Consumers have driven the popularity of cremation and funeral directors, cemeterians and crematory operators are doing their best to keep up with demand. In May 2019, Homesteaders Life Company and CANA set out to explore a consumers’ experience with cremation from women who personally made the arrangements for a loved one. Our goal was to explore beyond multiple choice responses to get to the question “Why?”. When we dig down to uncover motivations for their decisions, we can attempt to understand their experience from beginning to end. Put simply, we sought to better discover the cremation experience.

We listened to the perspectives of several groups over the course of three months. All participants were Baby Boomer-aged women living in Phoenix, Arizona or Nashville, Tennessee who were arranging a cremation for the first or second time. As the women described their cremation experiences, they realized that they often had very different experiences and learned from each other. They expressed a desire for more information or education about cremation, since this was often a new tradition in their families. There were many insights gleaned during the focus groups, but we are highlighting just a few in this post that stand out.

The focus group participants raised several questions, many of them related to handling of “ashes.” Participants suspected some rules existed, but weren’t sure what the rules were or where to find them. In general, the women tended to do what they wanted, but they carefully watched over their shoulder just in case it was improper – or even illegal. That is definitely not the best cremation experience.

Often, these women learned from friends or their own experiences rather than having a go-to resource. Google was mentioned more than once as a starting place to research information on cremation options. Many women noted that they were pretty familiar with “traditional funerals” but that they weren’t as knowledgeable about what cremation entailed. It’s a newer tradition, and they felt that not as much information is available to help them understand the process.

Where did these families get ideas for the service? The internet. Where did they find a cremation provider? Mr. Google. They didn’t have to wait to sit down with a funeral director to get a price list of goods and services. They researched online and put together a preliminary budget well before meeting at the funeral home.

If they didn’t like the urns or jewelry on display in the arrangement room, they turned to – you guessed it – the internet: Amazon, Etsy, Walmart, and other retailers they know and trust that feature product reviews and recommendations on these keepsakes they probably haven’t bought before. Not one woman described returning to the funeral home to purchase cremation jewelry or an urn after the service. This was qualitative research, and not quantitative, so it is possible that many families do return to the funeral home for merchandise, but this research did not suggest that is common.

So what’s a local cremation provider to do? You may want to consider additional ways to reach out to consumers and help them understand all of the options available for service and memorialization. Be the expert in cremation. Become the trusted information source in your community. Don’t be afraid to talk about cremation and the options it provides. Consumers will choose cremation whether you talk about it or not. It’s better to be the expert than leave the consumer to figure it out without you.

Funeral professionals speak a different language than cremation consumers. Over the years, funeral professionals and society decided that euphemisms were gentler and kinder.

But sometimes euphemisms are confusing and the situation demands specific language to describe a process or professional practice. Death care, much like other professions, has developed its own jargon to describe its work, particularly with cremation to establish its differences to burial and related practices and products. However that jargon may be confusing rather than increasing understanding when talking with consumers.

How can we connect with consumers if we are speaking different languages? The table below highlights some of the language disconnects uncovered during the research.

This language disconnect was painfully obvious from the first minutes of the first focus group. The most common example is one of the most common terms in cremation: “ashes.” Today, mortuary science and funeral service students are taught the terms “cremated remains” and “cremains”, which are also widely used by funeral professionals. And yet not one single focus group participant used any term other than “ashes.”

In the arrangement room, funeral professionals rarely correct a consumer they are serving, but rather translate “ashes” to “cremated remains” in their head, or simply mirror the language used by grieving family members to provide comfort and promote understanding. But what about a website or other marketing materials? Should written consumer-facing language use common terms like “pick up the body” instead of “first call” to build common ground and understanding? More and more death care providers are doing so for reasons ranging from SEO to increasing sales.

The focus group participants quite unexpectedly raised a particular topic on their own: preplanning. Preplanning, advance planning, prearranging – whatever you like to call it – was never part of the research’s list of topics to explore. Nevertheless, it was something the women brought up during the “Queen for a Day” exercise that occurred near the end of each focus group.

The participants were crowned “Queen for a Day” and asked to issue a decree. They could make any change they wanted and the whole world would have to follow their order. This was intended to encourage them to describe their ideal cremation experience. Not surprisingly, the most common decree was to bring back their loved one. The second most common request, however, was a complete surprise: they decreed that everyone preplan, prepay and discuss their wishes with their family member in advance.

Why was preplanning so important to these women? Like many family members, they wished they would have known more of the details their loved one wanted for their celebration of life. While they may have known their loved one wanted to be cremated, they may not have known much more than that. What about a venue? What about musical selections or special readings? What about thoughts on what to do with the “ashes” after the ceremony?

Perhaps if the women had known more about the “new” tradition of cremation they would have tried to ask their loved one more questions. Better yet if their loved one had preplanned, those questions would have naturally been raised and answered. What a relief the focus group participants would have felt knowing that they were fulfilling all of their loved one’s final wishes, not just the desire to be cremated.

Prior consumer research tells us that some people feel it’s not necessary to preplan when a cremation is involved. Actually, the opposite may be true. If cremation is a new tradition within a family, how will the survivors know what to do? Imagine this scenario: a husband wants to be cremated but he and his spouse never get around to talking about it. Then the husband dies and the spouse simply turns to what is most familiar and selects a casketed burial instead of cremation. Preplanning isn’t tied to the type of service, disposition and permanent placement chosen. The whole point of planning ahead is to formally document the deceased’s wishes, that way the family can truly honor them and is spared the pain of merely guessing what those wishes were.

The existing language disconnects discussed earlier are also a good example of why preplanning is beneficial. Any clarifications of what different terms mean can be addressed in advance. The result is a much more satisfying experience for both the funeral professional and family at the time of need instead of trying to find common language during a time of extreme stress.

Aside from wanting their loved one back, these women expressed a desire for people to talk about their final wishes in advance to make the at-need arrangement process easier. Please encourage all families, regardless of what type of celebration of life they want, to preplan (and prefund if possible) before it’s too late.

Is this research still relevant during a pandemic? It stands to reason that the insights gleaned are still helpful. During this pandemic, millions of families have experienced the death of a loved one. In 2019, the US experienced 2.8 million deaths, but preliminary counts indicate the national number exceeded 3.1 million in 2020. Conventional wisdom states that most families experience a death every 7-10 years, so many adults may only plan three or four funerals in their lifetime. But during the pandemic, nearly everyone in this country knows someone who has died – whether friend, family member or celebrity.

Preliminary numbers indicate that cremation rates in the US jumped nearly 3% in 2020. The focus group participants may offer insight as to why. The women described cremation as simpler, as you make the choice to cremate in the moment and that is all that is required – no casket, clothes, or cemetery needed right away. Cremation is legally considered to be final disposition, so they can take the cremated remains home with them and make other decisions at their pace. This possession is also appealing, particularly for a spouse or child who can keep their loved one close. The decision for permanent placement in a cemetery or scattering can come later, even generations later, which may be particularly helpful under pandemic restrictions.

