When the US economic crisis of 2008, forced individuals and families to become more budget-conscious. As a result, people got resourceful and creativity flourished, especially when it came to memorializing loved ones. In some cases, this meant the funeral director was cut out of the equation entirely or left on the outside looking in.
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I don't think it has to be that way. You can reposition your role and partner with these DIY people, these family members that want to work behind the scenes and bring additional value to their life tribute event.

I want you to think about the family members that you've sat across from who are the DIY consumer. I want you to think about yourself and your friends and family who have the DIY bug and think about the feeling when you complete a DIY project. It is that sense of satisfaction. It is happiness that you feel. The new Man Cave is the She Shed! It's where the DIY consumer gets the solitude, the focus, and the space to complete these projects. These projects that are an instant mood enhancer for them. And that's how these family members feel. This isn't just something that they do on a whim.

And the most famous DIY-ers? Martha Stewart has been around for decades. Chip and Joanna Gaines started with one home decor store and now they have their own television network. Ben and Erin Napier and the Property Brothers are part of the HGTV Family. Brit Morin is known as the digital Martha Stewart, and Tommy Walsh is one of the most well-known international DIY personalities.

And now, because of YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok, we've seen the explosion of DIY bloggers all over the world. Some bloggers have their own sites or they use social media sites to reach out to potential DIY-ers. And it is their eagerness to provide video tutorials – step-by-step guides – to invite and encourage people to be a part of the DIY world. It is evident that the DIY world is expanding and here to stay.

Data shows that 50% of DIY consumers are female and 52% are between the ages of 24 and 44 – a mix of Gen X and Millennials. We know that DIY projects are directly tied to life changing events: a graduation, an engagement, getting married, having a baby, buying a home, and, we can add, the death of a family member. Every time there's a milestone or something big happening in their family, they have an event. They bring people together. They honor old family traditions. They start their new traditions, and it's not just about their immediate family, but they bring in their extended family and they also reach out to their large social circle of friends to be a part of those special moments.
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And, because of that, a life tribute event will most likely be the topic of conversation among many of the attendees. It will be the word-of-mouth marketing that funeral homes want! But—guess what? That funeral director will fade into the background and simply be seen as the person who provided the place and took care of the disposition.

Here are three ways to partner with those individuals to help you and your entire team avoid getting left out of the conversation when a DIY consumer appears in that arrangement conference.

SPEAK TO YOUR CREDIBILITY
The words “licensed funeral director” carried a lot of weight for many, many years. Then, we needed to say “licensed funeral director and cremation specialist.” Now we need to add a third line of credibility, and that is your “creative” credibility. That DIY consumer needs to hear, in the very beginning of that arrangement conference, that you are creative, that you're willing to explore ideas, and that you have resources to execute their vision.

BE THE IDEA GENERATOR
What I hear most from funeral directors is that they don't have the extra budget or the extra time to do the “wow” factor for a family. I understand that, so think of yourself as an idea generator instead. It builds your credibility. It says: We are creative. We want to help you. For example, "it was interesting to hear about your sister's involvement with Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library. I was thinking of a few different ways we could honor that part of her life."

KEEP RESOURCES HANDY
Have websites, magazines, and books available for your funeral directors to enable them as idea generators. Know the websites that consumers are going to directly. These are three from my extensive list of websites:
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beau-coup.com is a wedding and baby shower website (I forewarn you), but they have every possible keepsake, covering all different hobbies and interests, and can be personalized with shipping options to ensure items arrive in time for a tribute.

stylemepretty.com collects wedding ideas from all over the world to find out what brides are doing, what the trends are, and what resources that they're utilizing. If I was looking for tropical - Hindu - Jewish funeral ideas, I could go to Style Me Pretty to get some inspiration. And that's what you're going to find: a combination of cultures, hobbies and interests that bring it all together. And it's not just pictures: it is the resources and the vendors, too.

pinterest.com is ideal for free consumer research. Hop on and type in the search box “my funeral” or “mom's funeral” or “dad's funeral” and look at all the Pinterest boards that have those names. And these are just the public-facing samples! These are the ideas that people are collecting, that they're thinking about, so when the time comes, they go to their Pinterest board and see what they've collected over the past couple of years for a loved one or for themselves.

"When families participate, they remember. When they remember, they grieve. And when they grieve, they love." Remembering Well, by Sarah York
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That's the impact that you can have on these family members who want to have those DIY moments with other family members behind the scenes before that tribute takes place.

My second week on the job as CANA’s Executive Director took place during the joint CANA-NFDA convention in October 2011. I remember many excellent presentations and I vividly recall one speaker asking the audience, "Are you a cremation specialist? Raise your hand if you are." There were hundreds of people in the room, and not one raised a hand. The speaker then chastised us, saying, "Of course you are a cremation specialist, because you say you are."

Is it really as simple as that? Not exactly.
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CANA has been conducting research to determine the actual competencies and related knowledge, skills and abilities (KSA) that a funeral director and arranger use when serving their community. Based on this, we've developed continuing education classes that teach these important KSAs, validate good habits and introduce best practices. Together they make up the new CANA-Certified Cremation Specialist credential—a labor of love crafted by the leadership and staff of CANA over the last five years.

You’ve all heard the lament: no one teaches cremation in mortuary science or funeral service schools, so why do some funeral directors excel at connecting with consumers who choose cremation and why do some fall short? CANA set out to find the answers.

One of the four pillars of CANA’s strategic plan is Education, with one of the goals under that pillar being to constantly scan the state of the profession and address training needs through progressive education. To that end, in August 2017 CANA board members engaged in a hands-on activity where they identified their greatest training struggles across their businesses. The major categories identified were: 1. arrangement conferences, 2. crematory operations, 3. sales, 4. managing a service, 5. technology, 6. leadership development, 7. phone skills, and 8. oral communication, business communication and writing.

The CANA Education Committee then set CANA’s top three priorities: arrangement conferences, crematory operations, and sales. With a firm theory about where our profession was struggling, it was time to test our ideas, so we invited rock star funeral directors from CANA member firms across the US and Canada to convene in Chicago and participate in a DACUM (Developing A CUrriculuM) study.

These successful professionals were asked to describe, in exhaustive detail, each task they engage in to serve families who choose cremation. I wish you could have been in the room. This open exchange of ideas and strategies was a type of training in itself.
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The DACUM study identified seven domains of competencies from which we developed training.

Anyone familiar with the curriculum at mortuary science and funeral service programs will recognize these areas. You’ll find obvious connections and echoes to the mortuary school classroom curriculum, which we found to be a reassuring reminder: there’s no divide between cremation and burial families, just in how they can be perceived.
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CANA engaged consultants to do research on this new education initiative, including a large survey. Those respondents overwhelmingly identified a need for training that distinguishes between the knowledge and skills required to serve families choosing traditional casket burial and those choosing cremation. That’s where CANA found its niche.

n keeping with CANA’s mission to serve as the leading authority on all aspects of cremation, the association identified a gap in cremation-focused, online continuing education courses – content that develops and supports the competencies that best prepare funeral directors to serve people choosing cremation. Current courses are outdated, repetitive, provide little to no cremation content, and don’t advance competencies in the areas we identified.

The path forward was clear: fill the gap between the type of specialized training needed and the level of interest in the actual content areas—all with CANA’s brand of cremation-first content to set it apart from the other the education options currently on offer.

The primary audience for this project is early to mid-career funeral directors and arrangers. The primary competition is low-cost or free online training programs. We committed to the development of a self-paced educational program, providing licensed funeral directors with CE which leads to a cremation specialist credential at an accessible price.

CANA members are the leaders in cremation innovation so that is where we started. We identified subject matter experts from across the association to develop and deliver specific courses targeted to each of the seven competencies:

The Cremation Choice – works to explain the cremation consumer by using research to break down biases about what motivates them and what they want.

Communication Skills Fundamentals – created to get at the many ways we communicate, verbally and silently, to clients.

Cremation Phone Shoppers: Your Best First Impression – focuses on making the connection with the caller and showcasing the value you offer.

The Power of Presence: An Introduction – developed with the blessing and support of Glenda Stansbury and Doug Manning, experts in the topic.

