get in to see somebody soon. “It doesn’t mean necessarily that we need to call 911, although that is a possibility,” Dr. Carleton said. “It does mean that help is needed sooner rather than later.”

HOW CAN MANAGERS AND COLLEAGUES SPOT SIGNS OF BURNOUT AND ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO SEEK HELP?
​
According to Dr. Carleton, the more open you keep communications, that peer connection, can help. But if you identify big behavior changes—someone normally jovial now lashes out, as an example—it’s a good indication that you should check in with them. The more engaged you are with your team with regular communication, the better positioned you are to support them.

“What can you do? Well, I think first and foremost it’s important to keep in mind that mental health is a journey, not a destination,” Dr. Carleton advised. “It’s not something you check off as a tick box because you did it well today, any more than physical health is.”

He encourages deathcare professionals to monitor both their physical and their mental health. “We have tools that we make publicly and freely and anonymously available on our website for our public safety personnel, and those tools might be beneficial for you as well,” he offered. “They allow you to compare your responses to the general population, and, in doing so, you get immediate anonymous feedback that you can use to see where you are sitting relative to everybody else.”
​
Because changing mental health requires culture change because of stigma and misinformation, it’s extremely difficult and takes a long time to accomplish. Dr. Carleton believes it’s important that we all pay attention to the idea that mental health is something we’re trying to change at a population level, but he pointed out that for people who are regularly exposed to potentially psychologically traumatic events, they may very well be forced to engage with culture change more directly than everybody else. He encouraged listeners to engage in ongoing monitoring regularly and get help sooner rather than later.

What can we do in addition to the monitoring? The doctor advised people to look to their social support. “Talk about your experiences. Not necessarily about the details of what happened in your job and specific day, but how you’re feeling and what else you’re doing in order to manage those feelings. If you’re having difficulties with the symptoms we’ve discussed, talk to family or friends. Make sure that you keep a regular diary so that you can watch what changes for you that supports or undermines your mental health.”
“As cliche as this sounds—and it sounds cliche in part because we all keep saying it—engaging in regular healthy behaviors enhances your coping ability and helps to maintain your mental health,” he continued. “So, exercising regularly, even light exercise: simple walks, getting outdoors, 20 minutes. Any exercise at all tends to be beneficial as long as it’s regular.”

Dr. Carleton added that people should watch what they eat. Eating healthy is important because the highs and lows of sugar affect your biology, which impacts your mental health as well. Substance use and misuse is much more problematic and a much more slippery slope than most people realize. If, for example, you’re using alcohol to manage your emotions, that’s a good indication that there’s a better set of skills you can access to manage those emotions.

He also emphasized that, where possible, it was important to maintain routines, even in the face of COVID-19. “The more routines that you can build in, probably the better off you’re going to be, as long as those routines include strict work-life balance where possible,” Dr. Carleton said. “As a professor, I can tell you that the boundaries between my work and my life are permeable at times. They’re permeable most of the time, but it’s important to try and manage those separations because that’s what’s helping to protect and sustain your mental health. So making sure that you’re managing that is an important part of living an ongoing happy, healthy career.”
​
Last but not least, Dr. Carleton addressed early evidence-based interventions. “Evidence-based interventions are evidence-based for a reason. It’s because they’re helpful. It’s because they’re beneficial and there’s proof, there’s research that says that they work.” He spoke of the importance of finding the right type of practitioner to offer those interventions. “Psychologists is a protected term. So is psychiatrist. But counselor, therapist, and healer are not protected, which means that anyone can take them—and there is a lot of variability among them. That doesn’t mean there’s not good counselors, therapists, and healers. It’s just that there are a lot fewer restrictions on those names and titles than there are on things like psychologist or psychiatrist. So I recommend you demand registered and licensed, experienced, evidence-based, empirically-supported mental health care (which is a mouthful!), but you can find that from colleges, registered provincial associations, and registered state associations.”

CANA is a membership association. All of the work we do is in support of our members, and that includes talking to consumers. One of the key benefits of CANA members is their listing in our provider directory, a valuable resource for both trade calls and also the general public. Consumers call us for many reasons: They need help locating a CANA member in their area. They have an imminent death and don’t know what questions to ask the funeral home or crematory. They had a bad experience or there’s something that just doesn’t feel right, and they need someone else to gut check them.