CANA and Homesteaders Life Company set out to understand WHY women are choosing cremation and to better understand what cremation is or is not in the consumers’ mind. What we heard is that their loved one requested cremation and they had to figure out and plan what that experience was for their family and friends. Despite a desire for more education and confusion about language, these women had no regrets. In fact, they were highly satisfied and wouldn’t change a thing about their experience.

CANA is a membership association. All of the work we do is in support of our members, and that includes talking to consumers. One of the key benefits of CANA members is their listing in our provider directory, a valuable resource for both trade calls and also the general public. Consumers call us for many reasons: They need help locating a CANA member in their area. They have an imminent death and don’t know what questions to ask the funeral home or crematory. They had a bad experience or there’s something that just doesn’t feel right, and they need someone else to gut check them.

But consumers also call CANA asking how they can avoid using a funeral director. They often tell us they want a direct cremation because they think this the way they can bypass using a funeral home. Now, we know this is not the only reason for choosing direct cremation, but it is definitely a factor for many. If you’re confused as to why consumers have this desire to “stick it to the man,” as some tell us, and steer clear of “the funeral director,” let me share a story that will shed some light on this issue.

I teach the Cremation Principles & Practices course for Worsham College’s online program. While there are many key ideas we try to impress on these future funeral directors, our focus in this blog post is how we teach them that customer service matters.
The assignment is to pretend to be a consumer and phone shop at least three funeral homes for cremation services. They are instructed to ask three questions:

All of the funeral homes contacted as part of this first assignment were in Illinois.
These seem like pretty straightforward questions, right? Well, for my first class in Spring 2019 this was a very painful exercise for these students, and the students in the courses since then have experienced the same thing. They think they are entering a profession where everyone cares as passionately as they do about helping families through a very traumatic event with compassion and respect. What they learned was that yes, in a lot of cases, this is true. There are some really great funeral homes and crematories out there who are compassionate, honest and welcoming. But they also learned that there are some businesses who are not, and many of the students ended up feeling anger, hurt and shock, as well as a determination to do things differently when it’s their turn.

Below, I’ll share quotes from some of the students’ assignments. This post is much longer than usual entries in The Cremation Logs because we wanted to show you the details of this feedback. There were plenty of wonderful funeral homes who treated the students with respect and answered all their questions. But there were equally as many who did not, and that is what is concerning. To keep this blog to a reasonable length, we are only focusing on the negative experiences for purposes of education and continuous improvement. Responses are organized by the questions students were assigned to ask. Please keep in mind that the people answering the phone had no idea they were speaking to students — i.e., future colleagues. They thought they were talking to consumers. Which makes some of these responses all the more horrifying.
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It is also important to note that none of this feedback was provided to the funeral homes called by the students, and no action was taken in regards to the violations we’ll discuss. This was an educational opportunity, not a scheme to catch any bad actors.

Wow. Just, wow. Can you identify the mistakes these funeral directors made? First, let’s be clear that the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) says “You must give consumers who telephone your place of business and ask about your prices or offerings accurate information from your General Price List, Casket Price List, and Outer Burial Container Price list.” They also include a note that “You cannot require callers to give their names, addresses, or phone numbers before you give them the requested information. You can ask callers to identify themselves, but you still must answer their questions even if they refuse to do so. You cannot require consumers to come to the funeral home in person to get price information.” In an opinion letter dated March 18, 2009, the FTC also says that “It is a violation of the Funeral Rule for a funeral provider to refuse to provide price information by telephone upon request to any person for any reason.” Clearly, we see evidence of several violations of the Funeral Rule in the examples above.

In the same opinion letter from 2009, the FTC explains that one of the Rule’s primary goals is to allow for comparison shopping. Make no mistake, if a consumer calls you and you refuse to give them price information over the phone, they will call someone else. And the person they choose will be the business that was transparent and gave them the information they asked for; they will not come and see you just to get pricing.
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Finally, let’s address the situation where the student was directed to the website by three firms, with instructions to call back if there were additional questions. The person called you for a reason. Maybe they don’t have a computer; maybe they need to make a quick decision and don’t have time to search the website for pricing information and decipher the packages available; or, maybe they just prefer to talk to someone. Pushing them off to the website is not the right approach. They will not call you back. They’ll call someone else who will talk to them. And remember, this would be considered a violation of the Funeral Rule. Answer their price questions, and then invite them to visit your website or your location for more information.

Responses to the next question surprised the students. Some of them had assumed that if a business has the word “cremation” or “crematory” in its name, they have a crematory on site. I bet many consumers make the same assumption and believe that their loved one never leaves your building until they pick up the cremated remains.
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Here’s what the students reported from the question about whether the crematory was on-site and if they could see a picture, or who provided the cremation service if there was no crematory on-site.

I’ll start by dispensing with the one statement that was a complete lie: It is NOT against Illinois law for the cremation to be watched by the public. If the family wants to participate, there is no law or regulation prohibiting it. Now, a company may have a policy that they don’t allow it. That is a business decision. But don’t lie to the consumer. If you don’t offer it, just say so.

Now, on to the bigger issue. It’s entirely possible that these firms have crematories on-site, but don’t have the space or the option to add a viewing area. We get it. But based on the answers provided during the phone calls, that doesn’t seem to be the case.

So, the question now is “Why not offer witnessing?” And if you do, why would you be reluctant to share that information over the phone? It doesn’t matter if you don’t have a crematory on-site. Many third-party crematories offer a witnessing area for their funeral home partners to bring families. As we mentioned in the previous section, families want to know what is going to happen to their loved one, and they want to make sure they are getting their loved one’s remains back. That is one of the biggest reasons why people choose to witness a cremation — peace of mind. And isn’t that one of your goals as a funeral director? To give families peace of mind during an emotional and sometimes very confusing time?

If a family wants to witness their loved one’s cremation, they will find a place that offers it. And they are willing to pay for that option. Families are willing to pay for a lot of things if they find value in it. If you aren’t making plans to incorporate witnessing into your offerings, please don’t ignore this growing trend.

As I mentioned in the beginning, this was a painful lesson for both the students and for me. I was angry on behalf of my students, many of whom were treated horribly. But I was also angry on behalf of consumers. These funeral homes believed they were speaking to consumers. Yet they lied, were rude, broke rules and generally did not represent the profession well at all.

It is not our place to judge why someone wants what they want, nor convince them they want or need something different. This is exactly why consumers want to “avoid the funeral director” — they do not want to be sold on something they don’t want. That’s why online funeral arrangements are growing in popularity. You pick out exactly what you want, and no one is on the other end trying to convince you to get something else.

I will also reiterate that we know of so many amazing providers who do represent the profession well through their unending compassion and willingness to get to “yes” and give consumers what they want. All of the CANA staff have been on the receiving end of that compassion as we’ve engaged their help in dealing with our own family deaths. I can only hope that these are the providers consumers call, and we eliminate the poor practices represented in this post.