Ethics in Funeral Service – moving beyond compliance with regulations, this class addresses ethical codes of conduct for the business and the individual

Complying with the FTC Funeral Rule – uses cremation–focused scenarios to teach how to follow The Rule in different situations

Presentation without Preservation – in what many would consider a foreign concept to CANA this class examines minimally-invasive body preparation techniques for the customer who wants a viewing but doesn’t want embalming.

Each class is highly interactive with exercises, video clips and case studies.
Looking for recorded webinars? Look elsewhere. These classes will capture your attention, present you with interactive scenarios and are always cremation-first.

This preparation work revealed the core issue: most funeral directors have learned over time—or are actually taught—the cremation myths and biases that have influenced business models and created a disconnect between consumers and funeral professionals. These biases are evident, even among funeral professionals working in cremation businesses.

The CCS content challenges participants to confront biases and learn new strategies to connect with grieving families. Participants reported that communication tips and exercises to cultivate empathy and other communication skills resulted in greater satisfaction and success.
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In Fall 2021, CANA offered the first test cohort and graduated eight CANA-Certified Cremation Specialists. During this test offering we learned a number of lessons, including:

​The Second Cohort launches March 7 and you are invited to participate. If you work for a CANA member or are the owner/manager of a CANA member and wish to register employees find out more here.
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It took five years to identify the competencies, build the courses and plan the launch, but here we are introducing the CANA-Certified Cremation Specialist! Join their ranks and raise your hand with confidence the next time you are asked if you are a cremation specialist.

Earlier this year, our Foundation Partners marketing team embarked on a three-pronged research project to better understand the online habits of the post-COVID deathcare consumer. After conducting hundreds of online surveys, one-on-one interviews and focus groups, we partnered with CANA in November 2021 to present the results in a webinar entitled, “How Consumer Attitudes Toward Online Deathcare are Changing.” Our presentation team included Sally Camm, whose firm Astound Commerce conducted the research, Luke Frieberg, president of eFuneral, Foundation Partners’ Vice President of Marketing Scott Ankerholz and me.

Our panel of digital marketing experts shared five broad consumer trends impacting deathcare and outlined steps you can take today to stay ahead of the curve. If you missed it, no worries; simply click here to watch the recording and download the slidedeck.

After hundreds of surveys and conversations, five key trends emerged that are impacting the deathcare purchase journey.

1. WELLNESS
Consumers are increasingly focused on wellness, which encompasses not just physical but mental, spiritual and environmental concerns as well. As a result, younger consumers (under 45) want to engage in a different, more positive conversation about death and deathcare. In general, they have a broader definition of death preparedness than previous generations. Instead of who will get what, the conversation is more about how they can have their affairs in order — emotionally, spiritually and relationship-wise — so they can enjoy their lives now and ease the burden on family members.
With this in mind, you may want to expand your preneed marketing efforts to include younger families. Additionally, your services don’t have to stop after memorialization or permanent placement services are done. Today’s families appreciate aftercare services, like grief support, assistance obtaining death certificates and other “concierge” services that help them navigate the myriad of tasks required to close the affairs of a loved one.

2. INDIVIDUALITY
As the focus on religious funeral services wanes in the U.S., families are opting for services that celebrate the life and uniqueness of the individual. Nearly a third of consumers who completed our online surveys reported that religion did not factor meaningfully into how they considered making funeral arrangements. As more funerals become joyous occasions and celebrations of life, we have the opportunity to unleash our creativity to help families say farewell to loved ones in style. This will create new revenue streams as we reimagine funeral services.

3. TRANSPARENCY
During our in-person interviews with both at-need and preneed consumers, 95 percent cited transparency as one of the major reasons for their choice of a deathcare provider. In their 2020 Funeral and Cemetery Consumer Behavior Study, The Foresight Companies found that 75 percent of consumers said they want pricing available online and will not do business with providers who are not transparent. Fifty-two percent said they will ONLY do business with companies that provide online pricing options.

But these consumers are not just looking for price transparency; they also want process transparency. Why? Because process transparency puts them in charge and, during the highly stressful at-need time, it allows them to maintain some semblance of control when their lives have been changed forever. Consumers have become accustomed to tracking their online transactions and their expectations during the deathcare journey are no different. Deathcare providers who can offer up-to-the-minute notifications of things, like when loved ones will be cremated and when those remains will be ready for delivery or pick-up, will have an advantage over their competition.

4. OMNICHANNEL SERVICE
Today’s consumers want an integrated, seamless journey across digital and physical experiences – online, by phone and in person. While recent consumers of deathcare services report that in-person remains their preferred method of arranging, we saw a greater willingness among those who have not yet purchased to turn to online arrangement options.

Luke Frieberg shared a case study in which an eFuneral partner encouraged families to review their options on their website before the arrangement meeting. Some of these families completed their purchases on the website, while others came into the arrangement meeting with more clarity around their decisions. Of those families that completed their purchases online, 93 percent upgraded the casket generating additional revenue. Overall, the cost of arrangements made online were 20 percent higher compared to purely in-person meetings and resulted in additional revenue. The firm also reported that families were more relaxed and that funeral directors had a better experience when meeting in person after providing this online option.
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5. TIME STARVATION
Time, and the lack of it, was a primary concern in our interviews, particularly among the at-need consumer. At a time of high stress, especially during COVID, consumers look for us to remove the friction from the decision-making process and to do it in a timeframe that suits them. One of the key ways consumers save time is by doing online research themselves to narrow the selections before they call. Our online cremation consumer survey also showed that both cremation users, and non-cremation users, value the convenience of online arrangements and the ability to browse options on their own terms. Both consumer groups reported that they were either “somewhat satisfied” or “very satisfied” with their experience.

When polled, the responding public is casual about the treatment of their body post mortem. In TV and movies, people who aren’t grieved by a weeping crowd at a headstone are kept in urns as décor for the mantle. In podcasts, radio and social media, the request is to just cremate them or leave ‘em for the bears. No service, no fuss, just be done with it. After all, they’re done with their body so why would anyone else care about it?
But we know that’s not how we treat our loved ones, and not how they will treat us. When CANA and Homesteaders conducted our interviews for the Cremation Insights report, we looked for people who had “just cremated” (aka, direct cremation) but the research team came up empty. Everyone planned or held some kind of meaningful experience for their loved one, but some simply didn’t choose the cremation provider to do so.

Similarly, the research reminded us that cremation versus burial is an opposition that isn’t. If they had cemetery property, participants buried the cremated remains, while others reported dividing them or keeping them close with future plans to bury or inurn. Their opposition is toward a focus on the body expressed as casketed burial, versus life lived.

The same can be said for embalming. It is becoming more common for families to choose cremation and not to embalm. This is for a variety of personal and practical reasons including, but not limited to:

• Dislike for the concept of embalming
• It is a greener choice to not embalm
• Price
• Religious practices may prohibit or discourage embalming
• Preference to avoid invasive techniques
• Unaware they can embalm and cremate

CANA asked our members who supply embalming fluid and related products to funeral homes about some of these concerns.

Like any long-term, sustainable business, a supply company must innovate and diversify to stay market leaders. CANA Members are no different. Each member described how they work to provide the best product and service in the industry. These companies support funeral homes, crematories, and cemeteries with a variety of new products, including memorialization options like personalized urns, improvements on tradition, and new formulas that respond to eco-conscious concerns and work better to preserve and present.
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While originally known as chemical companies, these CANA members continue their commitment to personalization and memorialization through diversified offerings. These companies have embraced cremation. Funeral directors and embalmers also rely on these experts for mortuary science education and continuing education on embalming, restorative arts and preparation training.

​Viewing a loved one is an important part of the grieving process. After a death, the family may be able to realize cognitively that their loved one has died, but it can be more difficult to accept it emotionally. Seeing and touching the deceased helps overcome that barrier and confirms that the person they loved is truly dead.

The Dodge Company: For families, embalming provides the opportunity of time. When a person is embalmed, families have time to rest before making a difficult decision. They have time to gather if they would like, to be together and be with the deceased. Those serving the family have time to care for the deceased and make saying goodbye a better experience.

Eckels and Company: Simply put, all families are people and all families have needs as individual people first. Humans are touchy feely creatures. We hug. We hold hands. Clinical Care (embalming) allows people time and removes barriers to saying goodbye. We all feel what we see. When the people we love look their best, we feel better. Feeling better is good at a time when we feel bad.