But consumers also call CANA asking how they can avoid using a funeral director. They often tell us they want a direct cremation because they think this the way they can bypass using a funeral home. Now, we know this is not the only reason for choosing direct cremation, but it is definitely a factor for many. If you’re confused as to why consumers have this desire to “stick it to the man,” as some tell us, and steer clear of “the funeral director,” let me share a story that will shed some light on this issue.

I teach the Cremation Principles & Practices course for Worsham College’s online program. While there are many key ideas we try to impress on these future funeral directors, our focus in this blog post is how we teach them that customer service matters.
The assignment is to pretend to be a consumer and phone shop at least three funeral homes for cremation services. They are instructed to ask three questions:

All of the funeral homes contacted as part of this first assignment were in Illinois.
These seem like pretty straightforward questions, right? Well, for my first class in Spring 2019 this was a very painful exercise for these students, and the students in the courses since then have experienced the same thing. They think they are entering a profession where everyone cares as passionately as they do about helping families through a very traumatic event with compassion and respect. What they learned was that yes, in a lot of cases, this is true. There are some really great funeral homes and crematories out there who are compassionate, honest and welcoming. But they also learned that there are some businesses who are not, and many of the students ended up feeling anger, hurt and shock, as well as a determination to do things differently when it’s their turn.

Below, I’ll share quotes from some of the students’ assignments. This post is much longer than usual entries in The Cremation Logs because we wanted to show you the details of this feedback. There were plenty of wonderful funeral homes who treated the students with respect and answered all their questions. But there were equally as many who did not, and that is what is concerning. To keep this blog to a reasonable length, we are only focusing on the negative experiences for purposes of education and continuous improvement. Responses are organized by the questions students were assigned to ask. Please keep in mind that the people answering the phone had no idea they were speaking to students — i.e., future colleagues. They thought they were talking to consumers. Which makes some of these responses all the more horrifying.
​
It is also important to note that none of this feedback was provided to the funeral homes called by the students, and no action was taken in regards to the violations we’ll discuss. This was an educational opportunity, not a scheme to catch any bad actors.

Wow. Just, wow. Can you identify the mistakes these funeral directors made? First, let’s be clear that the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) says “You must give consumers who telephone your place of business and ask about your prices or offerings accurate information from your General Price List, Casket Price List, and Outer Burial Container Price list.” They also include a note that “You cannot require callers to give their names, addresses, or phone numbers before you give them the requested information. You can ask callers to identify themselves, but you still must answer their questions even if they refuse to do so. You cannot require consumers to come to the funeral home in person to get price information.” In an opinion letter dated March 18, 2009, the FTC also says that “It is a violation of the Funeral Rule for a funeral provider to refuse to provide price information by telephone upon request to any person for any reason.” Clearly, we see evidence of several violations of the Funeral Rule in the examples above.

In the same opinion letter from 2009, the FTC explains that one of the Rule’s primary goals is to allow for comparison shopping. Make no mistake, if a consumer calls you and you refuse to give them price information over the phone, they will call someone else. And the person they choose will be the business that was transparent and gave them the information they asked for; they will not come and see you just to get pricing.
​
Finally, let’s address the situation where the student was directed to the website by three firms, with instructions to call back if there were additional questions. The person called you for a reason. Maybe they don’t have a computer; maybe they need to make a quick decision and don’t have time to search the website for pricing information and decipher the packages available; or, maybe they just prefer to talk to someone. Pushing them off to the website is not the right approach. They will not call you back. They’ll call someone else who will talk to them. And remember, this would be considered a violation of the Funeral Rule. Answer their price questions, and then invite them to visit your website or your location for more information.

Responses to the next question surprised the students. Some of them had assumed that if a business has the word “cremation” or “crematory” in its name, they have a crematory on site. I bet many consumers make the same assumption and believe that their loved one never leaves your building until they pick up the cremated remains.
​
Here’s what the students reported from the question about whether the crematory was on-site and if they could see a picture, or who provided the cremation service if there was no crematory on-site.

I’ll start by dispensing with the one statement that was a complete lie: It is NOT against Illinois law for the cremation to be watched by the public. If the family wants to participate, there is no law or regulation prohibiting it. Now, a company may have a policy that they don’t allow it. That is a business decision. But don’t lie to the consumer. If you don’t offer it, just say so.

Now, on to the bigger issue. It’s entirely possible that these firms have crematories on-site, but don’t have the space or the option to add a viewing area. We get it. But based on the answers provided during the phone calls, that doesn’t seem to be the case.