Think this couldn’t happen in your firm? Think again. These are rural, suburban and urban firms, in the towns where the students live. Some of these firms were CANA members. The common thread among them was a bias against cremation. Even if you provide regular staff training on how to respond to phone inquiries, it’s still important to “inspect what you expect.” Engage a family member or friend to phone shop your own company and see how your employees are responding when you aren’t around. If your staff doesn’t provide information in the manner you prefer, and you decide remedial training would be a good idea, CANA offers an online Cremation Phone Shoppers course that reviews all the best practices and gives tips on how to respond to different questions.

The holiday season is usually the most difficult time of the year for families who have lost loved ones. Empty seats at the table or around the tree are painful reminders of those who are no longer with us. For so many of these folks, death and the holidays just aren’t a great combination.

For the makers of holiday movies, though, death is a favorite — if not necessary — ingredient in the recipe for a Hollywood-worthy happy ending. But as with most every element of these addictive stories, death itself, and the realities surrounding it, aren’t part of the fantasy.

There’s plenty of Christmas content out there, especially with today’s multi-device streaming options. Even so, Hallmark — yes, the greeting card company — has become the go-to source for a particular type of holiday movie. Each year, the original Hallmark Channel and its suspense-filled spinoff, the Hallmark Movies & Mysteries channel, switch to an all-holiday lineup sometime in late October. Up to 50 million viewers devour at least one Hallmark holiday movie every year.

So what makes these movies so darned popular? As someone who fits right into the networks’ target demographic (women aged 25 to 54) and has admittedly fallen under the Hallmark movie magic spell, I’ll attempt to explain.

Simply put, Hallmark movies are an indulgent, uplifting escape from reality. Unlike real life, every single Hallmark movie, even a mystery version, has a happy ending. Viewers take comfort in the fact that before the credits roll, all loose ends will be tidily tied up, the always-attractive main characters’ life-altering decisions will be made and their problems solved, and every featured individual/couple/family will send us off as they hug, kiss, and/or sport happy, huge smiles.

For two hours at a time, we can forget our imperfect, busy, or boring lives and imagine that it’s actually possible to travel back in time, to serendipitously reunite with your childhood sweetheart, for the prince of an enchanting (if mythical) kingdom to fall for an American commoner, for beloved Main Street businesses at the brink of bankruptcy to be saved in their final hours, or that a sophisticated and successful big-city girl can find happiness in her hokey-yet-charming hometown

Every holiday season, Hallmark movie writers crank out dozens of new titles (there are 40 first-run options in 2020 alone) that put a new spin on these timeworn tropes. No matter the storyline, though, the inevitably neat ending nearly always includes the coupling of two unusually good-looking adults. Most often, at least one of these individuals is a widow or widower (sometimes with one to three precocious, adorable children) still mourning the death of their impossibly perfect, seemingly-irreplaceable spouse.
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Take a look at these excerpts from some of 2019’s and 2020’s plot synopses:

Beautiful widows and handsome widowers falling in love isn’t the only death-related plotline in these films. The death or impending demise of a parent sometimes serves as the impetus for new opportunities for the main characters. A daughter returns to her hometown to take over her deceased parents’ business or sell her family home, or a prince becomes king when his father dies … which puts them in a perfect position to fall in love with the real estate agent/contractor or search for a suitable queen.

Here are a few other recent Hallmark movie plots that depend on death to make the movie’s magic possible:

Although the Hallmark Christmas movie machine embraces and leverages the concept of death in its plotlines, it’s quite rare to see the mechanics of deathcare portrayed on the screen. Viewers usually learn of the deceased spouse or parent early in the story — a widow lovingly holds a framed photo of her late husband and tells him how much she misses him or how she doesn’t know how she’ll go on without him, or someone shares their condolences about the passing of the main characters’ parent as she packs her suitcase for her trip home. Every so often your clue is an urn on a mantle or someone kneeling by a headstone engraved with “Loving wife and mother” and two dates illustrating a sadly short life span.

Off-season made-for-TV movies may show a smattering of black-clad mourners at the tail-end of a graveside service or a dramatic outburst during a wake in the deceased’s lovely home. There’s no place for these realities in the Christmas movie fantasy, though.
Maybe there’s too much snow dreamily falling for a graveside service, or a funeral couldn’t be scheduled around the town’s traditional Christmas play/community tree decoration ceremony, or perhaps a funeral home isn’t as storybook-worthy as the village toy shop, cafe, or bookstore. Most likely, it’s because ugly crying isn’t pretty, and real death and its accoutrements are sad. In Hallmark holiday movies, crying is only allowed when it’s done daintily and sadness is an emotion reserved for the five-or-so-minute climax of the plot, right after the couple that was destined to be together has an argument, but before they inevitably see the error of their ways and reunite.

There’s also no place in Christmas movies for funeral directors, arrangement meetings, casket rooms (or caskets themselves, for that matter), embalming, or crematories. Viewers don’t want to hear eulogies or watch people file through a visitation line. They know someone has died, but they don’t want to deal with the death.

If you have time this season, find a Hallmark Channel (or Lifetime, or even Netflix, for that matter) and escape into one (or six) of these Christmas movies — it’s a proven winning formula, so they’re easy to find, especially these days. Pay attention to the role death plays in the plots, and how it’s portrayed. Let us know if you find one that does justice to the deathcare profession.
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Or create your own Christmas movie storyline: A single and gorgeous fourth-generation funeral director is about to lose his family’s funeral home, but while meeting with a grieving family he catches the eye of the deceased’s newly-wealthy daughter …
Wow — this stuff practically writes itself!

Growing up as the daughter of a traditional funeral director, I never would have imagined that five decades later I would be caring for those grieving the loss of a pet. Back in 1972, when my father first began taking calls from clients wanting burial and cremation services for their pets, it was considered “taboo.” In other words, “People just wouldn’t understand.” I have vivid memories of my father telling stories of how clients would request that he arrive in an unmarked vehicle and that he come after dark because they did not want their neighbors to know they were caring for their pet in this way. Can you imagine not being able to openly grieve or mourn a loss that was so emotionally devastating to you?

Fast forward to today, where, according to the American Pet Products Association, over 67% of the US population now owns a pet, and 45% own more than one pet. Expenditures for pets are expected to surpass $99 billion in 2020, so it is easy to see that our pets have truly become members of the family. In fact, a 2001 survey from the American Animal Hospital Association revealed that 83% of pet owners refer to themselves as pet parents. For those with value added services marketing to the pet sector, how care is communicated to those pet parents is important and can be the difference in building and sustaining lifelong relationships with pet families.

Did you know the human-animal bond dates back more than 16,000 years? Burials for pets have been found in Germany from 14,000 BCE, in North America from 11,000 BCE, and China from 7,000 BCE. Alexander the Great owned a mastiff named Peritas. When Peritas died, Alexander led a sizeable funeral procession and burial, erected a large monument, and ordered the locals to honor his dog’s death every year with a festival. The human-animal bond is strong. Whether it is a furry child to empty-nesters, a best friend to the children in a family, or an only companion during a major adult life change, we should not be surprised when a pet parent seems to be “over the top” in how they choose to honor their beloved furry family member.