Frigid Fluid Company: As funeral practitioners, we want to provide the services families are asking for. For us, a request for cremation does not negate the value of a funeral service with the loved one present. Embalming is performed to offset the postmortem changes that could make viewing challenging for the family. Decedent care not only provides time for funeral services and has public health implications, it also includes restoration to provide the family the opportunity to visit with the deceased in as natural a state as possible.

Kelco Supply Company: Embalming will allow us time to make arrangements and restore a more natural appearance of your loved one. Bringing together family and friends to allow a final memory or visual in a public or private setting allows a safe gathering space that encourages support and understanding that you’re not alone in your journey of grief.

The conversation could go something like: If you choose not to have a service, that is okay, but I want you to know that there will be times when you’re out at the grocery store, or attending church, etc. and people will ultimately walk up to you and ask about the death. This can happen when you least expect it, and you may not be prepared to do this over and over. Having a service can alleviate many of those sudden conversations that you may not be prepare for at that time. They will have learned about the circumstances of the death when attending the funeral service. Those that attend a funeral service are given an opportunity to find their own personal closure as well as to offer support to you and your family in the weeks, months or years ahead.

Cremation was promoted in the early 1900s by the founder of the North American cremation movement and CANA Dr. Hugo Erichsen as the most (or more) sanitary solution: “Every Crematist must be a missionary for the cause, and embrace every opportunity to spread its gospel: the good news of a more sanitary and more aesthetic method of disposing of our beloved dead.” Articles were written pitting cremation against burial from the beginning because cremation evangelists were promoting the gospel of cremation.

While the cremation movement sprang from a sanitary necessity and aesthetic preference, over time, as the embalming process evolved and medicine advanced, the argument for cremation as a means of purification after death dwindled. However, the health of our communities and our environment continues to factor into every big decision, including our final decisions on this earth. When asked about green funeral practices, more than half of surveyed US respondents say they are interested based on environmental, cost, and other considerations. So how do modern embalming practices measure up?

The Dodge Company: When I have been presented with this opinion, I have simply said that the idea of formaldehyde being environmentally unfriendly is inaccurate. It is a simple organic compound that has been robustly studied and found to have no environmental impact as it biodegrades quickly in air, water or in the ground. You will find no evidence of formaldehyde in any environment within hours of when it has been introduced. In numerous studies, formaldehyde has not been found in the soil or water of any cemetery.

Eckels and Company: People choose both embalming and cremation for many reasons and none of them are mutually exclusive. Sure, there is an environmental footprint to both choices, but embalming is greener than you may think. Regarding formaldehyde, it is a well-studied material. In 2017, the National Toxicology Program published a study that revealed some interesting facts. At Eckels we use no phenols, chlorinated solvents, glutaraldehyde, triclosan and other common toxic ingredients found in embalming fluids so our clients can breathe easy and know the watershed is respected.

Did you know that a well operated preparation room can embalm, on average, human remains using less water than it takes to create and serve a pint of beer at your local pub or a large cafe latte from your local barista? From our responsible packaging to what is not in our fluids we can help you provide a safe, healthy and healing experience for families in grief in a sustainable fashion at your funeral business.

Frigid Fluid Company: Formaldehyde is an organic molecule that is found in nature. When used as intended for funeral service there is little to no residual formaldehyde in the body. Any formaldehyde that is not denatured by body proteins is readily neutralized by nitrogen in the environment.

Kelco Supply Company: This may come off as “two wrongs don’t make a right” but there are so many household products that contain formaldehyde or that uses it during the process of manufacturing. From wood building products to wall paint, and beauty cosmetics to cigarettes, consumers are just not fully aware of its wide variety of uses and benefits as compared to the drawbacks. Understanding why formaldehyde is used can certainly put things into perspective and allow one to weigh the cost vs benefit factor when applying it to the decision-making process.
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The EPA sets regulations and limits on the use of formaldehyde and the funeral profession has not been excluded from their studies and review. Kelco is familiar with some aspects of research that is/has been completed with respect to alternate embalming fluid components, but from my understanding none of them compare to the firming affects, preservation or the appearance that formaldehyde offers when embalming a decedent.

CANA’s Code of Cremation Practice dictates that providers’ first consideration should be for “dignity and respect in the care of the deceased, in compassion for the living who survive them, and in the memorialization of life.” However a family decides to care for their loved ones, the primary concern is meeting their needs. Viewing the body before cremation or burial is an important part of the grieving process.

If consumers see cremation as everything that isn’t burial, they won’t request options associated with burial, such as embalming. But we know this divide is not real. Every consumer can decide for themselves how they wish their loved ones or themselves to be honored. The consumer will choose what they want, but you need to provide the options: embalming, body preparation, cremation, burial, services, witness… all of the above.

CONTACT THE EXPERTS
For more from CANA’s member experts in embalming fluid and supply:

The Dodge Company
800-443-6343
www.dodgeco.com

Since 1893, the Dodge Company has provided supplies for your funeral home, crematory, or cemetery. We carry a complete line of urns, urn vaults, and cremation supplies. Dodge manufactures and distributes preparation room supplies and is a source for memorial products through our partners Glass Remembrance and Capture Bead Keepsakes.
Consolidated Funeral Services, our technology partner, provides revenue generating websites to over 5,000 funeral homes.

Dodge has partnered with Insight Books and Doug Manning for over 30 years, supplying grief recovery materials and The Continuing Care Series. Please visit our webstore: https://shop.dodgeco.com

H.S. Eckels and Company
800-265-8350
www.eckelsandcompany.com
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Since 1895 Eckels has been the source of innovation, quality products and outstanding service to the funeral, cemetery and cremation professions.  With humble roots as an embalming chemical manufacturer, Eckels has grown to be a global brand in cremation products, chemicals, employee training and facility design with distributors and partners worldwide. The Eckels Impressions line of cremation products is one of the most extensive ranges of personalized and customized urns, keepsakes and jewelry on the market.  Experience the Eckels Advantage today.

Frigid Fluid Company
574-252-9492
www.frigidfluid.com
Frigid Fluid, based in Chicago, IL, has been owned & operated for over 120 years by members of the same family. Through 5 generations we have maintained the highest standards in manufacturing while also distributing some of the finest funeral and cemetery supplies throughout the world.

Kelco Supply Company
800-328-7720
KelcoSupply.com
Kelco Supply offers a full line of quality products used by funeral homes, cemeteries, medical examiners, hospitals and pet hospitals.  Prep room / Care Center equipment & embalming chemicals, products used for transfer, storage, and refrigeration of cadavers, cremation urns & supplies, for human and pets and cemetery equipment are all included in our extensive product assortment.
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Kelco is the supplier dedicated to serving funeral professionals. Our core mission is to provide our clients with the same exemplary level of service and respect that they provide for the deceased and bereaved ~ Like you're there for your families, we're there for you.

Consumers have driven the popularity of cremation and funeral directors, cemeterians and crematory operators are doing their best to keep up with demand. In May 2019, Homesteaders Life Company and CANA set out to explore a consumers’ experience with cremation from women who personally made the arrangements for a loved one. Our goal was to explore beyond multiple choice responses to get to the question “Why?”. When we dig down to uncover motivations for their decisions, we can attempt to understand their experience from beginning to end. Put simply, we sought to better discover the cremation experience.

We listened to the perspectives of several groups over the course of three months. All participants were Baby Boomer-aged women living in Phoenix, Arizona or Nashville, Tennessee who were arranging a cremation for the first or second time. As the women described their cremation experiences, they realized that they often had very different experiences and learned from each other. They expressed a desire for more information or education about cremation, since this was often a new tradition in their families. There were many insights gleaned during the focus groups, but we are highlighting just a few in this post that stand out.

The focus group participants raised several questions, many of them related to handling of “ashes.” Participants suspected some rules existed, but weren’t sure what the rules were or where to find them. In general, the women tended to do what they wanted, but they carefully watched over their shoulder just in case it was improper – or even illegal. That is definitely not the best cremation experience.