So, the question now is “Why not offer witnessing?” And if you do, why would you be reluctant to share that information over the phone? It doesn’t matter if you don’t have a crematory on-site. Many third-party crematories offer a witnessing area for their funeral home partners to bring families. As we mentioned in the previous section, families want to know what is going to happen to their loved one, and they want to make sure they are getting their loved one’s remains back. That is one of the biggest reasons why people choose to witness a cremation — peace of mind. And isn’t that one of your goals as a funeral director? To give families peace of mind during an emotional and sometimes very confusing time?

If a family wants to witness their loved one’s cremation, they will find a place that offers it. And they are willing to pay for that option. Families are willing to pay for a lot of things if they find value in it. If you aren’t making plans to incorporate witnessing into your offerings, please don’t ignore this growing trend.

As I mentioned in the beginning, this was a painful lesson for both the students and for me. I was angry on behalf of my students, many of whom were treated horribly. But I was also angry on behalf of consumers. These funeral homes believed they were speaking to consumers. Yet they lied, were rude, broke rules and generally did not represent the profession well at all.

It is not our place to judge why someone wants what they want, nor convince them they want or need something different. This is exactly why consumers want to “avoid the funeral director” — they do not want to be sold on something they don’t want. That’s why online funeral arrangements are growing in popularity. You pick out exactly what you want, and no one is on the other end trying to convince you to get something else.

I will also reiterate that we know of so many amazing providers who do represent the profession well through their unending compassion and willingness to get to “yes” and give consumers what they want. All of the CANA staff have been on the receiving end of that compassion as we’ve engaged their help in dealing with our own family deaths. I can only hope that these are the providers consumers call, and we eliminate the poor practices represented in this post.

Think this couldn’t happen in your firm? Think again. These are rural, suburban and urban firms, in the towns where the students live. Some of these firms were CANA members. The common thread among them was a bias against cremation. Even if you provide regular staff training on how to respond to phone inquiries, it’s still important to “inspect what you expect.” Engage a family member or friend to phone shop your own company and see how your employees are responding when you aren’t around. If your staff doesn’t provide information in the manner you prefer, and you decide remedial training would be a good idea, CANA offers an online Cremation Phone Shoppers course that reviews all the best practices and gives tips on how to respond to different questions.

That is my favorite joke describing 2020. It’s funny because it’s true. The pandemic spread of COVID-19 came out of nowhere and changed everything and everyone. Our best intentions, planning and hard work could not have prepared us for the challenges of a triple pandemic – disease, social turmoil, and political unrest.

When faced with uncertainty and continuous change, I have been amazed by how quickly and well CANA members have adapted, particularly in responding to trends that were impacting funeral service before the pandemic and will continue to be important in the year to come.
​
Reflecting on 2020, it seems clear that death care workers returned to fundamentals to find solutions for dealing with such cataclysmic change. Now, as we start 2021, we can take a moment to set goals and priorities to meet the challenges to come. CANA cohosted a webinar in 2020 with DISRUPT Media during which we asked industry experts to comment on key trends. Some of those pearls of wisdom are included throughout this post.

As recently as February 2020 (at the CANA Cremation Symposium) we were discussing incremental change to serve families. We had no way of knowing that days later the world would turn upside down. Seemingly overnight, funeral directors pivoted to offer livestreamed services, online and phone arrangements, and new strategies to manage staff and operations remotely. Many of these early activities were conducted with no more sophisticated equipment than smart phones. We have come a long way since then, or have we?

This is the year to upgrade your technology game. Everything from arrangements to funerals to continuing education will continue to be offered online. Invest in stable, fast internet and computers with web cameras sooner rather than later. Software advances can help with everything from case management to first calls and staff coordination. Grow your online offerings to meet the consumer where they are.

Technology will remain the key to brand awareness and marketing success as well. But beware that you will sell what you market. If you are promoting low-cost, minimal service cremations online and via social media, that is what they’ll buy. Now is the time to use these platforms to educate your communities about the services you can (safely) offer with the help of technology and your facilities. Also, amplify local news on your social media channels. Facebook is the host for most local news and outlets and governments. Even in large cities, neighborhoods will have Facebook pages. We are spending more time online during the pandemic than ever before, and good news stands out. Let your feed be the bright spot as well as source for obituaries and practical tips.