The grief can be overwhelming. I’ve often heard, “This has been more difficult than losing a human family member.” The bond with a pet is like no other relationship; there is no emotional baggage, there is just pure, unconditional love. That can be hard to find by today’s standards. It is no wonder that pet parents today are seeking more personalized caring services for their beloved furry family members.
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Whether it’s holding a viewing with family and friends, conducting an informal ceremony to scatter cremated remains, taking part in a witness cremation, or being able to choose the perfect personalization for the right urn, pet parents don’t just want choices – they need choices. As pet bereavement experts, it is important that we don’t shut those opportunities off during the decision-making stage. Making sure these options are known to the pet parent can become part of their healing process. Like planning a service for any human, we shouldn’t assume every pet parent desires the “standard service.” Pet parents need to be able to honor the emotional bond they held with their beloved furry family.

I recently had the honor of working with Jennifer Werthman, Education Director for CANA, and Debra Bjorling, owner of Hamilton Pet Meadow in New Jersey and Past President of the IAOPCC. We were working collaboratively to develop the new, online version of the IAOPCC’s Pet Bereavement Certification Level 1 Program. As we talked through the many phases of the program and the more unusual stories of grief that we had experienced with pet parents, it struck me as to how universally similar the stories often were. At the heart of every pet parent is the need to grieve, the need to know they are being heard, and the need for an empathetic and understanding voice.

After 32 years of working with pet parents, I know it can be easy to find yourself on autopilot and focusing on the details of the arrangements, urn personalization, and memorials rather than the grieving person in front of you. But I also know that what determines a lasting relationship with any pet parent is being able to effectively communicate care and concern for their loss and express a willingness to actively listen to their pain.

We all are aware of the varying stages of grief: Shock, Denial and Disbelief, Anger, Guilt, and Resolution. But are we committed to communicating well at every stage of a pet parent’s grief, both verbally and non-verbally? Knowing what to say and what not to say to a pet parent who is experiencing shock, profound sadness or unbridled anger is important. It can calm or escalate a situation.

We live in a culturally diverse society with different backgrounds, religious affiliations and beliefs about pet death. Words can have consequences. Make sure you and your staff know how to respond to that inevitable question that anyone dealing in pet aftercare has been asked: “Will I see my pet in Heaven?” How you answer can have profound consequences. We all know words have impact and making sure we are dedicated to best practices for ourselves and our staff can be life-changing for others. Training in pet bereavement is the key to good foundational practices.

Our non-verbal cues have just as great of an impact. Our body language, tone of voice, and inflection convey a lot to a pet parent who is overcome by grief. Because you are dealing with families in a highly emotional state, your body language and vocal tone are essential to creating rapport and building trust. People know when you are being real and when you are giving “pat answers.” Being authentic is important. As anyone working with pet parents will tell you, a pet parent can always spot another pet parent!
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One of the more exciting sections of our online program covers these detailed specifics. It provides a real opportunity to check ourselves, our language, our demeanor, the way we carry our body, and the pace at which we move. We learn how to responsively listen and how to apply reflective listening dramatically improving our communication skills to grieving families.

During our work together, I found myself learning new ideas, getting a refresher on my non-verbal cues, and forming new de-escalation and de-stressor techniques. It can be a challenge to work with pet parents who have an especially difficult time due to extenuating circumstances. Whether it is a lack of social support, pre-existing mental health conditions or an emotional sense of responsibility for the death of the pet, these challenges can require inside knowledge of how to best serve the pet parent. As we built the course, we were able to share direct personal experiences of unusual circumstances and unique requests – how do you respond when a pet parent asks you to remove the paw for them? How do you react and what do you say to a pet parent that is convinced their pet is still breathing?

We laid out important steps to take when approaching challenges, including emergency situations requiring immediate medical assistance – when do you call for help? Asking the right questions, knowing how to identify key risk factors and finding ways to take quick and decisive action is important for us to know, and, more importantly, for our staff to know as well. Education and training on how to handle difficult situations before they arise is key for all of us!

As a third-generation family business, my father, Doyle L. Shugart, raised my brothers and I to believe that we are each here on purpose and for a purpose. We all have a higher calling in life, and how you prepare for that calling can impact and change the lives around you. As a past president of the IAOPCC, he was dedicated to continued education. In fact, the IAOPCC’s Educational Scholarship is named in his memory. Making sure we take advantage of every training opportunity available at our fingertips is the only positive during this post-pandemic time. Making sure we as well as our staff are well-trained and prepared to handle any and every situation in a culturally divisive world should remain at the top of our priorities – it can be the difference in building and sustaining relationships and your business.

My father often referenced the famous quote attributed to Maya Angelou, impressing it on us: “People may forget what you did for them, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” Forty-nine years after he started our family business, his words still ring true. Your actions can have a profound impact on a pet parent’s grief experience. Learning best practices ensures your families receive all of the options, the best possible care, and your professional expertise to ease the burden of their loss.

No matter a family’s religion or cultural background, there will be times when it is appropriate for a family to see the disposition to completion, wherever it may be. When I served my first Hindu family during my internship, I was struck by the reverence, the beauty and meaning imbued in the ritual of the sendoff at the crematory. Perhaps the West Coast is unique in that many of the families we served in that region were already familiar with witness cremation, even if they did not have a religious requirement to do so. It was not until I moved back to the Midwest that I learned that so many funeral directors and consumers found the concept of going to the crematory shocking.

Families’ imagination is often far worse than the reality of cremation. Many may envision a stark, cold, clinical environment that smells like a hospital. They may imagine a chamber full of flames, and that the entire process is short, lonely, and perfunctory. This is why families are less likely to ask, When will we be able to watch the cremation? as they would be to ask, When will we be able to watch the lowering of the casket into the grave? Typically, this is an offer that the funeral director poses to the family who may need time to decide if that is something they can handle.

Is the consumer to blame for direct cremations? Or, as a profession, have we urged families away from ceremonial cremation in the hope that families who desire more time and a chance to say goodbye will opt for casketed burial instead? It is my belief that we are doing a disservice to families who select cremation if we do not offer them an opportunity to witness their loved one being laid to rest. Most funeral directors will invite the surviving family to be present at the graveside service. Witnessing the remains being placed into the chamber is like watching a casket be lowered into the grave, but for cremation. Similarly, this event creates a lasting memorial and final farewell for the family.

Offering ceremonial witness cremations to families allows a unique, hands-on experience that creates an additional opportunity for the family to gain closure in a meaningful way. When we set up a graveside service, we plan for ceremonial comforts: a tent, chairs, perhaps an ice bucket filled with bottled water and, more often than not, someone to officiate the ceremony whether this is a clergy member, celebrant, family member or the funeral director. There is a prescribed and widely accepted order to the event. To appropriately create this memory of physical separation from a loved one’s remains for our families who select cremation, we need to ask ourselves some questions and shift our own perspectives.