Often, these women learned from friends or their own experiences rather than having a go-to resource. Google was mentioned more than once as a starting place to research information on cremation options. Many women noted that they were pretty familiar with “traditional funerals” but that they weren’t as knowledgeable about what cremation entailed. It’s a newer tradition, and they felt that not as much information is available to help them understand the process.

Where did these families get ideas for the service? The internet. Where did they find a cremation provider? Mr. Google. They didn’t have to wait to sit down with a funeral director to get a price list of goods and services. They researched online and put together a preliminary budget well before meeting at the funeral home.

If they didn’t like the urns or jewelry on display in the arrangement room, they turned to – you guessed it – the internet: Amazon, Etsy, Walmart, and other retailers they know and trust that feature product reviews and recommendations on these keepsakes they probably haven’t bought before. Not one woman described returning to the funeral home to purchase cremation jewelry or an urn after the service. This was qualitative research, and not quantitative, so it is possible that many families do return to the funeral home for merchandise, but this research did not suggest that is common.

So what’s a local cremation provider to do? You may want to consider additional ways to reach out to consumers and help them understand all of the options available for service and memorialization. Be the expert in cremation. Become the trusted information source in your community. Don’t be afraid to talk about cremation and the options it provides. Consumers will choose cremation whether you talk about it or not. It’s better to be the expert than leave the consumer to figure it out without you.

Funeral professionals speak a different language than cremation consumers. Over the years, funeral professionals and society decided that euphemisms were gentler and kinder.

But sometimes euphemisms are confusing and the situation demands specific language to describe a process or professional practice. Death care, much like other professions, has developed its own jargon to describe its work, particularly with cremation to establish its differences to burial and related practices and products. However that jargon may be confusing rather than increasing understanding when talking with consumers.

How can we connect with consumers if we are speaking different languages? The table below highlights some of the language disconnects uncovered during the research.

This language disconnect was painfully obvious from the first minutes of the first focus group. The most common example is one of the most common terms in cremation: “ashes.” Today, mortuary science and funeral service students are taught the terms “cremated remains” and “cremains”, which are also widely used by funeral professionals. And yet not one single focus group participant used any term other than “ashes.”

In the arrangement room, funeral professionals rarely correct a consumer they are serving, but rather translate “ashes” to “cremated remains” in their head, or simply mirror the language used by grieving family members to provide comfort and promote understanding. But what about a website or other marketing materials? Should written consumer-facing language use common terms like “pick up the body” instead of “first call” to build common ground and understanding? More and more death care providers are doing so for reasons ranging from SEO to increasing sales.

The focus group participants quite unexpectedly raised a particular topic on their own: preplanning. Preplanning, advance planning, prearranging – whatever you like to call it – was never part of the research’s list of topics to explore. Nevertheless, it was something the women brought up during the “Queen for a Day” exercise that occurred near the end of each focus group.

The participants were crowned “Queen for a Day” and asked to issue a decree. They could make any change they wanted and the whole world would have to follow their order. This was intended to encourage them to describe their ideal cremation experience. Not surprisingly, the most common decree was to bring back their loved one. The second most common request, however, was a complete surprise: they decreed that everyone preplan, prepay and discuss their wishes with their family member in advance.

Why was preplanning so important to these women? Like many family members, they wished they would have known more of the details their loved one wanted for their celebration of life. While they may have known their loved one wanted to be cremated, they may not have known much more than that. What about a venue? What about musical selections or special readings? What about thoughts on what to do with the “ashes” after the ceremony?

Perhaps if the women had known more about the “new” tradition of cremation they would have tried to ask their loved one more questions. Better yet if their loved one had preplanned, those questions would have naturally been raised and answered. What a relief the focus group participants would have felt knowing that they were fulfilling all of their loved one’s final wishes, not just the desire to be cremated.

Prior consumer research tells us that some people feel it’s not necessary to preplan when a cremation is involved. Actually, the opposite may be true. If cremation is a new tradition within a family, how will the survivors know what to do? Imagine this scenario: a husband wants to be cremated but he and his spouse never get around to talking about it. Then the husband dies and the spouse simply turns to what is most familiar and selects a casketed burial instead of cremation. Preplanning isn’t tied to the type of service, disposition and permanent placement chosen. The whole point of planning ahead is to formally document the deceased’s wishes, that way the family can truly honor them and is spared the pain of merely guessing what those wishes were.

The existing language disconnects discussed earlier are also a good example of why preplanning is beneficial. Any clarifications of what different terms mean can be addressed in advance. The result is a much more satisfying experience for both the funeral professional and family at the time of need instead of trying to find common language during a time of extreme stress.

Aside from wanting their loved one back, these women expressed a desire for people to talk about their final wishes in advance to make the at-need arrangement process easier. Please encourage all families, regardless of what type of celebration of life they want, to preplan (and prefund if possible) before it’s too late.

Is this research still relevant during a pandemic? It stands to reason that the insights gleaned are still helpful. During this pandemic, millions of families have experienced the death of a loved one. In 2019, the US experienced 2.8 million deaths, but preliminary counts indicate the national number exceeded 3.1 million in 2020. Conventional wisdom states that most families experience a death every 7-10 years, so many adults may only plan three or four funerals in their lifetime. But during the pandemic, nearly everyone in this country knows someone who has died – whether friend, family member or celebrity.

Preliminary numbers indicate that cremation rates in the US jumped nearly 3% in 2020. The focus group participants may offer insight as to why. The women described cremation as simpler, as you make the choice to cremate in the moment and that is all that is required – no casket, clothes, or cemetery needed right away. Cremation is legally considered to be final disposition, so they can take the cremated remains home with them and make other decisions at their pace. This possession is also appealing, particularly for a spouse or child who can keep their loved one close. The decision for permanent placement in a cemetery or scattering can come later, even generations later, which may be particularly helpful under pandemic restrictions.

CANA and Homesteaders Life Company set out to understand WHY women are choosing cremation and to better understand what cremation is or is not in the consumers’ mind. What we heard is that their loved one requested cremation and they had to figure out and plan what that experience was for their family and friends. Despite a desire for more education and confusion about language, these women had no regrets. In fact, they were highly satisfied and wouldn’t change a thing about their experience.

CANA is a membership association. All of the work we do is in support of our members, and that includes talking to consumers. One of the key benefits of CANA members is their listing in our provider directory, a valuable resource for both trade calls and also the general public. Consumers call us for many reasons: They need help locating a CANA member in their area. They have an imminent death and don’t know what questions to ask the funeral home or crematory. They had a bad experience or there’s something that just doesn’t feel right, and they need someone else to gut check them.

But consumers also call CANA asking how they can avoid using a funeral director. They often tell us they want a direct cremation because they think this the way they can bypass using a funeral home. Now, we know this is not the only reason for choosing direct cremation, but it is definitely a factor for many. If you’re confused as to why consumers have this desire to “stick it to the man,” as some tell us, and steer clear of “the funeral director,” let me share a story that will shed some light on this issue.

I teach the Cremation Principles & Practices course for Worsham College’s online program. While there are many key ideas we try to impress on these future funeral directors, our focus in this blog post is how we teach them that customer service matters.
The assignment is to pretend to be a consumer and phone shop at least three funeral homes for cremation services. They are instructed to ask three questions:

All of the funeral homes contacted as part of this first assignment were in Illinois.
These seem like pretty straightforward questions, right? Well, for my first class in Spring 2019 this was a very painful exercise for these students, and the students in the courses since then have experienced the same thing. They think they are entering a profession where everyone cares as passionately as they do about helping families through a very traumatic event with compassion and respect. What they learned was that yes, in a lot of cases, this is true. There are some really great funeral homes and crematories out there who are compassionate, honest and welcoming. But they also learned that there are some businesses who are not, and many of the students ended up feeling anger, hurt and shock, as well as a determination to do things differently when it’s their turn.

Below, I’ll share quotes from some of the students’ assignments. This post is much longer than usual entries in The Cremation Logs because we wanted to show you the details of this feedback. There were plenty of wonderful funeral homes who treated the students with respect and answered all their questions. But there were equally as many who did not, and that is what is concerning. To keep this blog to a reasonable length, we are only focusing on the negative experiences for purposes of education and continuous improvement. Responses are organized by the questions students were assigned to ask. Please keep in mind that the people answering the phone had no idea they were speaking to students — i.e., future colleagues. They thought they were talking to consumers. Which makes some of these responses all the more horrifying.
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It is also important to note that none of this feedback was provided to the funeral homes called by the students, and no action was taken in regards to the violations we’ll discuss. This was an educational opportunity, not a scheme to catch any bad actors.