You offer solutions to problems that death-averse consumers weren’t willing to discuss or plan for nine months ago. Preneed sales have increased during the pandemic, but have you effectively communicated your ability to help them discuss and make plans?

Your creativity and problem-solving are your best assets, and your communities need you now more than ever.

When my grandmother died in March and we had a livestreamed graveside and Zoom celebration of her life, we discussed gathering over the summer to have a family reunion in her honor. Needless to say that didn’t happen, and we aren’t going to gather this year or probably ever for that purpose. I gave the funeral home a 5-star review on Google, however they returned thousands of dollars of preneed funds earmarked for the funeral to the estate. How many families have you served in a similar situation? How many have come back to do that delayed service? Or did they simply make do?

Have we accelerated the trend toward cremation without services by funeral professionals? Only time will tell. Human beings are strange creatures – we crave what we can’t have – so it is quite possible that when funerals are permitted, there will be an increase. In the meantime, many CANA members have offered community-based memorial services. Some these are purely virtual, some are a hybrid of small in-person gathering with livecasting. I watched several in November and December and each acknowledged that we are grieving more than the loss of loved ones. That was a welcome and comforting message.

The stats on people accomplishing New Year’s resolutions is depressingly low, however goal setting is still valuable and really the best way to track success. We see gaps in service and opportunities for improvement during our busy times, precisely when there is no time to tackle a new project. So write your ideas down and keep track of them. A break will come and that is the perfect time to set your priorities for new projects or improved procedures.
​
Did you always mean to start an aftercare program? Get on it! Still not sure how to understand all of the financial data and business metrics? Set up a meeting with your accountant or take a class. Still not sure what social media can do for your business? Ask for help and try a campaign. Make relevant continuing education a priority for all of your staff and yourself. Set goals and measure progress toward them. Then celebrate your successes. This is the best way to focus on the important and not just the urgent.

Now, we’re facing a new calendar year, but this real-time, continuous risk management experiment that we are living has not gone away. Hopefully, we will soon have new tools to combat the disease, like easier access to PPE and vaccines, and also to support ourselves and each other.

We have learned to safely serve our communities through deadly viruses before, and COVID-19, too, will likely remain with us. PPE works, and – with continued engagement and creativity – we will find the tools to serve our communities and navigate 2021.

My thoughts are with you during the next phase of this continuing crisis. On behalf of the staff and leadership of the Cremation Association of North America, happy new year.

WEBINAR EXCERPTS FROM NOTABLE INDUSTRY EXPERTS:

Rahsaan Brown is CEO and owner of Blue Nebula Consulting, a nationally scaled organization that focuses on assisting funeral homes build their sales and marketing departments.

Jeff Harbeson, a.k.a. the Funeral Commander, is the Director of Cash Flow Solutions at C&J Financial, where his specialty is producing accounts receivables and increasing cash flow. He is a former funeral home owner.

Ryan Thogmartin of DISRUPT Media is CEO of ConnectingDirectors.com, Price My Funeral, and Death Care Jobs, as well as the Funeral Nation co-host, along with Jeff Harbeson.

Glenda Stansbury is the vice president of InsightBooks, a publisher of books on grief and aftercare. She is also a licensed funeral director and embalmer. She is the co-founder and the trainer for certified celebrant training.
​
Dean Lambert is the Marketing Communications Officer for Homesteaders Life Company and has been with them for a little over 22 years. He’s worked with funeral homes to help with marketing, communications, and promotions since 1991, so he’s approaching his 30th year with the profession.

In deciding Bostock, the Court considered a trio of cases: two involving gay men – Gerald Bostock, who was fired from his job as a child welfare advocate in Clayton County, Georgia, and Donald Zarda, who was fired as a skydiving instructor in New York – and one involving a transgender woman. All three plaintiffs were longtime employees who were fired shortly after their employer learned of their orientation or gender identity—this was allegedly the only basis for the employee’s termination. Much of the attention surrounding Bostock has focused on Aimee Stephens, a transgender woman who was fired from her job as a funeral director in Michigan after notifying her employer that she intended to “live and work full-time as a woman.”