When was the last time you had a client family ask for a three-day viewing in a Promethean bronze casket with limos for everyone and a plot in the highest spot in the cemetery that overlooks the lake? The fact is that we will continue to serve a growing number of cremation families in the future. Why not create a standard of excellence in your market for cremation ceremonies imbued with meaning and ritual.
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Regardless of the type of disposition, families want to ensure that the remains they are entrusting into your care are that of their loved one. Witness cremation ceremonies offer both an opportunity to gather in remembrance of the departed as well as rapport-building transparency with positive identification of the deceased. Families will consider your firm as more credible if you have nothing to hide, and many will want to participate in the hands-on experience of saying goodbye. Seeing their loved one right before the cremation—and potentially participating by initiating the cremation process—will help create a peace of mind, dispel fears about the process, and create greater goodwill and trust. It will allow the families you serve to recognize the permanence of death (Wolfelt, 2016).

As the public becomes more familiar with “do-it-yourself” and hands-on experiences, while self-educating about cremation, it makes sense to offer private crematory experiences as part of our standard services just as we include visitations and graveside ceremonies.

Let’s consider the optics of practicing witness cremation ceremonies. When my mother passes, I plan on being present at the crematory to see my mother one last time. Will I be comfortable with her being cremated in a cardboard alternative container? I consider myself a pragmatist, but it would be much harder for me to select a minimum cardboard container over an alternative cremation option that comes with a pillow and is the same color as all her furniture. Even though I know, rationally, that it will be consumed during the cremation, the likelihood of upgrading my mother to a ceremonial cremation container is 100%.

Even if not embalmed, setting a decedent’s features and performing a minimum preparation of remains should be planned for regardless of whether the family has expressed a desire to view the remains at the crematory. The majority of crematory operators I have worked with in the past have told me that if a family is willing to travel to the crematory, then there is a greater chance that they may wish to view the remains at the time of the cremation even if they were previously undecided about viewing.

As with planning any other type of service, it is important to allot enough time and set expectations and constraints to the family, the funeral home, and the crematory. This will require clear communication between all parties involved to schedule a well-organized event. Families want a memorable and favorable experience; they do not want to feel rushed.

As the families we serve become increasingly participative, including them in the planning and tone of this event lends them a greater sense of control. Survivors may opt to place special photos, letters, or trinkets into the cremation container; they may wish to have a significant song played while their loved one is being placed into the chamber. The benefits outweigh the additional time and effort spent planning the service.

Fear comes from a loss of control. Not having a realistic picture of what the crematory looks like, feels like, smells like, or sounds like will cause undue stress. It is important for practitioners to help their client families understand what to expect so they will know what the outcome of the event will be and rest at ease knowing that nothing terrible will happen, like their imagination suggests.

There are several opportunities to convey the value and experience of witness cremation ceremonies: wherever you explain what services you offer. This service should appear on your General Price List, under the Services tab of your website, and be addressed during the arrangement conference with every family who selects cremation. Several funeral homes have the witness cremation option built in to their cremation authorization form, where the authorizing agent will initial “Yes, we want to witness the cremation and here are the names of the people who will be present”, or “No, we would like to opt out of that ceremony.” If appropriate, a gallery of photos or YouTube video can give a sense of the crematory, so you do not have to schedule a pre-cremation tour of the space (although an open-door policy is a recommended best practice).
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When making funeral arrangements, a consumer may not have enough background information to understand what you are asking if you say, “Do you want to witness the cremation?” Without context, this sounds more like a threat, rather than an invitation. Over time, a funeral arranger can become more familiar with how to present witness cremation experiences by explaining the ceremony and inviting the family to be present for the event. Here’s a sample script:

Whether your crematory space is “industrial,” or built specifically to host families for witness ceremonies, managing that expectation is key. Would heavy rain deter you from attending the graveside of your spouse or parent? If not, then a “no-frills” functional crematory space should not be a deterrent for a family, but having a weather forecast and knowing ahead of time to bring rain boots is always appreciated.

In an ideal world, every family who selects cremation would be present to see their loved one. If that were the case, the chances of an erroneous cremation would be nearly impossible. Realistically, the percent of families who choose to be present at the graveside to see the casket lowered is likely what you can expect of families to witness cremations.

As with a burial or any ceremony in funeral service, there must be an order of events to ensure a smooth cremation. Funeral directors must partner with crematory operators and schedule times for witnesses at the crematory’s discretion (e.g., “The crematory operator says that we can plan the witness ceremony on Tuesday at 1:00 pm. Does that work for your family?”).

If you have a distrusting family who does not want to “receive someone else’s ashes”, crematory experiences are the solution. You can collaborate with the crematory operator to allow the family to be present for the transfer of their loved one’s cremated remains to the urn, giving the family a greater sense of trust and peace of mind. It is critical to coordinate the scheduling with the crematory. It may make sense to hold the witness cremation as the last one of the day and schedule the pickup of the urn for first thing in the morning; this gives the crematory operator ample time for overnight cooling and an additional opportunity for the family to watch the identification process post-cremation.

Many funeral service providers may be reluctant to offer witness cremation ceremonies because it is more work. But you would be surprised by the number of “direct cremation” families who are ready and willing to see their loved one, they just did not know it was an option. We don’t know what we don’t know. It doesn’t hurt or cost anything to ask those you serve if they want to press a button, place the cremation casket into the chamber, insert a letter or drawing from a child in the cremation container, or order flowers when they see a photo of an all-concrete crematory space.
Giving the consumer a say in the cremation service helps add value to the experience. It offers another opportunity to mourn and be together in a difficult time. Plenty of funeral homes routinely ask the family if they want to see the lowering of the casket during a graveside service. Why not start with witness cremation ceremonies?

Lately, we’ve all had to reassess the way we do things. Talking to people in your community is different now that most of it isn’t done face-to-face. Fortunately, you can still make meaningful connections, just a in a new way. We must now lean more heavily than ever on technology to connect with our communities.

During social distancing, the ways you used to engage and connect with your families don’t always work, but you know grieving families need your support now more than ever. Grief just can’t wait, and families need you as a guide. As a funeral director, you’re already a problem solver, so think about lending support to those grieving in a way you never have before. Think differently, and think digitally.

Here are five strategies to engage your community virtually during social distancing so you can continue to serve your families in an effective and valuable way.

If events were part of your marketing outreach before the pandemic, make them part of your efforts now, too. Just make them digital. When you plan digital events, thinking outside the box goes a long way. We’ve seen a number of firms use digital events to engage with their community and keep their outreach going. For instance, you can use inexpensive apps to engage your community online. You can learn more about how Guam Windward Memorial did just that in this interview using digital scavenger hunts coupled with community bingo sessions.