Wow. Just, wow. Can you identify the mistakes these funeral directors made? First, let’s be clear that the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) says “You must give consumers who telephone your place of business and ask about your prices or offerings accurate information from your General Price List, Casket Price List, and Outer Burial Container Price list.” They also include a note that “You cannot require callers to give their names, addresses, or phone numbers before you give them the requested information. You can ask callers to identify themselves, but you still must answer their questions even if they refuse to do so. You cannot require consumers to come to the funeral home in person to get price information.” In an opinion letter dated March 18, 2009, the FTC also says that “It is a violation of the Funeral Rule for a funeral provider to refuse to provide price information by telephone upon request to any person for any reason.” Clearly, we see evidence of several violations of the Funeral Rule in the examples above.

In the same opinion letter from 2009, the FTC explains that one of the Rule’s primary goals is to allow for comparison shopping. Make no mistake, if a consumer calls you and you refuse to give them price information over the phone, they will call someone else. And the person they choose will be the business that was transparent and gave them the information they asked for; they will not come and see you just to get pricing.
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Finally, let’s address the situation where the student was directed to the website by three firms, with instructions to call back if there were additional questions. The person called you for a reason. Maybe they don’t have a computer; maybe they need to make a quick decision and don’t have time to search the website for pricing information and decipher the packages available; or, maybe they just prefer to talk to someone. Pushing them off to the website is not the right approach. They will not call you back. They’ll call someone else who will talk to them. And remember, this would be considered a violation of the Funeral Rule. Answer their price questions, and then invite them to visit your website or your location for more information.

Responses to the next question surprised the students. Some of them had assumed that if a business has the word “cremation” or “crematory” in its name, they have a crematory on site. I bet many consumers make the same assumption and believe that their loved one never leaves your building until they pick up the cremated remains.
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Here’s what the students reported from the question about whether the crematory was on-site and if they could see a picture, or who provided the cremation service if there was no crematory on-site.

I’ll start by dispensing with the one statement that was a complete lie: It is NOT against Illinois law for the cremation to be watched by the public. If the family wants to participate, there is no law or regulation prohibiting it. Now, a company may have a policy that they don’t allow it. That is a business decision. But don’t lie to the consumer. If you don’t offer it, just say so.

Now, on to the bigger issue. It’s entirely possible that these firms have crematories on-site, but don’t have the space or the option to add a viewing area. We get it. But based on the answers provided during the phone calls, that doesn’t seem to be the case.

So, the question now is “Why not offer witnessing?” And if you do, why would you be reluctant to share that information over the phone? It doesn’t matter if you don’t have a crematory on-site. Many third-party crematories offer a witnessing area for their funeral home partners to bring families. As we mentioned in the previous section, families want to know what is going to happen to their loved one, and they want to make sure they are getting their loved one’s remains back. That is one of the biggest reasons why people choose to witness a cremation — peace of mind. And isn’t that one of your goals as a funeral director? To give families peace of mind during an emotional and sometimes very confusing time?

If a family wants to witness their loved one’s cremation, they will find a place that offers it. And they are willing to pay for that option. Families are willing to pay for a lot of things if they find value in it. If you aren’t making plans to incorporate witnessing into your offerings, please don’t ignore this growing trend.

As I mentioned in the beginning, this was a painful lesson for both the students and for me. I was angry on behalf of my students, many of whom were treated horribly. But I was also angry on behalf of consumers. These funeral homes believed they were speaking to consumers. Yet they lied, were rude, broke rules and generally did not represent the profession well at all.

It is not our place to judge why someone wants what they want, nor convince them they want or need something different. This is exactly why consumers want to “avoid the funeral director” — they do not want to be sold on something they don’t want. That’s why online funeral arrangements are growing in popularity. You pick out exactly what you want, and no one is on the other end trying to convince you to get something else.

I will also reiterate that we know of so many amazing providers who do represent the profession well through their unending compassion and willingness to get to “yes” and give consumers what they want. All of the CANA staff have been on the receiving end of that compassion as we’ve engaged their help in dealing with our own family deaths. I can only hope that these are the providers consumers call, and we eliminate the poor practices represented in this post.

Think this couldn’t happen in your firm? Think again. These are rural, suburban and urban firms, in the towns where the students live. Some of these firms were CANA members. The common thread among them was a bias against cremation. Even if you provide regular staff training on how to respond to phone inquiries, it’s still important to “inspect what you expect.” Engage a family member or friend to phone shop your own company and see how your employees are responding when you aren’t around. If your staff doesn’t provide information in the manner you prefer, and you decide remedial training would be a good idea, CANA offers an online Cremation Phone Shoppers course that reviews all the best practices and gives tips on how to respond to different questions.

That is my favorite joke describing 2020. It’s funny because it’s true. The pandemic spread of COVID-19 came out of nowhere and changed everything and everyone. Our best intentions, planning and hard work could not have prepared us for the challenges of a triple pandemic – disease, social turmoil, and political unrest.

When faced with uncertainty and continuous change, I have been amazed by how quickly and well CANA members have adapted, particularly in responding to trends that were impacting funeral service before the pandemic and will continue to be important in the year to come.
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Reflecting on 2020, it seems clear that death care workers returned to fundamentals to find solutions for dealing with such cataclysmic change. Now, as we start 2021, we can take a moment to set goals and priorities to meet the challenges to come. CANA cohosted a webinar in 2020 with DISRUPT Media during which we asked industry experts to comment on key trends. Some of those pearls of wisdom are included throughout this post.

As recently as February 2020 (at the CANA Cremation Symposium) we were discussing incremental change to serve families. We had no way of knowing that days later the world would turn upside down. Seemingly overnight, funeral directors pivoted to offer livestreamed services, online and phone arrangements, and new strategies to manage staff and operations remotely. Many of these early activities were conducted with no more sophisticated equipment than smart phones. We have come a long way since then, or have we?

This is the year to upgrade your technology game. Everything from arrangements to funerals to continuing education will continue to be offered online. Invest in stable, fast internet and computers with web cameras sooner rather than later. Software advances can help with everything from case management to first calls and staff coordination. Grow your online offerings to meet the consumer where they are.

Technology will remain the key to brand awareness and marketing success as well. But beware that you will sell what you market. If you are promoting low-cost, minimal service cremations online and via social media, that is what they’ll buy. Now is the time to use these platforms to educate your communities about the services you can (safely) offer with the help of technology and your facilities. Also, amplify local news on your social media channels. Facebook is the host for most local news and outlets and governments. Even in large cities, neighborhoods will have Facebook pages. We are spending more time online during the pandemic than ever before, and good news stands out. Let your feed be the bright spot as well as source for obituaries and practical tips.

You offer solutions to problems that death-averse consumers weren’t willing to discuss or plan for nine months ago. Preneed sales have increased during the pandemic, but have you effectively communicated your ability to help them discuss and make plans?

Your creativity and problem-solving are your best assets, and your communities need you now more than ever.

When my grandmother died in March and we had a livestreamed graveside and Zoom celebration of her life, we discussed gathering over the summer to have a family reunion in her honor. Needless to say that didn’t happen, and we aren’t going to gather this year or probably ever for that purpose. I gave the funeral home a 5-star review on Google, however they returned thousands of dollars of preneed funds earmarked for the funeral to the estate. How many families have you served in a similar situation? How many have come back to do that delayed service? Or did they simply make do?

Have we accelerated the trend toward cremation without services by funeral professionals? Only time will tell. Human beings are strange creatures – we crave what we can’t have – so it is quite possible that when funerals are permitted, there will be an increase. In the meantime, many CANA members have offered community-based memorial services. Some these are purely virtual, some are a hybrid of small in-person gathering with livecasting. I watched several in November and December and each acknowledged that we are grieving more than the loss of loved ones. That was a welcome and comforting message.