Stephens began working at R.G. & G.R Harris Funeral Homes, Inc. as an apprentice before becoming a funeral director/embalmer. During her employment, Stephens presented as a man and used her then-legal name, William Stephens. Before departing on a vacation, Stephens gave her employer a letter that stated that she had struggled with “a gender identity disorder” her entire life, and that she had “decided to become the person that [her] mind already [was].” As part of this decision, she informed her employer that, after her vacation, she would return “as [her] true self…in appropriate business attire.”
​
Though her employer was not religiously affiliated, the owner stated that he had been “called [by God] …to serve grieving people” and that his life’s purpose was “to minister to the grieving.” In line with his faith, he informed Stephens that her proposal was “not going to work out” and fired her. In the underlying case, her employer testified that he believed that “permit[ting] one of [the funeral home’s] male funeral directors to wear the uniform for female funeral directors at work” would make him complicit “in supporting the idea that sex is a changeable social construct rather than an immutable God-given gift.”

In the cases before the Supreme Court, all three employers acknowledged that they had terminated their employees for being homosexual or transgender, a fact many plaintiffs often struggle to establish in court. The employers argued, however, that Title VII’s bar on some forms of employment discrimination did not prohibit them from taking such an action.
Passed in 1964, Title VII prohibits an employer from discriminating against an individual “because of [the] individual’s race, color, religion, sex, or national origin.” Under the law, to “discriminate against” means to treat an individual employee worse than other employees who are otherwise similarly situated to the employee. By prohibiting discrimination “because of” sex, for example, the law prohibits sex from being a “but-for” cause of the employer’s action. That is, the employer would not have taken the adverse action in the absence of, but-for, the employee’s classification (i.e., sex). In sum, the law prohibits an employer from considering an employee’s sex when taking an adverse employment action (e.g., firing the employee). This is true even if sex is not the sole or even primary cause of the adverse action—the law prohibits sex from being a factor at all.

Though the law does not explicitly identify “sexual orientation” or “gender identity” as protected categories, in Bostock, the Supreme Court determined that discrimination based on these categories was prohibited by Title VII because it is impossible to separate them from sex: an employer who fires an employee for being homosexual or transgender necessarily and intentionally does so, at least in part, based on the employee’s sex. This is so, the Court stated, because in taking its action, the employer is applying sex-based rules or stereotypes, and, thus, is discriminating based on sex. To explain the concept, the Court used the example of two employees who are both attracted to men. In the employer’s eyes, the employees are nearly identical in all respects except one is a man and the other a woman. If the employer fires the male employee for no other reason than the fact that he is a man that is attracted to men, the employer has necessarily discriminated against the male employee for exhibiting traits or actions that it tolerates in the female colleague. This is prohibited by Title VII.
​
The Court acknowledged that several questions remained unanswered by its decision; most notably, the boundaries between Title VII and the Religious Freedom Restoration Act, which prohibits the federal government from “substantially burdening” a person’s exercise of religion in many cases. Aimee Stephen’s employer initially raised the law but did not appeal an earlier, adverse lower court ruling to the Supreme Court.

In some parts of the country, Bostock should have little practical effect: 22 states already had laws in place that prohibited discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity. The ruling, however, now removes any doubt about Title VII’s applicability and prohibits discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity at all entities covered by the law; generally, “employers” with at least fifteen employees.
Though each workplace is different, following the Court’s ruling, employers should take a moment to:

REVIEW PRACTICES.
Review practices, policies, and procedures (including employee handbooks) to ensure that they reflect the current law. If not already explicit, anti-discrimination and anti-harassment policies should be revised to specifically prohibit discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity.

REVIEW UNIFORM REQUIREMENTS.
In a lower court opinion, it was noted that Aimee Stephens had been fired after notifying her employer that she would begin wearing a skirt, and her employer testified that he disagreed with Stephens’ decision to “dress like a woman,” and fired her, in part, because of it. Though not expressly addressed by Bostock, the opinion indicates that gender-specific uniforms or workplace attire requirements will likely be viewed skeptically.

TRAIN WORKERS.
Ensure that employees, especially managers and supervisors, have been trained regarding anti-discrimination and anti-harassment policies and will act to stop discrimination in the workplace. Employers can be held vicariously liable for the actions of their employees. If a supervisor objects or refuses to ensure that the workplace remains free of discrimination, employers should consider whether the risk of creating a demoralized or hostile workplace, or the risk of litigation, is worth the supervisor’s continued employment.

EXAMINE EMPLOYEE BENEFITS.
​Less formal benefits should be reviewed. In a lower court opinion, it was noted that Aimee Stephens’ employer provided clothing allowances to public-facing male employees but did not provide an allowance for public-facing female employees. Employers should ensure that benefits such as these are equally available regardless of gender.