These fun-focused events engage your community and highlight your brand rather than directly marketing preneed or at-need services. When creating virtual events focused on engagement, spend a little time brainstorming things your community likes to do and how you can create a digital space to come together around those things. It could be a sport, a community landmark, or a recurring community event like a parade.

If you are ready to dive back into preneed events, hosting digital ones provides an opportunity to personalize your education more than you did in the past. When you host an in-person preneed event, most firms need to reach a broad audience for better attendance since in-person events take more resources (cost, set up, time, etc.) than digital ones. However, when hosting a virtual preneed event using a video conference call, like Zoom, less prep is required so you can hyper-focus your event. Consider promoting events specifically catering to the needs of a target audience: veterans, religious groups, recent widows or widowers, or any other specific group in your community.
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Personalization like this has been proven more effective because people feel you are speaking directly to them and meeting their specific need. Thus, hosting smaller, highly targeted video events increases your chance of winning these individuals over.

People need each other when they are grieving. Social distancing doesn’t have to stop the connection your community members make with each other after a loved one passes. Think about creating new opportunities for grieving families to receive support using virtual options. For instance, if you’re seeing fewer flower sales since the pandemic, consider adding other donation options. Several companies offer a donation tool that allows people to donate toward gifts or services (we are one of them) and community members love being able to contribute in a new way.

Donations can be made to help the family defray funeral costs, for a meal at home from a favorite local restaurant, for groceries, toward an at-home cleaning service, or for keepsakes or memorials. Having multiple options allows your community to choose what resonates with them, and you are the perfect facilitator to connect a grieving family with this act of kindness from the community.
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Many funeral homes offer grief support as part of their aftercare program. Some offer grief support groups. If you’re used to facilitating in-person grief support, take these groups online during times of social distancing. Experiencing a loss during a time when families already feel isolated can make the pain feel worse. Talking about their grief with others will give people the chance to connect around shared experiences. Video services like Zoom or UberConference can be used for these virtual meetings.

Your voice on social media is powerful and important. Your families need your reassurance and guiding words to remind them that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, and that you’ll be there every step of the way with them. Your typical educational content-based strategy still works, but think about adjusting the perspective in a few ways.

You want to remain thoughtful, positive, and informative with the content you share online. Make sure you are up-to-date on facts you post and always double-check your sources.

Beyond being educational, you can use your social media to inspire and spread hope. A few topics we’ve seen perform well with people during a crisis are inspirational or religious quotes, stress relief tips, coping mechanisms, and helpful resources around mental health and grieving. You can, and should, post details about your pandemic safety practices, changes to your services, hours, etc. on social media, too. However, that should not be the only thing you post.

Although social media is a great place to initiate conversation with your families and stay in touch with them, not every message fits the same media channel. As you make connections through social media and other marketing campaigns and build up your contacts, you need to know when to move that conversation to a more private channel.

Your community is happy to see your inspirational posts on Facebook, and these posts are an important part of a solid top-of-mind strategy or conversation starter. Next, you want to deepen the conversation and build a stronger relationship. To do that, you need to move things to a private channel. Enter: a stronger email marketing plan.

Email marketing can help bridge the gap between connections on social media and an in-person or phone meeting. Using email to draw people in with a more meaningful message allows you to create a more personal conversation. Plus, people feel more comfortable sharing details about themselves or asking questions via email than on a Facebook post.

Ideally, you’re already sending a newsletter to your email list. In addition, segment your audience into different categories so you can send additional emails targeted at their specific interests. Some categories might be: Christians, recently widowed, veterans, losing a parent, losing a loved one to addiction or overdose, etc. Creating segmented email campaigns build connections, because the message resonates with their specific experience.

Pro tip: Include links on other topics in each email and see what people click on. This will give you even more information on what people in your community want to learn about.

In navigating this strange new world together, we all have to adapt. Putting on a digital funeral service may be new for you; it’s probably new to your community, too. They need guidance on how to participate in digital services. Just as in-person funeral services help your families realize the finality of their loved one and really begin the grieving process, it’s important to share that digital services offer similar value.

Teach your community the importance of digital services. Also offer them tips on how to attend and participate, such as:

More than 200 years ago, Benjamin Franklin said, "It takes many good deeds to build a good reputation, and only one bad one to lose it."

A version of that is still true in today's digital marketing world. It can take many online mentions and a buildup of goodwill to develop a strong reputation. And while a single slip — or even a single negative review — won't bring the metaphorical walls of your deathcare firm down around you, online reputations can be fragile things.

One way cremation providers and other deathcare businesses can safeguard their online reputations is via proactive review management. That means actively encouraging clientele to leave reviews online while also interacting with those reviews in positive ways.

It's no longer an option for any business to ignore the presence of online reviews. Local service providers in any industry are especially beholden to reviews. That's because almost all people (97 percent) read reviews as part of their research when choosing a local company.
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Here are some other stats that drive home the message that reviews are must-haves for successful online marketing:

Simply getting seen online isn't always enough. Plenty of celebrities have had their careers derailed by scandals that pushed them into the limelight more than any of their positive achievements did.

You obviously don't want to be the deathcare firm that goes viral because your online reviews are terrible to the point of hilarity. But you also don't want to get fewer calls because a few online reviews make you appear less caring than your competitors.
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The first scenario is unlikely; the second is very likely if you're not proactively managing online reviews. Here's why:

The takeaway here is that the overall quality of your reviews matters. And because it's unethical (and also banned by Google) to put measures in place to stop people from leaving negative reviews, cremation service providers and other deathcare firms must take additional actions to protect their online reputations.

The first step is to provide stellar service to all families. I'm sure you're already doing that, so I'll cover the other two steps for proactively managing your online reputation via reviews:

1. TRY TO GET MORE REVIEWS.
It's a numbers game based on the law of averages. If you need a 3.3-star rating or higher to help ensure people feel comfortable contacting your crematory, a handful of reviews can be dangerous. But if you have a large number of 3-star to 5-star reviews, you can weather several 1-star reviews without your average rating suffering.

A regular stream of reviews also demonstrates that your firm is active and serving plenty of clientele. Around 40 percent of consumers only pay attention to reviews from the last few weeks for exactly this reason.

Other reasons to chase more reviews include:

2. INTERACT WITH YOUR REVIEWS
Leaving the review machine to its own devices isn't an option even after you've achieved a significant number of reviews. People expect to see businesses responding to reviews. Engaging with negative reviews in an effort to correct an issue actually helps increase your brand reputation in many eyes.

Plus, not all reviews are fair or true, and you can take action to report fake reviews or address untrue statements so other consumers are aware of your side of the story.
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The conclusion is this: Crematories and other deathcare firms can't be passive about online reviews. They've become a critical part of online reputation, and how consumers view you through the lens of their internet search often determines whether or not they reach out to you for preplanning or at times of need.

While we rarely know them personally, we often feel profound sadness when a celebrity dies. Grief experts say this sorrow is often tied to the influence these famous people can have on us, a connection to our memories of the past, or pervasive media coverage. These are people whose activities, opinions, and actions often spilled into our own lives, and we feel the loss when they are gone.