The stats on people accomplishing New Year’s resolutions is depressingly low, however goal setting is still valuable and really the best way to track success. We see gaps in service and opportunities for improvement during our busy times, precisely when there is no time to tackle a new project. So write your ideas down and keep track of them. A break will come and that is the perfect time to set your priorities for new projects or improved procedures.
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Did you always mean to start an aftercare program? Get on it! Still not sure how to understand all of the financial data and business metrics? Set up a meeting with your accountant or take a class. Still not sure what social media can do for your business? Ask for help and try a campaign. Make relevant continuing education a priority for all of your staff and yourself. Set goals and measure progress toward them. Then celebrate your successes. This is the best way to focus on the important and not just the urgent.

Now, we’re facing a new calendar year, but this real-time, continuous risk management experiment that we are living has not gone away. Hopefully, we will soon have new tools to combat the disease, like easier access to PPE and vaccines, and also to support ourselves and each other.

We have learned to safely serve our communities through deadly viruses before, and COVID-19, too, will likely remain with us. PPE works, and – with continued engagement and creativity – we will find the tools to serve our communities and navigate 2021.

My thoughts are with you during the next phase of this continuing crisis. On behalf of the staff and leadership of the Cremation Association of North America, happy new year.

WEBINAR EXCERPTS FROM NOTABLE INDUSTRY EXPERTS:

Rahsaan Brown is CEO and owner of Blue Nebula Consulting, a nationally scaled organization that focuses on assisting funeral homes build their sales and marketing departments.

Jeff Harbeson, a.k.a. the Funeral Commander, is the Director of Cash Flow Solutions at C&J Financial, where his specialty is producing accounts receivables and increasing cash flow. He is a former funeral home owner.

Ryan Thogmartin of DISRUPT Media is CEO of ConnectingDirectors.com, Price My Funeral, and Death Care Jobs, as well as the Funeral Nation co-host, along with Jeff Harbeson.

Glenda Stansbury is the vice president of InsightBooks, a publisher of books on grief and aftercare. She is also a licensed funeral director and embalmer. She is the co-founder and the trainer for certified celebrant training.
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Dean Lambert is the Marketing Communications Officer for Homesteaders Life Company and has been with them for a little over 22 years. He’s worked with funeral homes to help with marketing, communications, and promotions since 1991, so he’s approaching his 30th year with the profession.

CANA’s website caters to both the profession looking for resources and the general public learning about cremation services. Satisfying both groups’ interests, the Transporting Cremated Remains page consistently ranks among most visited of CANA’s website. Staff frequently get calls for advice on carrying and shipping cremated remains domestically and internationally. Yet too often, we see articles about cremated remains mishandled or lost with families desperate to find their loved one. Unfortunately, transporting the dead can be complicated, with different rules for every mode of transport, for every origin and destination, all of which is further clouded by a general lack of awareness about the funeral profession and the work we can do.

At Fairfax Memorial Funeral Home and Crematory, CANA’s President-Elect Archer Harmon has the staff and experience to help get the dead where they need to go. Being so close to Washington D.C., Fairfax Memorial is frequently called on to help families all over the world. Archer has addressed members of the College of Consulates, a group of international consular staff, on procedures for transporting the dead. These attendees are seasoned professionals for whom the United States posting was not their first. They had extensive education and training for this posting, but to the one, they were surprised and unprepared to handle the variety of inquiries regarding repatriating casketed or cremated remains to their respective countries. In several cases, Archer has actually helped the consulate repatriate a citizen when the staff were uncertain on how to proceed.

The laws and regulations exist, but death is fraught with cultural interpretations and misunderstandings. For most countries, cremated remains are subject to the same guidelines that apply to a casketed body. The paperwork is extensive and may include some, or all, of the following:

Understandably, this is a complicated process, made more difficult if a business isn't near the nation's capital or doesn’t have a staff with experience in this work. CANA estimates that only a handful of funeral homes, cemeteries, or crematories in the US handle repatriation alone. Families without professional expertise are at a greater disadvantage without the experience and network to get their loved one safely on their way. This difficulty is why CANA gets so many phone calls, and our first step is to refer to reference books like the Redbook. We also reiterate the same guidelines we provide on our webpage: ship to a funeral home, not a private residence; contact the consulate/embassy first; get duplicates of all paperwork; carry rather than ship when possible; etcetera, etcetera. Even then, one CANA faculty member used to warn, too often you can expect your international postal shipment of cremated remains to be returned to the sender.

We recommend reaching out to the professionals who have dedicated staff monitoring the many variables of transportation and shipping, who are experienced in this work, and come with an international network to help. Shipping via an agent or air cargo may be more expensive, but well worth the peace of mind.
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CANA Members that specialize in transporting remains offered these valuable insights:

Of course, this complicated process is further challenged by a pandemic: travel restrictions between countries, canceled flights, closed offices, and more. Here's what CANA Members say:

Inman Shipping: Travel restrictions and embargos during the pandemic are significantly impacting shipping and transporting remains. Inman works closely with our sister company, Eagle’s Wings Air receiving hourly updates as airlines continue to delay and cancel flights. Inman constantly monitors all of these factors and provide up-to-date information to the receiving funeral home. Due to the pandemic, many airlines have significantly reduced their flight schedules. We advise to not set services until the remains have arrived at your funeral home. We are also asking for your patience while waiting to receive permits and death certificates. Many of our funeral homes are located in cities with lockdowns and have local health departments which may be currently closed. Additionally, due to airlines needing to furlough both reservation and cargo staff, certain airlines are unable to book flights during the weekend. Unfortunately, certain airlines will not allow COVID-positive remains to ship internationally. We continue to work closely with the airlines to monitor what is available to our customers.
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MacKinnon & Bowes: The pandemic has provided some new realities that must be taken into account for shipping bodies or cremated remains.

National Mortuary Shipping (NMS): For the most part it is getting much easier to ship and transport human remains then it was at the beginning of the pandemic. Airlines are starting to have more flights and loosen up their restrictions some. However, there may still be time delays because even though the airlines are regaining traffic there may be less available flights and some cargo stations are still closed. Some International destinations are not always available and often very delayed.

And even when everything settles into a new normal, don't forget that the seasons will still change, and the weather with it. In the same way you plan your travel and gift shipments, advise families that they will need to plan well ahead, and delay making plans until remains safely arrive. CANA Members suggest:

Inman Shipping: Winter weather issues, post office delays, and seasonal holidays can cause delays in shipping and mailing of cremated remains. With the dramatic decline in available flights and only cargo space for two human remains onboard a flight, it is necessary to set proper expectations for family members awaiting the return of their loved one. While families may wish to proceed with quickly setting services, it is very important that services are not arranged until body has been received into the care of the local funeral home. Most cremated remains are returned home via the US Post Office, which has also caused unexpected delays due to slower Post Office service.

MacKinnon & Bowes: Winter months in northern US and Canada represent challenges for delayed and cancelled flights due to weather. Even flights from the south could be impacted by interruptions caused by delays in the overall system and aircraft that does not arrive at the point of departure in time for scheduled departures and connections. Holidays represent times when most Airlines provide diminished service capabilities. Advance planning and anticipated potential for disruption should always be taken into account when forecasting arrivals, services, and dispositions.

National Mortuary Shipping (NMS): It is important that everyone understands that time can be a sensitive issue when shipping. There are times that doctors and health departments as well as distance may create delays in shipping. Another factor is the hours and location of airline cargo facilities as well as delays caused by weather and other circumstances. These may be unavoidable and create unanticipated delays in shipping. We know it is difficult when a family requests services be set for a specific day; however, we always recommend because of these potential delays to try to avoid deciding for services until the deceased has arrived at his or her location.

Like seasons, political situations also change with countries falling in and out of favor with one another. This can impact the ability to cross borders, even for the dead. As an example, when shipping to Cuba from the US was limited, Canada often provided a necessary layover where Canadian companies could take possession and arrange the final leg of the journey.

As CANA's founder, Dr. Hugo Erichsen, said, "Cremation is preparation for memorialization." This idea is also immortalized in CANA's Code of Cremation Practice. When discussing plans for permanent, dignified placement of cremated remains abroad, it is important to plan ahead and allow time for arrangements to be finalized. That way, everyone gets the homegoing they deserve, surrounded by the people that loved them.

CONTACT THE EXPERTS

For more from CANA’s member experts in shipping and transportation:

Inman Shipping Worldwide is the oldest and largest repatriation company in the country. We are the experts in returning a loved one home for ceremony. We address the needs of an increasingly mobile society. As careers and retirement take us to all corners of the country and even the world, Inman addresses the need to return the remains of a deceased loved one home for ceremony. Inman coordinates the transport of the deceased from any part of the world to their final resting place. We oversee the entire process, regardless of the distance involved, so that the sensitivities of the survivors are fully protected.
At Inman Shipping we provide round the clock support to our customers. Our team of professionals are available any time of the day or night to begin a new domestic or international shipment, or answer a question related to a shipment. Our website, www.shipinman.com, is also available to request a quote for transportation or start a new shipment. We can assist your funeral home with an out of town direct cremation as well as full body repatriation.

MacKinnon & Bowes Limited is an assistance firm that provides support services to funeral providers, crematoriums and cemeteries for a wide array of services including flight bookings, shipments, cremations and repatriations from countries all over the world. MacKinnon & Bowes is a family owned funeral service company staffed by licensed funeral directors and has been a proud CANA member for over 25 years. For more information on MacKinnon & Bowes please check our website or give us a call.
MacKinnon & Bowes continues to provide those services and consultations that they are known for both pre and during pandemic. Flight bookings, international and domestic shipment coordination, cremation services and shipment of cremated remains are those things that funeral providers have come to rely on MacKinnon & Bowes for over the years. Over the road transportation for longer distance requirements have become more frequently relied upon by those that rely on and engage MacKinnon & Bowes. A comprehensive support system for shipments, cremations and repatriations from far away is at the fingertips of those that call for assistance.
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National Mortuary Shipping and Cremation (NMS) assists hometown directors with out-of-town deaths. NMS has been the funeral industries trusted source as a full service provider for close to 40 years. We are proud to offer:
Domestic and International shipping, cremations, removal services, embalming, livery, airline transfers, flight booking, graveside services and disinterment’s as well as assistance with shipping requirements, death certificates, and airline requirements.
Our knowledgeable staff is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to provide you service you can count on. We are always available to help funeral homes with their out-of-town needs or questions. Even if a funeral home does not have an out-of-town death, we welcome them to call our office and ask any questions that may help them better prepare should a need arise. We also offer many resources on our website as well as a phone app that allows funeral homes to contact us electronically.

Growing up as the daughter of a traditional funeral director, I never would have imagined that five decades later I would be caring for those grieving the loss of a pet. Back in 1972, when my father first began taking calls from clients wanting burial and cremation services for their pets, it was considered “taboo.” In other words, “People just wouldn’t understand.” I have vivid memories of my father telling stories of how clients would request that he arrive in an unmarked vehicle and that he come after dark because they did not want their neighbors to know they were caring for their pet in this way. Can you imagine not being able to openly grieve or mourn a loss that was so emotionally devastating to you?

Fast forward to today, where, according to the American Pet Products Association, over 67% of the US population now owns a pet, and 45% own more than one pet. Expenditures for pets are expected to surpass $99 billion in 2020, so it is easy to see that our pets have truly become members of the family. In fact, a 2001 survey from the American Animal Hospital Association revealed that 83% of pet owners refer to themselves as pet parents. For those with value added services marketing to the pet sector, how care is communicated to those pet parents is important and can be the difference in building and sustaining lifelong relationships with pet families.

Did you know the human-animal bond dates back more than 16,000 years? Burials for pets have been found in Germany from 14,000 BCE, in North America from 11,000 BCE, and China from 7,000 BCE. Alexander the Great owned a mastiff named Peritas. When Peritas died, Alexander led a sizeable funeral procession and burial, erected a large monument, and ordered the locals to honor his dog’s death every year with a festival. The human-animal bond is strong. Whether it is a furry child to empty-nesters, a best friend to the children in a family, or an only companion during a major adult life change, we should not be surprised when a pet parent seems to be “over the top” in how they choose to honor their beloved furry family member.

The grief can be overwhelming. I’ve often heard, “This has been more difficult than losing a human family member.” The bond with a pet is like no other relationship; there is no emotional baggage, there is just pure, unconditional love. That can be hard to find by today’s standards. It is no wonder that pet parents today are seeking more personalized caring services for their beloved furry family members.
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Whether it’s holding a viewing with family and friends, conducting an informal ceremony to scatter cremated remains, taking part in a witness cremation, or being able to choose the perfect personalization for the right urn, pet parents don’t just want choices – they need choices. As pet bereavement experts, it is important that we don’t shut those opportunities off during the decision-making stage. Making sure these options are known to the pet parent can become part of their healing process. Like planning a service for any human, we shouldn’t assume every pet parent desires the “standard service.” Pet parents need to be able to honor the emotional bond they held with their beloved furry family.

I recently had the honor of working with Jennifer Werthman, Education Director for CANA, and Debra Bjorling, owner of Hamilton Pet Meadow in New Jersey and Past President of the IAOPCC. We were working collaboratively to develop the new, online version of the IAOPCC’s Pet Bereavement Certification Level 1 Program. As we talked through the many phases of the program and the more unusual stories of grief that we had experienced with pet parents, it struck me as to how universally similar the stories often were. At the heart of every pet parent is the need to grieve, the need to know they are being heard, and the need for an empathetic and understanding voice.

After 32 years of working with pet parents, I know it can be easy to find yourself on autopilot and focusing on the details of the arrangements, urn personalization, and memorials rather than the grieving person in front of you. But I also know that what determines a lasting relationship with any pet parent is being able to effectively communicate care and concern for their loss and express a willingness to actively listen to their pain.

We all are aware of the varying stages of grief: Shock, Denial and Disbelief, Anger, Guilt, and Resolution. But are we committed to communicating well at every stage of a pet parent’s grief, both verbally and non-verbally? Knowing what to say and what not to say to a pet parent who is experiencing shock, profound sadness or unbridled anger is important. It can calm or escalate a situation.

We live in a culturally diverse society with different backgrounds, religious affiliations and beliefs about pet death. Words can have consequences. Make sure you and your staff know how to respond to that inevitable question that anyone dealing in pet aftercare has been asked: “Will I see my pet in Heaven?” How you answer can have profound consequences. We all know words have impact and making sure we are dedicated to best practices for ourselves and our staff can be life-changing for others. Training in pet bereavement is the key to good foundational practices.

Our non-verbal cues have just as great of an impact. Our body language, tone of voice, and inflection convey a lot to a pet parent who is overcome by grief. Because you are dealing with families in a highly emotional state, your body language and vocal tone are essential to creating rapport and building trust. People know when you are being real and when you are giving “pat answers.” Being authentic is important. As anyone working with pet parents will tell you, a pet parent can always spot another pet parent!
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One of the more exciting sections of our online program covers these detailed specifics. It provides a real opportunity to check ourselves, our language, our demeanor, the way we carry our body, and the pace at which we move. We learn how to responsively listen and how to apply reflective listening dramatically improving our communication skills to grieving families.

During our work together, I found myself learning new ideas, getting a refresher on my non-verbal cues, and forming new de-escalation and de-stressor techniques. It can be a challenge to work with pet parents who have an especially difficult time due to extenuating circumstances. Whether it is a lack of social support, pre-existing mental health conditions or an emotional sense of responsibility for the death of the pet, these challenges can require inside knowledge of how to best serve the pet parent. As we built the course, we were able to share direct personal experiences of unusual circumstances and unique requests – how do you respond when a pet parent asks you to remove the paw for them? How do you react and what do you say to a pet parent that is convinced their pet is still breathing?

We laid out important steps to take when approaching challenges, including emergency situations requiring immediate medical assistance – when do you call for help? Asking the right questions, knowing how to identify key risk factors and finding ways to take quick and decisive action is important for us to know, and, more importantly, for our staff to know as well. Education and training on how to handle difficult situations before they arise is key for all of us!

As a third-generation family business, my father, Doyle L. Shugart, raised my brothers and I to believe that we are each here on purpose and for a purpose. We all have a higher calling in life, and how you prepare for that calling can impact and change the lives around you. As a past president of the IAOPCC, he was dedicated to continued education. In fact, the IAOPCC’s Educational Scholarship is named in his memory. Making sure we take advantage of every training opportunity available at our fingertips is the only positive during this post-pandemic time. Making sure we as well as our staff are well-trained and prepared to handle any and every situation in a culturally divisive world should remain at the top of our priorities – it can be the difference in building and sustaining relationships and your business.