Celebrities also exert an influence through death. Many in the industry believe that David Bowie changed the course of U.K. funeral tradition by choosing direct cremation, demonstrating that it can be a challenge for death care professionals to encourage families to memorialize when their favorite stars don’t. And yet, people seem to know instinctively that memorials are important. Although many celebrities insist they want “no fuss” when they die, post-cremation memorial services in their honor are common. The fans themselves refuse to let the famous person’s death pass unmarked, often sharing meaningful tributes online or spontaneously leaving a mass of flowers in a location that has a particular connection to the person who died.

For this end-of-year post, we decided to look at a few notable celebrities who died this year and chose cremation for their disposition.

JANUARY 31, 1921 – JANUARY 15, 2019

SEPTEMBER 10, 1935 – JANUARY 17, 2019

SEPTEMBER 10, 1933 – FEBRUARY 19, 2019

Karl Lagerfeld held the creative reins of the French luxury fashion houses Chanel and Fendi, as well as his own clothing label. Revered for his style and vision, one might assume that the pomp of the fashion world would permeate his funeral service. On the contrary, he told an interviewer that he’d “rather die than be buried,” and asked for no public funeral. However, his stores were given instructions on how he wanted to be remembered: white roses with 120 cm stems in a transparent or white vase.
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His cremation took place as a private ceremony among his nearest loved ones, and his cremated remains are believed to have been combined and scattered with those of his mother, Elisabeth, his cat, Choupette, and his longtime partner, Jacques de Bascher. The fashion world honored his life and career with a memorial event titled "Karl For Ever” as part of Paris Men’s Fashion Week in summer 2019 with an invite-only guest list of 2,500.

APRIL 3, 1922 – MAY 13, 2019

APRIL 4, 2012 – MAY 14, 2019

OCTOBER 29, 1967 - JUNE 26, 2019

Beth Chapman co-starred alongside her husband in the popular "Dog The Bounty Hunter" reality television series. After a long battle with cancer, Beth died with her family at her bedside. She was cremated and her remains divided to facilitate two separate memorials, both of which were open to the public per her wishes.

During the Hawaiian paddle out in June, some of her remains were scattered in the Pacific Ocean. The Aurora, Colorado service was packed with family and fans alike, but Beth’s husband wasn’t able bring himself to scatter the rest: "I looked at it and I thought, 'I'm not gonna throw you, like, away... and start over... I can't do that."
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Her daughter has addressed fans: “Please don't ask me for my mother's ashes. Ashes are for family, no one else. No exceptions.”

MAY 28, 1999 - JULY 6, 2019

FEBRUARY 23, 1940 – AUGUST 16, 2019

​DECEMBER 27, 1943 – SEPTEMBER 17, 2019

JANUARY 13, 1935 - OCTOBER 6, 2019

Catch up on posts from other years: 2019 ● 2021 ● 2022 ● 2023 ● 2024

When I started in this profession, in 1991—remember there was less use of the internet then—funeral homes and cemeteries relied on loyalty and location to promote their businesses. Funeral directors and cemeterians were all involved in the local rotary clubs and chambers of commerce to connect with their communities. I’ve known a few funeral directors who even attended services at more than one church each week. That’s my memory of community outreach programs of that era.

In 1996 or 1997, I was working for Wilbert Corporate. One of our licensees in Minneapolis called me and said, “Julie, come with me tomorrow night because one of my clients is having their first-ever cremation seminar for consumers.” He and a Batesville representative were planning to talk about burial for cremation. I was so impressed with what I saw. That night, from 6-8pm, McReavy Funeral Home in Minneapolis had about 50 consumers come in, mainly couples, and the Batesville representative talked about cremation in general and the different things that you could do, and the Wilbert representative talked about burial as one of the final placements for cremation. Then, in one of their visitation rooms, they had products set up with coffee and soft drinks, and consumers could roam and talk. I was so impressed, I still talk about it to this day because I’m passionate about education, and to see that back then was wonderful. And that is just one example of effective community outreach.

Now, you all know that we live in a transient society and there are a lot of people who do not currently live in their hometown, so getting your company out there is more important than ever. When CANA asked me to facilitate this presentation, I started doing a little investigating. I was very surprised and happy to see some of the unique, creative community outreach programs that our profession is putting out there. You should all be really proud of yourselves. These events help to educate consumers that never would have known the different things that you do, so they can go, have some fun, learn something, and visit your business in happier times.

I have gathered some examples from CANA members on their successful community outreach activities. We’ll focus on events hosted by companies ranging from smaller firms to larger cemeteries. Our hope is that you don’t sit there and say that you can’t do that because you don’t have the time or the staff, but get sparked by interest and inspiration to do something—even something smaller in scale.

A lot of the things we do, because we have so many active senior centers in our neighborhood, is to either visit them or have events at our locations. We have found that, when we get them out of their element, you can have a lot of fun and you can educate them. Afternoon Movies is exactly that. We partner with a senior center, they promote it by email, newsletter and bulletin to their members, and we meet up at the movies about a half hour before the show time. Then, we introduce Mountain View and educate the seniors on the value of preplanning. We keep it fun and they love the chance to see the movie for free, so they’re happy to listen. A lot of the local movie theaters are happy to let groups in on an otherwise slow Tuesday afternoon. We buy the tickets, popcorn, and soda, and they get the movie and information.

This is no surprise. 

– Jerry Roberts, Flanner Buchanan Funeral Centers & Crematory: Indianapolis, Indiana

A lot of people haven’t been to a funeral home or cemetery in a long time, and they don’t want to go. You’ve experienced this: they consider it to be gloomy and depressing. By providing community outreach events in our profession, what we’re doing is bringing the community in in happier times. That way, when they see you, they’re not only going to think that this is where you go only when there’s been a death. You keep a connection with them throughout the whole year besides just when there’s a death of a loved one.

Some of the establishments are embracing celebration events that are not death related such as weddings or other family gatherings hosted in their venues. These are bringing people in for a non-death situation — it says you can have fun here too.

To many, traditional media means an ad in the local paper or a direct mail piece, but this is not where you’re going to get the most impact. Email newsletters are good, but only reach the people who already know you. I always opt for websites and social media, and you’ll all agree, these are the avenues that we should use to promote our events. Some funeral homes and cemeteries will include “events” or “community” in their main navigation to place these activities front and center.

With social media, you can reach the community and let them know what you’re doing—and it’s less expensive than traditional media. Plus, it offers the opportunity to talk to the community – to thank them for participating in an event, for supporting you, etc.
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In closing, a lot of these programs might be intimidating. You may think you don’t have the resources, you’re not big enough, etc. You have to start by thinking that you can try just a piece of it, just a small component at a time. As Tony Robbins says:

As more millennials become consumers of your business, they aren’t wanting the traditional. They’re not thinking about that at all. What they want is experiences. Think about how Pokémon Go was able to get nerds out of their homes and running around, chasing after ridiculous phantoms. That’s what the events industry saw. Pokémon Go reached out to every generation, but millennials are going to change the way all of us have to do business.

In preparing for this presentation, we met with CANA members in Las Vegas. One member said his career has been traditional funerals followed by cremation. Now, families combine memorial and reception with island music playing with a bar and a food buffet of shrimp with a slideshow playing. Fill the chapel with silk plants and soft lighting – people love it. It’s a meaningful experience. The family then invites attendees to share words of remembrance, not a clergy member.

One member said that they had just spent a lot of money renovating their funeral home, because they want to keep families there. They offer food and families can BYOB since the business can’t have a liquor license. So they emphasize convenience – it’s all here, simplifying the decision-making for their families and keeping the service in-house.

If the other option is to lose the business, become an event coordinator. Think about your direct cremation families. Let’s say 25% aren’t using your facility. So, how can you get them to come back? Don’t think about the families you’re doing well with, think about the ones you’re gaining by planning events that mean something to the families.

In preparing for this presentation, I spent a lot of time reading about what is coming down the pike for us. These are the trends we’re talking about in the events industry, but you can see how many they apply to the modern funeral.

EXPERIENTIAL GET-TOGETHERS
This means people being involved – the talking heads, the powerpoints, that’s not what people are looking for anymore. We are talking about an experience that translates to a memory. More than anything else, events are about memories.

And a funeral shares lifelong memories. There are ways to do that through technology, but it’s really important to sit down and talk to the family about what they want to get out of this gathering.

CUSTOMIZED CONTENT
The most fundamental question you can ask is “How does this event succeed?” No two events (including funerals) are the same, so don’t make assumptions about them or the funeral, but ask the family what they envision for the event.

Here, you can tell a story about someone’s life. Sit down with the family and ask them about the experience they want people to have and make it a personal experience for them and the people that gather.

SMALLER, SHORTER MEETINGS
While this one might be more obvious for the corporate event, it really means that people don’t want to sit in a chair for three hours. People prefer events that are small, shorter, and invite interaction or keep a variety of speakers talking all day.

USE OF TECHNOLOGY
This has been around for a while, but the technology changes every year. In events, we use technology throughout the planning process from designing the space and layout, through the way that it contributes to the experience at the event. Technology enables the use of emotional memorial videos, favorite songs, and even controlled lighting to set the atmosphere of the space.

But don’t use technology just to have it, and don’t have it just to say you do. There must be a reason behind it and it must be used to make the event and the experience better. Whether it’s used to improve event planning or in the production of a keepsake video, technology can enhance the experience.

FOOD AND BEVERAGE TRENDS
If you’ve ever planned a big event in a special location – think a wedding at the Bellagio – there are specific rules about food and beverage. They don’t want you to bring in an outside caterer – they want to keep that revenue in-house. If your facility is large enough to add catering, this can be a great service to add to your business. If it’s not, you can work with local catering companies to develop special relationships that add value to your services.

One of the most important things we think about in events is the food. It’s one of the most common memories from an event – we congregate around food. Adding food to any of your packages is a great idea, especially if your family is not affiliated with a church group that brings food to the family. Gourmet nostalgia – a new twist to an old favorite (e.g., lobster mac-and-cheese, chocolate chili) – is really in. Growing up in Indiana, some of the best food I ever had was at funerals. What kind of foods are you seeing served at your events?

The local and sustainable “farm-to-table” has been around for a while, and people and chefs are very interested in buying locally and sharing the best that they can. The grass-fed beef raised without hormones is healthier and tastier.

We’re moving away from processed foods as the general population becomes much more interested in eating healthy. We’re seeing new cuts of meats and chefs are moving toward using the entire animal. Catering menus, and your own menus, now involve bone marrow, chicken skins, pork neck. I know that my family, in Tipton, Indiana, went to the Pork Festival every year (my mother was actually Pork Queen!), so being able to involve the foods that address the culture or the person is very important in your events.

One of the trends is do-it-yourself cocktails and mocktails, and some funeral homes have even acquired a liquor license. I don’t know about you, but I think liquor would make a celebration of life a lot more fun. I can imagine mine being my favorite drink – vodka tonic – and my favorite foods, and everybody just has a great celebration. Do-it-yourself cocktails and mocktails – if you don’t have a liquor license cocktails are hard, but mocktails are easy.

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO HELP MAKE MEMORIES FOR ATTENDEES?
Get them involved in the planning process. This is a way they can feel like they’re contributing to the legacy of the deceased. Solicit input from the larger family to make it special. Music, photos, fragrance – these can raise memories for attendees and make a lasting impression.

Much of the direction of the event is determined by tone. We talk a lot in the event industry about tone and theme. They’re related, but not the same. Tone is how people feel when they’re in the room, the atmosphere of the event. Tone can be defined by lighting, ritual, language, and the design of the event is defined by and reinforces the tone.

I haven’t been to a lot of funerals, but, at the best ones, I learned a lot I didn’t know about the person who died. Finding ways to bring that out, to show different sides, is valuable and what I think the person would have wanted. Themes can be defined by the interests and hobbies of the deceased – fishing, motorcycles, and related mementos.

PARTICIPATION IN PLANNING AND THE EVENT
This is not only a great way to be inclusive, but also a great way to increase attendance and make memories that are long-lasting. Since funerals have tight timelines, it can be difficult to get many people participating – in some cases, waiting for families to get back to us can slow us down – this is where technology is key. An event planning portal, or even a private chat on Facebook, can keep everyone informed and attuned to the schedule. The benefit of their participation will out-weigh the inconvenience of the family being involved if you can manage them. And be up-front. Ask if these tools will help gather the key voices that should be heard.

SELECT UNIQUE AND INTERESTING VENUES IF POSSIBLE.
This is a trend in every industry, and funerals are no exception. For team-building events and corporate conferences, planners are looking for interesting places (and it’s not just physical challenges – cooking a meal can be a great team activity.) Similarly, destination weddings and funerals are growing. Developing a relationship with venues in your area and they will become your partner in making memorable events. Get to know them, their space, and preferences and they will bend over backwards for you when you need them.

MMERSIVE SENSORY EXPERIENCES
Today, 3D Mapping is possible for most events and venues. This technology combines the use of fabrics used as screens with projected imagery. It may seem out of financial reach, but it will only continue to drop in price and rise in popularity. Imagine how powerful it could be to create this for your families and embody the tone and theme of your event.

THE HOLOGRAMS ARE COMING!
Some of you are going to think this is too out there, but I still want to mention holograms. People are still talking about Tupac performing at Coachella in 2012, years after his death. More and more deceased celebrities are performing at events. Now, it’s still very expensive – you can’t set up shop and do this now – but it too will come down in price. There’s already technology where you can open a book and enjoy a hologram.
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It’s going to happen. I can see a day where the decedent could eulogize her own funeral or perform her favorite song. Maybe it’s not them, maybe it’s their favorite companion, or another person, but it’s out there.