My father often referenced the famous quote attributed to Maya Angelou, impressing it on us: “People may forget what you did for them, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” Forty-nine years after he started our family business, his words still ring true. Your actions can have a profound impact on a pet parent’s grief experience. Learning best practices ensures your families receive all of the options, the best possible care, and your professional expertise to ease the burden of their loss.

No matter a family’s religion or cultural background, there will be times when it is appropriate for a family to see the disposition to completion, wherever it may be. When I served my first Hindu family during my internship, I was struck by the reverence, the beauty and meaning imbued in the ritual of the sendoff at the crematory. Perhaps the West Coast is unique in that many of the families we served in that region were already familiar with witness cremation, even if they did not have a religious requirement to do so. It was not until I moved back to the Midwest that I learned that so many funeral directors and consumers found the concept of going to the crematory shocking.

Families’ imagination is often far worse than the reality of cremation. Many may envision a stark, cold, clinical environment that smells like a hospital. They may imagine a chamber full of flames, and that the entire process is short, lonely, and perfunctory. This is why families are less likely to ask, When will we be able to watch the cremation? as they would be to ask, When will we be able to watch the lowering of the casket into the grave? Typically, this is an offer that the funeral director poses to the family who may need time to decide if that is something they can handle.

Is the consumer to blame for direct cremations? Or, as a profession, have we urged families away from ceremonial cremation in the hope that families who desire more time and a chance to say goodbye will opt for casketed burial instead? It is my belief that we are doing a disservice to families who select cremation if we do not offer them an opportunity to witness their loved one being laid to rest. Most funeral directors will invite the surviving family to be present at the graveside service. Witnessing the remains being placed into the chamber is like watching a casket be lowered into the grave, but for cremation. Similarly, this event creates a lasting memorial and final farewell for the family.

Offering ceremonial witness cremations to families allows a unique, hands-on experience that creates an additional opportunity for the family to gain closure in a meaningful way. When we set up a graveside service, we plan for ceremonial comforts: a tent, chairs, perhaps an ice bucket filled with bottled water and, more often than not, someone to officiate the ceremony whether this is a clergy member, celebrant, family member or the funeral director. There is a prescribed and widely accepted order to the event. To appropriately create this memory of physical separation from a loved one’s remains for our families who select cremation, we need to ask ourselves some questions and shift our own perspectives.

When was the last time you had a client family ask for a three-day viewing in a Promethean bronze casket with limos for everyone and a plot in the highest spot in the cemetery that overlooks the lake? The fact is that we will continue to serve a growing number of cremation families in the future. Why not create a standard of excellence in your market for cremation ceremonies imbued with meaning and ritual.
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Regardless of the type of disposition, families want to ensure that the remains they are entrusting into your care are that of their loved one. Witness cremation ceremonies offer both an opportunity to gather in remembrance of the departed as well as rapport-building transparency with positive identification of the deceased. Families will consider your firm as more credible if you have nothing to hide, and many will want to participate in the hands-on experience of saying goodbye. Seeing their loved one right before the cremation—and potentially participating by initiating the cremation process—will help create a peace of mind, dispel fears about the process, and create greater goodwill and trust. It will allow the families you serve to recognize the permanence of death (Wolfelt, 2016).

As the public becomes more familiar with “do-it-yourself” and hands-on experiences, while self-educating about cremation, it makes sense to offer private crematory experiences as part of our standard services just as we include visitations and graveside ceremonies.

Let’s consider the optics of practicing witness cremation ceremonies. When my mother passes, I plan on being present at the crematory to see my mother one last time. Will I be comfortable with her being cremated in a cardboard alternative container? I consider myself a pragmatist, but it would be much harder for me to select a minimum cardboard container over an alternative cremation option that comes with a pillow and is the same color as all her furniture. Even though I know, rationally, that it will be consumed during the cremation, the likelihood of upgrading my mother to a ceremonial cremation container is 100%.

Even if not embalmed, setting a decedent’s features and performing a minimum preparation of remains should be planned for regardless of whether the family has expressed a desire to view the remains at the crematory. The majority of crematory operators I have worked with in the past have told me that if a family is willing to travel to the crematory, then there is a greater chance that they may wish to view the remains at the time of the cremation even if they were previously undecided about viewing.

As with planning any other type of service, it is important to allot enough time and set expectations and constraints to the family, the funeral home, and the crematory. This will require clear communication between all parties involved to schedule a well-organized event. Families want a memorable and favorable experience; they do not want to feel rushed.

As the families we serve become increasingly participative, including them in the planning and tone of this event lends them a greater sense of control. Survivors may opt to place special photos, letters, or trinkets into the cremation container; they may wish to have a significant song played while their loved one is being placed into the chamber. The benefits outweigh the additional time and effort spent planning the service.

Fear comes from a loss of control. Not having a realistic picture of what the crematory looks like, feels like, smells like, or sounds like will cause undue stress. It is important for practitioners to help their client families understand what to expect so they will know what the outcome of the event will be and rest at ease knowing that nothing terrible will happen, like their imagination suggests.

There are several opportunities to convey the value and experience of witness cremation ceremonies: wherever you explain what services you offer. This service should appear on your General Price List, under the Services tab of your website, and be addressed during the arrangement conference with every family who selects cremation. Several funeral homes have the witness cremation option built in to their cremation authorization form, where the authorizing agent will initial “Yes, we want to witness the cremation and here are the names of the people who will be present”, or “No, we would like to opt out of that ceremony.” If appropriate, a gallery of photos or YouTube video can give a sense of the crematory, so you do not have to schedule a pre-cremation tour of the space (although an open-door policy is a recommended best practice).
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When making funeral arrangements, a consumer may not have enough background information to understand what you are asking if you say, “Do you want to witness the cremation?” Without context, this sounds more like a threat, rather than an invitation. Over time, a funeral arranger can become more familiar with how to present witness cremation experiences by explaining the ceremony and inviting the family to be present for the event. Here’s a sample script:

Whether your crematory space is “industrial,” or built specifically to host families for witness ceremonies, managing that expectation is key. Would heavy rain deter you from attending the graveside of your spouse or parent? If not, then a “no-frills” functional crematory space should not be a deterrent for a family, but having a weather forecast and knowing ahead of time to bring rain boots is always appreciated.

In an ideal world, every family who selects cremation would be present to see their loved one. If that were the case, the chances of an erroneous cremation would be nearly impossible. Realistically, the percent of families who choose to be present at the graveside to see the casket lowered is likely what you can expect of families to witness cremations.

As with a burial or any ceremony in funeral service, there must be an order of events to ensure a smooth cremation. Funeral directors must partner with crematory operators and schedule times for witnesses at the crematory’s discretion (e.g., “The crematory operator says that we can plan the witness ceremony on Tuesday at 1:00 pm. Does that work for your family?”).

If you have a distrusting family who does not want to “receive someone else’s ashes”, crematory experiences are the solution. You can collaborate with the crematory operator to allow the family to be present for the transfer of their loved one’s cremated remains to the urn, giving the family a greater sense of trust and peace of mind. It is critical to coordinate the scheduling with the crematory. It may make sense to hold the witness cremation as the last one of the day and schedule the pickup of the urn for first thing in the morning; this gives the crematory operator ample time for overnight cooling and an additional opportunity for the family to watch the identification process post-cremation.

Many funeral service providers may be reluctant to offer witness cremation ceremonies because it is more work. But you would be surprised by the number of “direct cremation” families who are ready and willing to see their loved one, they just did not know it was an option. We don’t know what we don’t know. It doesn’t hurt or cost anything to ask those you serve if they want to press a button, place the cremation casket into the chamber, insert a letter or drawing from a child in the cremation container, or order flowers when they see a photo of an all-concrete crematory space.
Giving the consumer a say in the cremation service helps add value to the experience. It offers another opportunity to mourn and be together in a difficult time. Plenty of funeral homes routinely ask the family if they want to see the lowering of the casket during a graveside service. Why not start with witness cremation ceremonies?